Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

(993 Posts)

Hoping the thread brings us luck and that soon we will all be holding our rainbows xx

Thankyou moomin for the new thread and *ellypoo for the old.

May this thread bring us joy with the births of rainbows and also BFP's

wtw if your waters go, what are the plans, have the hospital put any plans in place for that? Fx its just the little one moving down and resting on your cervix.
I know what you mean, it just annoyed me, I was being AIBU.

Mechavivzilla Mon 06-Aug-12 20:29:55

Thank you Moomin and Elly for the threads.

Hoping this one will also bring us luck and support.

fan I know what you mean. I guess it is a reality for us all the time, every minute of every day, but other people have the luxury of forgetting. Then something happens that reminds them and they think of us. The asking if you like someone more because of a shared experience is just plain odd! I have sympathy for Amanda Holden, but still find her really annoying ;)

*WTW 36 weeks! Wow!

Hello everyone x

Ellypoo Mon 06-Aug-12 20:34:24

Thanks for the new thread moomin x

Just heard news about Gary Barlow, my heart does go out to them because we have been there and know how hard it is/going to be for them all. It's just so sad, I just hope that it helps raise awareness of stillbirth and neonatal death, and that can only help to find research and try to get the rates down.

I saw an old friend yesterday who is pg with her second DC and it just really upset me - how hard this all is for us. I know that if/when I get pg it's only going to get harder during the pregnancy etc but at least I'd be a step closer to holding MY baby.

Hope you're feeling a bit more positive today fan

Well done blizy on your new mindee, can't be easy.

[waves] to everyone x

Thank you Elly for the old thread and Moomins for the shiny new one. My rainbow will be born on this thread grin

Do you know fan I've not asked what would happen if I went spontaneously in to labour blush I would ring them in a blind panic I'm sure!! I've no experience as I was induced with K!

wtw watch out for period type cramps, well that's how my labour started. I guess if you worried go to the hospital. But I'm sure she is just resting on your cervix.

Ellypoo Mon 06-Aug-12 20:49:09

wtw I was booked in for an elcs and I asked what would happen if I went into labour before and they told me they would do an emcs unless the labour was too far advanced.

KleinePoppet Tue 07-Aug-12 09:00:46

Oooh new thread! Thank you moomin - and hello, nice to meet you smile Also huge congrats on 12 week scan going well! Sounds like your hospital are on the ball.

elly hope you are feeling a little better today...

wtw any update? Hope the little miss stays put until her official marching orders are given.

Thanks all for offering a listening ear re PILs. I am reluctant to go into their private business here. Suffice to say, you would think they would understand, and yet, despite our frequent attempts to explain, they really, really don't. It's not as completely awful as it could be, but quite hurtful.
(After I'd posted yesterday, already quite wound up about some things that had been said and done, a card arrived from them: "Try again as soon as possible! It will all be fine!"
...
The irony being that, if we do ever fall pregnant again, not only will they think that everything is 'fine', but also that it was because of their advice hmm)

Just quickly marking my spot!
Organising and leading holiday club this week, very tired!

poppet my FIL said something quite hurtful in the first couple of months, he said we needed to get a move on and give him a grandchild, not said exactly like that but near enough. I thought how insensitive, also because they have suffered a stillbirth and a late miscarraige themselves. But since then they have not said anything I think DH has told them to shut their mouths about it.
My Nan (who has also suffered a stillbirth) has also said we need to forget about Fi and move on.
Some people are insensitive, they dont know what to say. And when they do its not helpful at all.
Now when people say insensitive stuff to me I just nod, and in my brain I am giving them the finger! and then come on here and rant about it smile

wtw hows the fanjo today grin but youve never been asked that before? I mean hows the pain today is it better?

grin that is a first fan all the pressure feelings have gone today so I'm guessing it must have been her head and she's moved again!

Mechavivzilla Tue 07-Aug-12 18:49:15

Another first, I am glad to hear about your fanjo, WTW! I have never said that before grin

KleinePoppet Tue 07-Aug-12 20:18:36

Hehe, just a thought, but if enough of us reply, then wtw's fanjo will make it into 'most active' wink

fan oh poor you. Sounds v similar (so, poor me too, then). It's the lack of recognition of the importance of their grandchild that is most hurtful, isn't it? I feel it as a real insult to E. Ah well. They really aren't worth the stress right now, so am trying not to think about it too much.

<waves to all>

AngelGeorgie Tue 07-Aug-12 21:06:10

Whatever glad your little lady is calming down now ... (smile) xxx
Hi all; hope everyone is Ok? Xxx
Had a brill weekend in Paris & Euro-Disney.. Phebs an absolute star particularly as our return flight was delayed by 9 hours & we didn t land to 4 am!!!! All totally knackered as a result & found returning to work & nursery a nightmare today!!! I ve put in a request for an AL day on Thursday so fingers crossed & me & Phebs can rest up...
She loved some of the rides at the park & was good as gold considering she was up at 3 am on Friday & not getting to bed to 11/ midnight...
A total star.... ( wink)
Right , quick post as off to bed to catch up on my sleep ... Love to all xxxx

Some people can be so insensitive, it must be so upsetting especially when coming from close relations. Mine act as if Jacob never existed, I find it very painful and it makes me feel as if I can't mention him around them.

wtw glad your fanjo is feeling better.

angel glad you had a good holiday

Hello kleine <waves> yes the consultant is being really good, hopefully with the stitch and if I take part in the trial I'll get extra appointments.

blizy Wed 08-Aug-12 00:26:08

Moomins- thanks for the new thread.

Just popping on to mark my place, will catch up later. Hope you are all ok?

Omg this time next week I will (hopefully) be in the operating theatre - eeeek!

Glad you had a fab time at Disney angel 9 hr delay though shock rubbish! Hope you're not too tired today x

Me too wtw !

Mechavivzilla Wed 08-Aug-12 10:59:50

Angel glad you all enjoyed Euro-disney. I have always wanted to go! Hopefully something to do with my rainbow.

WTW exciting! Will have utterly everything crossed smile

I am sometimes amazed at the stuff that comes out of the mouths of people who really should know better! My favourite so far has been "Oh well, at least you know you can get pregnant!" Yeah, that helps a lot. Thanks. Grrrrr. It is brilliant to have a safe space here where we can come and rant!

The news about poor Poppy Barlow has really hit me hard. Her due date was around about Dexter's so I guess it just feels really close to home. I have been getting better with pregnant ladies and babies, but this has just thrown me utterly. It's so bizarre how our brains work.

I did have a phone call from the doctors yesterday though, and they have made me an appointment with my consultant to talk about Dexter's birth. I am desperate for answers. I just want to know if there is anything I can do next time round to help.

Thinking about us all.

KleinePoppet Wed 08-Aug-12 16:37:52

Just wanted to say hi to mecha... you're having a really hard time of it right now...
Glad your consultant appt is being arranged. Just a thought in case it's relevant to you - we put together all our questions from our research etc, and emailed them to our consultants in advance. This worked really well for the neonatal appt; and even better, we hope, for the obstetric one - she got back to us yesterday, asking to postpone this week's appt so that she has time to compile a report for us, in an attempt to answer all our questions. We were very pleased.
They didn't suggest that we email them or anything - we just did it - found out their email addresses online. If you have specific questions or concerns, perhaps you could consider something similar, in order to get a more complete set of answers? Might not be relevant but just wanted to suggest it, in case it is. xxx

AngelGeorgie Wed 08-Aug-12 17:41:08

Whatever & Moomins 7 little days ... Wowee gringringrin
Yes , had fab break , ta... Managed to get AL tomorrow yeh.. So me & Phebs will rest up...
Very sad about Poppy I m going to donate on just giving ( they re collecting for SANDS) .
Mech glad you ve a drs appt sorted .. I wanted to ask & know everything about my Georgie & what happened to her...
Love to all xxxx

Glad you've got an appt mecha I think it definitely does help to talk it through. Kleine's advise is good re a list of questions/things to ask. I also followed up with an email afterwards once we'd had time to digest what we were told at the post mortem meeting.

Erin's new headstone arrived at the stonemasons today so we've just been up to look at it. Thankfully it's the right size this time and beautifully done. The colour of the letters on her name isn't quite what I wanted - more bright pink than baby pink but we're going to have to go with it so its being erected at her grave on Monday in time for us to make it look perfect for her 1st birthday on the 25th.

wtw Im glad its being done before Erins first birthday. If there is anything I can do with regards to the cemetery please feel free to ask, I know what it means to have the first birthday perfect.

angel well jealous youve got tomorrow off. Just saw that just giving page thought at first He had set it up but its Fans that have. Thats nice.

mecha I wanted to know every thing about Fi as well, we put her post mortem results in her memory box. The only thing they found wrong was the knot in her cord and that she had short fingers! That still makes my DH laugh, he says thats what she got from me, Fi looked like DH, and she got my short fingers.

wtw only a week left! how that has flown by! smile
Glad that Erin's headstone has been delivered! The pink might fade a bit over time, so don't worry about it!

angel glad you loved Disneyland! Last time I went I was about 10 years ago! E would love to go but we're going to wait till DD3 is a bit bigger wink

mecha we had a really good appointment with our consultant to discuss Sterre's post mortem. He was very friendly and very helpful and told us if we'd still have questions afterwards we were always allowed to contact him.

blizy Wed 08-Aug-12 21:09:44

Fan- I'm grin at fi's short fingers. She would have had trouble picking her nose! Zoe looks like Dh but had my awful bubble chingrin.

Wtw- I'm glad you can get Erin's garden perfect for her birthday. Wow to one week left!

Angel- I loved Disney when Dh and I went. I was such a big kid there. Glad you all had a fab break, but shock at the delay.

Kleine- hope you are ok?

Mecha- sorry you are having family problems.

Moomins- not long until your stitch, hope it goes well.

Big waves to everyone else, hope you are all ok. X

KleinePoppet Thu 09-Aug-12 09:57:41

angel hope you are enjoying a lovely day off.
wtw I am also so glad about the headstone (and can imagine that blue is right, the pink may very well fade a little as the sun shines on it)
fan Fi's fingers also made me smile! And made me think of tiny cute baby hands. We have a gorgeous photo of E's curled-up hand, which is in the album that I showed to our 3-year-old goddaughter at the weekend, to which she said 'pretty tiny baby hand' smile Her older brother, who's five, asked me what it was like for E, being so poorly, and we had a little chat about it. Bless him.
blizy I think you said you're having a couple of weeks off?? Hope you're having a nice time...

I am having a sad day. Funny how you can tell from the moment you wake up. But, I expect them, so they don't frighten me. Just miss my little girl.
Also still wondering if AF is arriving, but although I'd like it to come soon, I know that my body just needs to do whatever's necessary right now. So, amazingly, I am being patient. Love to all xxx

Ellypoo Thu 09-Aug-12 10:32:43

Oh mecha, such a difficult time and so many unanswered questions for you - sending ((hugs)) to you.

wtw so pleased that the headstone is better this time and that it will be fitted in time for E's first birthday. Less than a week to go - hope you are ok and that the days are passing quickly enough for you.

fan - that's sweet about Fi's short fingers!

angel glad you had a fab time at Disneyland! Hope you are enjoying your day off and are managing to rest a bit!

sorry you are having a sad day kleine, just go with it - you need to let yourself be sad sometimes I think. Doesn't help if AF is on way though, IME!

Well in the past 2 days I have had 2 pg announcements and 1 invite to a baby shower for one of my best friends. It's so hard isn't it - just started crying at work! I am just so desperate to be pg again but terrified at the same time. DH had a bit of a cry the other night, which was really good - he tries to stay strong so much of the time, but he put Tears In Heaven, Eric Clapton on, which we had at Nancy's funeral as we were leaving the church - it just had me bawling, but it was a good release I suppose.

Mechavivzilla Thu 09-Aug-12 14:57:14

Thank you all. I always feel guilty coming on Mumsnet for a moan, because we are ALL having tough times. But you guys know EXACTLY how I feel sometimes and it really cheers me up when I am low. Things don't seem so desperate today, but I am just aching to be pregnant again. It seems to go all the way down to my bones. It is what we both want, it is the right thing to do for our family, but I can't do anything about it at the moment other than morning temperatures and folic acid. My zen like calm at the forced delay has gone totally! I also know it could take ages. Two years for Dexter. I'm going to go totally nuts, aren't I?

Elly sorry you are having a tough time, but also kind of glad your DH could have a bit of a cry. IT is hard for us mums, but not a lot of thought is given to Dads sometimes I think. I know I got sick of people telling DH he had to be tough for me and not let me see him cry. But they have lost children too.

Klein Hope today goes peacefully for you. Bad days are allowed. I got a congradulations on my AF from this thread which I think might have been a first, so I will wish you good luck and hope yours comes soon! I remember feeling both angry and relieved at mine, but it was moving on to a new chapter and helpful in a way. It might be a new chapter, but Dexter will always be part of my book, like your E is for you.

Also smiling at Zoe's chin and Fi's short fingers! My friends little girl has her ludicriously long legs! Dex was the spit of his Dad, didn't really see me at all. OF course his Dad is georgous so I didn't mind so much ;)

Pleased to hear about Erin's headstone. I can understand wanting it to be there for her birthday.

Massive SQUEEZES to all of us.

Had my last scan today little lady still looking perfectly healthy and happy. Predicted to be 6lbs 4ozs so we will see in 6 days how accurate that is! Have to go in on Sunday and Monday for steroid injections and ctg's. It's starting to feel very close now. It's weird meeting up with people and them saying ooh next time I see you you'll have the baby! Still getting the odd grip of complete fear but am okay in the main.

Thank you fan - pop up after Monday next week and see what you think of the stone smile

How little Adam getting on August?

I so hope all you ttc'ers get your bfps soon, it must be so horribly hard waiting xx

AngelGeorgie Thu 09-Aug-12 20:56:10

Massive hugs to all suffering xxxc so very hard.... Think hearing about Gary Barlow's Poppy just keeps hi lighting loss even more ...I ve donated on the just giving page... So very sad...
Fx for safe arrival of babies & BFP s very soon...
Rested & shopped today , lovely , just glad it's Friday then can rest again!!! Weather fab , too hot for work though xxxxx
Too tired to namecheck so love to all xxx

mecha well Im not mad yet. It took us 18 months to conceive Fi so in a similar boat.

Just hoping it will be me soon, Im trying not to obsess about symptoms and Im doing pretty well. I should be due AF next week end, probably the friday so that could be testing day. Ive been working pretty hard this week at work they have me covering another persons work so Im technically a supervisor but Im not getting paid extra for it. I dont mind as there is a higer paid job coming up so this might be them seeing if I am capable. Union business is keeping my mind occupied as well which is good, but I am also doing a lot of thinking about stuff, Ive been working in graveyards for most of the week and seeing all the little baby and young children graves can be quite hard. I take extra care with them, the majority of them are tendered and looked after so well. I kind of feel that all of them are in my little extended family, I think of all our angels in that way.

wtw I will pop in next week and have a look, Im sure it will look beautiful and fitting for your Erin.

blizy Thu 09-Aug-12 22:10:39

Fan- what a lovely thing to say about our angels, very sweet. I can imagine it is quite hard going working in the grave yard. I think I will go the cemetery tomorrow to visit my mums grave.

Angel- glad you had a good day.

Little9 Thu 09-Aug-12 22:18:10

Hello all. Sorry I've been absent for a while but just been trying to get on with life. Still waiting for results to come back from Daisy's post mortem but I'm guessing they may be back soon. Not sure how I'll cope with that. It's weird but seems like a lifetime away since it all happened on 17th June.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Need to catch up with all the news.

WTW - good luck for next week. Got everything crossed for you.

AugustMoon Fri 10-Aug-12 05:25:19

Adam is gorgeous and doing really well smile thx for asking wtw. Thinking of you in the next few days, hope it goes quickly for you.
Been up bfing and just wanted to come and say a year ago today was when we found out Jacob had died. I feel a bit numb and helpless, and scared that this will pass and I won't have done anything for him - just as I couldn't do anything for him to keep him here. Also feeling unbelievably guilty with the knowledge that I wouldn't have Adam if he was here and I love my baby so much.
What is really upsetting is that DH is suffering badly having had his tonsils out and I know Jacob's grave is overgrown... Its next to a hedge that has gone mad over the summer so completely in shade... keep asking him if he's going to be able to go and sort it out before Sunday but I know he's in pain so can't nag. I don't feel I can do it as I don't know how to work the hedgecutter for a start and I have the boys to take care of and constantly feeding.
I'm also mortified we haven't got a headstone yet. The funeral home kept telling us to wait and the churchyard is by a small country chapel so not tended at all. I feel like I've failed him all over again and finding it all really hard to acknowledge - it's too sad and too painful. In a way I just want to pretend everything's 'normal' - because it's easier.

blizy Fri 10-Aug-12 08:37:31

August, you have not failed Jacob, please don't think that. Sending you some hugs and hand holding for the next few days. I will be thinking about you and little Jacob. X

Hi little, hope you are doing ok?

I got a peak on my cbfm this morning- YAY! Dh and SWI last night, now I need to capture him tonight toowink. I'm to the doctors again this morning.
Hope you all have a good day. X

KleinePoppet Fri 10-Aug-12 08:56:58

Oh August another one here who will be thinking of you. A whole year ago... it must be so hard.
Of course you haven't failed your lovely little Jacob - in any way. It's so easy to see how much you love him, just from reading your words.
I don't know if this is at all helpful (and forgive/ignore me if it's not; I'm not in your position and so I am just trying to imagine) - but when I read what you'd said, feeling unbelievably guilty with the knowledge that I wouldn't have Adam if he was here and I love my baby so much - it just made me think - I know you can't just scrub the guilt away, it's impossible - but can you add thankfulness to it? To be so, so thankful to Jacob, because without him, you wouldn't have Adam? Jacob couldn't stay, but has left you with an amazing gift; not only did you have him, but you also have Adam.
As I say, forgive me if this is completely unhelpful.

Lots of hugs to all, esp wtw (SO glad scan went well and you feel like you're somehow coping...), blizy as you go to the doctors and then jump on DH later wink, and fan bravely working away in the cemeteries and tending the little ones' graves so beautifully. And to elly and mecha, we do indeed all understand each other, don't we...
Also hello to little9. I'm so sorry about Daisy. I know what you mean about things sometimes seeming a lifetime ago; our little girl died only a few days before Daisy and time seems to have taken on a new, and confusingly contradictory, quality since then.

As for me, I do believe AF has arrived! Of course with everything that's been going on with my body, it's hard to know for sure, but until I find out otherwise, I'm going to assume it is. Thought I ovulated 16 days ago - I get ov pains - so it would make sense. Now all I can hope for is regular-ish cycles to establish themselves.
Love to all xxx

august I will be thinking of you first year anniversary its a hard one to get through. So sorry you and Dh cant get to Jacobs grave to tidy it up if I was living near you I would go and do it for you. Is there no one who can do it for you? If not maybe ring up the chapel and see if anyone there could point you in the right direction.
And I second what the other ladies have said you didnt fail Jacob, I know failure is an amotion we all feel as mothers of Angels. You did everythign you could do for him, you have also given him a younger sibling. You think about him all the time and you are worrying about his resting place thats not failing your son. Cry and hug your boys.

Not sure if it's hormones but fan august and Kleine your posts all made me cry.

Fan what a lovely thing to say that all our babies are like family. I hope they have all found each other, as we have. I know how grateful I am that you tend to Erin's cemetery thanks

August glad to hear Adam is doing so well. You are such a lovely mummy. I totally understand the guilt feelings - I have them already and I know they'll get worse when she arrives and I don't feel up to doing much on Erin's birthday as will only be 10 days post section. I second the suggestion of asking family/friends to pop up and tidy around if they can. Katie and I are going to try and find big pebbles today so that she can paint them for Erin. I'm going to buy a new candle and wind spinner. Then on her birthday we are taking pink balloons with messages on to the cemetery to release for her and some flowers arrangements from the florist. And Katie wants her to have a cake! That's our plan for her birthday - very simple. Maybe if you can think of a plan, involve your older boys, you will feel better. It is rotten timing that dh is poorly. Jacob is in your heart, not in the cemetery, so even if you don't go there on Sunday he will be with you wherever you are. You have not failed him. Big hugs my friend xxxx

Kleine your words about being thankful to our angels for our rainbow babies are just perfect. Thank you - I will try and think that way. Glad AF has arrived in a timely fashion and your cycles are sorting themselves out.

