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Original poster

1st mothers day with out my mum

36 replies

choclab · 02/04/2011 13:41

Finding this week hard , mum died 6 months now , feels like yesterday Sad

Mothersday tomorrow , just bought card and a plant to take to her , feeling so sad as last year i didnt see her , as was our turn to see HD mum .

any ideas on how to get through the day

OP posts:
LuckyWeKeptTheCot · 02/04/2011 13:43

Are you a mother too? What are you doing for yourself if so? Just wondering before I suggested how you could fit you own mum into the day. I'm sorry - my mum died 4 years ago. It's hard.

bitsyandbetty · 02/04/2011 13:49

I have just started another thread. I lost my mom just over two months ago. Just been shopping and got my mil some flowers but it brought it all back. So hard. I am dreading it tomorrow. My own kids are so excited about giving me their gifts. My sister is up and we are taking Dad to change and then to the cemetary. Dad is cooking lunch bless him and I am bringing puddings. Been in tears on and off all day today.

Original poster
choclab · 02/04/2011 13:55

so very sorry bitsyandbetty and lucky for your loss to Sad

yes i am a mum to and my DC are rushing about wrapping things for me , bless them and they are fully aware that i am feeling it at the moment but both being so nice and DH is to so i am very lucky .

my brother is going to come over and we will go to mum and lay the flowers and plant i have along with card .

so hard i to like you bitsy- bought my MIL some flowers to , i really dont think i can see her tomorrow , just want to be with my family , ( dont mean to sound uncaring )

i expect will be teary to ...

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bitsyandbetty · 02/04/2011 14:06

Hi Choclab, thanks for your comments and sorry for your loss too.

I can't see MIL either. I am sure they will both understand. My DH has gone on his own this afternoon. I want to be with my family too. Let's hope it is a nice day. Bizarrely that will help. She was very lucky the day of the funeral and when we laid her ashes were absolutely beautiful and I know that would have been important for her.

Sending you support from here.

Original poster
choclab · 02/04/2011 14:16

thank you bitsy.

I know i cant see my MIL either , they wanted us to go to my DH sisters house for a big family meal , we did this last year ,it would have been my turn to see my mum , so im sticking to that seeing my mum IYKWIM ...

i dont want to be with them ....and my DH will go see her tomorrow before they go .he is ok about it .

yes lets hope weather stays bright for us all

thinking of you to x

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Sexonlegs · 02/04/2011 14:19

I too am with you ladies. 3 months now :(

Mum has no grave, and we have not yet done the ashes.

Dh is away and won't be back until Monday night.

My lovely Dad is coming over tomorrow and we are going to lunch. I think I will buy Dad flowers instead - it would have been Mum and Dad's 48th wedding anniversary tomorrow too.

I have felt so sad this week too; my heart feels like it is breaking, and I just feel so flat.

My thoughts are with everyone. xx

kazmus · 02/04/2011 14:29

thoughts go out to you all, I am stewing with rage at 2 sets of BIL'S at the moment. Yes they do live close to MIL and we live over 150 miles away, so yes, they do get to do most of the weekend routine on a regular basis, but have only found today that neither are having MIL tomorrow as want to spend it with their own kids, all grown up, and are not including MIL. We are having to travel up to make sure she's not alone tomorrow. What makes me so angry is that this is the first mothers day without my own mum, and also my daughter. I wanted to spend some time at her grave tomorrow, but will be 150 miles away with MIL as DH feels guilty about his mum. I have been dreading this weekend anyway, now I am so hurt that no one seems to care how I feel. Sorry rant over, but this has been a bloody awful year.

Sexonlegs · 02/04/2011 14:34

Oh Kazmus, I am so sorry for your losses; how awful.

I can totally understand why you feel cross. Can your dh not go himself to see his Mum, whilst you have some time?

My heart goes out to you.

kazmus · 02/04/2011 14:45

must admit that was my first thought, but he has been an absolute rock through it all and he was so upset at his brothers behaviour that I couldnt let him down as he's caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.

