How to cope?

[Amanda1]

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Amanda1 I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I will be thinking of you and your two girls.

TicTac
well said, deal with each day as it comes..

Amanda1
how are you feeling today?

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Darling, think of the ADs as a bridge. They will help get you to a place where you can start to deal with some of the awful things that resulted in having to take them (does that make sense)?

I am so so sorry for the hell you are in.

amanda i have been reading a few threads that you were on when i came across this one. i am so deeply sorry for your loss i cant really say anymore except your angel was just too precious for this world lots of hugs to you and your dd xxxx

hi amanda i lost my baby 4 months ago at 23 weeks, i went into labour for no reason. the first few weeks were the hardest to get through all you can do is wish the time away and try to beleive that you will not feel like this forever.

within a month everyone forgot, that made me angry, but people around you often have no idea what you have been through, as i was unable to speak about it.

4 months on and some days are good and some are horrible, from what others have said those horrible days will get less and less over time.

take care

Amanda, whatever you are doing to get yourself through is OK. You have been through an incredible loss, and are going through incredible pain. Your ex is an idiot and unworthy, but I know his words would hurt me and the vast majority of people also, it was cruel and vindictive and there is no possible excuse for this behaviour.

I really wish I could offer you some advice but I can't, other than to keep focussing on yourself and DD's. And I guess take it a minute at a time.

God bless you all. X

MI put it perfectly - the ADs are a bridge, they sort of clear the way through the fog so that youcan sort things in your mind again.

here here

Amanda, many of us posted on the first thread when we heard about Rebecca's stillbirth to offer you our sympathies, my heart truly goes out to you.
My son Tom was stillborn at 21 weeks and although one of my GPs once referred to him as "products of a miscarriage" he did not make that mistake a second time .
I know you had a C-section because of placenta problems and that must be adding an arduous physical recovery to your feelings of grief.
Please contact SANDS if you can. They are there to care for and support parents whose babies are stillborn or who die shortly after birth from 20 weeks onwards. They understand the hideous "no-man's land you inhabit when your baby is stillborn within a few days of the 24 week line, and how scalding the grief can be when it is compounded by having no birth or death certificate.
I am very sorry that by the sound of things the hospital have not put you in touch with SANDS, or taken the trouble mine did to "validate" Tom's short earthly existence. I have hospital notes for him, with his name on, I have photos and he had a hospital bracelet. He had a funeral and we have a brave little crab-apple tree in the back garden for him (Triplets's suggestion). I am so and for you that despite SANDS best efforts hospitals around the UK vary so much in how they treat women in this situation.
CAT me if you want to chat off-board.
My situation was very different in several respects but I have been thinking of you a great deal since we heard your tragic news.
Believe me, that vile pair should be feeling VERY guilty by now. Could any two individuals be more hated on Mumsnet right now?

Amanda I am so sorry for your loss and the terrible treatment you're receiving at the hands of your ex and his GF. Some people just lack basic empathy, huh?

It's a good thing that you're seeing your GP for this and anti-depressants could be just what you need to see you through this rough patch, but I would recommend some talking therapy too. It sounds like you're in a really bad place right now and a counsellor could help you through this.

When I was in a similar situation I got some counselling through my GP on the NHS and it really helped me heal without the possibility of developing a dependency on anti-depressants, which lets face it are really just a way to buy yourself some breathing space from grief and is not a way to heal.

Hello Marina,
Its nice to know you too have planted a tree, mine continually brings me hope of everything continuing, there is always something hapening on our little tree, now the apples are turning red, its never empty, hope your brings you hope too. xx

amanda - i wish there was something other than the antidepressants that could make you feel better. remember it is only early days hon. let yourself grieve.x

Amanda, I lost at 18 weeks. It's hard. But I promise you as the weeks/months go on. You will feel better.

Your ex-partner sounds like a not very nice person and you are better off without him right now. His girlfriend sounds like something he deserves!!!!!

Please take the advice of people on here and talk to SANDs

Thinking of you. xx

amanda, i cannot imagine the pain you are going through. be secure in the knowledge that your ex is a worthless, heartless person and one day his own selfish conduct and callousness will be his downfall.

please post on here if you feel you need to, we are all here to support you as much as we can.

im so sorry for what has happened and i send all my love to you, rebecca and your dd.

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I can't think of anything consoling to say, Amanda, so am just bumping this in case someone else can help. Thinking of you.

Amanda, I am afraid I don't have any words of wisdom but I so feel for you. I hope someone on here can give you the advice that will help x

Amanda, I don't have any great advice to give or anything, but just wanted to say that it is OK to be angry. It has all happened so recently to you, you are going to have to give yourself time to deal with it and not expect too much of yourself. Sometimes it feels like life is just too cruel that is feels almost impossible to cope. But people are resiliant and gradually we do learn to live with the dreadful things that happen to us-you will too. You are just right in the middle of your grief right now, and anger is a huge part of that.

Anyway, just wanted you to know I am thinking of you.

I just want to add my sympathy having lost a baby very early then one full term at 24 hours. It really does get better, but of course I'm many years down the line so it's easy for me to say. Your partner's new squeeze said a horrible thing and I'm sure her words haunt her every night.
I promise you that from experience it does get easier.

Amanda, I can not begin to understand what you are going through, but reading at your lasts words (and getting angry on your behalf)I just wanted to say two things:

1. Your ex is the scum of the scum, he doesn't deserve any attention from you, so is the girlfriend. Ignore them and change your phone number and try to concentrate in accepting the support your friends are offering.
2. What goes around comes around. What they have done is horrible, maybe one day they would be in a position to understand your pain. It is understandable that you are that angry but pkease don't let their horrible behaviour change your good nature.

I really don't know what else to say (or better said, how to say it) but I'm sending you a lot of ((((hugs)))))

are things getting any easier amanda? i hope they are. there probably not. i am really sorry xxxxxxx