Yay for peaks and swi Blizy grin Good luck at the doctors

Waves little9 hope you are doing as well as you can xx

blizy Fri 10-Aug-12 11:35:55

What lovely words kleine <wipes away tears>.

Well, it seems I am suffering from depression. I scored 20/27 on the questionnaire thing. My Dr is offering me AD's, but I'm not sure I want to go down that route. I have my telephone consultation next Friday for counselling, so I'm hoping I qualify for some counselling.

blizy at least now you know that you do have depression and u can get the help you need. Hugs to you, its hard to hear. I hope the counselling helps.

wtw less than a week. I can't wait to hear the birth annoucment.

poppet glad AF has arrived.

I am boiling! Can't wait for home time.

hello all. Wow, lots of activity on the thread at the moment. In reading through the past few days, I am really struck by just how much love there is on this thread - for our angels, for our rainbows, for each other... you are all very special people, and it is a privilege to be among you all, each facing huge challenges with such grace and courage.

(((Hugs))) Blizy hopefully though a step to helping you feel better. Hope the telephone assessment goes well x

I bet you are Fan!!

I'm wilting too just been traipsing round the garden centres getting a few bits for Erin. Big thumbs up to Hambrooks who let us take whatever stones we wanted from their display rather than buying a massive bag when Katie told the lovely man she wanted to paint them for her sister who had died for her birthday <sob>

How's the Olympics going Mias? xx

KleinePoppet Fri 10-Aug-12 15:19:27

blizy sending you lots of love. I also really hope your telephone consultation goes well.
(I remember babysitting a friend's kids downstairs a couple of years ago, while she had her initial consultation on the phone upstairs. She was in floods of tears afterwards but it was the beginning of something REALLY positive for her. I so, so hope it is the same for you.)

Waves to all - esp the very nice man at wtw's garden centre - what a sweetheart!

KleinePoppet Sat 11-Aug-12 10:09:00

Quick message, as I'm not sure I'll be back on here during the weekend - hope everyone enjoys the sunshine. august I am thinking of you all, especially of Jacob.

Looks like DH and I are now back on the ttc wheel... sigh ... but it's the only thing we want to do, and has now been okay'd by two consultants. So I am officially throwing my hat into the ring.

Love to all xxx

wtw do we need to put up an official countdown wink

Had such a busy week with having holiday club at work! Very tiring but very rewarding as well smile

26 weeks tomorrow smile

Just Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to get through after today! Having been feeling positive am absolutely wracked with fear and anxiety today. Struggling to believe she will actually come home sad

Going to see batman tonight with dp so hopefully that will take my mind of it for a while. SIL had her baby this morning - 2hrs after arriving at the hospital a healthy 9lb boy was born smile Day before due date too!

Don't over do it blue x

Good to see your hat in the ring Kleine. Hope your ttc journey is a quick one xx

Waves and love to all xx

Mechavivzilla Sat 11-Aug-12 19:01:08

Not a great weekend for me. Three months tomorrow since we lost Dexter.

Having another child is not a betrayal. It is not a replacement. It is a much loved sibling for a child we miss dearly, every day.

Really am thinking about us all, and all our angels and rainbows. It is kind of a family thing here, isn't it?

It surely is a family thing Mech

and so true what you write, definitely not a betrayal! nor a replacement! x

amyboo Sat 11-Aug-12 20:20:59

Creeping back on here very nervously. I've been lurking for the last couple of months, as I've been finding everything quite hard to deal with. Several of my closest friends have announced pregnancies, which I've found quite hard to handle. I've been following you all though and definitely sharing in your ups and downs. It's just over 3 months since we lost our little boy Thomas at 35 weeks and I definitely miss him every day. I still find myself getting quite upset.

Again very nervously I got a bfp this morning, 4 days after af was due. I tested the day af was late and got a very faint positive after about 8 minutes, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. This morning it was a definite bfp. I thought I'd be panicky, but I think I'm ignoring it, like I don't want to believe it's true. If my pregnancy is successful, the baby would be due on 17 April, 5 days before Thomas' one year anniversary. I think I'll just carry on trying not to think about it till I get home and see my gynaecologist (am on holiday at the moment).

I'm so sorry for those new ladies who have joined here since I was last on the thread.

Congratulations amy big hugs as well! x it's not easy and you will worry all the way through, but we're right here to hold your hand! x

Mogwai200 Sat 11-Aug-12 22:38:46

Congratulations amy
I know it's a really scary time but the people on this thread will be here to hold your hand. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and the baby should be born just two months before my son's first anniversary. I can tell you that this pregnancy has been frightening at times but it has really helped me to cope and get stronger, as well as making me eat!
I always lurk here (mainly post on the facebook group instead of here) so I'll keep you in my thoughts.xx

AugustMoon Sun 12-Aug-12 06:00:09

Hi again Amy, congratulations.

Just wanted to say thank you to all for the reassurances after my last post, the day has arrived and I feel ok - for now. Been holding it all together for the last 48 hours but Jacob has never been far from my thoughts...

Thanks wtw for the ideas - my mum had given me some big pebbles which the boys have now painted and ive made cupcakes with glitter to mark the day.

Fan DH did manage to get down to the cemetary to clear up a bit, he was feeling better - unfortunately has just had to go to A&E because his throat is now bleeding, im trying not to worry as its apparently quite common but needs attention. sad

Thanks also kleine - Understand exactly what you mean. I have a lantern which we will let go at 7.45pm this evening and I will be thinking how thankful I am to have all four of my wonderful sons.

blizy hope having this diagnosis helps you get back on track and 'happy' again.

Love to all of you x

amyboo a massive congratulations, fx for a sticky bean and an uneventful pregnancy.

august so glad it went well and you managed to sort Jacobs grave out. Hope DH is ok.

Thinking of you and Jacob today august hope its passing gently xxx

Congratulations Amy smile Lovely news

I'm sat at the hospital waiting to have my first steroid injection and a ctg. It's boiling hot and they seem a bit busy so could be here some time! Still feeling v anxious and tearful - hoping it will dissipate a bit once I've had the ctg. I just don't think I could bear it if something went wrong now.

Big hugs for august today, remembering Jacob with such love.

Also hand-holding for you, whatever, sending you confidence and strength this hot afternoon.

Flipping heck steroid injection do sting! Ouch!

Here for hand holding too wtw. Have u had the ctg yet?
Only three more sleeps.

Yes just come off it - she seems to be perfectly happy still. Just waiting for midwife to say I can go. God I can't wait for Wednesday!! xx

I woke up very distressed this morning and couldn't feel baby kicking, almost had a panic attack. Cuddled up with DH and then she started kicking, after I told him I was worried.
Feel so so tired today, think the tiredness of doing holiday club has kicked in, have no energy at all and feel very strange... Also craving lots of sugary things and my hands feel swollen sad

thinking of everyone alot today. I hope your all well and the Rainbow babies are behaving in or out of your tummys. And all you ttc'ers are not too stressed out today.

Been out for lunch with my Dad today bless him, hes all alone as Mum is in Oz seeing my bro and nephew.

Just booked tckets for the chilli festival, cant wait, we went last year it was so good! We love chilli, going to get myself some chilli chocolate and other chilli products. So excited, something to look forward to.

Oh blue it is very hard. Have had many of those heart stopping moments where you can't feel them move. Glad she's moving around now. Do take it easy xx

Where's the chilli festival fan? We like the garlic festival on the iow smile

blizy Sun 12-Aug-12 19:27:06

Blue- I hope you are ok and that your little lady is jumping around.

Whatever- you are so close, hang on in there my lovely.

Fan- unjust told my Dh about the chilli festival, he is so jealous. He is a chilli fiendgrin.

August- I hope the day has past by as gently as possible for you. I was thinking about Jacob today and lit a wee candle for him.

That's me in the 2ww now. Fan- when will you be testing?

Oops, sorry I forgot to wish Amyboo congratulations!

wtw its in Chichester at west dean. Its over the bank holiday, we are going on the monday.

blizy I shall be testing this friday or saturday depending on how strong I will be.

The chilli festival has chilli food from around the world, lots of chilli sauces, chilli ice cream, chocolate, fudge, sweets. Chilli plants to buy, music from all the chilli countries, all set in a wonderful west dean grounds. We didnt take alot of money last time and regretted it, as we wanted to buy lots of stuff to cook with, but we are going to take a bit this time. Might even buy a chilli plant this year.

That sounds fab fan we normally go to the kite festival in southsea over august bank holiday, Erin's birthday is the Saturday of bh weekend but might try and get over on the Sunday depending on how I've recovered.

Waves Blizy thank you my lovely. Hope 2ww passes quickly!

Been to see bil and sil's new baby this evening. He's very sweet and sil looks well. Bil was quite furtive we hardly saw him!

wtw what is his name?

amyboo Sun 12-Aug-12 21:53:29

Hello to everyone and thanks for your words of support. I'm wavering between refusing to believe this will be a successful pregnancy (I had a mmc and erpc at 13 weeks before DS1), getting excited and thinking about due dates, and ignoring the whole thing. I can't wait to see my gynaecologist hopefully in a week or so, so I can calm some of my fears.

So happy to read about your approaching due date wtw.
Fingers crossed for blizy and fanjo on the tww.
And I hope today was not too upsetting for you august.

Hello amyboo, congratulations!! And yes, I know those reactions of excitement and wanting to ignore things exactly...

whatever oooh, horrible injections, but for a wonderful cause. You are really on the countdown now.

Had tears in my eyes with Take That, the words seemed so relevant to us all the stars are coming out tonight for you. Yes, they were, for our sparkling, beautiful children. x

KleinePoppet Mon 13-Aug-12 08:52:34

Congratulations amyboo!

august I hope the rest of yesterday passed peacefully for you.
Likewise mecha I hope you are ok.

whatever oh my goodness you are SO nearly there... we are all thinking of you and invisibly holding you up from a distance, whenever you feel like you just can't do it any more... Excited for you! xxx

KleinePoppet Mon 13-Aug-12 08:55:18

X post Miasmummy - so Gary Barlow must have sung, then - I couldn't watch. I saw an online article about how 'brave Gary' was 'putting aside his grief' to take part in the closing ceremony and it made me so upset, I decided not to watch it.
Sounds like they chose an appropriate song, though...

AngelGeorgie Mon 13-Aug-12 10:03:50

Congrats Amy it's very Garda successive pg after our losses but it can be done & it's so worth it .xxx
August hope u re ok? Not to upset? Xxx
Whatever shame your steriod injection hurt ... Mine were totally fine... 48 little hours ....nearly there xxx
Blizy hope the 2 WW passes quickly...
Hi all: love to all xxxxx
Nice day off ... Just chilling ... Nice quiet weekend ... Really enjoyed the closing ceremony last night apart from the Spice girls they were a big disappointment... Sounded crap. Really felt for Gary Barlow ... Words were very poignant ... Poor man xxxx

Thanks ladies. Back in today for 2nd injection, ctg and other pre op stuff today. Had a panic at 3am - woke up to get a drink and suddenly was stood in a big puddle of liquid!! Thought my waters had gone so popped a pad in but absolutely nothing else has leaked and no contractions or show so am assuming it must have been wee blushblush Though i didn't wake up needing the toilet - had only been an hour before. Will mention it at the hospital just in case. Will be off to the cemetery later as Erin's stone is being put up today.

Love to all xx

wtw what did it smell like? Funny question maybe but I think waters smell very sweet. But thinking about it -m sure something similar happened to me, maybe baby is laying on your bladder and your muscle has stopped working. Good luck hun.

wtw I had something similar with ds2, gush of water but then nothing else. It was my back waters. Hope injection goes well. The first hurt me more than the second.

amyboo congratulations

august I'm thinking of you and Jacob

I missed the closing ceremony, seems dp taped the wrong thing!

Two more days untill stitch goes in

Some post has dissapeared

wtw my friend had the same though and it turned out to be wee

AngelGeorgie Mon 13-Aug-12 21:36:13

Wtw I had the same with Phebs 4 days before my section date... Was admitted to hospital , put a pad on : no more leakage then I stayed in all weekend hooked up to the ctg.... Didn t particularly smell sweet or of urine???? Cx
Moomin hope u re coping ok? Cx
Love to all: saw crappy HV again today all fine Phebs totally within normal range after panicing 3 months ago she was on the 90 th centile after " taking in too many calories" !!! The 2 questions I had for her she had no answer for!!! My " maternal mood review" was 1 question at the end of " am I ok?" do I get out??? Well yes I work 4 days a week!!!& returned to work 4 months ago!!! Thought, what if I off loaded about Georgie & my continuous mixed feelings etc...,, how would she cope??? I' d have ended up comforting her... They really are a pile of crap... Luckily we don t go back for another year or so!!!( that's if I go back!!)
Hot, hot, hot... Too hot for work xxxx

Well it definitely wasn't my waters blush had quite a few tears at the hospital today, think it all hit me on top of a rubbishy nights sleep and Erin's stone going up today. But everything is done now in preparation for Wednesday. Excited and scared in equal measure.

Hope the stitch goes well Moomins

Love to all xxx

Little9 Mon 13-Aug-12 23:28:56

Well ladies. I have been busy de-cluttering and cleaning my house/garden since Friday night! I seem to be like a woman obessessed! blush Not sure where it is all coming from but may be because we're finally getting the bathroom sorted (with a shower over the bath, yay!! grin) after 9 years in this house! Also, finally getting round to finishing boarding the loft out so I can store lots of crap stuff we don't use very often up there. Need to sort out a loft ladder now.

Sorry, been too busy to catch up with all posts, but fx you get bfp soon kleine. My AF is due this weekend (if my cycle is back to normal) so hopefully we will be joining you ttc soon. On reading that last sentence back again, it sounds so wrong blush. You know what I mean, I hope!

Congratulations amy. Everything crossed for you.

wtw - not long now wink

Sorry if I have missed people off. Will try to catch up on news tomorrow but for now, hugs and waves to you all, smile

Little9 Mon 13-Aug-12 23:44:53

Forgot to say that I too felt the poignancy (is that a word?) of Gary Barlow singing last night. sad Brought a tear to my eye for Daisy and all our little Angels. Sweet dreams, little ones!

AugustMoon Mon 13-Aug-12 23:51:56

moomins thx smile Btw you can watch the ceremony on BBC iplayer.

wtw how're you doing? Are you going in wed morning or tomorrow? X

DH out of hospital now. He's ok but missed him yesterday - was hard spending the day without him... Not exactly what I'd planned but managed to take the boys to Jacobs grave anyway. Adam decided he^ wanted feeding and then did a huge poo while we were there though so was a bit stressed! And I get stressed in emotionally difficult situations anyway. Then went to the hospital to visit DH - he said it was kind of surreal we were there at 7:45pm, the time he was born. It was a bit.

AugustMoon Mon 13-Aug-12 23:54:17

little I welled up when I saw Gary Barlow too. Brave man, don't know how he held it together singing that song - "the stars are coming out tonight, they're lighting up the sky tonight, for you"
sad

Glad Jacob's day passed gently august although it must have been very hard without dh there and then having to be in the hospital. How is Adam doing? I'm going in tomorrow morning at 7am - eeek!

Just 24 hours left to get through! Plan for today ctg at hospital first thing then to cemetery to see Erin's stone, sainsburys to stock up on the easy/quick meals for dp and K for rest of week, lunch with K and my friend then taking her to see Brave at the cinema. Busy day - hoping it means it will pass quick!!

wtw I'm sure it will pass quick that's a very full days plan.

I am so tired, yawning all the time. I also have a headache and feel a bit sick. Trying not to get my hopes up.

Sorry not name checking but I'm so tired.

Waves to everyone, will try and catch up properly later this evening.

Mechavivzilla Tue 14-Aug-12 11:00:33

Hello all,

sorry I have been a bit out of touch. Will be thinking about you so hard tomorrow WTW! Hope the stitch goes well Moomin. Congrats Amy. Glad you had a gentle day for Jacob August and it is so lovely to hear about Adam.

Hoping for cycles back to normal and BFPs for the rest of us.

Dexter's due date in this Saturday, so I am having a bit of an odd brain this week. Also they are thinking about pushing my operation back so they can do a test to see if I really do have the Malignant Hyperthermia which runs in the family. This would be fine, but the waiting list for the test is two years. Up until yesterday I was being told my op was booked for sept 4th. I can not wait two years before ttc again. I just can't. I appreciate that it may take even longer than that to concieve, and that will be a difficult journey of it's own, but not even being able to try? Am still hoping the op will go ahead as planned.

Gary Barlow's performance was just wonderful. Jason Manford's blog posts on facebook are fantastic as well.

Thinking about us all x

Thanks everyone, thought I was ok but had a massive panic attack last night. Have been prone to them in the past but was quite surprised as I thought I was feeling fine about everything.

Just watched the closing ceremony and take that, I would think it was incredibly hard for Gary Barlow to sing that song, he did so well.

wtw not long now, will be thinking of you

blizy Tue 14-Aug-12 12:31:23

wtw I hope today passes quickly for you, just one more sleep!

moomins I hope your stitch goes well tomorrow, hope you are ok?

mecha I have everything crossed that you will get the op very soon.

KleinePoppet Tue 14-Aug-12 12:33:47

Oh moomins how scary to have a panic attack. I quite understand your surprise as well if you haven't had one for a while - but this is a big thing, and in some ways it might be more surprising if you really were 100%, fine... Sending you love, I hope tomorrow goes well for you.

Ditto for wtw of course! Hope your busy day is, well, busy - it will be tomorrow morning almost before you know it. Can't wait to hear the news (and the name!) x How does Erin's headstone look? I'm quite sure it's lovely.

mecha Oh my goodness. TWO YEARS for a test? I have just googled Malignant Hyperthermia which sounds a bit frightening, but how on earth can anyone expect you to wait two years?? No wonder you are feeling all over the place with that, plus your due date on Sat. Is there anyone you can speak to about the test and/or the op? I so hope you will have it as planned.
Btw I thought of you and Dex this morning - there's an estate agents called Dexters round here smile
Which reminds me - miasmummy I saw a shop called 'Mia Wood' at the weekend, so was very much thinking of you, too.

fan quietly hopeful for you...

angel grin at the idea of you telling the HV how you are ACTUALLY feeling. The poor woman would have needed a lie down afterwards I'm sure... glad to hear though that Phebs is doing well.

august I somehow didn't realise from your other posts that your DH was actually IN hospital, I thought he'd gone in then come home - bleugh, how awful for you all. Really pleased for you that you managed to get to Jacob's grave despite everything that's going on, though.

little9 also a big grin at you joining us to ttc. That would be oversharing a bit, methinks! Hopefully you will soon be ttc as well though (by yourselves) wink

Sorry to anyone I've missed...

Having had a completely crappy day yesterday, today I got up, had a shower and went to run our errands/to the shops. Little things to be proud of. But now sitting back at home and wondering how my life ended up like this - a trip to the shops is a major hurdle that I'm proud of - I should have been proudly pushing my little E around in her pram, not trying to avoid eye contact with strangers in case I start crying sad But it's how it is. Hoping beyond hope for a new little baby one day. It's what keeps me going right now!

KleinePoppet Tue 14-Aug-12 12:34:24

Hi blizy Xpost - hope you are ok too xxx

Ellypoo Tue 14-Aug-12 12:52:19

Hi everyone, sorry I've been absent for a few days, I've missed so much!

Have been thinking about you loads wtw - you are so close now, hope your plans for today are keeping you slightly occupied. I'm glad that you have got Erin's headstone sorted and in place finally.

It's so hard for all of us, whereever we are on our paths - I don't think it gets any easier, whatever stage we are at, does it.

I have been using the CB OPK's this month (the clearblue trial) and I'm now on CD19 and haven't had a smile yet - I was already paranoid that I wasn't ovulating, and now I'm convinced. Guess I'll see what happens next cycle and then maybe make an appointment at docs? Don't really know what to think...
Still not had a call about the counselling - keep forgetting about it tbh, which I suppose is a good thing.

