Those who have lost their mums

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How do you handle Mother's day. I lost my mum just over a week ago. Even seeing a sign advertising something for Mother's Day is upsetting. Not sure how I will through the day. Thank you.

This will be my 6th Mothers' Day without my mum and my 4th as a mum myself; I try to focus on the latter aspect and I make a big fuss of my lovely mum-in-law and my mum's best friend who has always been like a second mum to me. It's always a very hard day though. Last year I broke down in tears in Tesco when my OH baulked at the price of a card I suggested for his mum, because I'd give every penny I had for the chance to buy my mum just one more card :(

Oh Spiderlight :(

Baiyu, had your Mum been poorly?

Rednose, so sorry for your loss.

My beautiful mum died in August so this is my first mothers day without her too. To be honest, I dont really want to partake in mothers day this year although obv my DS will make a fuss of me.

It is the day before my 40th b/day so I plan to just have a nice glass of wine, toast my lovely mum and then get in the bath and have a good howl!! Think thats about the best I am gonna do!

Here is a poem I wrote about my mum a few weeks after she died - we both love poetry and it seems fitting in the lead up to mothers day xx

A daughters grief:-

63 days have come and gone
Since I saw your beautiful face
9 long weeks since you broke our hearts
Moving onto your heavenly place

In my life there?s a gap which can never be filled
In my body a constant ache
Try as I might, I cannot understand
Why my mum, the Lord had to take

Where are you my darling, please give me a sign
For you I look everywhere
The sun on my face, is it you? Please be you
Is your kiss the wind in my hair?

The day that you died Mum, I think I died too
I?m not that same girl anymore
On the outside no different, I put on a show
But inside I feel dead to the core

I held onto your hand as you slipped away
For you the next journey begun
I?ll miss you for ever and want you to know
I?m so blessed that you were my Mum

I hope that you know Mum how much I love you
And will till the day that I die
Until we next meet and I know that we will
I?ll say Au Revoir , not Goodbye

A poem for the best mum there ever was
Jaqueline Margaret Ann Johnson
23/10/1937 ? 16/08/2010

Desperate, what a beautiful poem.

I wrote one too. Here goes:

A beautiful smile
A knowing look
A nudge under the table
Mum could read me like a book

A remover of beach towels
from around the pool
A great sense of humour
Mum was really quite cool

So very kind and thoughtful
Mum was always there for me
and she doted on her grandchildren
that was clear to see

A whisper far too loud -
that always made me laugh
Mum was honest to the end
and never did things by half

I miss the chat and gossip
the biscuits and the coffee
the trips to Marks and Spencers
that always made us happy!

So many lovely memories
that are with me every day
I miss you Mum so very much
more than words can say.

Sexonlegs - your poem is beautiful too.

I wrote my poem about 4 in the morning on one of the many ocassions I cant sleep - DH thought I was mad when I leapt out of bed to write it down!! I find writing poetry quite therapeutic xx

I was much the same; had it in my head when I couldn't sleep over the course of several nights, and then wrote it all down!

Really lovely poems ladies, thanks so much for sharing. Crying and smiling.

Sexonlegs- My Mum had a very fast 5 month battle with cancer. She was 55.

This is a horrid thing to say so I'll only say it here where no-one can see me, but I get so angry (silently) when old people complain or the grannys at playgroup whinge about anything, I just want to shout 'Don't you know how lucky you are?!' My MIL is a child-hating dragon, FIL is on his last legs (80s, dementia) and my Dad lives abroad and doesn't care so basically- my boys have had all the grandparenting they will ever get, DS1 is 2, DS2 5 months, they won't even remember her not to mention how much she adored them.

Sorry, rant over. I'm not a horrible person really, just having a bit of a 'it's so bloody unfair' day.

Gosh, that is young Baiyu :(

My Mum also had cancer; she had emergency surgery in October 2008 for bowel cancer, which we later found out had spread to her lungs and liver. Mum tolerated the chemo amazingly well, but sadly she could tolerate no more and in November started going downhil :( Mum was 67, and a young 67 iykwim.

I also know what you mean re older ladies whinging about this that and the other; yanbu at your "rant".

It is all pants.

Baiyu my Mum was similar - she was diagnosed in March 1993 and died in the July and was 57. I always feel so sad that she missed out on her 5 gorgeous grandchildren :(

I can also understand how you feel when people moan about their parents or grandchildren - my 2 only have MIL who lives a distance away and is elderly so don't really have any grandparental influences :(

I too have days where I feel it's so unfair and just wish I could have a hug from her and her tell me it's all going to be OK :(

Hi Guys

Sadly it was very similar for my mum - she was diagnosed with lung cancer on 19th July and died exactly 4 weeks to the day later on 16th August....she had been ill since May but it was just so quick....I enver thought cancer would take her, she was 72 but a very young 72!!

Baiyu, I so agree with you re comments on grand-parent. my dad lives in spain, my FIL sadly died of bile duct cancer in 2004 and my MIL has severe dementia, I feel sooooo cheated regarding my DS and grandparents, its so very sad!!

Hugs to us all xx

Gosh, so little time between diagnosis :( My Mum was told 2 years, and that is pretty much what she had. I found that quite hard; almost knowing when she might be "due to die" iyswim.

Cancer is just dreadful, and so prevalent. I have done Race for Life the last 2 years, and will do it again this year.

This thread has really touched me, I'm so sorry for all your losses. :(

I will be more appreciative of my own mum in your mums' honor, and I'll stop dreading the long drive to see her.

I read once that if you get to be a daughter and mother at the same time, you ought to fall to your knees and thank your lucky stars. It's true, isn't it?

Again, so sorry and I hope I haven't been intrusive.

Sexonlegs - I am running the race for life this year - I will think of mum and run with pride. So far raised £250 but want to raise loads more - she would be so proud.

Cheerful - yes, cherish you mum. I know they can be a pain in the bum at times love em but by god when they aint here it bloody hurts. Thank you for your lovely post tho xx

Sexonlegs and desperate that's brilliant you're doing the race for life. My sister is doing it too, should really think about it myself. My Mum had a Macmillan nurse who was just wondeful so I'd really like to raise dome money for them.

Cheerfulthanks for posting, I'm glad a little Mum appreciation could come out of all this.

RachelHRD So similar. I guess I'm lucky that I starrted my family quite young (22) so my Mum at least met my two boys (the youngest for only 3 months) but I'm so sad for my younger sisters that when they get married or have babies it'll be with such a sense of loss beside the joy.

We're scattering Mum's ashes from a boat on Good Friday with friends and music so I'm trying to focus on arranging that and making it a lovely celebration of her.

Glad I'm not the only one who feels the lack of grandparents pain, well not glad, not glad at all- but slightly comforted that I'm not the only one.