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Original poster

Those who have lost their mums

41 replies

rednose1984 · 19/03/2011 13:08

How do you handle Mother's day. I lost my mum just over a week ago. Even seeing a sign advertising something for Mother's Day is upsetting. Not sure how I will through the day. Thank you.

OP posts:
said · 19/03/2011 13:16

Difficult isn't it? I tend to not "see" any Mother's Day stuff in shops now and just try to bask in being treated. In some ways it's now easier since I'm not having to travel to see my own mum therby missing out on it being about me as well. But I know which way I'd prefer it to be

choclab · 19/03/2011 18:35

Hello rednose- im so very sorry for the loss of your mum .

Do you have family , children maybe you could all do something together ...

This will be my fist Mothers day with out my lovely mum Sad im struggling coming to terms with loosing my mum the best of times but this will be hard i know .

i will still buy flowers and a card .

Take care

Sexonlegs · 19/03/2011 21:26

Rednose, I am so sorry for your loss :(

My lovely Mum passed away New Years Eve, so this too is my first Mothers Day without her. The 3rd April is also what would have been Mum and Dad's 48th wedding anniversary, so doubly difficult.

I am not sure how I am going to handle it tbh. I do find seeing the Mothers Day cards etc quite hard and heart wrenching.

I plan to have my Dad over for lunch and raise a glass in Mum's memory.

Knackeredmother · 19/03/2011 21:30

It's hard but I've found since having my own children it's easier as the focus has shifted. My mums mum (my grandma) is still alive and she gets very upset so I also spend the day making sure she is ok. I tend to find it is only after the day i let myself think about it.
I am so sorry you have lost your mum.

GreatAuntLucy · 19/03/2011 21:41

It's 15 years since my Mum died and Mother's Day still gets me every year. It is easier now I have my own kids. I let myself feel sad on this day but I also enjoy being a Mum, I feel sad that my kids didn't get to meet her but on this day they always ask about her and I tell them stories about her.

I hope you get through it OK, given all I've said above it does become less raw each year.

madmouse · 19/03/2011 22:39

12 years ago since my mum died - I was 23 and not a mother yet.

I don't like mother's day much apart from the things that my ds does for me (he's 3)

RachelHRD · 19/03/2011 23:03

((hugs)) It's a very difficult time of year.

I lost my Mum in 1993 when I was 23 and I have only really started to acknowledge Mother's Day now I have my own DC's which makes it easier. I still end up having to sort something for MIL which aggrieves me a bit as DH is so rubbish at stuff like that :( but MIL also lost her Mum when she was very young so that makes it a bit easier as I know it's tough for her too.

It's very early days for you so this year will be tough but it does get easier as time goes on. If you feel up to it maybe visit where she was laid to rest and take some flowers.

Hope you are OK xx

seeker · 19/03/2011 23:06

My mum died two weeks ago. Today my ds said "Will we still do Mother's Day or will you be too sad?"

I hadn;t even though of it - but I said "Of course we'll still do it" because he loves it so much.

I'm dreading it.

Original poster
rednose1984 · 20/03/2011 18:56

Thank you everyone and sorry for your loss too. We still plan to go out with in-laws. I think that will be ok. Worse bit is that dd is expected to attend church on Mother's Day. Think this is going to be really hard. Especially wehen children distribute flowers for the ladies.

OP posts:
magicOC · 20/03/2011 21:53

So sorry for those with recent loses.

I lost my mum 15yrs ago and my way of handeling it was to still do a card (had one made with my own words) and covered it with clear selophane (sp?), took it to the grave along with a lovely lovely wreath as if she had still been here I would have bought her flowers so......

Will be thinmking of you all on this your 1st mothers day without your precious mums. X

TimeForCake · 21/03/2011 10:34

Hi rednose, it's so hard isn't it. Lost my wonderful mum 2 years ago and still find it all hard. Have to say I don't like mother's day anymore and wish it would go away. Last year was my 1st one as a new mum and I still wanted it to pass quickly, maybe it'll be easier when my little one is older.
Sorry to be no help at all on this Sad
In time, your memories will bring you great comfort. Your mum will always be in your heart and you'll always be her daughter (or son, sorry).
When you're feeling stronger, try to share some memories with your family, you'll be amazed how many people will have some that bring a smile to your face x

TitsalinaBumSquash · 21/03/2011 10:40

This will be my first mothers day without my Mum, it will be a year ago she died on April 9th. Not sure how i'm going to cope. Wont be getting any treats myself this mothers day either both my children are to young and thier father is an idiot.