Congratulations amy on your bfp, fx for a sticky bean and an uneventful pg.

Hi to everyone else - sorry I haven't namechecked everyone xx

Ellypoo Tue 14-Aug-12 13:01:01

Well done poppet on getting up, dressed and out of the house - that is a big achievement, it isn't easy sometimes.

2 years seems crazy mecha - does it affect your gall bladder or the op then?

Hope tomorrow goes ok moomins, will be thinking of you as well as wtw. Not surprised about your panic attack, hope you're ok x

blizy Tue 14-Aug-12 13:20:21

Ely, opk's can be very unreliable. You may be missing the LH surge. I never, ever has a positive with OPK's. I used the CB digi ones and cheapo ones. I have however had peak results on the cbfm, I think it measures 2 diff hormones leading up to ovulation.

Kleine- getting out of the house is an achievement, well done. I am sitting on the couch working up to going out at the min.

Ellypoo Tue 14-Aug-12 13:28:40

Thanks blizy, I was hoping that would be the case, it would be great if they send me a CBFM next month instead!!!

How are you feeling? I saw that you have been diagnosed with depression - what have the docs suggested? Are they referring you for counselling? Sorry if you've already posted about it, or don't want to talk about it x

blizy Tue 14-Aug-12 14:02:55

I have a phone consultation for counselling on fri. My dr wants me on ad's but I'm not so sure. Thank you for asking, means a lot . X

KleinePoppet Tue 14-Aug-12 15:50:57

About to shut my computer down but just saw your messages, thank you. Wondering if you managed to go out blizy? Little things, little steps... and you're right, in our circumstances they are such achievements.
elly hope blizy's advice helps - and that you get sent a cbfm! I found the cbfm really helpful in getting to know my cycle.

TooImmatureTurtleDoves Tue 14-Aug-12 16:14:01

Hello all, sorry I've not been keeping track very well.

Wtw, thinking of you lots for tomorrow, my lovely - will be waiting here with baited breath! Everything will be fine - not long to go now! I woke up at 5 o'clock on the morning of my section and promptly freaked out because Maia wasn't kicking. I woke DH up at 5.30 nearly in tears and he got the doppler out for its very last time and we listened to the heartbeat. Hope there aren't any emergencies to delay you either.

Blizy, sorry to hear you've been diagnosed with depression. [hugs] Hope the counselling helps. For what it's worth, DH has now been on ADs for about 3 months and is feeling much better and more able to cope in general.

Moomins, will be thinking of you too tomorrow - hope all goes well.

Fan, thinking of you too.

<waves at everyone else>

I'm after some advice, if possible. It is Maia's naming ceremony this Saturday and I'm going to be making a speech. I want to mention Thea in some way, but I can't quite work out how or when, or how to do it without crying. It doesn't seem right not to mention her, though. Has anyone got any ideas? So far my speech goes something like 'thank you all for coming...bit of chat about the name Maia Patricia, mentioning that Patricia is after both MIL and my granny...thanks to all those who have brought food/drink, especially MIL for making the christening cake...thank you for gifts...now please raise your glasses to Maia Patricia.' I could work it in somehow during the name chat - if I say that Maia is the name of a star and we think she's a bit of a star, somehow link to the fact that there's another star in the family, her older sister? Not really sure how to make the segue. confused I think if I practice saying it often enough I won't cry, but I have to work out my words first.

Too could you link it to the story of Debi Gliori 'No matter what' with the sentence 'Love, like starlight, never dies.'? Just an idea...

wtw I am counting down with you... not long now... will be waiting for news as well!

I've been a bit absent as well, although I've been reading still, just no time and energy to post...
Last week I did holiday club at work, which meant I was busy from like 8am in the morning preparing, then having the kids from 10am-2pm and after that tidying up.
Paying the price for it now... Sunday I felt horrible and been on the sofa all day, same yesterday. I did go to the midwife to get checked over, as my fingers have been swollen and I have been feeling really thirsty all the time. But she said that was absolutely normal and everything was fine. She was glad I came to get checked out, and she wouldn't want me to worry. Seeing her again on Monday for another check up.
She did tell me to take it easy this week, which I have been doing smile Yesterday I still felt crap. Felt a bit better today, but then decided to tidy up the living room and hoover and needed a rest after that...

blizy I have my first counselling session next week... I'm not sure about it now, as I've been feeling quite ok the last few weeks, but I guess one session won't hurt and we'll see where we go from there.

mecha I hope you can get your op very soon!

<waves at everyone else> x

blizy I hope the consultation helps you, can I ask why you dont want to take AP's?

mecha that must be hard to hear, we so desperatly want to be pg all of us but to be pushed back its hard. I hope you get your op soon and I hope if they do do the tests then they happen quick. Maybe you should have a chat with your dr again and tell them your concerns.

too Maybe you could introduce Maia by saying that your family, you, DH and Thea have welcomed Maia and now you ask your friends and family to do the same.

wtw I hope the day has gone fast, how was the movie? I hope Erins stone looks beautiful and just right. I see you have put a name thread up in baby names. I really love the name Juliet. How about Alice, or Alicia? Its hard sint to think of names that compliment the others but also that sound equally as beautiful. I hope seeing her tomorrow will help you find her the perfect name. I hope you get some sleep tonight, remember the quicker you get to sleep the quicker the morning will be here (its what I used to tell the kids I babysit for)

moomins will be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope the stitch goes well.

Well after thinking the tiredness this morning was a symptom, i think now it was just that tiredness, I dont feel pg, and I dont think I am. I have been having flash backs alot lately but I wish it was something more than just kissing Fi's cold forehead.

amyboo Tue 14-Aug-12 19:03:01

Thinking of you both wtw and moomins for tomorrow. Hope everything goes well for you both.

I hope you're OK blizy and kleine and have some good support in RL.

Definitely take it easy blue.

Hope everyone else is doing OK. I'm baking at my Mum's in the south of France at the moment. DS1 is not loving trying to sleep in 30oC heat... Never thought I'd be looking forward to going back to soggy Belgium!

amy apparently it's pretty warm in Belgium too at the moment wink

Thanks all for the good wishes. It feels very very surreal. K is now at my mums and I can feel the panic rising but am trying to stay calm.

Erin's stone looks beautiful fan thank you for asking.

Sorry for not name checking am too jittery!! Please god by 10am tomorrow she'll be wriggling in my arms xx

wtw I will be praying she will! smile
Have you got something to keep you busy tonight? x

wtw I am sending so many positive thoughts your way and DH keeps asking about you. He says that Rosa or Emma go well with K and E. Bless him.

Mogwai200 Tue 14-Aug-12 20:11:24

Just a quickie to say all the best to wtw for tomorrow.
I can't wait to hear from you.xx

Firsttobed Tue 14-Aug-12 20:11:49

Hi I've been lurking on this thread for a bit and I'm not sure that this is the right time to properly introduce myself (I will though soon smile)but I wanted to say a huge GOOD LUCK to whatevertheweather for tomorrow. I can only imagine how you must be feeling but remember that you'll have your beautiful little one by this time tomorrow and she'll be safe held tight in your arms. Thinking of you and little Erin. Xx

<crashing in excitedly>

wtw sending much love, hope, excitement and good wishes for tonight and for tomorrow! Can't wait to hear all about her.

Sorry to be a bit AWOL. We've moved in, O2 have finally sorted out our broadband, and DH has fixed my laptop, huzzah! Tis fab to be properly online again. I have missed you all.

Reading back, wtw it looks like you have had a horrible time of it with the illness and hospital, but this pg can now be measured in hours remaining, thank God, it is nearly complete xx

A massive congratulations to August, and I love the name Adam. It was always my hypothetical baby boy name, but DH's was always Thomas. Agree with everyone else - i understand the guilty feelings you've had, they are "normal" in our weird normal, but there is nothing to be guilty about. I bet Jacob is thrilled with his little brother x

Welcome to poppet. So sorry to meet you here, but glad you've found us. I have been lurking round these threads for quite some time now. I had DD1, Bobbie, in October 2010, she was born sleeping after a toxoplasmosis infection at 20 weeks. DD2 Freya was born Aug 2011 and is currently snoring next to me.

I have missed too much to name check you all without writing an insane essay, but I have read all that I missed and sending love, hugs, tears and joy in various directions at various times. I'm so proud to know you all, you are amazing.

Can you believe it, it is Freya's first birthday next Tuesday shock and we are having her party on Saturday. I can't believe how fast that has gone, and how far she's come from such utter helplessness. She's a bit poorly atm and so the nights are diabolical just now and we are v v <<yawn>> tired and hoping for all our sakes she feels better soon!

The new house is fab in the end and the garden seems to be a bit of a wildlife magnet. There are always a couple of rabbits in it (which prob means about 100 live here!) and we get deer in a couple of times a day, usually early morning, which is captivating. The cats are totally freaked out by them grin

I realised yesterday it was 2 years exactly from Bobbie's 12 week scan. Happy memories finally, it made me smile to remember her antics (she did a lovely jig and then mooned us grin) and to remember our innocent excitement and how we walked round sainsburys afterwards in a stunned daze buying celebratory tasty foods for dinner. I'm glad we couldn't have known what was coming, and had the unjaded faith in things going right to have really enjoyed her whilst we had her. Love you, special girl xx

Hi firsttobed I remember your thread, how are you?

I've packed my hospital bag, getting very nervous now. Will be glad when it's over, hopefully they will do the surgery early so I can go home tomorrow afternoon

blizy Tue 14-Aug-12 21:27:04

Just popping in to wish whatever all the luck in the world for tomorrow. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight (before your little baby girl is keeping you up all night). I can't wait to see your birth announcement!grin I will be thinking of you. X

Moomins- I hope you are not too nervous, and that the op goes well. X

Big waves to everyone else.

AugustMoon Tue 14-Aug-12 21:40:28

Sending love and best wishes for tomorrow wtw - hope it goes smoothly x very excited to hear the news x smile
moomins also good luck
fan hoping for a bfp for you...
Too your speech sounds perfect, prob not v helpful but I think linking Maia's name to Thea being a star is lovely - If anything I think if you just say what you want to say and not worry about how others might feel it lessens any awkwardness and kind of lets people know its ok to talk about when they might be worrying about saying something in case it upsets you. Hope it's a lovely day for you. Maia is really cute btw
kleine well done on getting to the shops - sounds a bit patronising but it's not meant to... I just remember how hard it was for me, worried about bumping into people I knew and having to explain or worse
- being ignored because people don't know what to say. And yes, trying not to burst into tears. It's hard and takes a lot of courage just to get back to doing normal stuff.

HU-MUNGOUS HUGS for whatever and moomins tomorrow. xx

AugustMoon Tue 14-Aug-12 21:47:30

Hi spilt! Thanks smile somehow missed your post (on phone). Best wishes to you in yr new home and to Freya... Wow, nearly one?!

KleinePoppet Tue 14-Aug-12 22:12:14

Another one just quickly popping in before bed to send so much love to wtw and moomin for tomorrow - two very different days for you but both so important. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Update us when you can! Xxx

AngelGeorgie Tue 14-Aug-12 22:21:22

Quick post as knackered ; a big bundle of love & good wishes to Whatever can t wait to read you'd good news xxxx
Moomins good luck xxxx
BlIzy hope u start to pick up soon...
Love to all, too hot to work xxxxx

razzdazz Tue 14-Aug-12 23:25:36

Hello ladies
I am sorry that I have not posted for quite some time but I have been following the threads. Usually, by the time I have made my way through all of the posts I am too tired to post anything myself!!! Have also been a little bit down though I feel ashamed to say so when I have my gorgeous rainbow baby and there are some of us still trying to achieve that. Keep reminding myself that we had Samuel, moved house and dh started his own business all at the same time, of course I will feel drained.
Anyway, just want to wish wtw all the luck in the world for tomorrow, your angel will be watching over you for sure xx
Massive congratulations to august, Adam is also one of the names from my list, gorgeous.
Sending love also to blizy,*fan*, angel, too, miasmum, spilt and blue, my wonderfully supportive friends from the old threads and warm wishes to all of the ladies that have joined since I was last here. Also sorrow for the very reason that led you this way.
I hope to be around a bit more often again if you will have me back blush

Predictably I can't sleep smile Just lying here feeling her kick and squirm and feeling calm-ish!

wtw not long now. Hope you are not freaking out to much. She will be here so soon and you get to have your cuddles.

I'm not having a great time AF appeared before bed last night four days early. Pretty upsetting, I cried myself to sleep. It really feels like this will never happen.

KleinePoppet Wed 15-Aug-12 09:02:42

Oh fan, so sorry... I really am. Can you have a quiet gentle evening with DH tonight? Take good care of yourself. Your time WILL come xxx

KleinePoppet Wed 15-Aug-12 09:11:52

Thanks august not patronising at all. It IS hard.

Hi spilt thanks for the welcome. So glad you have Freya now, though so sorry about Bobbie. Is her name short for Roberta? <spot 'The Railway Children' fan!>

too just a thought: after welcoming people, explaining re names, you could say something like 'of course the person who we would most like to have here today - and who we're sure would have loved to be here, too - is Maia's older sister Thea' and then say anything else about her that you wanted to.

Will obviously check back in later today to see if there's news!

TooImmatureTurtleDoves Wed 15-Aug-12 12:51:20

Wtw, thinking of you! Hope you are enjoying newborn snuggles by now.

Moomin, hope everything went well with you too!

Thank you all for ideas re speech - will have to work on it. I like the No Matter What idea, Blue, but think it might be a bit obscure for some of my relatives.

Fan, hope you're okay this morning. Stupid AF! You and Blizy have had such a hard time with this - I log on every time hoping and praying for a BFP for you both. It will come and you will get there! Love to you both.

Spilt, Freya nearly 1? Wow! Happy Birthday to her!

<waves frantically at Razz> Hello, so lovely to hear from you! How's Samuel?

<waves more restrainedly at everyone else>

wtw had her rainbow girl grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

Absolutely over the moon to announce the birth of Holly Elizabeth at 10.42am. Weighing 6lbs 6ozs. She is utterly utterly perfect and worth every second of anxiety. Post more later. Love to you all - thank you for getting me through xxxxxx

Absolutely over the moon to announce the birth of Holly Elizabeth at 10.42am. Weighing 6lbs 6ozs. She is utterly utterly perfect and worth every second of anxiety. Post more later. Love to you all - thank you for getting me through xxxxxx

blizy Wed 15-Aug-12 13:37:57

Huge congratulations whatever! I am so happy and excited for you all, I'm sure Erin will be so proud of her baby sister and of her mummy for getting through the past 9 months. Welcome to the world Holly Elizabeth! grin

TooImmatureTurtleDoves Wed 15-Aug-12 14:02:19

How marvellous, Wtw! <tears up> Holly Elizabeth is a lovely name. So, so, so pleased for you! thanks grin

wtw congratulations! Welcome to the world Holly! Such great news and has cheered me up. Can't wait to hear her story.

blizy Wed 15-Aug-12 14:09:33

split shock and wow to Freya almost 1! Your garden sounds amazing, I would just sit out all day.

razz Good to hear from you, please don't feel ashamed of feeling down. Of course you still miss your little Angel, to be honest I would be a wee bit worried if you didn't feel sad sometimes. I hope S is doing well.

too Sorry I have no advice about the speach, not my forte at all. I hope you decided on it soon though.

fan I am so sorry, no other words really, as I know how heartbreaking and soul destryoing it is when AF turns up. Sending you huge hugs. x

moomins Hope you are doing well.

waves to kleine, blue mias, little,first and everyone else my sieve llike brain has forgot!

wtw just wanted to say, Erins stone is gorgeous! Beautiful, really stands out.

KleinePoppet Wed 15-Aug-12 14:19:49

Oh, huge CONGRATULATIONS to the whole wtw family! And a great big hello&welcome to the beautifully-named Holly Elizabeth too... So pleased for you all Xxx

Ellypoo Wed 15-Aug-12 14:23:42

Hugest Congratulations wtw on the safe arrival of Holly Elizabeth, beautiful name! So so happy for you all xxx Hope you're ok and recover well from the op - take care and enjoy xxx

fan I'm so sorry. Forgive me if i'm posting out of turn, but have you spoken to your GP?

moomins - hope your op went ok and that you are recovering well.

<waves> to everyone else.

AugustMoon Wed 15-Aug-12 14:31:19

Yay wtw! So absolutely delighted for you - I'm at soft play place looking like a loony with a huge grin on my face! And beautiful name too. Enjoy smilegrin

Congratulations to the wtw family!! Thrilled for you grin Welcome you special special baby. A great size too at 37 weeks.

razz lovely to hear from you again, course we'll have you back! It's totally normal to have down days, Thomas is still missing and that grief is ongoing, of course it is. It can live alongside your love for and delight in Samuel without any contradiction. Hope he's doing well and giving you lots of cheeky grins.

moomins I hope you're ok today, was it painful?

fan big cuddles my lovely, I'm so sorry, how utterly shitty xxx

Freya has discarded my debit card for me today somewhere in the town centre. Note to self, do not give a bored and figety baby a wallet to play with when out! Cancelled that and got a new one coming, good job I noticed!

ellypoo your not speaking out of turn, I'm not sure what the doctor could do, I must be ovulating to have been pregnant twice since Fi died. I guess I think we have to wait a couple more cycles untill I will see them.

spilt great to hear from you. Naughty Freya, can't believe she's nearly one.

Hooray, fantastico, congratulations whatever!! Holly Elizabeth is a gorgeous name for your rainbow girl. Erin is a big sister!! I cannot tell you how happy I am... xx

fan bad, bad AF. Hope you are having a gentle day.

razz it is better to be honest about your feelings than keep them in. No matter how gorgeous and wonderful Samuel is, you can still miss Thomas. But all the other busy-ness of life also sounds like it is taking its toll.

too I really love the suggestion of Thea welcoming her little sister into the family, along with the rest of us. It tells everyone that all your children are loved, remembered and celebrated.

first hello again, glad you have turned up here.

And a big <wave> to everyone else, I have finally finished my Olympic duties. It was fun, but tiring, and while it was really special, I am glad it is over.

Congratulations wtw xx

Thanks everyone, I've just got home. The stitch went in fine, just have to keep fx now.

Got out of surgery at 1.15, the lovely anaesthetist managed to numb me, but not to the extent that I couldn't feel my legs which was good and meant that I was up and about 4 hours later just waiting to be able to wee.

Tmi but bum and bits still a bit numb which is odd, the pain relief they gave me is wearing off and my tummy is a bit sore, but nothing too bad!

I can't remember if it's this thread or the other I'm on but someone else had a problem with their last spinal like I did, they got this one in no problems! Xx

moomins it was me, they stapped me four times then on the fifth got it in but it only numbed one leg. I'm glad it all went well, lots of sticky vibes being sent your way.

amyboo Wed 15-Aug-12 19:27:36

Fantastic news wtw. Such a beatutiful name too.

And glad to hear that it went well today moomins

moomin glad it went well today! Now rest up! <stern look>

greengoose Wed 15-Aug-12 20:51:37

Really quick shout from Italy... Congratulations WTW!!!! Welcome to the world Holly! Xxxx

Hi to everyone else... Our road trip is going well, the boys are loving it, drove over the alps today and sleeping in Verona tonight then on to Lucca tommorow. Miss home and my dog and alpacas, but Merryn is here in my heart. I collected a pebble from the top of the highest pass in Austria today to throw in her river when we get home. My AF is late, but not preg, so not sure what's going on with the mini bleed two weeks ago. Hmmmm. I just want my cycle to at least give me a chance to ttc...

