Any experience of new baby while grieving lost child?

[bagladywilts]

We have a new dd due any day but we are still grieving our lost dd who died in an accident last year aged 3. Ontop of all those baby hormones I know it will be a very emotional time. Does anyone have any experience of this, especially with a same sex child coming so soon after one lost?

I'm so sorry you lost DD1. We lost DS1 2 years ago - he was born with a medical condition, thought everything was sorted through surgery but he died unexpectedly when he was 13 months old. The devastation and heartbreak was awful. I mourned losing DS but also mourned being a mum. It isn't for everyone but I got pregnant quite quickly after losing DS1- I remember worrying that everyone was judging me. We didn't find out the sex in pregnancy but I remember worrying how I would cope if we had a son. I gave birth to DS2 2 days after what would have been DS1's 2nd birthday. I found all those worries dissolved once DS2 was born. The pregnancy was a really emotional time. I saw a therapist which helped but remember worrying that my depression was affecting the baby. Have you had support since losing your daughter? Noone can ever replace your first daughter but you will feel that wonderful feeling of holding a child again. Please post if you ever feel you need to talk.

baglady yes, there are quite a few women on MN with this experience of a 'rainbow' baby. We can be found here Some of us have our rainbow babies, some are still hoping, some of us are pg, like me. There is plenty of support here which might help you through what is an incredibly difficult but joyous time. Do join us if it feels right for you.

Thank you miaalexandrasmummy,.. I have not heard the expression rainbow baby. Congratulations. I will hop over to that thread. Babamummy,.. Good to hear how the arrival of ds2 helped you so much. I have an amazing psychologist who has been a tremendous lifeline through the very dark days. I m so thankful to have found her. It took a long time and lots of very unhelpful counsellors before I did tho.

Often this is the explanation I have seen about rainbow babies...

'Rainbow Baby' is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn?t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counter balance of colour, energy and hope.

Hi baglady. I'm sorry to hear about your dd.

Our dd1 died unexpectedly aged 4 and dd2 was born nine weeks later, so you are not alone. I longed to hear about other parents who had done it and survived and that their subsequent children were ok. I still do!

We are doing ok and so is dd2. There are lots of aspects and effects that are impossible to discuss meaningfully with most people, even really good friends. I have a specialist bereavement counsellor who has been amazing and essential.

I am really happy to share our experiences with you if you would like. I'm shy about posting in any detail publicly, but if you'd like to private message me we can talk that way.

It's hard, but it's possible. We shouldn't have to do it, but we can.