I guess all we can do is know that it's ok to be sad and upset, my world broke in half when my mum died and it is still like a physical pain, I find myself crying suddenly without needing a reason.

tigana · 21/03/2011 10:46

rednose, so sorry.
My mum died when I was 19, 14 years ago.
I get twinges about mothers day, but we never really 'celebrated' it when I was a child, so it didn't hold much meaning for me...although, so soon after the loss of your mother, I think it would be causing you pain even if you never celebrated it either.
I find christmas shopping hard, as mum's birthday was 25 dec and so we always had it drumme dinto us to but 2 presents, 1 christmas 1 birthdya..and the thought still goes through my mind now!

Cosmosis · 21/03/2011 11:09

So sorry for all your losses. I lost my mum 29 years ago, this will be my first as a mum myself, so for once I am looking forward to mothers day :)

I hope you can all find some peace on Mothers Day this year. x

whitecloud · 21/03/2011 13:00

Thinking of all who are approaching their first Mother's Day without their Mum. Am coming up to the third Mother's Day without mine. The first one in 2009 I just had to stay at home - was easier because my dd was in her teens and could understand a little of how I felt. I could not face being with my in-laws, I was just too upset. If any of you feel really bad, it is not wrong to grieve quietly and alone. You have to do whatever you can cope with. If that means doing what you usually do, fine, but I don't think anyone should feel guilty if that is too much. Seeing people who are happy and still together can make it really tough. The last two years I have been able to cope better and see my mother-in-law. The raw grief does get a little easier with time.

SauvignonBlanche · 21/03/2011 17:50

This will be my first. Sad My siblings all want to go out together for lunch but I don't want too. The childless ones always used to take her out to lunch but once I had children Mum expected me to spend the day with my dcs and I want to do the same this year.
Some of my siblings will understand but I fear others won't.

Sexonlegs · 21/03/2011 18:44

So sorry to all those who have also lost their Mum :(

Mum was cremated so no grave to go to.

paulapantsdown · 21/03/2011 18:58

This will be the 6th mothers day for me since losing my wonderful mum, and I will never forget the first one, it was so very very difficult. My heart goes out to anyone going through this for the first time.

I remember standing in Clintons in front of the display and just bawling my eyes out like a crazy person! My kids were really little then, but my DH made sure I was made to feel special that day, and a good friend took me to the cemetary.

These days it is still a mixed day, but it does get easierI promise you.

I am so grateful for my beautiful boys who love thier mummy as much as I loved mine.

unfitmother · 21/03/2011 19:07

I was about to cry in Hotel Chocolat today, remembering buying Mum an Easter egg there last year.
Luckily a nice young man came over and offered me a free chocolate off a tray, that cheered me up - Mum would have laughed!

unfitmother · 21/03/2011 19:08

I was about to cry in Hotel Chocolat today, remembering buying Mum an Easter egg there last year.
Luckily a nice young man came over and offered me a free chocolate off a tray, that cheered me up - Mum would have laughed!

PonceyMcPonce · 21/03/2011 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sexonlegs · 21/03/2011 19:47

Dh is away over the weekend of Mother's Day. I'm sure it will be ok Hmm.

baiyu · 21/03/2011 20:27

It's 3 months since I lost my Mum and I'm dreading it too. Have nothing to add really but just wanted to share. I'll be focusing on my two DSs I guess but really feel for my younger sisters who have no children or partners. I can't stop being busy or I cry and I hate feeling so powerless, is this ever going to get easier?

Sexonlegs · 21/03/2011 21:01

Hi Baiyu, I am sorry for your loss. My mum died on New Years Eve- so nearly 3 months ago too.

It is an utter nightmare :(

baiyu · 21/03/2011 21:43

Thanks Sexonlegs, I'm sorry for your loss too. My Mum was Dec 28th so we were in that darkest place at the same time. You're right- it is a nightmare. I can go about my daily life and laugh and play with my children but I have never felt to utterly lost.