I miss you lot hugely, which is weird when we don't 'know' each other, or maybe you all know me more than my RL friends now in some ways? Anyway, I'll call in when I can. Love to all. Xxx

AngelGeorgie Wed 15-Aug-12 21:13:40

greengoose have a fab holiday xxx
Moomin glad all went well.i had a spinal with Phebs with no probs... Rest cx
blue hi congrats on being 25/26 weeks now??
Hi Razz lovely to see u.. Hope Sameul is well? Cx
Hi Too your naming cermony sounds lovely... Hope Mai is well? Cx
Fan hope u re ok? So wishing you & Blizy get your BFP so soon xxxx
little hope u re ok?
Hi Mech, Amy & anyone I ve missed...
Too hot for work , so tired today...Phebs knackered after nursery also.. Roll on the weekend xxxx
Oh hi Spilt love to Freya & Bobbie xxxc
Saw our HV earlier this week and in all her measurements she mentioned Phebs is 43 weeks old ... Good god only 9 weeks to her birthday ... I mean I knew it was coming up , obviously, but 9 weeks away!!!!!!
Love to all xxxx
Sorry if I ve missed anyone xxxc

AngelGeorgie Wed 15-Aug-12 21:15:04

Whatever congrats xxxx told u u'd do it!!!!
Welcome to the world Holly Elizabeth , huge congrats to you all gringringringrin[gringringringringringringringrin

So happy for you all xxxxx

razzdazz Wed 15-Aug-12 21:24:25

Massive congratulations wtw to you and your family, you all got there, wonderful.
Glad all went well for you today moomins
fan Im so sorry AF claimed you again. When I was trying to concieve (from when dd was 4, she is 9.5 now!!) I would manage to fall pregnant probably once or twice a year so that I guess wasnt really an issue. Holding onto the beans was. I managed to convince my consultant to track me via u/s during my cycle and it was found that I had an irregular endrometrial lining, very thin in places so the poor fertilised eggs had nothing to stick to, hence I would miscarry within days of missed af. Are your af's heavy or light or do they switch between the two?? Hope you dont mind me asking, especially as I have been awol for a bit.
Thank you for the kind words blizy, spilt and miasmum. I truly hope the counseller service can offer you something blizy.
Big, big waves back to you too. How is your gorgeous girl doing??? I think it is a beautiful idea to include Thea in the naming ceromony and I am sure however you decide to do it will be perfect.

I switched Samuel over into his pushchair seat part of my pram today and while of course I am thrilled that he is growing well and healthy part of me was almost sad......that it is going so fast!!! He loved it and sang to everyone that bothered to look when we were out today.

razzdazz Wed 15-Aug-12 21:27:05

crossed posts with you angel. I cant believe it is only 9 weeks!! I can so remember the time leading up to pheb's birth, your weekend away and so on. Almost feels like yesterday x

Firsttobed Wed 15-Aug-12 22:10:28

wtw many many congratulations and welcome to the world Holly Elizabeth.

moomins ouch. Hope you are doing ok there and that that stitch is firmly stuck!

So hello ladies, please may I join you? I know some of you already from a thread earlier this year - and thank you so very much for all your support everyone, you made an extremely difficult time more bearable - and from the bereavement thread. You all sound like a very jolly lot and I reckon that it's good to be positive smile

I lost my baby boy B in April at almost 22 weeks during pregnancy. Since then we've learnt that we are cursed (!) with a rare genetic problem which means that we have a 1 in 4 chance of recurrence. And I'm pregnant again. We are playing a bit of a waiting game and I'm trying to stick my head in the sand and pretend that it's not happening. La la la (sticks fingers in ears)

AugustMoon Wed 15-Aug-12 22:50:09

Hi first, course you can join! Congratulations - hope all goes well with this pg.
Moomins good news x
Night all - going to have a sneaky peak on fb to see if any pics of holly!

DiffedAgainDachs Wed 15-Aug-12 22:59:30

Really sorry I've been crap and not been here for months. After I lost the twins I never thought I'd actually have a baby and Cammy is now nearly 18 weeks. My heart bleeds for everyone that has to experience what we went through. But hold on to the hope. Xxx

first welcome to the thread, but also so sorry that you find yourself here. My daughter Ophelia was stillborn nearly 16 months ago now, and I have suffered two miscarriages since. I hope this thread gives you the support that it has given me.

dachs so great to hear from you, was only thinking about you yesterday. And congratulations on your LO.

razz my AF's are a bit irregular when it comes to bleedings, but I think that's to do with the fibroids, and they would make the lining thicker in some places. I am going to wait a few cycles and then go to the doc's and see what they say, ask about my fibroids, maybe ask for another scan to see how they are doing.

KleinePoppet Thu 16-Aug-12 10:41:01

Hi all. Sorry didn't read through properly yesterday - hello firsttobed (and congrats! SO hope all goes well) and razzdazz and dachs. I can't believe how many ladies are on this thread. So sad. But lovely to hear of rainbow babies! Our little daughter E died in June aged two days. We are about to start ttc again.

moomins excellent news that the stitch went in fine. How are you feeling today?
and fan how are you?

AND not forgetting wtw and the lovely little Holly! Hope you've all had a wonderful first 24 hours together. I can't quite imagine the huge mixture of emotions. Thinking of you all and esp of Erin xxx

green I was thinking of you just yesterday! Really glad to hear your trip is going well; we know you're carrying Merryn with you, she'll always be in your heart. I love that you picked up a special pebble for her. Hope your cycle sorts itself asap.

I am (possibly) going to brave the supermarket today. Have just had deliveries up to now. But I am feeling strong <superwoman emoticon> even though going there also involves driving the ginormous new car that we bought to have room for a car seat and lots of baby stuff... <slightly wobbly emoticon> ...

Waves to all, I hope you have good days x

Charleymouse Thu 16-Aug-12 13:47:46

Whatevertheweather congratulations on the safe arrival of Holly Elizabeth. Absolutely worth it she sounds like a little poppet. Well done as it is daunting and nerve wracking isnt it but as you say so so worth it when you gaze at your beautiful new baby girl.

Love the names by the way as DC1 DearestCat called Holly and DD2 middle name Elizabeth.

Congratulations and enjoy every moment of it. Much love CM

wtw how are you doing with your lovely rainbow?

Mechavivzilla Thu 16-Aug-12 20:55:37

A million congrats to WTW! Such a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. So glad she is finally here.

Haven't caught up properly, I have been in hospital since Tuesday with pancreatitus (AGAIN). Still, the upside is, my op is going ahead in September! They are bringing in a specialist team, because if they leave my gallbladder in there then I have a much much higher chance of getting really ill. I am in a bit of pain, and I could have done without the hospital stay, but so delighted we can start ttc in a month and a half! And I had the Duke of Edinburgh for company too wink

Hello to everyone I haven't met yet, and hugs for us all, good times and bad xxx

blizy Thu 16-Aug-12 21:48:11

Mecha- hope you feel better soon, I'm glad you are getting the op after all. Not long until the ttc commences.

AngelGeorgie Thu 16-Aug-12 22:27:26

Kleine well done.little steps xxx
Razz indeed they grow so quickly don t they??? I want Phebs to slow down a little !!! Gosh, time really is flying by... Xxx
Firsttobed hi , sorry for your loss & congrats... My dd: Georgie was stillborn on 10/10/10 & I ve since had her sister :Phoebe on 18/10/11. A very difficult path but can be conquered as our dear wtw as just demonstrated with delightful Holly.
Hi all ; love to all xxxx

AngelGeorgie Thu 16-Aug-12 22:30:15

Mech sorry you feel crap, glad you re op is soon xxx as Blizy said bring on ttc xxxx
Hi Blizy & Fan how are you both doing? Xxxx love to u both xxx

Firsttobed Thu 16-Aug-12 22:39:57

Ladies, thank you all for the welcome. I'm sorry for your losses and wish you every luck in the world in your rainbow baby journeys.

Did you make the supermarket kleine? We're not in a big town so supermarkets were slightly easier for me as the chances of bumping into anyone unexpectedly were remote. I found it much easier to plan before I went out who I might meet and to be prepared for that - but was able to do so.

mech hi again. Are you out now? Really sorry to hear that your gallbladder has caused you such problems again. Do you have a date for your op? Fx for all going ok.

I have been a really lazy lady today. Had a lovely lie in, took the children out, then so exhausted when we came back, I slept for an hour. Fortunately I've got help this week. When things get back to normal next week I'll be off to be with the children at this rate! Night all x

DiffedAgainDachs Thu 16-Aug-12 23:05:29

Mecha - I had my gallbladder removed two weeks ago after massive probs and I now feel much much better xxx. Good luck with the op xxx

Little9 Thu 16-Aug-12 23:27:36

Hello ladies. Congrats to wtw. So glad you have a lovely little rainbow with such a lovely name.

Sorry I've been absent again for a few days. Have been busy getting a new bathroom. Just need to paint the walls tomorrow and it'll be finished finally! It looks very posh!!

mech - hope you feel better soon and glad you'll be joining us ttc soon.

fan - sorry to hear of af. Hang in there.

moomins - glad it all went well. FX for you.

Kleine - hope the shopping trip went ok.

Hi angel - I'm doing alright thankyou. Have been slightly emotional the last few days, but think that's because af is due this weekend and my house has been in turmoil whilst the bathroom has been done.

Still haven't heard from consultant about Daisy's pm results. Would ring up and chase, except I don't know who to call as I don't know the consultant's name. Am gonna start ttc again after af anyway, but wondering if this is a bad idea and should wait for results. Confused and frustrated.com!!

Hello and sorry to everyone I have missed off, but am too knackered to check posts again and have a brain like the biggest sieve in the world! For the returning ladies I lost Daisy at 20 weeks after my waters broke unexpectedly.

Have got a full weekend coming up so will catch up with everyone as soon as I can. Hugs to all, xxx

Firsttobed Thu 16-Aug-12 23:54:12

little hi. Please don't think me rude for commenting but we started ttc before the PM results were through and were lucky enough to be successful. However, the PM showed that we have a genetic problem with a high chance of recurrence. They are still doing tests which we hope will be ready very soon as this will contribute to how we manage this pregnancy.

I kick myself that we didn't wait until the PM results were though, we just didn't ever think that there might be an underlying cause. I know that this is only my experience, and hopefully pretty rare (at least our condition is!) but it may be worth considering waiting until your PM results are back. I found that the hospital bereavement services were great at chasing the report for us. We were told initially that it could take up to 16 weeks though.

Mechavivzilla Fri 17-Aug-12 02:18:37

I am out of hospital now, which is a huge relief as Dexter was due on Saturday and I really did not want to be in there then! I could feel myself getting anxious and shakey and just wanted to get home and be with DH.

Thank you for all your kind words. So so happy this op is going ahead. I could not have coped waiting 2 years. Glad to hear your op went well Diffedagain Gives me hope! I am more nervous and more of a worrier than I used to be.

Someone asked about Malignant Hyperthermia, it is an allergy to general anesthetic which causes your muscles to contract and expand out of control. This causes your body temperature to rise and the rest of your organs and things to shut down. There is an antidote which is 90% effective, but if they know/suspect you have it they just use different drugs. I have a 50% chance of having it as my Mum definately does. SO I am getting my own specialist team. Because I am so special!

Little different situation for me in that we didn't have a post mortem on Dexter, since we know why he died. He was just born too soon and his lungs weren't strong enough. But we still have no idea what caused me to go into labour early. We are going to start ttc anyway, after the doctor advised us there was no reason not to. Do you have a friendly GP you could talk to? We actually have an appointment with the cousultant who delivered Dex in September so really hoping for some answers then.

Moomin glad the stitch went ok, I am sorry it was so umpleasent. But worth it in the long run!

Fan sorry to hear about AF. That sucks in the worst possible way. Fx for this cycle.

Hello again Firsttobed and congratulations.

How did you get on with your brave day Kleine? Sometimes little things we do feel like massive achievments. Because they are! We have had such a rough time, we really deserve some credit.

Hello as well to all I haven't namechecked. In my defence, I am on tramadol! Everyone here is so kind and supportive, it is lovely. I am glad I have like minded people to share the ups and downs of this journey with xxx

KleinePoppet Fri 17-Aug-12 07:50:55

Thanks all, yes I made it to the supermarket - even braved the shouty neighbours and washed the car beforehand. Was really glad I'd done it all. But still can't quite believe that this is my life...

little9 bathroom sounds lovely! Also, that's good advice from first, to ask the hospital bereavement services to chase up Daisy's pm results. Or if not then can you leave messages for any doctors whose names you DO know, and ask them to contact you? All stressful, I know - but it can make a big difference. (We have had E's pm results from the neonatal consultant, but are having a report prepared for us by the obstetric team before meeting with them, as we have so many questions. For us it hinges on the issue of placental abruption or vasa previa - the pm 'suspected' vp but wasn't certain - so we've asked for some more research to be done. Won't stop us ttc but if it was an abruption it would significantly change the management of a second pg, if we are lucky enough to fall pregnant.)

mecha so glad for you. Also that you are not in hospital for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you; these are hard days.

How is everyone else doing?

Ellypoo Fri 17-Aug-12 09:04:00

Hi everyone
Sorry can't name check everyone, am just popping on at work, busy day because want to finish early to meet some of my 'mum' friends for a glass of wine later!!
Got letter from counsellor at my docs yesterday to tell me that she has an 8 week waiting list and if I feel I need help before then to contact a local charity for counselling instead. Feel a bit unimportant somehow, don't know why but just feel a bit let down, even though I knew before that she had a long waiting list. I suppose it doesn't help that a) OPKs haven't shown any ov this month (first month of using them...) and b) I can feel that AF is on its nasty way.
On plus side, we should be moving in 3 weeks so got tons to do with packing and getting the new carpets etc down, but hopefully after 3 weeks, a lot of the cause of my stress at the moment should be over.

Hugs to all xxx

AngelGeorgie Fri 17-Aug-12 10:28:32

Ellypoo sorry ... I m popping on as at work too!!! Can you acess counselling via work? Don t know what you do ... I had my counselling through my occ health dept ...you re not un-important you are Nancy's mum so push for counselling... What about contacting SANDS for any info? Xxxxx

blizy Fri 17-Aug-12 10:55:34

elly It seems we are in the same position, except the NHS are not offering me any counselling, they just gave me a list of charities to contact! The main one being Care confidential (who seem to specialize in abortion,and unwanted pregnancy counselling). I am at a loss.

blizy why does the NHS not offer you any counselling? I referred myself as my GP told me I could do that... having first session next week...

blizy Fri 17-Aug-12 11:10:52

blue I have no idea!
I just had my phone consultaion, and this was the solution. I feel so abandoned. I clearly need help, it took a hell of a lot for me to admit to it and ask, really what was the point?

hugs x blizy wish I could give you my consultation... cause at the moment I don't feel like I need it so much...

blizy Fri 17-Aug-12 11:19:49

blue what a lovely thought, thank you so much. I just love the support from this thread, i don't know what I would do without it. I don't have anyone in RL (except for dh, although he is a bit crap at times).

Mechavivzilla Fri 17-Aug-12 11:57:31

Elly and Blizy MASSIVE hugs. It is such a huge thing to ask for help, it is just unfair there doesn't seem to be any available. It is such specific help we need too, general bereavment counselling isn't quite right and I am horrified they would suggest a charity for unwanted pregnancy!!!! I have heard good things about compassionate friends, and SANDS. Though SANDS seems to vary quite a lot by area and the one up here isn't great.

I must admit to feeling a little abandoned by the NHS. For three months after I had Dexter, I had no contact at all from the consultants. Luckily for me I had a wonderful GP who pushed and pushed for me. I don't think I need counselling exactly, but the birth was really, really traumatic and frightening and I would like to talk to a doctor who was there and work out what happened and how I feel about it. And hopefully get some answers as to what I would need to do differently next time. Luckily I now have an appointment next month.

Is anyone else on the clearblue trial? A box arrived this morning and it is enormous!

KleinePoppet Fri 17-Aug-12 12:02:59

Oh blizy that really is so crap. Why do they bother with the consultation if they can't offer you anything afterwards except to make you feel - justifiably - abandoned?? It makes me so angry And so sorry for elly too; you are having such a rough time as well.
Agree with angel - is it worth you both contacting Sands for any further pointers on what to do? Or your hospitals? ARGH, why do these things have to be so hard? Really feel for you both. Wish I could do something to help. Lots of love xxx

blizy and elly that's utter rubbish, I just want to scream on your behalf. Why do keep having to fight for things.

I am having the AF from hell, its really painful and heavy lots of clots. Sorry! I'm not sure how normal this is, my back hurts and my legs. I feel so unhappy because of it. I think I might have to go to the doctors again.

I'm at work, so will catch up later properly, but it seams like a lot of us are not having a good time, wish we could have a group hug!

blizy and elly I am so, angry angry angry for you both. We are people, not numbers. I wish sometimes that could be remembered... Can you complain at all about the lack of prompt / personal / timely support?

We are still fighting with the hospital, who 'asked' us to be involved in their investigations about Mia, then went ahead without us, showed us their reports, and have now told us that our added comments and recommendations cannot be included... sorry, I have very little faith in hospitals now, which makes this pg even more challenging. As institutions, they just don't seem to care, even if there are wonderful individuals within who do their best.

fan oh lovely, that AF doesn't sound very good. I hope you are ok.

kleine well done to you. And yes, how I relate to those feelings of disbelief that this is my life now...

mecha glad to hear you are out. Sending gentle thoughts to help cushion your Dexter day tomorrow.

little9 yes, use the bereavement services to help you. You don't need to do that soul-destroying work.

little we had to ring up the hospital several times chasing up PM results, I just rung the maternity unit and asked them. It was three months untill they read them to us. I just needed to do it, but I think it didnt make them come quicker.

blizy Im so cross on your behalf, can you not have a chat with your GP again? This cant help with your depression.

mecha well done you, little steps thats all you need to do.

Well Im feeling better this evening, cramping has finally stopped, it was awful and just like my old preiods used to be but with more clots. Ive had a search on fibroids again and its all normal for people with fibroids. I really hate it that I have them, they hurt and they suck!

I hope everyone is having a good night, its a hot one down here!

Firsttobed Sat 18-Aug-12 08:43:58

mech thinking of you today. I hope that you find some peace. Unfortunately I can empathise with how you must be feeling. B's due date is next week and I'm dreading it. I'll be spending it alone as DH can't be off work. Planning to do lots of things to take my mind off it. It's strange. Unlike the actual anniversaries there's no time of day to "celebrate", it's an all day event. I hope that you find your way through ((hugs))

Trickle Sat 18-Aug-12 09:37:52

CONGRATULATIONS wtw what a lovelly name, so happy everything went well and that Erin's stone is all done too, hope you are enjoying this time x

Sorry I havn't been around don't really have the energy to name check everyone, I know some of you are having a really hard time and are being treated badly so angry sad on your behalf.

I've got two weeks to go, a DLA renewal form (if they don't renew at the right rate DH looses his CA too and then he can't go to college and I'm not sure what happens to housing costs), DWP are playing silly beggers with a grant we are entitled to because someone can't read properly, so I still have no nursing bras or TENS hired, my wheelchair seating is wrong and needs rearranging, I'm not going to be abel to take the outdoor test before the birth now, P.A. is on holiday this week and I can't lift my legs anymore so have moved downstairs as my shoulders are starting to give out and I keep torturing myself about movement.... only... two... weeks.

Only

Luckily DH is nesting or I'd really be going mad grin

Ellypoo Sat 18-Aug-12 09:39:29

Oh blizy that's so bad, why on earth can't they refer you through nhs? Can't believe some of the 'care' that goes on.

Glad your cramping has finally stopped fan, as if it's not bad enough to have AF to deal with anyway.

kleine well done for going out and washing the car - I never do that anyway!!

mecha is it you who was asking about the cb trial? I'm doing it now, am on day 23 and finally got a smile so guess what I'll be doing all weekend!!!

Hi to everyone else, hope there are nice things planned for the weekend.

Ellypoo Sat 18-Aug-12 09:43:18

Oh trickle that sounds awful, what a hard time for you, I hope you manage to get it sorted.

mech, thinking of you all today, these dates can be so hard, I hope it passes gently for you (((hugs)))

little although I wasn't waiting for pm results o ended up phoning my consultants secretary to get my follow up appointment, my notes hadn't made it back to the consultant which is why I didn't get an appointment through. The consultant secretary numbers are usually on the hospital website. I have a history if pprom, but luckily the earliest was 31 weeks. They don't know what causes mine as no infection was found but it looks like I might be given progesterone this time.

