I can't believe it.

[leander]

Today I found out that I had had a miscarriage.I was 12wks today and had started spotting on Monday,so I went to the ER and they told me it was quite common I had no pain or sickness and only a small ammount of blood and discharge.They booked me in for a scan today and they couldn't see propely on an ultrasound so they did an internal scan thats when they told me my baby had no heartbeat,we were devastated I had convinced myself I was fine.I have had a silent miscarriage and they gave me a tablet and i have to go back on Friday take 2 more tablets and spend the day in hospital.I am gutted to think my baby has been dead for 3 wks and i never knew.This was my 2nd pg and I had no problems at all first time round.People say this happens for a reason I have said it myself but you dont expect it ti happen to you,It's just not fair.Sorry for rambling.

leander, love and sympathy x E

Oh Leander and Welshmum, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you can take some comfort in the support on this site and that the upcoming holidays can provide you with even more love and comfort from your own families. There is no understanding this when it happens. It would seem that you can only put forward the faith that you will conceive again and it will be so right and so perfect.

just caought up with this - such a sad thing for both of you. Sad really doesn't describe it though, wrong word. I have had 2 losses this year and it's so important to have time for yourself and time to remember. Hope you're doing better
hana

Leander, hugs and sympathy to you and Welshmum. I lost a baby at 22 weeks last year and being told he had been dead for up to a week before he was induced, and I hadn't realised, was one of the worst and saddest things to deal with. I know exactly what you mean by gutted. I see that you probably spent today in hospital. I hope you had kind, sensitive treatment from the staff and that you have family and friends to support you when you are discharged. Thinking of you.

Leander and Welshmum, hugs {{{{}}}}.

well its all over .It was horrific I never want to go through this again and wouldn't want anyone else to go through it.I was at the hospital for 13 hrs.I had to pee into a bowl and actually saw my baby you could see its little spine and little stumps for arms and legs,I didn't expect to see this I don't know what I expected but not this.My family and friends are being really suportive and the nurses were amazing.I just need to spend some quality time with my Dh and Ds and try to get through this together and make this a special christmas for my ds he is brilliant and I realise how lucky we are to have him.
thanks for listening, Leanderxxx

So sorry Leander, it's absolutely awful. I saw my first baby I lost. It fell into my friends toilet. I was gutted. The worst is over now and you need some tlc and plenty of hugs to get you through the next few weeks. Take care xxxxx

so sorry

Lots of Love Leander xxx

I've only just seen this too Leander and I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry you are having such a horrendous time. I hope Christmas and the New Year brings you the joy and happiness you deserve.

Love to you Leander XXXXxx

Really sorry to hear about this Leander.

I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriages... probably what I'm going to say is very stupid but I know it worked for somebody I know, have you considered to light a candle and have a quiet time to tell your baby that no matter how little the time here had been here with you, you have loved him a lot and that he/she has make you very happy? that way s/he will now that he was here for a reason, even if it was just for a very short time. (((hugs)))

I don't think that's stupid at all Chandra. I went up to a very beautiful river and we all threw stones in it and said goodbye to the little life we lost. It felt like the right thing to do and now when I think about it all I hope that I'll remember the lovely place where I left him (always thought it was a him)

Message withdrawn

I'm so sorry Leander. Keep close to your hubbie and son. When I learnt of my last m/c I went straight to nursery and picked him up and hugged him tight.

I had a m/c diagnosed at 9 weeks but the baby was only 6 - I know what you mean about those lost weeks. Take great care of yourself. You were on my preg thread and we will miss you.

Twinkie's right, all those books are helpful and make you feel less alone as you carry on down the way of living after losing a baby. I found "When a Baby Dies" most helpful because it is British so all the allusions to medical support/follow-ups reflect the NHS way of doing things.
We have a tree for our little boy, Welshmum - a brave little crabapple in our back garden, with some tiny red apples on it right through winter and white blossom in Spring. We also have a special tree ornament for our Christmas tree, so that we have a tangible reminder of him amidst all the festivities.
Thinking of you both. This is the very worst time of year for grieving parents, I find. Our son's EDD was to have been January 6th and even though we now have our fabulous baby dd, I am still finding this Christmas unexpectedly heavy going, for Tom's sake.

I ended up back in hospital today after passing something disgusting and still bleeding very heavily,they seem to think it may have been placenta which I thought I had already passed.They have sent it away to be analysed.They have put me on antibiotics incase of infection because my cervix was open for a long time!
Whilst we were at the hospital they asked to sign a consent form for the disposal of tissue and the "feotus".This upset us both thinking about what they would do with our baby so are trying to decide on something to do, Chandra, welshmum and marina your Ideas are beautiful and will show this thread to Dh .At the moment the pain and the bleeding seem to be easing so hopefully I should be feeling a bit better soon.

leander, that sounds utterly miserable. i hope that is it for you now, that the bleeding stops quickly and that you make a very fast physical recovery with no infection.

i hope you find a suitable commemoration for your little one.

So sorry for you leander, sending hugs to you and your family xx

Leander, my thoughts are with you. It would be lovely to do something personal for your little one. I have a pebble from the beach that my DD gave me in hspital and it sits on our fire place. I also have a plant in the garden my sister gave that flowers every year at the time we lost the baby and when it would have been due ironically. It does really help to have that little bit of comfort. My best wished for a safe christmas, even if it can't be a happy one. All the very best for your family for the new year xxxxxxxx

Hope you feel better soon Leander, many hugs.

Leander, the worst is over and now you must give yourself time to grieve. It can take a long time but the pain does ease. I have had 2 miscarriages, I didnt mark the loss of my first in any way but after losing my second baby I went to Church and lit 2 candles for my lost babies. Now I do this every week and spend a few moments thinking about them. It helps, it really does. I am not a religious person and hadnt been near a Church for 30 years until then but for some reason this little ritual really helps me. I hope you find something too if you need to.

Leander, i cant explain enough in words quite how sorry i am, i m/c in september so know what you must be going through, this is a time when the support of loved ones is so needed, and to grieve in your own way, to be honest i just wanted to be with dh at home. Take care love, this wont mean anything right now but, time does heal, promise.