Sexonlegs · 02/04/2011 14:48

Alternatively, is your mil able to travel to you?

charmum3 · 02/04/2011 14:48

i lost my mum dec 09 and still miss her as much as ever, i was an only child and it was just mum and i, i feel for you all, the firsts are the worst, we now don't do the whole mothers day big whoo haaa out for a meal etc, send dh to mil, its his mum, and spend the day with you dc doing something fun, its what we do and my mum would approve, we are making easter bonnets, as for bil am far too polite to use the word shits but if the cap fits, xxxxx

kazmus · 02/04/2011 14:48

dont get me wrong, MIL is a lovely lovely lady but she's not my mum, and she's not my daughter. I need them both so much not anyone else.

kazmus · 02/04/2011 14:59

my only other daughter is in Germany on a years contract, so I have no one to share with this year, the worst possible timing...you are so right, char, they are shits, but driven by their equally shitty wives. I have to keep quiet about so many things and can only let off steam here!!! The week after dd died SIL posted on my facebook some trite trash about reposting some status if you had a daughter who meant more than anything and who you would do anything for....she's dead you stupid cow, i dont give a flying f##k what you feel about your cosy little life! Sorry ladies really losing it here.

Sexonlegs · 02/04/2011 15:09

Kazmus :(

I cannot begin to think what losing a child is like. Can you tell us anything about her?

Original poster
choclab · 02/04/2011 16:50

so sorry for your losses kazmus , such a difficult situation for you ....

thinking of us all x

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cupcake1978 · 02/04/2011 20:06

I lost mum middle ogf March and I am dreading tomorrow. Have a church service to go to with dd but I am worried I will fall apart. Also a meal later with dh, sil and mil and children. Life is so cruel. Sympathies to all who are missing their mum. Kazmus, how awful for you.
No answer to your question op. I am thinking the same too.

Original poster
choclab · 02/04/2011 20:42

so sorry cupcake1978. for your loss.

(((hugs)))

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Sexonlegs · 02/04/2011 21:03

Cupcake :( I am so sorry.

I have made the mistake of watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire Mothers Day Special, and have just wept out loud :(

cupcake1978 · 02/04/2011 21:28

Just turned telly on. Saw that sexonlegs and changed channels. Thank you for your comments.

Original poster
choclab · 02/04/2011 21:37

(( hug )) SOL ...i know i turned it off ....Sad

going to be like that tomorrow to i expect ...keep telly off all day if can Sad

x

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Sexonlegs · 02/04/2011 21:45

It is just awful isn't it. I honestly feel like my heart is breaking.

Please keep posting; it is lovely to have moral support, although I wish we were not in this terribly sad situation.

Original poster
choclab · 03/04/2011 08:37

I will SOL , x

im grateful for support to , as 6 months on and supposed to get on with life once more ...but is so very hard as the one person who was always there for me has gone ...Sad

thinking of us all today missing our mums x

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kazmus · 03/04/2011 09:03

choclab, hope these words that my dh wrote in a card to me today bring you the same peace...he meant them for my mother and daughter both of whom I recently lost...'on this mothers day nothing can replace the loss of their smile and love, but be comforted by the knowledge that where they watch, they are so truly proud of you' huge hugs xxxx

Sexonlegs · 03/04/2011 09:51

That's lovely Kazmus; beautiful words.

Choclab, there should be no time limit I believe on grieving. My Mum's service is on Wednesday and my Dad has been asked about dress code. He emailed me this morning in response to someone else, and said he thought black was inappropriate, as the period of mourning was now over.
I can see what he means, but I don't feel like it is over for me.

Hope everyone, whatever you are doing, can enjoy the day.
xx

Original poster
choclab · 03/04/2011 11:30

lovely words kazmus and so thoughtful of your DH x
im so sorry for your losses so very hard especially today .(((hug)))

thank you SOL ...

hope you have a nice lunch with your Dad today , the sun is shining here so thats something .

thoughts for us all xx

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