There is also I trial at the moment looking into pre term birth and late mc and progesterone is given. There is a protein called fibronectin which is found in the vagina early in pg and again after 35 weeks. This protein helps bind the amniotic sac to the walls of the uterus. If high amounts are found it indicates labour will start within two weeks. Sometimes it happens early in the pg causing the waters to rupture, which i think is what happens with me.

elly have a good weekend wink

blizy I wasn't offered any counselling either, I had my consultation on what would happen in any future pg, it was on the day i was booked to have my elcs sad and that was that. No bereavement mw, no support from hv, ds3 was 7 months old when we lost Jacob. I should probably of contacted sands but didn't feel up to it.

trickle sorry you are having such a rough time

Stitch seems to have settled, I've had a bit of spotting which is normal and quite a lot of pain, especially in my back but feeling much better now

Trickle Sat 18-Aug-12 10:24:11

Oh and we have mice, she's just given birth and NOWHERE sells traps, I cannot cope with hunt the dead smell that you have to do with poison EURGH

mech thinking of you, I hope today is gentle for you. But if its not hugs to you.

AugustMoon Sat 18-Aug-12 11:13:59

Hiya trickle - can't believe you've got 2 weeks to go, won't say 'only' as it sounds like it's dragging and sounds tough. Nearly there xxx

blizy Sat 18-Aug-12 14:15:12

Mecha just popping on to say I am thinking of you and Dexter today, hope it's easy in you. Hugs x

KleinePoppet Sat 18-Aug-12 14:31:43

mecha just wanted to send you my love for today xxx

and love to trickle too - goodness, so many difficult things happening at once (and mice on top of everything... never fun to deal with). I hope so much that things are somehow sorted before LO's arrival - and that he/she is giving you lots of reassuring/calming kicks in the meantime.

fan glad you're feeling a little better. Sounded just awful.
elly yes, as moomins said, enjoy yourselves!! smile

Has anyone heard from wtw, how are they all doing? I'm not on FB so wouldn't know if she had posted anything there...

poppet, wtw is fine from what fb updates say, lots of pics of H. She's a cutie.

trickle hi, wow two weeks left. Not long to go. All this heartache will soon be worth it.

AngelGeorgie Sat 18-Aug-12 17:57:00

Mech hope u re ok today? Xxx
Trickle hope the next 2 weeks fly by & u start to feel excited over your impending arrival ..xxx
Hope everyone's ok? Hot,hot,hot but fab to be the weekend xxx enjoy xxx

blizy Sat 18-Aug-12 19:04:24

Trickl, wow 2 weeks left! I hope they fly past in an uneventful blur! I hope you get the other stuff sorted too. X

Hi ladies, thank you so much for all your lovely messages. Holly is just perfect, am feeling quite overwhelmed to actually have her here. Have been quite tired and tearful today though and feeling a lot of sadness for Erin. It's been very emotional. Did others feel the weight of their previous loss come flooding back strongly after the birth of their rainbow? It's a bit like I've been repressing my feelings about Erin just to get through the pregnancy and now I'm grieving for her all over again.

2 weeks trickle wow! Sounds like you're having a very stressful time though - hope some of it gets resolved before the birth.

Fan and Blizy <<hugs>> my friends sounds like you've been having a rough time xx

Glad the stitch went well Moomins

Kleine thanks for asking after us smile At some point I will get round to adding a pic of Holly

I'm sorry I haven't read back very well so can't name check everyone but I'm thinking of you all and very grateful for all your support over the last few weeks xxx

AngelGeorgie Sat 18-Aug-12 22:03:57

I had & still do lots of conflicting emotions :happy,sad,relief , regret etc... Regularly still do. Also, your hormones are running wild at the moment which doesn t help... Again, in my experience what you re feeling is perfectly normal. Sure the others will agree with me? Enjoy Holly but go with the sadness also xxxxx

Trickle Sun 19-Aug-12 10:22:43

Hi all thank you xx much appriciated, this thread is a life line at times - brings a whole new meaning to the two week wait I think grin

I have traps HAHA <murderous face emoticon> (and mice that are avoiding them hmm )

Woke up this morning to a nice email from my aunt and some amazon vouchers for our wedding anniversary - we had forgotten about it blush . So now we have the hard task of finding a film to go see on the 27th and thinking of something to get from amazon, DH has ruled out baby items so I'm at a bit of a loss as you can imagine it's a bit of a switch to think of something for us (nursing bra's don't count).

wtw ((hugs)) no ides what to say but with all luck I will be joining you on that emotional rollercoaster soon . Just don't let anyone else tell you how to feel and don't be guilty about any of it.

moomins hope you are feeling healed after that stitch, so glad they are looking after you

blitzy and Fan Really hope things get easier soon for you both.

sorry if I've missed anyone take care

Hello, I have seen this [[ http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/international-dates/august-19th-day-of-hope Day of Hope]] a few times on FB today, and it seems right to share it here, especially for those of us who have families and friends who find it difficult to speak about our beautiful children,...

August 19th is about honouring and remembering the lives of babies and children that could not stay with us. By doing this we are speaking out about the death of babies and children.

August 19th is a day to break down the walls of society that keep pregnancy, infant and child loss a hush hush subject. People view the death of a baby as just a sad thing that happened. These babies that die are not sad things that happen. They are people, much loved and wanted children. They are brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters.

August 19th is about openly speaking about these children and celebrating their short lives.

By having this special day once a year we get people speaking about pregnancy, infant and child loss. And by doing this we break those walls down so that people are not afraid to speak about these children anymore.

With love to you all, your angels, rainbows and your families, from Mia and me. xx

drat, here's the real link Day of Hope

Mechavivzilla Sun 19-Aug-12 16:54:23

Thank you all for thinking about me yesterday. We got through it. Just as sad today, but I feel very different. It is a new chapter, but the same book and Dexter will always be part of my story.

I hope your day passes peacefully first. I spent the day crying while painting, crying while walking the dog, crying while tidying the office and crying while doing chores. You will get through it, even though it is sad, and we are all here for you.

Two weeks trickle! forever and no time at all. I hope nothing exciting happens and it is boring as all heck grin

WTW Your littlest one is just beautiful. I have no experience, but I am not surprised she has stirred up emotions. So much joy and love, but also thinking about what could have been. Thinking about you.

Fan glad you are feeling better.

Elly I am on the clearblue trial, but am defering starting it for a month. Until after my op basically. AF started yesterday as well, worst possible day for that I think! But that is now three I have had in three months, and just from temperature taking I think I am ovulating. So looking at that as good news. Glad you got a smile Hope you enjoy your busy weekend! wink

The Day of Hope link Mias has put up is just lovely. I don't tend to talk about Dex much on facebook but I did share one of her pictures today. I love her sunset name and butterfly pictures too.

Thinking of everyone, even if I haven't name checked. I really did appreciate all the messages from people thinking about me. More than I can say. xx

We stopped at the churchyard yesterday on our way home, wanted to have a look at the plants we'd planted on Sterre's birthday 2 months ago. When I got there, they were all gone... sad The gardener had just done the grass and he just mowed over the whole of Sterre's plot... DH said they might grow back, but I'm not sure. Think we might need to get a flower pot to put things in so they don't get ruined.

Looking forward to a week off and my birthday on Thursday smile

Thinking of all our little miracles on this Day of Hope x

Mechavivzilla Sun 19-Aug-12 21:10:23

Oh Blue I'm sorry sad That must have been so upsetting to see. What plants had you planted there? I hope they grow back for you, lots of plants do I think. I know nothing about gardening however!

blue what type of plants were they? And where abouts on the grave had you planted them?

fan we had planted 3 aubretias, right under her memorial stone. It wasn't that there was a big space inbetween the stone and the plants, he could have just gone round them both.

I wonder, does he only mow every month? If the grass is very long he may have cut them accidentally. I'm not sure if the will come back. Is there a head strip that you can plant in? If not then a pot is your only option, unless you expose the earth around the stone and create a little flower bed that you can tend, if you do that regulary then the gardener is unlikely to cut them. Some people do that in our grave yards.
Maybe have a word with him about what you can and can't do, I know some grave yards are strict about what you can do to the graves.

Thank you Mech glad you got through Dexter's day. I found It very strange when we went past Erin's due date. Big hugs xx

Oh Blue that must have been so upsetting. I hope you can find a solution. I know how important our little ones graves are xx

Thank you for the link Mias I also shared the picture. I find it a nice gentle way to let all my friends and family know we'd like Erin acknowledged - I'm also heartened to see what lovely messages people post when I put something about her.

I know it's only Facebook but it felt quite poignant to have a beautiful message about Erin in amongst all the photos and congratulations about Holly. Kind of representative of our life now - utter joy mixed always with sadness and loss.

How is everybody? xxx

AngelGeorgie Sun 19-Aug-12 21:51:46

Love to all our angels on this day of hope Georgie , I miss you more than you ll ever know.... Love u darling sweetheart xxxxx wish you were here with Phebs xxxxxx

KleinePoppet Mon 20-Aug-12 09:14:39

Morning all. I have been up since the crack of dawn, it seems - feels like lunchtime already. Stupid family stress again, means I can't sleep too well. Not that I sleep that well anyway.
On the plus side, depending how my cycle goes, I may ov sometime this week...

wtw it's so nice to hear from you. As I think I said before - I can only imagine the mix of emotions - and as others have said, I hope you and your DH (and K) feel able to just let it unfold. I think we all know that there's no point fighting grief. It is independent of us, and not always predictable.
moomins how are you feeling today?
Also first and mecha - hope you are both ok.
Thank you for the lovely link miasmummy.
Am so sad for you blue about the plants on Sterre's grave. It must have been awful to discover what had happened. Good advice as ever from resident gardening expert fan...

Oh... <sigh>. Life can just be really crap, can't it.
And to top it all off, I'm not even eating sugar or drinking alcohol at the moment (fertility-related). So no chocolate or cake or wine or gin&tonics. At my time of greatest need!!! Not, I hasten to add, that I would be eating boxes of chocolates and drinking at nine a.m. anyway. At least I hope not wink

Arse and buggeration. Holly has lost 12% of her birthweight so we are on our way back to hospital with her sadsad My milk has only just come in today but I'd been hoping she was getting enough from the colostrum but obviously not sad

blizy Mon 20-Aug-12 14:11:35

Oh whatever, sorry to hear that. Now that you milk has come she should start to beef up. I hope you are ok? X

KleinePoppet Mon 20-Aug-12 15:01:50

Oh no - I'm so sorry. I don't know what they usually do, if you will both need to stay in or not... I just hope that all is well as soon as it possibly can be and that she is absolutely fine to go back home asap. Also that she feeds brilliantly, now that your milk is in. Thinking of you x

Mechavivzilla Mon 20-Aug-12 16:01:29

Thinking about you WTW I am sure it is just a precaution and as others have said she will start feeding brilliantly now your milk has come in. I know loss of birthweight happens in a lot of babies, but I also know that saying that won't help you at all! Hoping you all get back home soon. Lots of internet love.

Thanks guys, just waiting for blood tests results as they think she's jaundice so need to check her bilirubin levels and also rule out that an infection has caused the weight loss. I said to the HV twice I thought she was looking too yellow and she said she was fine, grr. She's lost 12ozs in 5 days poor thing. May have to stay in depending on the blood results but fingers crossed they're fine and we can go home and just have her weighed again on Wednesday. We've had a feed observed and they're happy my milk is now in and she's latching well.

Ellypoo Mon 20-Aug-12 17:24:09

Hope the results come back ok and quickly wtw, keeping fx xx

wtw thinking of you and H. I hope you get to come home tonight, and I hope she starts putting on lots of weight. Didnt cheeses Ella go back in to hospital for losing weight? I know one of the rainbows on here did.

poppet fx you ov this week. Im off the alcohol and the sweet things (diet and fertility related) but I do let myself have a treat every now and again, kit kats and buttons usually as they are of small syn value. (im on slimming world, have lost nearly 2 stone and am hoping to lose another two, if I dont fall pg) Im hoping that it will help me get pg and also help my fibroids as Im told they have been linked to being overweight.

KleinePoppet Mon 20-Aug-12 19:11:38

Yes, another one here hoping v much that you get home tonight wtw.

fan nearly two stone!?! That's amazing! Wow.
Hard to stick to a healthy diet in our circumstances, isn't it? But I do find that, if I just tell myself some things are simply forbidden, I don't crave them as much.
Hope you're doing ok after your horrid AF.

Hope everyone else is ok this evening too x

poppet everytime I have lost weight I have fallen pg, I lost 10 pounds and fell pg with Fi. Then this year I lost over a stone and fell pg with bungle. So I do believe it helps. Everytime I want to snack or have something bad I just think I won't get pg.

Back home again - phew!! Bilirubin levels were a squeak under treatment levels and blood results all normal so they let us go but have to re-test bilirubin levels and have her weighed again tomorrow. Poor little lady she had her heel prick test this morning then 2 lots of blood tests this afternoon sad We were lucky to be let home as policy is to keep in if weight loss is over 12% and hers is 12.4% but when I explained why we didn't want to stay they relented. What a nightmare. I have to top her up with formula at the end of every other bf to try and get the weight back on her.

wtw what a nightmare, I hope it works and she puts on some weight for tomorrow, hugs to you, it must be very hard to go through.

AngelGeorgie Mon 20-Aug-12 21:08:48

wtw. Glad you re home.... Seems a bit odd to re-admit Phebs , too, lost 12% of her body weight and was jaundiced ... However , she was weighed twice weekly initially & sound picked up again.... Take care xxx
Fan I m now 1lb off 2 stone loss maintained tonight seem to be plateauing now so back to my SW books in the next 2 weeks.want 0.5 stones off in 6 weeks when going away... Cx
Hi to all off today thankfully as crap night last night as Phebs teething again so not much sleep!!!
Love to all xxxx

razzdazz Mon 20-Aug-12 21:54:11

Hello all
wtw Samuel was admitted back to scbu at 5 days old after the midwife calculated that he had lost 13% of his birth weight (and he was bottle fed). When we got there scbu re-weighed and said it was 11%. We were allowed home, also after jaundice tests, with a schedule of how much he should be feeding.....that was no use at all, I knew how much.....it was getting him to take it that was the difficult part angry. Try not to worry, Holly will soon start gaining and you will wonder what all the fuss was about.....Samuel is a right porker now wink.
blizy I am so sorry that you are not being offered any help, it is just awful. It makes me so mad that they think they can just dish out the pills and thats that. You too elly.
This was a couple of days ago but I just wanted to say to first and little that I also lost Thomas to a genetic condition at 22 weeks. We took the chance and ttc without waiting to see what our chances of reaccurence were. I knew the highest was 1 in 4, 25% somehow sounded better, I kept telling myself that we still had a 75% chance that it would be ok though found it hard to hold onto that thought once I had got the bfp. We had to wait until 16 weeks into the pregnancy to be given the final all clear via scan at the john radcliffe but I still didnt relax (about the condition) until the 20 week scan. We did find out a bit earlier that we were not carriers and had a 5% chance of it happening again, to be honest I felf no better than if it were 25%..........the worst had already happened and Thomas was a 1/800,000 chance in the first place sad. I guess what I am trying to say is that I would have tried again regardless.
mecha Im glad you made it through your day. It is so hard when our babies are born so long before their due date when so many others seem to have moved on from what has happened. Special thoughts to you.
blue how horrid for you to find that the garderner at the grave had been so inconsiderate, I hope the flowers grow back and bloom for Sterre.

Hope everyone else is doing okay and that all of the other rainbows are coping with the heat......I have a rainbow that is anything but colourful at the moment wink

Thank you angel and razz - glad to hear Phebs and Samuel soon picked up. I was half expecting it as she was 37 wks, under 7lbs, breastfed and an elcs. I think the re-admittance tolerances probably vary depending on pct angel ours is 10-12% then continue monitoring with community midwives anything over 12% is hospital.

Amazing weight losses angel and fan I definitely want to start on slimming world soon

Trickle Tue 21-Aug-12 05:47:08

blue sounds like a bit of a shock sad , we have blue bells planted on Sproglet's grave and I'm not sure how I'd feel if they'd been mowed away. FX they grow back, at our cemetary a lot of the parents have put edging around the plots, everything from bamboo to stone or wire edging for garden beds, don't know if you'd be allowed or want to, but it does make them stand out.

wtw Glad to hear they let you go home, I'm sure H will be fine especially as your milk has only just come in. Hope the hospital are being supportive enough and that your HV gets a little more proactive.

Rather tired, grant finally came in - the neighbours are going to think we've robbed a bank over the next week or so the ammount of stuff due from amazon and ebay. All I need now are nursing bras, a sling (I'm waiting on bids on ebay) and a mattress for the cot - DH was too asleep to measure what size we need so will have to be done tomorrow. Really not sure what to do about nursing bras - mothercare is the only shop I could go and try them on in and they are both expensive and very limited in choice.

whatever glad you and Holly are back at home, and that the hospital is being empathetic in their monitoring of you both. Hope you now have porn star boobies wink so Holly can drink all day... perhaps somewhat inconvenient for you though!

angel and fan wow, you are slimming superstars! think I am putting on all the weight you are taking off... hmmm. Consoling myself that I have been doing lots of walking with my volunteering, so just have to keep that up.

Think I have early nesting syndrome - doing a massive clean and clear-out this week, and finding lots of little annoying projects in the house that I can't do. Poor DH. But not yet ready to face making space for the new baby, or buy anything. Also a bit sad that I am too scared to join the ante-natal thread for 40+ or December. But baby is kicking nicely, and finally seems to have discovered I have a left side, as it seemed to be permanently lodged on my right!

trickle enjoy using that grant money, it has taken long enough!! I had MC bras with Mia, but found I needed more support than they offered thanks to my enthusiastic hormones...

Firsttobed Tue 21-Aug-12 09:59:59

Thanks razz for sharing that. It's a worrying time for us as we have no reassurance yet. Actually things have just got a bit more complicated typically! We should have some results in 3 weeks or so, so fx. Thank you kleine.

wtw glad you're out of hospital with Holly. Hope her levels go down today.

trickle the NCT does bra measuring at home although I suppose it must vary on where you live. Might be worth looking up your local bra fitter.

fan and angel wow grin

Hi to all smile

KleinePoppet Tue 21-Aug-12 13:44:54

Hi all, never a dull moment on this thread is there - wtw I am so glad you got home and SO hope your lovely little girl will be fine today. And trickle hurrah for the grant! About time, it sounded like. How are your mice doing?!

fan and angel again, really, just such an amazing weightloss... Very much agree fan that diet has an impact on fertility. I am not a huge believer in some 'alternative' solutions to fertility problems (I wouldn't be allowed to, really, with a doctor husband! smile Though acupuncture did help to regulate my cycles before we conceived E; he had to concede the point on that one!) but focusing on a healthy diet and lifestyle can really only be a good thing. And yes, the thought that 'if I eat this I'm harming my chances of getting pregnant' is a very, very useful one...
Without trying to be annoying (please don't hate me) I am currently having the opposite weight problem, in that it's been dropping off a bit too rapidly since having and losing E. I am back at my pre-pg weight, even though I gained a lot while pregnant. But am determined to try not to lose any more. Not really a problem I've had before...

blizy I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing after the hideous phone consultation on Friday xxx

miasmummy hugs for you. I was just trying to explain to a friend yesterday, how our grief is not 'just' about grieving for our little one - it affects abso-bloody-lutely everything. I don't think I'd be able to even look at antenatal threads if I managed to get pregnant again... I am so glad to hear though that your baby is helping you out by kicking up a storm. (I also know what you mean about him/her suddenly 'discovering' that you have a left side. I spent most of the third trimester with an extremely lopsided bump, apparently my right side was more comfy, too smile). How many weeks are you now?

first so sorry things are looking more complicated than you thought. I have all my fingers crossed for the right results for you and your teeny-tiny LO. How are you coping with everything? I know you said you were very tired the other day. Living up to your name, presumably wink

razz hope Samuel will be feeling more like a bright shiny rainbow as the weather cools down!!

Oops this is quite long! Hi to everyone else too and hope you can all find something to smile and laugh about today.

