Oh no: my stepmum doesn't want my dc at my ddad's funeral

[bibbitybobbityhat]

She hasn't said they cannot come, but she really doesn't want them there. She says she won't be able to stand it if she sees them being deeply upset.

I am not sure what to do now. I wanted them to come. I didn't want them left out of this really big thing in me and dh's life. They loved their grandpa. Besides, who could I ask to look after them both all day? No other family nearby.

I want to respect her wishes as its her husband's funeral. But then he was my father too. Oh dear.

So sorry for your loss.

I was very close to, and had spent a lot of time with, my grandfather who died when I was 16. My grandmother insisted that I was not allowed to the funeral as it was 'adults only'. I was 16 FFS. It was made worse by the fact that I never got the opportunity to argue the point - he died and had his funeral while I was away on a school field trip and it was decided not to tell me until I got home as I wasn't going to the funeral.

I never felt I properly said goodbye to grandpa and always felt bitter towards my (now late) gran because of it. If they really want to go and feel it's important to 'say goodbye' properly, I would take them.

Bibbity

I will be logging off for the night soon and assume you have an early start tomorrow so can I wish you all the best.
I hope the day goes as well as these things ever can.

Take care of yourself.

Hope everything goes OK tomorrow. x

Bibbity, hope it all goes well tomorrow x

Thinking of you for tomorrow, bibbity
x

Oh how nice. Thank you for thinking of me Paggy and everyone. My ddad will be laid to rest not too far away from you. We are leaving Camberley at 11am and at some point will be driving right through the centre of Guildford.

I had another thread in Chat yesterday about my reading for his funeral. Just going to put it here cos it gives me another chance to run through it in my mind:

?Death must be so beautiful.
To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one?s head, and listen to silence.
To have no yesterday and no tomorrow.
To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace.
You can help me.
You can open for me the portals of death?s house
for love is always with you and love is stronger than death is?

from The Canterville Ghost (1887) by Oscar Wilde.

Got to get my head round saying it out loud and getting through it.

I am so touched you remembered his funeral. Thank you.

will be thinking of you tomorrow. x

And your reading is beautiful.

That's a lovely reading.

Oh lovely reading bibbity.

I will look out for you

bibbity - I am sorry to learn that you have just lost your father.

FWIW, I didn't want DD (6) to attend DP's mother's funeral in February. So I farmed her out to friends for the whole day (and you will find people are über helpful about funerals, if you ask) and she had a lovely time.

Bibbity
So sorry to hear about your loss. Will be thinking of you today, your reading is very touching.

Hope it went well bibbity.

Just seen this thread. I hope it went well.

I think you were right to take them and regardless of how it's gone today the decision to involve them and recognise tehir right to grieve is imo always the right one.