My brother just killed himself

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I don't know what to do. My family is in America. I want to go home.

I am so sorry to hear about this. How awful.

Did he leave a note?
Do you have any idea why he might have done such a thing.

Talking and being around people is the best thing you can do.
If you can possibly get home, that would be great. Your parents probably need you as much as you need them right now.

Please don't worry about any of your actions being a 'betrayal' now.
There is no right or wrong for you to do. You should simply do whatever feels best or whatever you want/can.
If you want to fold clothes, watch tv, talk, stay silent, cry, go for a walk, sleep, whatever, you should do it.
Nobody will judge you for whatever you do.

Thanks agaihn everyone for responding. I don't know why it helps but it does. My parents are very sad but strong. He had a lot of problems physically and with pain killer addiction. He kicked the painkillers but it seems the load was too much. I think they are relieved that he is not suffering. But we all cried and I feel so sorry. I'm a mother and to know you little boy could be in so much pain that this was the only solution for him would hurt so much. And she is a great mother! She loved him so much.

You'll probably go through a whole range of emotions over the next few days and weeks whilst you come to terms with what's happened and you'll need some support with those.

The thing that helped me most of all (not a family member that died) was being told that depression is sometimes a fatal illness. It helped me to stop blaming the person who had died.

sorry for your loss.

Something practical. Would you like us to google you some flights? If you can't concentrate. Which airports would you need?

It's Ok thought if that is all in hand. x

Your mum sounds very loving. When a friend of mine took her life her mum told me she would miss her but was also happy in way because she finally had what she wanted and was in a better place.

He sounds like some one who was strong enough to kick the pills but still in a lot of pain. You sound like a lovely sister who cared for him which I'm sure he knew.

Your mum can be proud of both of you.

I understand what you say about his reasons.
My own mother killed herself. She was depressed and in pain.
I too found the best way to come to terms with it was to remember that it was her choice. In the end she had become unable to cope with life and she chose to end it and her own suffering.
I truly hope that you and your parents can gain strength from each other and from knowing that he is no longer in pain.

Oh my God, how awful for you. My dh's brother did the same. It is a horrendous loss.

I'm so sorry.

Take a bath to keep you warm and busy. Or stay here and talk. Or let us google for you.

what an awful shock for you. keep posting and talking. MN is a good place for that

I am really sorry for anyone who has gone through anything similar. This is really awful. thanks for offering to look up flights - I think I will do that to keep myself occupied.

Good idea. Remember there is always some one around here.

HH - my heart goes out to you & your family, do you have a credit card to stick the ticket cost on? Just do what you need to, to get home.

Tell the airline why you need to get there quickly, they'll help & you might get bumped up to give you some privacy.

So sorry. How terrible for you all.

Agree that you should call up when you're ready to book your flights and tell the airline the reason you're going. I did when I had to fly home when my Dad died suddenly and I was glad I had.

so sorry Ham. thinking of you and your beloved brother. so so hard for you.

I'm so so sorry, :(

I am so sorry. My friend killed himself in 2005, you must be all over the place right now

I think you need someone to talk to in RL. there is going to be so much running through your mind right now talking will help you.

I also think if you want to go home get a flight booked ASAP

It will get easier, it's cliche but time is a great healer. You don't get over it completly, but I learnt to accept it

sending a very unmumsnet hug x

I'm so sorry.

Try not to see it as a betrayal. If he was depressed then that's a proper illness and it is the illness which is responsible. I know someone who killed himself and quite a few family members became cross with him after the initial shock. I saw it more as a death that couldnt be helped, a death the same as one from a physical illness. That the depression made him unable to think straight.

So sorry for your loss. You will be in shock right now probably. Just do whatever you need to do in that moment; there is no right or wrong way of being right now.
Do you have a friend who could offer some support?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Know no words will fix this, but do keep talking as much or as little as you need. There isn't a right or wrong way to feel, or a right or wrong way to react at the moment. Big hugs. X

I'm sorry for your loss. x

Oh my darling girl, what a truly awful shock for you. Be and do whatever comes naturally, just let it happen and it will be right for you. I also echo what some of the others have said, and I think if you're feeling drawn home that would be a wonderful thing.

Sending you love and peace xx

Thanks again everyone.I'm going to try to get to bed. I really apprecaite your words, thanks for taking the time.

Goodnight HH, remeber there is always someone here if you wake up and need to chat. And we'll be here in the morning too.

Try and sleep well and take care.