KleinePoppet Tue 21-Aug-12 13:51:52

PS miasmummy I forgot to say, there's something about the phrase 'porn star boobies' that has had me chuckling for a few minutes. Not sure why - but anyway, thank you for cheering up my day!! grin

Babyh200 Tue 21-Aug-12 14:50:42

Hello. first post today. Been reading the thread but confused with some of the shortened initials? Sorry if I sound thick lol. Anyway our beautiful son was born asleep on 4th July 2012 5 days before my planned section. Hello to all you lovely mums : )

Welcome babyh200 glad you have found us but also sad that you are in the same situation. I hope you find this thread as supportive as I have.

babyh what initials are you struggling with, post them and I will tell you what they mean.

Babyh200 Tue 21-Aug-12 16:46:29

Hello : ) I know facebook is fb but what is AF? and is PFB Positive pregnancy test? I feel really silly because Ive never really posted on forums before. Heads in a whirl at the moment.
Thanks x

Hello babyh

Af aunt flow so period

Pfb precious first born

Bfp big fat positive

There is an acronym list at the top left of the page which explains it all

Phone is playing up and won't let me go back a page,

wtw glad your home,

trickle glad the grant has arrived, have fun spending. We are waiting for dp to receive some tax back, he's self employed. The bank says it is pending so fx it hurrys up! Ds1 needs a double bed, he's hanging out of his.

angel ibfeel the pain, ds3 is also teething, I think we have about 6 left to come through now, 4 came through all at once.

mias I hid the feb antinatal thread last year after loosing Jacob, haven't seen the one for feb next year but can't imagen joining it.

Everything is fine here, need to phone the hospital though as they were supposed to phone me with sn appointment to see the consultant, I'm sick of chasing them for appointments. It keeps surprising me how far along people are, especially on the other conception thread, I Then remember that actually I'm 15 weeks on Thursday. I seem to be blanking it out!

I didnt even know that PFB meant that. Theres always one or two you have no clue what they are.

oh and DH mean Dear Husband, DC means dear child, DD daughter, DS son.

BFP Big fat positive, i think these are the only ones that appear on this thread oh apart from POAS, pee on a stick.

Babyh200 Tue 21-Aug-12 18:22:50

Thank you FAN and MOOMIN feeling at home already x

Babyh200 Tue 21-Aug-12 18:31:56

Ok so now Im learning some of the acronyms. My current worry is that I will never get my AF back and the shock of losing my beautiful son has sent me into the change or something. Dont get me wrong I know he can never be replaced but I've gone from 'never again' to 'what if this is the end of the story?' and I'm gonna be punished even more?

fan we forgot the important one!

Swi shagging with intent
Isn't there some ovulation ones too so 5dpo is 5 days post ovulation, I think. Still haven't got the hang of those.

babyh have just noticed I didn't say, I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your son xx

So pleased you grant is in trickle do you have a date for your section?

Totally understand about not wanting to get anything ready Mias I felt the same and only had bare minimum stuff. Am now itching to get out and get her things I know she'll wear/use. Hope you're resting now the Olympics is over

Waves fan forgot to ask - have you seen Erin's stone? What do you think? Dp going to turf it this week ready for Saturday.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself Kleine you will need your body as strong as possible for another pregnancy xx

A sad but warm welcome babyh feel free to tell us all about your lovely boy x

Glad all is well Moomins 15 weeks already smile

Waves and loves to all xx

Well Miss H had gained back 30g of the 360g lost today so a small step in the right direction smile Repeat bloods sent to check the bilirubin levels, hoping they will ring tonight with results. Just about to go out for our first walk along the seafront and we're all going to register her birth tomorrow and to the florist to order Erin's birthday flowers smile

blizy Tue 21-Aug-12 18:49:23

Babyh200- a sad but warm welcome to our wonderful thread. I am so sorry to hear about your little boysad.

Wtw- well done H, fattening up already! Sounds like you have a busy day tomorrow, remember and take it easy.

Sorry not to name check everyone, hope you are all ok? X

AF arrived earlier todaysad.

Hi wtw glad H is gaining weight now, fx for good results

baby I think most of us have had those feelings, it does seem like a punishment, it makes you very aware how easily things can go wrong which also makes it hard not to dwell on all the things that might go wrong if that makes sense.

Have you had any answers as to what happened and are you going back to the hospital for a consultation at any point? I found the consultant appointment helpful as we talked through in great detail what would happen if I became pg again, which put my mind at ease a little

blizy sorry af got you x

blizy Im so sorry AF has got you (--that really is gash as DH would say--), how are you doing?

wtw Yes I saw Erins stone, it is beautiful. I love the stars and the butterflies, it really stands out it has a lot of character as Im sure she would of.
Oh and Im glad H is putting on weight.

babyh all the feelings you are having are natural. We tried for a baby (ttc trying to conceive) for 18 months before I fell pg with Ophelia, and then she died from a knot in her cord at 36 weeks. I then fell pg three months later with beanbag (thats what we called it) and miscarried at 5 weeks. And then 3 months ago I fell pg again with bungle and miscarreid at 6 weeks, I feel like this is what my pg's end with death. But I so desperatly want a child, I will keep on trying, I love my three babies that will never change. Our feelings are so mixed, to be the mother of an angel.
Please tell us about your baby boy, we would love to hear about him.

KleinePoppet Tue 21-Aug-12 21:49:52

blizy sad so so SO sorry. You have had a really crappy few days. Nothing I can say to make it feel better, I know. Hugs from me x

fan your words made me sad too. So you get a hug too (whether or not you want one, frankly wink)

hi babyh I am so sorry about your little boy. I am quite new on this thread; we lost our beautiful daughter E in June, aged two days. She was something of a miracle baby - conceived naturally the month we started IVF, as we'd been told 'you need to do ivf NOW, or else...'. So while we are hopeful of having another child - she was our first - I understand the worries about not being able to, just like fan and some of the others here too. I am already more grateful than I can say for the support on this thread.
Maybe I should put that in bold - more grateful than I can say for everyone's support grin thanks

wtw so glad for H's weight gain. Thank you for your kind words... I am trying very hard to eat well (and enough), I think perhaps just the stress of the whole situation is burning all the calories up. We are aware of it and will make sure I am getting stronger.
What flowers are you getting for Erin's birthday? <nosy> Pink to match the writing on the headstone?

moomins 15 weeks!! Hope you hear from the hospital about your next appt soon.

Night all x

TooImmatureTurtleDoves Tue 21-Aug-12 22:08:56

Hello all!

Babyh, so sorry you lost your baby. My first baby Thea was born sleeping at 41+3 (that means 41 weeks and 3 days of pregnancy) on 13 March 2011. I have a rainbow baby now, Maia, born on 9 March 2012.

Wtw, do not panic re weight or jaundice! Holly will be fine! M went through exactly the same process - born 6lb 5, went down to 5lb 9 on Day 3, and we would have been back in hospital except that the MW calculated her weight loss wrongly and thought it was 11%, when in actual fact it was 12%. She was also very yellow and went through 3 sets of jaundice tests, 2 with the full bloods meaning they were squeezing her little hands and feet for ages trying to get enough blood. sad As you say, they were born at 37 weeks, by CS, which means that our milk didn't come in until day 5, and they were both on the small side. M crept steadily up the growth charts and leveled out just above the 50th centile. I wound up feeding her every 2 hours, expressing after every feed and topping up with a syringe. It was exhausting but worth it - and after that normal bf felt like a holiday!

Maia's naming day went really well. I discussed the speech with DH and he thought that I should do a proper toast to Thea, which I hadn't thought of - I was thinking that it was Maia's day, but once he had suggested it it seemed like the right thing to do. So I thanked everyone for coming, bringing food, helping set up etc and then thanked them all for the support they'd given us in the last 18 months and asked them to raise their glasses to Thea. Then I said a bit about Maia's name and toasted her too. I'm so glad we worked it out - it would have been wrong not to mention Thea. Had an argument with one of my friends, though - we were tidying up afterwards and I said she could take some of the flowers home, but not the red and pink roses because we were planning to take them to Thea. She said they were the only flowers she wanted and if she couldn't have them then she didn't want any at all. Another friend was listening to all this and suggested other flowers, but Friend 1 just kept repeating that she only wanted the roses. hmm She didn't get them! Then she told my sister on the way home that I was being really annoying about the flowers. angry My mum bought those roses specifically to take to Thea after the party - they weren't up for grabs!

TooImmatureTurtleDoves Tue 21-Aug-12 22:20:53

Pic of Maia at the party on my profile - with DH, so it's there for a limited time only.

Little9 Wed 22-Aug-12 00:10:22

Aaaah, such a lovely pic too.

Thanks for all ur comments/advice. Got consultant appointment in post today. It's next weds, so not long to wait. Has brought it all back though so am busy painting every room in the house to keep me busy. Daisy is being cremated next weds too, so a double whammy!

Welcome babyh. Sorry u find urself here but there are some lovely, supportive ladies on here.

Sorry, haven't got the energy to name check but hope everyone is ok.

too what a lovely pic, I always think what lovely names when you talk about Thea and Maia, glad the naming ceremony went well, but how odd and thoughtless of your friend hmm

little awful timing with the consultant appointment, hope your ok x

kleine I know can't believe I'm 15 weeks! I usually go for the 3d gender scan at 16+3, I guess we need to get on the phone and book soon or we won't be able to get in

Oh too Maia looks just adorable, and what a proud daddy MrToo is smile I'm glad you had a wonderful day and it sounds like you honoured Thea perfectly. What a strange friend though about the flowers confused Maia and Holly certainly sound very similar in their starts! Her bilirubin levels had come down slightly again on this 2nd test so unless she starts to look dramatically more yellow I think that's it for blood tests - phew as it was horrible and she's got 2 bruised hands and 2 bruised heels! Fx for another weight gain tomorrow - she's up and feeding again so I think we've turned the corner smile

AngelGeorgie Wed 22-Aug-12 06:43:21

Too is your friend really my MIL from hell????? As they sound like exactly the same people!!!! Glad your ceremony went well xxx
Wtw glad Holly's picking up??? Phebs , too, was born at 37 weeks however she was a massive 10.05 lbs & still managed to loose 12% of her body weight initially!!! Don t worry I m sure she ll be fine xxxc
babyh200 welcome... Sorry for your loss. My dd :Georgie was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10/10/10... I ve since had Georgie's sister:Phoebe on 18/10/11... Very sad & hard xxxx
Blizy sorry , u ok? Xxx
Hi to everyone else , sorry no namecheck got to hurry for work... Thanks for good wishes over weight loss am pleased look much better now.... Phebs still teething we re functioning on 4 hours of sleep it's a killer at work ... Off to flicks tonight ; think I ll sleep all the way through ... Wish we'd hurry up & get back to normal , this is a killer hmm
Xxxxx

Mechavivzilla Wed 22-Aug-12 07:07:49

BabyH200 another warm but sad welcome. So sorry to hear about your little boy. Our first baby Dexter was born in April at 24+2 weeks and stayed with us for 12 days before catching pneumonia which he was just too little to fight. We were amazed how quickly our feelings went from "we can never do this again" to "we have to do this again". Nothing you are feeling is wrong and this thread is a wonderful supportive place for whenever you need to rant, cry, ask advice or share happy news.

Too Maia is just beautiful. Welling up properly here! And what a proud looking Dad. There are so many beautiful baby names on this thread. We clearly all have excellent taste!

WTW IT sounds like Holly is coming along in leaps and bounds, so pleased to hear.

razzdazz Thank you for your kind words, they really struck a chord with me. I am lucky my friends and family are in general really supportive and caring but they have moved on a bit, and I think were a bit surprised at how upset I was at the weekend. The backround track of "You should be pregnant, you should be pregnant" has faded a bit now I am past his due date but I do still feel a bit lost.

Drove the car yesterday on my own for the first time and did a day's work. Go me! Am sore and grumpy today though, Gallbladder pain on top of AF so feeling a bit sorry for myself. Still, 13 days to go till my op. Not that I am counting them down or anything.

There seems to be a lot of sadness going on on this thread at the moment. If I could, I would have us all over for cocktails (or non alcholic alternitives) and cake (or healthy snacks). Sending as much love as I can over the internet. xx

blizy Wed 22-Aug-12 07:28:08

too your friend sounds mental! Beautiful photo of Maia and Mrtoo.

angel you were in my dream last night, we were in Debenhams with Jennifer Lopez, Hughie Morgan and Liam Gallacher, was very strange grin!

little What a massive clash of dates, do you think you will manage both?

mecha Hope you are ok and the nrxt 13 days fly past.

Hope you are all ok.x

blizy Wed 22-Aug-12 07:28:55

Oh and mecha I will have the cake and wine please grin.

Oh Blizy I forgot to say I'm sorry AF got you. Stupid witch angry Where are you up to with the tests at the doctors? xx

Mechavivzilla Wed 22-Aug-12 07:49:29

Blizy I am just bitter I can't digest fat, so no tasty treats for me, and the painkillers I am on can't be taken with booze, so no wine either! soon though. Soooooooon grin

blizy Wed 22-Aug-12 08:26:12

whatever Thanks, both of my day 21 tests were excellent, so I and defo Ovulating. Dh has a semen analysis booked in for 26th sept. My GP said she would refer us to the fertilty clinic but I think we will keep at it ourselves for a bit longer (depends on dh SA results).

How is Katy adapting to having Holly around?

Ah mecha that sounds grim, I really should be laying of the cake though ( i don't really drink now, the thought of being drunk freaks me out just now).

amyboo Wed 22-Aug-12 10:48:09

Just catching up with the thread. i don't get on here that much thanks to DS1 taking up lots of my time, not to mention trying to sort out our house in time for the builders to come and pull bits of it apart next week! So sorry if I miss anyone.

Am amazed by the weight loss fanjo - so impressive. Do you do weight watchers or something to help? Keeping everything crossed that it helps you with ttc.
Sorry to hear af got you blizy. Hope you're not feeling too down.
Glad to hear Holly's doing OK wtw and hope she carries on gaining weight.
mecha I'm not surprised you're counting down the days. So glad they're getting you in for definite now so that you can start ttc again.
Sorry to see you on here babyh but I hope you find comfort in this thread like I have. I lost my DS2 Thomas at 35 weeks on 22 April 2012 after a routine appointment found no heartbeat. I have a DS1 aged 2.5 and am in the very very very early stages of a new pregnancy.
moomins hope everything is still goong well and you're managing to stay calm now the stitch is in. I don't blame you and mias for not joining the antenatal threads. I don't think I'd ever be able to join one again as they're so full of relaxed, fearless pregnant women sad

I just had my first gynae appointment today at what I thought was 6+1. I thought my dates might be out a bit, as I normally have a regular 28 day cycle and before I lost Thomas I usually ovulated bang on the middle of my cycle. When I poas on the day af was due I didn't get a line within 3 minutes, but in my desperation I checked it after about another 4 minutes and a very very faint line appeared. I'd never had that before, so tested again 3 days later and got a bfp. The gynae did an internal scan today (they always do those in Belgium up to about 13 weeks) and he could see the sac and what he thought to be the tiniest beginning of an embryo (a little pin prick sized dot), but he reackoned by the measurements I am only about 5+2. So I have to have another scan in 2 weeks and am praying everything is OK. Can anyone give me any positive stories about this? As I had a mmc at 13 weeks before DS1 I'm finding it hard to stay positive, even though I did suspect my dates were out and I know that it's normal no to see much at 5ish weeks.

Argh. I hoped seeing my gynae would calm me down, but it's just made the worry worse. Sorry for the rant. I can't really talk to anyone about it in RL apart from DH, who is just trying to ignore it until we get further along. Sigh.

KleinePoppet Wed 22-Aug-12 10:51:16

mecha that made me laugh - I will happily partake of virtual cocktails and cake with you!! There is indeed lots of sadness on the thread... I suspect there always is, on a thread like this, but how glad I am that it is here. Well done for driving and working.

too SO adorable. Glad the naming day went well. Am grin at Angel's idea of your rather odd friend actually being her MIL...

little goodness. Can you alter the consultant's appointment, or would you rather just have it and get it out of the way? I certainly couldn't have handled ANYthing else on the day of E's funeral. But I am well aware that everyone is different. We will be thinking of you.

blizy am glad to hear your test results were good. Only a month until your DH's SA now... v stressful, though, isn't it?

So, this morning I have so far received the following: a text saying 'hope you have a lovely Bank Hol weekend', an email inviting us out to a group dinner next week, and another text saying 'would love to see you soon but so busy!!!'. Hmm hmm I think our friends have got to the oh-yes-you-must-be-moving-on-now stage... We knew it was coming but, really? Just ten weeks after she died? Just rams it home how you simply can't 'get this' unless, sadly, you have had to do it yourself.
And that is one of the reasons why we are not going to tell ANY of our RL friends for quite a while that we're ttc again. After all - that would be proper proof of moving on, no?!

I can, however, share with you lovely lot that we are so intent on ttc again that I now have a UTI wink grin

KleinePoppet Wed 22-Aug-12 10:58:13

Oh amyboo. That is just so stressful.
I have no wise words or stories that could help you. But it is of course very possible that you ovulated at a really unusual time in your cycle, so soon after losing Thomas. And the gynae DID see a sac and was able to tell you he thought it contained the beginnings of an embryo....
Please keep ranting on here. I hope the others will have wiser words for you than I do. I will be thinking of you. Lots of love xxx

amyboo just quickly wanted to add that I have read so many threads on here about gestation dates changing a lot in early pg. One scan they go too and the egg is classed as five weeks then when they go back its actually back to normal dates. Try not to worry, as wise old angel would say 'today you are pregnant' take one day at a time.

amyboo Wed 22-Aug-12 12:33:21

Thanks for the supportive comments. I keep thinkign about how my gynae seemed, and come to think of it he didn't seem that positive in his actions. Maybe he was just tryi to spare me what he thinks is the truth? I also just checked DS1's scan images and he showed up on a scan at 5+3. Not looking good then I guess. I hate all this sad

Ellypoo Wed 22-Aug-12 12:39:42

A very sad welcome babyh, the ladies on here are so supportive, I hope you find that too. I lost my DD1 Nancy on 31st Dec 2011 when she was just 2 days old, as she had been starved of oxygen and was too poorly to survive. I'm so sorry to hear about your DS, please tell us about him if you feel up to it.

blizy I'm so sorry AF arrived, it's just so crap.

WTW, I'm so pleased that H has started to put the weight back on and is feeding ok - you take care & sending massive hugs to you all.

I will second fans post - remember angel's mantra: 'today you are pregnant'. Easy for me to say, but dates do seem to change quite a bit in the early days, but it sounds very positive really.

mecha - well done for driving to work & doing a full day, not too long to go until your op and then joining us in the TTC rollercoaster. I will certainly join in with a virtual cocktail & piece of cake!

Wasn't very well yesterday - had a nasty sickness bug, and still feeling a bit weak and crappy. Doesn't help that AF due in the next couple of days, so feeling pretty shit.
Also, our buyers had suggested a moving date of 7th Sept, which was fine, but last night they called up and their buyers have given them an ultimatum to complete by 31st Aug so I'm now really stressed about that, as we have said that we'll get out asap so that they can move in quicker. Really could do without this all as well at the moment.

Too, Maia's naming ceremony sounds lovely - beautiful pic of M & MrToo!! Well done for the toast, sounds perfect. angry about your weird friend though, how ridiculous. I just can't believe some people sometimes.

kleine, I think people just want to think that you are starting to feel better and 'move on' as it helps them, IYKWIM (if you know what I mean babyh!). It doesn't help you of course.

<waves> to everyone else smile

Ellypoo Wed 22-Aug-12 12:41:23

Oh little9 what terrible timing for your consultants appointment - is there any way you can put it off? I know that I couldn't focus on anything else on the day of Nancy's funeral.

amyboo try not to worry, I know its hard but there is nothing you can do untill the next scan. Try not to read too much into others actions, in my experience most doctors are not gushing when it comes to pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different, repeat the mantra 'today I am pregnant' becuase you are. Don't think its over before you know.

