I can't believe it.

[leander]

Today I found out that I had had a miscarriage.I was 12wks today and had started spotting on Monday,so I went to the ER and they told me it was quite common I had no pain or sickness and only a small ammount of blood and discharge.They booked me in for a scan today and they couldn't see propely on an ultrasound so they did an internal scan thats when they told me my baby had no heartbeat,we were devastated I had convinced myself I was fine.I have had a silent miscarriage and they gave me a tablet and i have to go back on Friday take 2 more tablets and spend the day in hospital.I am gutted to think my baby has been dead for 3 wks and i never knew.This was my 2nd pg and I had no problems at all first time round.People say this happens for a reason I have said it myself but you dont expect it ti happen to you,It's just not fair.Sorry for rambling.

leander

not been posting for a while and so missed this -so sorry to read all that you are going through; hope you got access to the miscarriage nurse there as she is brilliant, very understanding. I can't tell you how she helped me through my m/c 2 years ago, I thought I would NEVER have a baby after that, but she helped me to find a way to carry on.
You know where I am (23 Manvers) if you need a face2face/cry/drink/moan/whatever - just come round, don;t be on your own. Take care of yourselves xxx Jane (Moomicat)

Leander, just to let you know that I'm still thinking of you. Sorry you ended up back in hospital. So did I - had to have a D&C this afternoon. I feel strangely better now - probably some sort of closure - with the medical stuff that is, I got so fed up of bleeding all the time. I fly home in 2 days so I'm hoping it doesn't hit me all over again when I have to go over things with my family.
I'm going back to the river before I leave to say goodbye again. I wish you peace for the New Year - I'll keep an eye on this thread as I guess we'll go through some of the same feelings over the next few months. xxxxxx

Leander and Welshmum, just to let you know you are in my thoughts, it has all been said here. It is an incredible feeling of loss. Love to you both.

Leander and welshmum, how are you both? thinking of you both so much.xxx xxx

Thanks for asking juicypips. I'm back at work now and feeling ok - a bit spaced out but that's down to jetlag and our 20 month old DD not realising that she's still on NZ time. I've been avoiding some of my closest friends as I don't feel ready to go over the whole story yet - when I feel less tired I'll have a good long chat with them but I'm not up to it yet for sure.
Strangely I really feel like I don't want another baby now - just a phase I guess, a sort of self-protection.

Juicypips,thanks for asking,well I'm going back to work this evening which I am not looking forward to but I have to go back sooner or later.I am having good days and bad days and the bad days can be really bad but are getting better.I am looking forward to trying again so am waiting for my next period so we can start trying.My db and Sil told us on christmas eve that they are expecting their 2nd in August and my mixed emotions were awful I was so happy for them but absolutely gutted for us I cried and cried all day and pretty much all over the christmas and new year period but like i said I am thrilled for them.
Welshmum I hope you are feeling ok hugs to you and yours xx.

Leander

I completely sympathise with you and understand exactly how you feel. Sometimes you keep asking yourself 'will this ever end?'. In Feb 2002, I lost my little baby boy at 21 weeks gestation. My membranes ruptured early appartently due to the Group B strep bacteria that I carry. Prior to losing the baby, I bleed heavily for three weeks. We had a terrible time. Vists after visits were made to the hospital but medic were mystified what was causing the bleeding as the scan showed that my baby was perfectly normal and healthy and my cervix was tight. Howvere at 21 weeks a SPR at the hospital diagnosed that my membranes had ruptured and becuase of the bleeding it was hard to diagnose. I had to ly on the flat of my back for a week in the hospital and at the end of the week, I went into labour. After 11 hours, my baby boy was born dead. We were devastated. We held him, got a footprint and a handprint and a photograph of him which we treasure dearly. That night we took hime home in his little white coffin and the next day we buried him.

Leander, you do get over your MC but you will never forget it and when you eventually have a baby, you will treasure it and love it more than anyone would believe.

In March 2003, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She is adorable and we love her to bits. My pregnancies will never be sttraight forward becuase of that dreadful Group B Strep but the treatment that I have to receive is only a small price to pay. I am now 14 weeks pregnant again and we are thrilled.

Good luck to you! Take care and look forward to the future.