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My brother just killed himself

74 replies

HamburgerHelper · 12/11/2011 20:35

I don't know what to do. My family is in America. I want to go home.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 13/11/2011 04:19

I hope you are sleeping and don't get this until the morning...

I am so so sorry that your brother felt this was his only solution. It's a terrible, terrible thing for a family to have to go through.

I used to think suicide was a very very selfish act - now I understand that it's an illness like many others and something changes inside of you so that you aren't thinking straight. I hope your parents, and you, don't feel guilty in any way - there was nothing any of you could have done if he was determined to go through with it :(

If you do decide to go back, definitely ring around a few airlines - some are better than others in a crisis. I guess you need to decide how long you can go for and which part of this process is going to be the most important part to be there for. Your parents are lucky, they have each other.

Big hugs & lots of love x

sakura · 13/11/2011 05:44

I'm so sorry
X

Everlong · 13/11/2011 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HamburgerHelper · 13/11/2011 17:39

I'm sorry Everlong. Thank you for sharing.

The thing that is bothering me most is the method and that the body has not been recovered. To think of his disfigured body lost in the sea makes is unbearable.I'm afraid to call home because I don't want any more details but feel guilty if my parents need me.

OP posts:
Onemorning · 13/11/2011 17:46

I'm so sorry, what a terrible thing to happen. Sending massive hugs to you and your family.

I lost a dear friend to suicide in 2005, and I was all over the place for a while afterwards. xxxx

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 13/11/2011 18:03

Can you call your parents and just say how you are feeling - that you just can't bear to hear any more details right now?

I am so sorry, I do hope they find him soon.

RuthChan · 13/11/2011 18:15

Your imagination is probably far worse than the reality.
Not wanting the gory details is not a reason to avoid calling home.
Your parents need you as much as you need them. You can ask them not to tell you anything you don't want to hear, but being close is important right now.
I hope you can find the strength to call them. They might be able to put your mind at rest.

SalVadorDavi · 13/11/2011 18:15

I'm so very sorry for you loss.

My brother died years ago, and I remember that feeling of it making no sense, how nothing will make it better. You'll never forget him, you'll remember the good times, and you will get through this.

timidviper · 13/11/2011 18:20

I'm sorry to hear your news ham

Can't add anything to what others have said above but am thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.

Selks · 13/11/2011 18:23

HamburgerHelper, I hope you are doing ok today. Thinking of you. x

Bossybritches22 · 13/11/2011 18:25

Ditto here HH, hope you managed to get a ticket home.

HamburgerHelper · 14/11/2011 06:24

They found him. My parents told me there wasn't anything I could do, that they had each other to help cope and urged me to let someone here help me through this. He will be cremated.

OP posts:
Growlithe · 14/11/2011 06:37

I hope you can take comfort in the fact he has now been found and can be laid to rest HH. Thinking of you

GiganticusBottomus · 14/11/2011 06:56

I am so very sorry to hear this Ham. Expect to be all over the place for a while, let your friends and family who are here look after you. Take care.

SpanglyGiraffe · 14/11/2011 07:01

I'm so sorry HH. What an awful thing to happen, but like others have said, at least he is now at peace, and no longer suffering.
My thoughts are with you & your family.

Selks · 14/11/2011 07:10

At least now a funeral can take place.
What about you - are you going, have you decided ? Your folks are right, you need to look after yourself. I'm glad that you're talking to us on here. Is there anyone who can offer support in real life?

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 14/11/2011 09:43

HH - it's good they have found him. I'm sorry that it takes away that last little bit of hope that they were wrong :( What do you want to do? Do you want to go? If you want to, you should.

RuthChan · 14/11/2011 21:15

I'm so sorry.
But I am really glad they have found him.
Now he can be laid to rest and you and your family can mourn him.
How do you feel about your parents telling you to stay here? Would you prefer to go back and be with them?
I hope you have good friends in RL you can turn to too.

halecromp · 14/11/2011 21:45

So sorry for your loss xxx

SamsGoldilocks · 19/11/2011 19:13

thinking of you HH. Hope you are ok. Are you going home?

Merlioness · 20/11/2011 11:09

I am so sorry for your awful loss ham
I hope that your brother having been found will help you get to terms with this tragedy. At least there will be a place where you can visit him when you are ready.
Sending you strength in this difficult time xx

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/11/2011 22:51

im so sorry for your loss :(

suicide is a really hard thing for the ones left behind to cope with (my dh committed suicide april this year and i found him) and everyone left behind asks themselves why and if they could have done anything to stop it

honest answer is no - but its hard to believe that at this present moment in time

if you want to get a flight over then do - if not then go for the funeral ((hugs))

MrsJasonBourne · 21/11/2011 23:05

So sorry, what an awful shock. Sad

stayformulledwine · 01/12/2011 09:57

Hello op. Firstly, I am so so sorry for the loss of your brother. My brother committed suicide 9 years ago this December so I have some idea of how you must be feeling.

The hardest thing about suicide is trying to understand. I went through (and still do) many emotions of anger at my brother for doing it, sadness that he must have been in terrible torment to do that, guilt for not being able to help him, comfort that at least he was at peace from what tormented him...so many emotions.

You do need as much support as you can get. You don't have to be strong for anyone. You need to let yourself grieve and don't ever tell yourself you should be doing this, or should be doing that...focus on yourself and your family and get through these early days any way you can. if you need to, see a doctor. My sister took anti depressants for quite some time after our brother died and they did help her.

As people have said, you will always remember him. At first the memories are painful but for me with my brother, nine years on, mostly they make me smile. I haven't forgotten his face, smile, laugh or voice. Neither will you, yours.

I wish you all the very best. Go easy on yourself x

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