Babyh200 Wed 22-Aug-12 15:47:17

Hello everyone. Thank you all for your lovely messages. Sorry I havent replied to each of you individually but struggling to take everything in at the moment. I started to write a list of all your names and then got confused and didnt want to miss someone who had been kind enough to introduce themselves. Sorry for the late reply also. I had a family committment last nite and went with my mum to the cemetary today...gutted when I got there because the flowers we laid on Monday are already dead. Is anyone else having this problem? Feel exhausted so going for a nap in a bit. (I dont normally sleep in the day but since we lost our son Ive been shattered)
I'm lucky enough to have 2 beautiful children (DD1 8) and (DS2 6) we always wanted more children and I was delighted to fall pregnant with our 3rd child. We love surprises and didnt learn that our 3rd child was a boy until he was gone : ( his name is Adam.
I went to hospital after feeling reduced movement and even though I was worried I never dreamt for a second he was gone!!!! I was 38+4 and 5 days away from my planned c-section.
The midwives faces and the docs who told me our sad news will be engraved in my mind forever. One minute 'it was just a check up' the next we were talking about his funeral.
Im sure you all understand the hell thats followed.
He was so beautiful 8lb 11oz he was perfect and looked like he would just open his eyes at any moment. His death is unexplained but I always said the dating scan was wrong from day one and measured 5-6 wks bigger for dates. We are waiting for an appointment with the consultant to come through.
Reading through this thread I cant believe how many of our beautiful children have been lost.
So sorry for you all x
Congratulations to all of those who have new rainbows (including the very recent arrival of Holly so pleased for you WTW)
Will pray for all those hoping for rainbows tonight x

Babyh200 Wed 22-Aug-12 15:50:31

Ps If I dont reply Im in bed. Had trouble sleeping x

blizy Wed 22-Aug-12 16:01:03

Baby- grief is mentally and physically exhausting. Adam is a fab name.

My dd Zoe was stillborn at 41wks on 28/2/11, i went in for reduced movements. after results from the ctg it was decided to break my waters. Once I was in the delivery room I was hooked up to the ctg again but they couldn't find her heart beat that time. It was found that I had something called defective placental maturation, Zoe also had downs syndrome. She was my first child, I have been ttc for 15 months without success. we conceived Z on our first try, so this is all very new ground for me.

Sorry for any typos/spelling, cat sitting in keyboard!hmm

Firsttobed Wed 22-Aug-12 16:52:36

babyh hello and I'm sorry that you're here. Adam is a lovely name, I'm so sorry for your loss. My baby B was born and died at almost 22 weeks earlier this year after we discovered that he had multiple severe abnormalities and made the impossible decision to end the pregnancy. I'm pregnant again and worried.

Too I think raising a toast to Thea was lovely. Our angel babies should be celebrated too smile

Amy my understanding of such a faint line is that it should be expected before the date of your missed period (if that makes sense) so it sounds reasonable that your dates should be put back. Clearly you'll worry though as we all would. Fingers crossed for two weeks time.

Hi to all today smile

Babyh200 Wed 22-Aug-12 19:58:37

Blizy - So sorry to hear you lost your beautiful DD Zoe. I feel humbled coming on here and thankful as well because I have already been blessed and lucky enough to have two beautiful children. Its so awful that there are no other rainbows to get you through this and my heart goes out to you. My DD had her Baby Alive Doll waiting in the car seat before we lost Adam so its been so hard on them as well sad Sending you big hugs x

First - So sorry you lost your baby B. Hope your coping and this preg brings new and happier times for you. I know its hard to stay stong but your lovely rainbow is on the way : )

Hi all been away to Mil for a visit... Now trying to type this on my birthday present smile
Welcome babyh so sorry to hear about your little one... I lost Dd2 last year at 20 weeks pregnant, she had a chromosomal disorder called triploidy which is incompatible with life.
I'm almost 28 weeks pregnant with DD3.
Feeling very tired and we're going to safari park tomorrow for my birthday

Oh babyh Adam is a beautiful name. The early days are so so hard, just go with it and do what you need to get through. We lost our dd2 Erin 25/08/11 shortly after she was born, she had fetal cancer. Like you we have an older DD who is 5 and we were blessed with dd3 who was born just last week. It is hard on the older children, any questions you have just ask xxx

Amyboo I know you can't help it but try not to worry. Early scans are so hard to be accurate. I think I was posting on here when I went at what I thought was 8+1 weeks with Holly and they dated me 6+2. I was stressing but by my 12wk scan it was back to my original dates. Big hugs xx

Ellypoo sounds like you're having a stressful time! I've only moved house once and hated it!!

Kleine sorry your friends have been insensitive. I think we've all come across it - I'm never sure if it's that people just don't know how to be or if they really are stupid! I kept this pregnancy quiet until 20 weeks because I was terrified of people thinking it meant we were 'over it and moving on'. Thankfully most people didn't react like that at all

First trips out with baby Holly were a success and she was cooed over by everyone we met! Both dp and I are emotional wrecks though leading up to Erin's birthday sad I miss her so so much but I know if she were here Holly wouldn't be. So conflicting.

Babyh200 Wed 22-Aug-12 23:21:48

AMYBOO: Hope you are staying positive today hopefully your new rainbow is growing nicely.

BLUETINKERBELL: hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy the safari park.

WTW: Im sure your Erin would want you to be happy and enjoy your the arrival of her beautiful sister.

Thank you so much for your kind welcome everyone thinking of you all tonight x

AngelGeorgie Wed 22-Aug-12 23:38:01

KLiene go girl... Getting ttc'ing!!!
Blizy what an odd dream??? Wonder what it all means???xx
Fan less of the old!!! But indeed I am wise!!! Cx
Amy 1 step at a time , 1 day at a time cx
Mech & Babyh the early stages of grief are so draining as I remember... Take your time & rest... Again, 1 day at a time xxx
Blue happy birthday for tomorrow cx
Hi all ; cuddles for those who need them... Fine here just tired , again!!! Been to see " wedding video" at the flicks was ok but only just got in ... Pls let Phebs sleep tonight xxxx
Night all xxxx

Little9 Thu 23-Aug-12 00:09:13

wtw - glad your first trips out with H went well.

amy - got everything crossed for you. Try to keep sending positive thoughts to that little bean (easy for me to say, I know!!).

I'm leaving the consultant appointment as it is as I don't want to delay getting the results. If there's not too much bad news then I think I'll be okish. Better take a box of tissues with me, though! Will take the day off work, so will see how it goes.

Hello to everyone else. I'll join in the virtual wine and cake (even better if it's chocolate, mmmm!). I've got two rooms fully painted, only four more to go!! Boarding loft out at mo as well, so am very tired and achey but feeling slightly uplifted. Just wish I didn't have to go to work cos I could get it all done quicker!

Got our first Grade 3 agility competition with the pooches this weekend - should be interesting!!

DH's new gardening business is going very well and he is getting lots of jobs in as well as some long term customers. Not sure what he'll do over winter but I'm sure he'll find something to keep the pennies rolling in. He's called his new van Daisy. Bless!

Little9 Thu 23-Aug-12 00:11:58

Ooo, sorry Blue. Happy birthday and hope you enjoy the park grin

Trickle Thu 23-Aug-12 07:34:56

wtW sounds like H is doing really well now your milk is in, hope you are able to feel a bit more relaxed about her FX those bloods come back normal

Front Thank you that is a really good idea about the NCT but unfortunatly they don't do measuring round here, the NCT isn't very active round here.

Kliene Sorry you have an insensitive friend, I'm not sure what happens with some people but they seem to have a block on understanding. I was lucky none of the people round me who did this were my friends, but some people said and did things and I still can't understand how on earth they thought it was apropriate. Maybe if she keeps it up one of your other friends will be able to explain the way shes behaving is hurtful and tbh a bit wierd.

babyh very sad welcome to the thread, Adam is a lovelly strong name.

I'm sorry I can't namechack anyone else I'm passed baby brain and into labour brain I think - you know the stage where you can't actually concentrate on anything anyone is saying to you at all. Had some period type pains and Braxton Hicks have become more frequent, not labour or anything but feels like my body is getting itself ready far more than it did before. It's all good, officially full term baby's moving well andis head down with bum to left andspine in the right place. If Tiddler comes now the only downside is it's not September yet smile.

My grant came in and went out - my only worry now is that some of the things the final date for posting is the day I'm being induced. Can't do anything about it now though and we're as ready as we're ever going to be. We worked out what to spend our anniversary present on too - a camera! We've only got a phone camera atm and it's not totally baby related, it'll be brilliant to be abel to take photos whenever we want and not have to keep planning and borrowing everyone elses - and I can email pics to my family who live in Oxford too grin

Ooo nearly posted before I told you - my date is 3rd September 9am and Dh is allowed to stay the whole time YAY. Still have to have our tour of the ante/post natal wards next weds, poor DH he's got an induction day at college 10 - 2 then 2:30 we've got the tour, his course also starts on the 3rd - so he has to start the course by not turning up sad didn't plan this very well did we!

AND we have one dead mouse, think it's the only one so no mice for baby!

amyboo Thu 23-Aug-12 08:20:11

Thanks for esupport everyone. I think I might try and dowhat Dh is doing and just try and take one day at a time and see how things go. I guess I'm just doibly stressing as I go back to work in 2.5 weeks sad

wtw glad tohear thefirst outing went OK. It must be so hard dealing with the joy of your new baby and the grief of Erin at the same time. Are you planning anything special for her anniversary?

trickle So close to tue end now! Hope you're not feeling too stressed and get lots ofrest.

Sorry for not name checking everyone. Have to go and make a wedding anniversary cake for PIL and need toget started on my decorations etc. Off to the UKtomorrow to see lots of family who haven't seen us since I was 7 months pregnant. Am dreading having to talk about it allagain....

KleinePoppet Thu 23-Aug-12 08:39:43

Happy Birthday blue! Have a lovely day x

babyh grief IS exhausting isn't it. Sleep when you can - oh and don't worry about replying to everyone's messages... this is a 'do exactly what you need to' type of thread.
Re flowers on Adam's grave - they do die quickly don't they. Heavy vases/small metal buckets less likely to fall over in the wind... DH & I have put a couple of low-maintenance potted plants on E's grave for now, while the earth is settling. We're probably going to buy a small 'windowbox' type of thing, too, to put another couple of plants in - hopefully things that will survive the autumn/winter. Don't know if you would consider something like that?

<supportive waves> to trickle and amyboo and everyone else too. Thanks to all for replying re our friends, too. We're just at that stage of starting to feel a bit isolated now as everyone else - of course - carries on with their busy lives. We expected it to happen, but it's still a shock, isn't it? We both feel utterly terrible almost all the time, quite hard to be patient with all the cheery comments... But we are ploughing on. Time doesn't allow us to stand still, does it (if only).

amyboo and babyh just try one step at a time, one breath at a time... even a day might seem too huge to deal with. And allow yourself to feel. This is for you too kleine - don't feel you need to be cheerful and positive because others want you to be. They don't know the reality in which you live. Of course, they want you to be ok, because they hate to see you hurting, but they really have no concept. Not would we want them to. But please, if their words hurt, don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry, thank you, I know you mean well, but I am not ready yet. This is incredibly hard." I think they will appreciate your honesty. And basically, if they don't, well, too bad. You are mourning your child, and that is a hell of a lot more important than being polite and brave

trickle wow, you have been very efficient, so glad to hear both you and your body are all ready for the imminent arrival. 3rd September, wow!!

blue Happy birthday!!

angel not sure how you are surviving and working with the amount of sleep you have... hero!

little love the name of your van! Perfect for a gardening business too.

KleinePoppet Thu 23-Aug-12 12:04:11

Oh was just quickly refreshing the page before turning my computer off and saw your lovely message miasmummy - thank you so much. That is exactly what I do, and what DH does too. In fact I have just had another message this morning saying 'hope you are ok :-) ' and I will reply later saying (nicely) 'no, I am not, but thank you for getting in touch'... There's just no point pretending, is there? Actually, I couldn't pretend even I wanted to. I'm still at the stage where I feel physically sick if I try to have a conversation about anything apart from our daughter or the two of us. It's an entirely necessary selfishness.

My body is playing silly tricks again, so who knows what my cycle is up to. But we know to expect a lot of weirdness and irregularities. Frustrating, though! Love to all x

babyh and poppet, in regards to flowers on graves, as a person who has to cut the grass in graveyards, here's some tips on how to protect your flowers. Put fresh cut flowers in a stone or metal container, you can get them from gardening shops. The plastic ones are very easily destroyed by strimmers and mowers. Also the same with plastic planters. In the graveyards I cut we don't start cutting till mid spring so early flowering bulbs are good to plant on and around the grave, like snowdrops and crocus. Daffs last too long and will end up being cut down too soon.
If they let you I would suggest cutting a head strip around the front of the head stone to plant flowering plants. Then maintain this like a little garden, the more you do this the more the gardeners will respect the grave.
If anyone has any questions regarding graves feel free to ask me.
I hope what I have written helps.

KleinePoppet Thu 23-Aug-12 16:48:10

fan you really are so helpful. Thank you. How are you doing?

Ellypoo Thu 23-Aug-12 17:41:22

Hi ladies.

Well, we've got an appointment with the paediatric consultant who looked after Nancy before they transferred her to LGI in a couple of weeks. I don't really know what I want to ask, my brain is a big muddle at the moment. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks fan for that, I was hoping to plant some snowdrops on Nancy's grave, my friend who's twins are buried a few 'doors' up has told me that we aren't allowed to plant anything though because of them mowing - do you think this would be ok though, as they will come up about the right time of year for her. The cemetary is so well kept, I wouldn't want to do the wrong thing, but I really would like to do that, and they don't keep well in pots.

Also, I think I would really like to go away and escape Christmas this year, as much as possible - does anyone have any suggestions? We live in the East Midlands, and I wouldn't want to go abroad I don't think in case the weather is bad. I'm already dreading Christmas (I usually look forward to it so much, but the excitement of last year and then what happened immediately after it is just going to haunt it), but I think I might want to be back to do something for Nancy's 1st Birthday on 29th with the family but I just don't know. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions for escaping and surviving? Our families totally understand (well, mine do anyway) that we want/need to get away - I just don't know where or anything.

KleinePoppet Thu 23-Aug-12 18:16:08

elly I think our babies suffered similarly from oxygen deprivation, ie, they had very severe hypoxic ischaemic encephalopathy (HIE)? I know we have a 'similar' situation as well in that both our little girls died after two days sad
Anyway, if you think it would help, PM me your email address and I can send you the questions we asked our consultant. We had access to a fair bit of research on the topic as well and I could look up articles etc for you if it was useful.

We also plan to spend Christmas away, or if not, then alone at home. Understand totally. Obviously have no tips yet on how best to do it, but will also be very interested to hear what the others have done...

(Can anyone tell I'm having a day where I'm not doing that much and keep coming back to the thread to see if anyone's written anything?! grin)

Ellypoo Thu 23-Aug-12 19:19:07

Hi kleine yes that's right, id even forgotten the name of it until you put that!! Sorry that our stories are so similar, I will send you my add, thanks so much.

I had a thought of Centreparcs for Christmas maybe - we can take lots of lovely food & drink and then do whatever we like, has anyone been? Think we'll have a look tonight when DH gets back from gym.

Ellypoo Thu 23-Aug-12 19:21:18

Ooh kleine sorry but I'm not sure how to pm you, is it because your name doesn't have an underline in blue? can you pm me first instead? Sorry, I'm not hugely 'up' on mn!!

elly I think planting snow drops would be fine, the closer you plant them to the stone the better. Is the stone surrounded by grass or is there a head strip ie earth around the stone? If there is plant them in there if not then near the stone so if they do mow they can mow around them. If you plant them mid grave then they will be mowed over easily. I know if I am mowing very early in the season I will try and go round bulbs and this is easier to do if planted near the stone.
Regards to you going away for Christmas, I dont have any experience myself but two days after Fi died we went away to a cabin in Wiltshire, it was great, to have time to ourselves, and Dh looked after me. Im sure there are plenty of places around the country that you could get a cottage or a cabin or even stay in a hotel. Though a hotel might be expensive, I would go for a private cottage or cabin so the prices wont be too high.

Babyh200 Thu 23-Aug-12 21:23:05

Trickle - so pleased your little one is due soon. I know every day must feel like a lifetime.....hoping these last days fly by for you x

Amyboo - I see you have to go back to work soon : ( must be a rubbish thought. Keeping my fingers crossed for your tiny rainbow

Kliene and Fan -thank you for your ideas for keeping the grave and flowers nice. Fan I feel so much for you after Ophelia and Beanbag and bungle your so so brave

Kliene- Hope the pain of today is easing and tomorrow is a bit brighter. Had a low day as well today. Spent most of the day reading the thread back all the way until late June early July. Feel like Im getting to know everyone that way.

Ellypoo- no wise words for your appointment because my brain is in a muddle as well but just to say Im thinking of you. I so wish I could have met our lovely boy 'alive' even for just 2 days (hope I dont sound jealous because Its not meant in that manner) Nancy is a beautiful name Im already picturing the snowdrops which is a lovely idea. If you give me some ideas of where you would like to go I will do some research for you. I'm not a travel agent by the way but I'm quite good at looking for cheap deals. That reminds me we are going to Butlins in Bognor Regis during the October half term. I need to ring them now and cancel the infant from the booking : ( so wish he was coming with us.....starting to picture the life he will never have now.

Hope everyone else ok today sorry if i missed anyone x

KleinePoppet Thu 23-Aug-12 21:55:21

elly done smile

babyh I totally understand what you mean about wishing you had met Adam alive. Totally. I wish you had, too, and many others on here will also know exactly what mean, and I so wish the same for them as well.
We very, very nearly didn't meet our little girl while she was living, and we are both very, very grateful that we did. We knoe that, in these horrible circumstances, we are so fortunate to have had that time. She was resuscitated for over twenty mins before she had a heartbeat (they'd usually stop after ten)...
Anyway I just wanted to send you my love. I hope you can sleep well tonight x

Babyh200 Thu 23-Aug-12 22:27:22

Thanks so much for your kind reply Kleine I know your missing your beautiful E so much. I feel so sad that you had this happen to you and selfish in a way because we are already blessed with 2 beautiful children and your not. Someone asked me how I was via text today and i replied 'crap....this wasnt the summer i'd exactly planned!' .......didnt feel like saying I was ok lol
Chin up chick keep being brave
Nite x

AngelGeorgie Fri 24-Aug-12 02:35:17

Babyh nothing wrong with telling people how crap you feel.. I regularly told everyone the same for about the first 6 months after Georgie... It is the worst scenario anyone can experience and the grieving process is hard & long... Even now, nearly 2 years after loosing Georgie I still can t believe what's happened. Some days I can think of Georgie with pure happy thoughts other days it's just like the initial raw pain is still there... Some days I still feel like I ce been hit with a sledge hammer in the chest as I grieve... Take good care of yourself ... Grief is terribly draining xxx
Ellypoo 6 weeks after Georgie's birthday is Xmas & the first year we were totally the same as you... Didn t celebrate Xmas, didn t do presents, no decorations went up , no Xmas food.., in fact , the only thing we did on Xmas day was visit Georgie's special place with some flowers .. superrbreaks are a fab holiday website for hotels or dinner & breaks etc... Always book with them , they re fab... We ve been to lovely hotels in this country in many cities such as Manchester, Chester ,Lincoln etc... Have a look they re have something for Xmas I m sure...do u fancy Europe??? Normally as cheap to fly away for a couple of days ... Budapest / Kackrow / Prague are all fab places ...wink
Love to all , hopefully bit by bit we ll all get through though at times it's so hard... Hugs to those of you experiencing a difficult time...xxxxx

AngelGeorgie Fri 24-Aug-12 02:37:51

I too wish I'd met my Georgie alive , wish I 'd have seen her with her eyes open & moving & crying... Actually I just wish she'd lived ( like we all do). Xxxxx

Mechavivzilla Fri 24-Aug-12 09:09:07

Morning everyone,

I have had a busy week, so haven't had much time to read here or do much of anything! It is good in a way I suppose, I haven't had much time to think or dwell on things, but I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. Might need to go into hibernation this weekend.

Angel you are so right. I know I was lucky to have 12 days with Dexter, and I should be grateful for that, but I am not. It wasn't enough. He never got to open his eyes, or come out of his incubator and it just makes me angry and sad. I miss him all the time and still can't really believe what has happened.

Thinking about us all today xx

KleinePoppet Fri 24-Aug-12 09:41:12

angel and mecha .... exactly. They should be here. Nothing else to add really. I spend most of every day in a state of total disbelief that she's not in my arms screaming for milk/sleep/cuddles/or just because she can...

