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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

10 years ? How can it be that long since I held my boy ?

36 replies

travellingwilbury · 02/12/2011 17:58

I am not normally so vocal about this but I am feeling really shit today , my pfb died ten years ago today and I am really hurting .

He was 14 mths old and delicious , the dr told me he had a cold , I stupidly believed him , he died .

Part of me wants to go back to those early days when everyone still understood why I was red eyed and miserable .

OP posts:

chibi · 02/12/2011 18:00

i am sorry for your loss, i can't imagine how painful it must always be. xx

Pancakeflipper · 02/12/2011 18:02

oh my, there's no words is there to make it better for you.

10 yrs... I have tears in my eyes for you and your delicious pfb. Was he really gorgeous? Was he beginning to toddle about? Was he smiley giggly boy or a serious little chap?

MrsSharp · 02/12/2011 18:02

I'm so, so sorry. X

thornton · 02/12/2011 18:03

10 years after loosing a child? nothing really. Time may makes things easier but you will never forget and will always ache for him, I am so sorry xx

jemw · 02/12/2011 18:03

so sorry to hear about your ds, it is no wonder you are hurting today, what was his name?
Thinking of you both xx

pchick · 02/12/2011 18:04

Anniversaries are always hard, whether its one year or more. Grief can hit you at anytime, and today is one of those days. Don't feel bad about your feelings - its perfectly normal. You are grieving for what you once had, and what could have been.

Original poster

travellingwilbury · 02/12/2011 18:06

I have been really lucky to have two other boys but every year when I give them their advent calendars I think of the one I threw away after 6 years which had only one chocolate out of it .

He was a bottom shuffler pancake , he had a chromosome disorder but nothing life threatening or so we were told .

I am normally ok day to day but not atm .

I know I will come out of it again and paste the smile back on but for now it is properly shite .

Thank you for listening to my rambling .

OP posts:

SinicalSal · 02/12/2011 18:08

oh travellingwilburry that is just awful. sorry to hear about your lovely boy

mumblechum1 · 02/12/2011 18:11

I know what you're going through, we lost ds1 on 31st January 2000 and that day will always be one I feel sad on. Some years are worse than others, but it never truly goes away.

Have , get the photos out and have a little cry.

TheOriginalFAB · 02/12/2011 18:13

I am so sorry.

wahwahwah · 02/12/2011 18:13

That is so sad to hear. Ten years will feel like only yesterday and you will see him in your other boys, imagining what he would look like and what he'd be up to... Cherish your sons and his memory, and do something nice for you, on your own, to remember him and what he brought into your life in those short months. Do you talk about him to your other children, do you have someone there to talk to/cry with?

Combinearvester · 02/12/2011 18:14

What a cruel thing to happen, just had a peek on your profile and he looks a real lovely chunky little smiler.

Ten years is nothing and this time of year is an awful time to lose a child and to remember the loss. Be gentle on yourself today and allow yourself to feel however you want to feel. There is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, but as you said soon you will paste the smile back on and carry on being a lovely mum to all three of your boys.

Thinking of you today and will be thinking of you especially tonight when the others have gone to bed.

marthastew · 02/12/2011 18:16

I am so so sorry that you lost your little boy.

Original poster

travellingwilbury · 02/12/2011 18:17

Thank you all of you , I am going to pour myself a glass of something and have a bath , I can have a cry in there without upsetting the children . dh should be back soon and then once we have the boys to bed we will talk .

It is just so shit .

mumblechum I am so sorry you know ......

OP posts:

Original poster

travellingwilbury · 02/12/2011 18:20

combine you are right about the chunky little smiler , he was so placid and happy , too much so really . I just don't think he had that inner fight for life that we all have . My other boys do know all about him and we talk freely about him without laying it on them , they always remember his birthday but the date of him dying isn't something they recognise which is fine . The last thing I want is them feeling responsible to make me feel better .

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 02/12/2011 18:22

oh what wonderful hair ! Delicious indeed!

Mum1369 · 02/12/2011 18:29

So sorry. It is indeed shit. Have a bath, indulge yourself and spend a bit of time on your own thinking about your little lad. Lose yourself in some happy memories and have a good cry xxx

Original poster

travellingwilbury · 02/12/2011 19:05

Thank you (again)

I am going to get in the bath now , just off the phone to a lovely friend , his godmother and it has helped .

Still shit but I know I will climb out of this pit again as I have before .

OP posts:

JaneBirkin · 02/12/2011 19:10

He looks so beautiful TW, really, really beautiful and I am so sorry. x

ShirleyKnot · 02/12/2011 19:14

I'm so. so. sorry.

You've been such a strength to all those who have suffered the horrific grief of the loss of a child here on mumsnet, a pillar of support in this community and I'm so glad (wrong word) that you have come here for some support.

Lean on us all you need to.

Original poster

travellingwilbury · 02/12/2011 19:45

Shirley thank you , that is such a lovely thing to say

I just hate this time of year , not that I am overjoyed without him the rest of the time but the smell of the season just tips me over the edge sometimes .

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 02/12/2011 19:49

travelling - you be as vocal as you like and take all the space you need to remember your boy. He's beautiful and so well loved.

Bluestocking · 02/12/2011 19:58

What a little darling. I'm so, so sorry. Lots of love to you.

MayaAngelCool · 02/12/2011 20:01

Wilbury...

Massive hugs to you.

ShirleyKnot · 02/12/2011 20:03

It's like the worst time for smells () you know what I mean. It's Christmas starting, the smell of winter coming, the food, everything. It's evocative.

Your boy is beautiful TW.

We're here, holding your hand.

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