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Original poster

my dad died tonight :(

29 replies

SNOWBall4girlz · 12/06/2012 02:03

Its too late to phone any one to talk to.

The only night I thought my dh would have stayed sober as I was with my niece while my mum and sister were sat by dad's bedside when he passed, but no red wine won and I sent him to bed when I just came home, as I am so upset and I am now here on my own. Life will not stop the kids still need to get up and go to school, have just put a wash on emptied lunch boxes and decided not to have a drink as i have gone dizzy three times tonight.
I could not stay with my my niece and sister as they were all smoking and I cannot breath (asthma).
They withdrew all support on friday and he hung on til today he became very ill after a bad water infection dehydration in the care home he also had bad dementia. He is at peace now but feel so ? helpless coukd we have done more I am a little lost to say the least.

OP posts:
ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 12/06/2012 02:08

I'm really sorry, SNOW .

Didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Your dh sounds useless.

Original poster
SNOWBall4girlz · 12/06/2012 02:18

he is not totally as he has just finished nights but he could have managed a couple of washes and not to have drink we have been taking it in turns to stay at the hospital and keep my sisters business going its been very hard this weekend kids farmed out to MIL as dh working.
just wanted to come home to somebody to talk to the only hugs i have had are from a couple of customers ( in pub my sisters business) and my little sis x
cant talk to him when he has a drink very disappointed :( so sent him to bed
he has fed the kids and took them to their clubs but not here for me !

OP posts:
Buntingbunny · 12/06/2012 02:19

Hugs and shame on your DH.

I hope you find him lots of supportive jobs to do tomorrow.

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 12/06/2012 02:23

Oh no, you poor thing.

It's a lonely feeling when a parent dies and it sounds like you've been having a difficult time with your dad for a while.

Stick tight with your sisters if you can, it sounds like you're close.

Do you think you'll be able to get any sleep tonight? Things will likely be quite busy for you until the funeral (sorry).

conorsrockers · 12/06/2012 02:40

I'm so sorry Snow. I hope your DH jumps into action after he has slept the wine off, hopefully you can all find some comfort knowing your Dad is at peace. How old are your DC?

tiddleypompom · 12/06/2012 02:45

So very sorry snow. I hope your children bring solace & your friends look after you.

Each day at a time.

x

Original poster
SNOWBall4girlz · 12/06/2012 02:56

dd1 18 lives with my mum
dd2 11 dd3 9 dd4 7

feel better now he has died and not in pain but so sad only 73 my family is very dysfunctional :(
sobbed my heart out on friday after staying all night with him I said my good byes three times each time harder than the last
saw him yesterday ..sunday and said bye for the last time wanted to remember him sleeping x

OP posts:
conorsrockers · 12/06/2012 03:30

You poor thing. Lingering goodbyes can be so hard, my DH sat with his DD for hours saying goodbye and the moment DH popped out the room for a second - he passed. Thankfully your DC are old enough to understand so I'm sure that they will give you lots of support and hugs when they get up. Try and get some kip before then and make sure you eat well to keep your strength up (although if you are anything like me, its toxic falling asleep after 3am - makes it twice as hard to get up!)
Hope the next week isn't too stressful and that you and you family are able to find your way through together. x

McPhee · 12/06/2012 03:45

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

iscream · 12/06/2012 04:23

SNOWBall4girlz I am so sorry for your loss.Thanks

Thumbwitch · 12/06/2012 04:48

Very sorry for your loss - hope you are getting some sleep now. xx

OhNoMyFanjo · 12/06/2012 05:12

I'm so sorry.

Life does go on, I had to nip to the supermarket tge day after dad passed away. Whilst I was at tge checkout I just wanted to scream. Everyone was so normal and carrying on, don't they know what has happened?

It's normal to feel relief in those circumstances and to wonder if you could have done more.

Your dh put gaps wouldn't have drunk if he'd know it would happen today, don't blame you for feeling disappointed though, I would be too.

Hope you managed some sleep.

Original poster
SNOWBall4girlz · 12/06/2012 10:14

kids in school a bit late slept through alarm
just going to get a shower drop dinners off then go to work
kids are resilient

letting my mum and sis sort the details out
thank you for the nice messages :)

OP posts:
Pudgy2011 · 13/06/2012 00:25

I am so sorry for your loss. I sit here writing after a very long day in hospital with my darling brother. We learned this morning that he probably won't be with us this time tomorrow, the cancer was too much for him and now he has pneumonia - he's 28 and got married last year. My heart is truly breaking.
I just thought you should know that there are always others going through this too. You aren't alone in your grief although sometimes it can feel that way.

Thinking of you x

beachyhead · 13/06/2012 00:36

I'm so sorry for your loss, snow and thoughts to pudgy....

It's so hard, I know.

lifesrichpageant · 13/06/2012 00:56

My condolences. Go easy on yourself this next while.

t875 · 13/06/2012 11:02

Thinking of you Snow, Its been 2.5 months since i lost my mum suddenly to a stroke, never woke up and i still miss her like crazy, although its a tiny bit easier as the days are going on, but then other days it hits you like a tidal wave.
Its a very tough time, but riding the waves of grief take day by day hour by hour and do things when you can and get as much help and support as you can. x

And so very sorry to Pudgy, how awful and very tragic. Thinking of you x

doggiemumma · 13/06/2012 11:09

So very sorry to read your sad news. My dad died at 73 and he had dementia. It was awful and didn't greive when he died because i felt I had done all my grieving when he became so ill. I hadn't, and it hit me like a truck some time later. Please be kind to yourself and listen to your feelings.

Is your DH an alcoholic?

Ormiriathomimus · 13/06/2012 11:12

Oh snow Sad So sorry to hear this.

LonaMisa · 15/06/2012 22:16

I am so sorry you lost your dad, mine died suddenly 2 weeks ago, just 58. Its been an awful two weeks. take care of yourself, remember to eat regularly, something I found hard.

LonaMisa · 15/06/2012 22:19

ps I also have feelings of helplessness,could I have done more etc. really, I think these are a natural part of grief (not that i am an expert in any way) but they are horrible feelings. Will be thinking of you and your family xxx

billsmill · 15/06/2012 22:31

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you get the support you need. Remember we're all here for you, whenever you need to talk/vent/remember your dad. I hope you're okay.

Whitamakafullo · 15/06/2012 22:36

I am so sorry Sad

I know how you feel, my thoughts are with you x

LilRedWG · 15/06/2012 22:36

So sorry for your loss Snow. Please be kind to yourself and accept any and all feeling as they come along. Laugh if you feel like it and cry when you need to. Take care.

Original poster
SNOWBall4girlz · 16/06/2012 10:16

dh being alot more supportive
he is in work all weekend but we had it out last night and he realises how upset I am.
Does not help my car packed in last night and am stranded all day the girls are just old enough to walk to their drama this morning but had so much more to do.
i got very drunk on weds with my sister think it helped.

OP posts:
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