Am away for the bank hol so wanted to send my love to all and hope the weekend treats you kindly x

Hi all, I'm sorry everyone is having a hard time at the minute. So many of you in the dark dark early days. Our children should all be here, it's so unfair that they're not. I was so so desperate for Erin to open her eyes, it's my biggest sadness that although she had a feint heartbeat when she was given to us she couldn't open her eyes. When I see how Holly's face changes from eyes closed to eyes open it makes me realise I never really knew what Erin looked like.

Can't believe that tomorrow it will be a year - how can that be, it honestly seems like yesterday at the moment. I miss her so much. I'm so scared that Holly will be take from us too.

Great advice about maintaining the graves fan dp went up yesterday and turfed Erin's little plot and planted some bulbs ready for spring.

Last Christmas we had to still make the effort for K and totally tried to over compensate and ended up with a house full. It was too much. Especially as it was exactly 4 months on 25th Dec. Going away sounds like a good plan.

Love and hugs to all - so glad we have this thread xxx

Babyh200 Fri 24-Aug-12 10:48:33

Good morning ladies!

So sorry I didnt mean to bring you all down. Is the glass half empty or half full? If we could turn the clock back would we? The answer for me is that I'm still so glad I got the chance to meet my lovely boy : ) and he was so worth the 9 months I carried him.

Angel I see you took you Phebs to Disney. We are Disney addicts and have been 6 times!

Thank you for your kind words. I wish Georgie and all of our angels were still with us.

Mech its good that your occupying yourself in fact we going to take the kids to see 'Brave' on the pics a bit later. I wish you had longer than 12 days with your beautiful Dexter.

Kleine Have a lovely weekend. Try and enjoy yourself because life marches on even though we dont want it too.

WTW I remember checking on the kids constantly when we came home from hosp. I was so worried that something would happen to them as well and I'm normally a very laid back person (a bit too laid back TBH so have constantly punished myself for not going to the hozzy sooner...if only!) Please please dont worry or consume yourself with grief at what should be such a happy time with your beautiful new daughter. Remember if Erin had had a life she wouldnt want her mummy to be sad.

Before I sign off to spend some time with my living children I just want to thank you all for your support at this awful awful time so glad I found you all x

Has anyone noticed I dont highlight anything in bold? Im on our newish laptop and only used to the desktop lol must get some further training ha ha

Bye for now x

KleinePoppet Fri 24-Aug-12 10:52:03

Oh thank goodness I checked again before going - wtw sending you and your family so much love for tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you all.
Heartbreaking, what you said about when Holly opens her eyes...
I hope so much for you that your fears fade with time (I imagine, sadly, that for mums of rainbows, they're always there, at least a little). I am so glad you and DH have K and H with you while you celebrate Erin's birthday. xxx

JugglingWithFiveRings Fri 24-Aug-12 11:31:12

Hey whatevertheweather - congratulations on the birth of Holly Elizabeth thanks

And will be thinking of you all tomorrow as you especially remember Erin x

Firsttobed Fri 24-Aug-12 14:41:54

I met my boy alive, he lived for 2 hours. He was too little to open his eyes but had a heartbeat and made some reflex breathing movement. His problems made it so that he'd never have taken a real breath. If he was born at term I keep imagining how distressed he'd have been not being able to breathe. Poor poor boy.

His due date has passed now and I just wanted to thank you for your thoughts this week. It means a lot. I do feel calmer now it's passed, the run up was really hard.

Thinking of you tomorrow wtw

I think we have to be thankful for our angels however short their time was with us, we carried them and with that we bonded with them. They were here and they have effected our lives. Their lasting legacy with us is that they changed us, they have made us more aware of how love works.

Never be sorry for talking about your angels, if we cant talk about them here then where can we. Here we understand how precious and special they were, how they will always be apart of us.

We are all at different stages of grief but what stays with us all is how we miss our beloved babies.

Firsttobed Fri 24-Aug-12 15:07:20

Lovely words fan. You're right, we're different now so they will always be with us.

Perfectly summed up Fan I know I'm a better mother because of Erin and I'll always be grateful to her for that xx

blizy Fri 24-Aug-12 15:52:09

fan lovely words.

whatever I won't be on over the weekend as I am away. I want you to know that I am thinking about you and Erin, I will spare a few mins tomorrow to send my thoughts up to her. I hope the day passes by gently. x

Mechavivzilla Fri 24-Aug-12 16:45:10

fan that is exactly it. I'm sorry, of course if it was a choice between what I had and nothing, I would never choose not to have had Dexter at all. I just get so angry at life sometimes. I am working hard to be the sort of person he would have been proud to have as a mother. I struggle sometimes.

first I hope you feel some peace at being past due date. I know I do, but it is still such a difficult time. Thinking about you.

WTW thinking about you and Erin. Like Klein I am glad you have your family around you, and so sorry Erin is not there too. She will always be with you, but like you said it is just not fair.

I am feeling so negative at the moment. Sorry this is coming across so much on the thread. It's like I was strong and brave for his due date, and that passed, and I have crashed again a bit. Just missing him. It's like nothing has changed, and we are in exactly the same place we were this time last year. even though everything is different.

There might be a lot of sadness here at the moment, but there is also a lot of joy and so much love!

mecha we all struggle that is life, he is proud of you Im sure your his mummy. You made him and cared for him while he was inside you. You made the best desicions you could. And never be sorry for it.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you havent moved from a situation, from a time before you fell pg. I feel this way all the time, sometimes I hear me say 'when I was pg' and I think 'was I', I dont feel like I was. It doesnt feel like it was me, I am a different person now. I make different desicions because of hwat has happened to us, I am more vocal now about what I wna to happen and also I dont care who hears what I say.
Those first few months every morning and every night I would relive Fi's birth in my head, and then it changed to several moments with her. Grief is a strange thing, but its something that helps us through.

wtw I don't think I'll be able to get on tomorrow, so wanted to post tonight to wish your lovely Erin a happy birthday tomorrow. I hope the day is gentle on you. Will be thinking of you and Erin xxx

amyboo Fri 24-Aug-12 21:23:09

wtw - thinking of you and your family for tomorrow x

Little9 Fri 24-Aug-12 21:36:28

Just popping on to say that I'll be thinking of wtw and Erin tomorrow. Will be busy dog bothering this weekend so may not get on here for a few days.

Hello and big hugs to everyone else, xx

wtw thinking of you and your little family today. Happy birthday to Erin, gone too soon!.

wtw thinking of you today! Happy first birthday Erin! X

AngelGeorgie Sat 25-Aug-12 08:57:45

Erin happy 1 st birthday... Love to your family xxx

AngelGeorgie Sat 25-Aug-12 09:06:07

babyH we loved Euro-Disney. Phebs went on 3 rides we ll definatly take her back in 3-4 years....grin the whole place was magical . Cx
Mech to feel negative is normal ... Don t apologise for your feelings , their yours & you ll probably find most if not all of us have felt like that at times... To loose a baby/child will certainly make anyone feel negative ... Take care xxx
Fan beautifully posted , so elegantly put. I wouldn t have changed ever having Georgie , obviously apart from the obvious, as she did such a lot of good : raisiing awareness , raising money, showing me the good family & friends we ve got , so much good....then she opened new doors for us with Phebs... She contributed largely to who/ what I am today... Bless u xxxx
( not in a religious sense ... As u know I m not!!!!winkwink)
Love to all of us walking/ fumbling through this awful experience... Xxxx

AngelGeorgie Sat 25-Aug-12 09:10:29

Mech I also felt I stayed in 1 place for months... It was dark, ; mentally & physically , cold, ( was the winter when wr had all the snow & ice) , depressing, long drawn out days. There was no hope ; it lasted for ages then literally overnight it was spring coincidentally as my mood was starting to lift .... You re still in the very early stages of grief personally , I don t remember feeling any better for about a good 4/5 months ( that's only me though) ... Surround yourself with good RL support & take from them , if u can xxxc

whatever remembering Erin. x

mecha as lovely wise MrsDeVere said on the bereavement thread recently, grief is like a tsunami. It engulfs you, unexpectedly, and there are surprise aftershocks for months to come. Float on top of the huge waves, allow them to carry you into calmer waters. Yes, you will be scared and swallow lots of water, but you will make it through. x

fan thank you for such beautiful, apt words. Absolutely perfect. x

TaytoCrisp Sat 25-Aug-12 09:26:56

Hello everyone

I have been lurking on this thread for a little while. There is so much love here for the beautiful little babies who came too soon, or left too early. You are all so brave and inspiring.

Yesterday we said goodbye to our perfect little boy, Daniel, who arrived at 23 weeks. We love him and miss him. But we are ok, and very grateful to have our little girl who is full of joy.

I was very moved by Fans words about how our little angels have had an impact on our lives. Fan is right; although our little boy is not here, he has changed us already; we are now so much more aware of how love works, the fragility and beauty of life, and the importance of being fully in moment. Daniel has shown us how strong and resilient we are; he has shown us that we can cope, and that we can be there for each other. Daniel has helped me see the infinite love i have for DD1, and how lucky we are to have her. Fan is right, my little boy has taught me so much in the short time he was with me.. I am forever indebted to him..

Thinking of your little angels and sending you all love and hugs. And many congratulations to those with new little rainbows.

JugglingWithFiveRings Sat 25-Aug-12 13:52:22

Oh Tayto, I'm so sorry sad

Your post is so beautiful - and you seem so strong. Am glad that your DP and you are able to support one another, and to hear of your love for your beautiful daughter too.

Thinking of Daniel and Erin today, and their wonderful families thanks

tayto welcome, so sorry to hear about Daniel.

Mechavivzilla Sat 25-Aug-12 15:35:20

WTW really thinking about you and your beautiful girls today.

And welcome Tayto Sorry to hear about your son, Daniel. I am glad you have your family around you and are surrounded by love. I also love your username, I hope you don't mind me saying! I am an expat exiled to Aberdeen and the only thing I miss more than Mr Tayto is Veda bread!

Thank you everyone for being so kind to me. I guess we have all been through a terrible time and need to be self-indulgent sometimes! I have a wonderful husband and family who love me. I have kind and thoughtful friends. I have the support of everyone on here. And I have my little boy, who has changed me forever and I love with all my heart.

Will be thinking positive thoughts for us all today, hoping we all keep our heads above the water xx

JugglingWithFiveRings Sat 25-Aug-12 16:11:59

Tayto, I wondered if you'd like to tell us more about Daniel and the short time he was with you ? Only if you'd like to of course x

AngelGeorgie Sat 25-Aug-12 16:40:17

Welcome Tayto sorry about your Daniel xxx my first dd was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10/10/10 ;Georgie. I ve since had my 2 nd daughter ; Phoebe ... The whole experience is truely sad & awful ... To loose a child is , I think , the worst experience ever... Take care ... We re here for support xxxx
Love to all xxxx

AngelGeorgie Sat 25-Aug-12 16:41:02

Mech xxxxxsmile

jugglingwithfiverings not sure we have met before, I don't recognise your name, or are you a name changer?

JugglingWithFiveRings Sat 25-Aug-12 20:41:48

Hi fanjo. I'm just here because I find this thread very moving (& such a beautiful title caught my eye) and I'd like to offer some support if I can - but I do appreciate that the best support is often offered by those who've also lost a child. I was also on wtw's thread last year and was so pleased to learn here of the birth of Holly thanks I know you are all thinking of her and Erin especially today.

I have changed my name slightly for The Olympics - and am planning on keeping it for the Paralympics - was JugglingWithTangentialOranges previously - and various other random objects I've juggled with previously for different themes.
I'd like to reassure you that I mean well, even though like many I don't always know what to say x

juggling welcome, I hope I didn't come across as rude, just hoped I hadn't missed you earlier in the thread. This is such a haven but its also sad to think there are so many of us on here.
Any support is welcome.

<waves at juggling> smile

JugglingWithFiveRings Sat 25-Aug-12 21:04:43

Thanks fan (perhaps I'd better shorten it to that ?!) It's good you're looking out for everyone smile

JugglingWithFiveRings Sat 25-Aug-12 21:15:53

Hi blue < waves back smile >

But enough of me. How was your day wtw ?

I'll be lighting my MN candle to remember Erin this evening x

Babyh200 Sat 25-Aug-12 21:22:01

Evening everyone.

I was so moved by your lovely words FAN your so gifted with words x

WHATEVER: You have been in my thoughts all day.....I am still in the very early stages of grief but was thinking of something my DD said to me....'you wont ever get over this........but one day you will come to terms with it' How long this will take.....I've no idea but ANGELS description of the 'Raw Pain' almost 2 years on gives me a good idea. Thinking of you and your beautiful daughters tonight Happy birthday Erin xxxxxxx

MIA: What lovely words posted from the wise MrsDevere some people have a way with words x

MECH: Its a long road and I'm so glad you don't have to travel it alone. Thinking of you x

Tayto: A warm hello, I'm new here too. So sorry to hear you lost your lovely son. Daniel is a lovely name.

Thinking of you and all our angels tonight xx

PS Fan: thank you for all your advice went the churchyard today. I took some silk flowers for now to put in one of the pots. We have been working the soil and will plant some bulbs as soon as the ground settles I love seeing the crocuses as they pop up anywhere in the spring so would like to plant some x

DiffedAgainDachs Sat 25-Aug-12 21:41:13

Feeling a bit sad right now because it's about the time the twins should have been born last year and although I know it's not the same as their actual birth date I still get those e-mails saying 'your baby is one now' which make me sad.

Cammy is lovely and thriving and I wouldn't be without her but my heart will never recover from losing my twins.

I'm so happy that lots of you now have your own rainbow babies and my fingers are crossed for the rest of you. It's not easy to try again and it's really hard when you are pg. And the birth was really terrifying. But I have my baby. At last. And she's lovely xxx

Thank you for your lovely messages. It's been a hard day, but I think we've honoured Erin. Feeling totally shattered now xxxxxxx

Forgot to say Hi Juggling thank you for your kind words and for remembering Erin xxx

JugglingWithFiveRings Sat 25-Aug-12 22:14:45

As my dd says when thanked for something ... "My pleasure" - an honour to light my little candle for Erin this evening x
Much love to all your girls wtw Hope you get a good nights sleep x

AugustMoon Sat 25-Aug-12 23:19:47

Wtw my thoughts have been with you all day, hope you get some rest lovely
X

TaytoCrisp Sat 25-Aug-12 23:43:22

Angel – I am so sorry to hear about Georgie. How devastating to lose your beautiful first child.. and having carried her for 41 weeks...I am inspired by how brave you must have been all through your second pregnancy. Congratulations on the birth of little Phoebe – such a lovely name.

Juggling - thank you very much for you kind words. You seem like such a lovely supportive person.

Mecha - thank you for the warm welcome fellow ex-pat. I just read back and read about your little Dexter. I’m so very sorry, poor little lad. I’m thinking of you and hope you get the BFP you want soon.

WTW - just wanted to say that i am thinking of you on little Erin’s anniversary xxx.

DiffedAgainDachs - so very sorry to hear of losses. Sending you a hug. Congratulations on Cammy.

Babyh200 - thank-you for the welcome. I just read back and see that you lost your little boy a few days before he was due. I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you.

Fan I also just read about little Ophelia and your subsequent miscarriages. Again, i can’t imagine the depth of sadness and disappointment you have experienced. I am so sorry. You must be such a strong person to be looking out for everyone here despite everything you have experienced.

I have only looked back at some previous posts on this thread tonight and am reminded of what a tough and difficult place this is to be. It is really inspiring to hear about the little rainbow babies, but my heart is heavy reading about the enormous losses that have been experienced. I am not sure that this is the place for me; but i just want to acknowledge the depth of pain and sadness experienced by so many people here before i go, as i’m afraid my earlier post may have been a little one-sided in terms of positivity. I really wish everyone here love and hope for the future.

babyh that sounds great, they will look so beautiful in the spring. A little bit of colour, just like your angel.

tatyo I might come across as strong but I am far from it some days. When you are ready we will be here to listen and support.

dachs so sorry you are feeling down, your babies are always with you. You are a mother of three and that will never change, bless little Cammy she sounds wonderful. Hugs to you.

wtw from your pictures on FB, you really did honour her, they were beautiful.

This month two years ago we conceived Fi after 18 months of trying, we are ttc at the moment, Im trying to be positive but sometimes it is hard. I was looking through her memory box the other day, I have a journal book in there where I have written her story, it was lovely and hard to read. I feel so sad that that is all I have of my beautiful golden girl. A few pictures, a lock of hair, sympathy cards, a couple of scan photos and her positive POAS. I still cant beleive it still says positive.

Babyh200 Sun 26-Aug-12 13:45:14

Fan: Your so brave and strong for everyone. I looked at our little plot yesterday and thought exactly the same 'is this all I have left!'. Your entitled to feel a bit negative at times and I so wish you weren't in this position. I don't know why someone has decided to inflict this hell on any of us but will pray that all your kindness and support is rewarded with a new rainbow soon because you so deserve it. xxxxxx

Diffed: Thinking of the twins. So glad you have Cammy

Tayto: I'm not usually a 'forum' type person either.....but these lovely ladies have supported me so much already. You and your DS Daniel will be in my thoughts. I also couldnt believe how may of our beautiful children are being lost, not only via this forum but through all the sympathy cards and flowers we received. It sadly seems like everyone I speak to knows someone in a similar position. Take care.

Cant get the consultant out of my head, waiting for the letter for the follow up appointment because I'm desperate for answers. Any of the mums whose babies were born asleep and 'unexplained'...did you get any answers?

TIA

Mechavivzilla Sun 26-Aug-12 14:00:24

Afternoon everyone, just checking in.

Fan your journal sounds lovely. A wonderful memory of your Golden Fi. I keep meaning to put together a proper box of Dexter's things but I haven't managed to yet. I just want to hoard everything to do with him and keep it all for myself. MIL asked to look through his things from the hospital a few weeks ago and I had to leave the room. I let her, I thought she had the right to as he was her grandson, but I couldn't watch!

Dachs I am sorry this is a tough time. Of course you will never forget or get over your twins. How could you? I am glad you have Cammy to help though. Such mixed emotions.

Tayto Take whatever support you need from where ever you can find it. Personally some days I am serene and quietly sad, but accepting what has happened to me. Somedays I rage against everything and everyone. Some days I am just numb right down to my core and don't believe life has turned out so cruel. Nothing you feel is wrong. This thread is here if and when you need it. such early days for both of us, even more so for you! Really thinking about you and precious Daniel.

Sending internet love to all xx

Mechavivzilla Sun 26-Aug-12 14:05:22

x-post with babyh! Not the same situation for us exactly, but we have an appointment with the consultant on the 17th September to discuss Dexter's birth. Sadly, we know why he died, he was just too premature and his lungs were not strong enough, but we are hoping to find out why I went into labour so suddenly and so early. Trying to steel myself for it, I know that in 1 in 3 cases it is "just one of those things" and we may not find any answers.
Hoping that you and I will be able to find some results that will bring us some peace. And that someone with more relevent experience comes along and answers your question properly! xx

Little9 Sun 26-Aug-12 18:09:35

Hello ladies. Well, had a bit of a nightmare at the show yesterday as my head was all over the place, but little Sammy got a 2nd today, bless him! Boomer did some good work too, but alas still awaiting that elusive clear round!

babyh - get the results from the pm on weds next week so may be able to offer more advice then. Dreading there being something really wrong but then also dreading not getting any answers!

Welcome Tayto. Sorry you find yourself here but they are very supportive ladies on here if you need them.

Got everything crossed for you fan for you (and everyone else ttc) to get that bfp soon.

Take care everyone, xx

JugglingWithFiveRings Sun 26-Aug-12 18:22:54

Hi Tayto - I just wanted to say how lovely I thought your post was - so thoughtful to everyone. Look after yourself too x

babyh did you have a post mortem done? If so you may well get some answers from that. We had no idea why Erin died until the pm results meeting which is when we found out she had cancer.

Well done Sammy little9 grin

Waves and loves to all xxxx

AngelGeorgie Sun 26-Aug-12 22:37:38

Welk done Little's dogs xxx
Tayto thanks xxx I m not brave ju