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Behaviour/development

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Am I being PFB, or do I actually have a bright toddler?

61 replies

megonthemoon · 28/06/2010 15:48

I'm a bit nervous about posting this, as I know when people say that their DCs are very clever, when they're still just a baby or toddler, that it is usually just the parents being a bit too PFB and that it all evens out when DCs are school age anyway, and that other mums/dads rightly end up rolling their eyes

But recently I've realised that some of the things I've read on here about what 2 year olds can do and what friends DCs can do, versus what DS can do, just seem quite different.

So DH and I have started to realise that maybe our DS, aged 2.3, is actually quite bright and are just wondering if we need to be doing anything to actively help him develop at his own pace, but not pressurise him into doing anything he doesn't want to, and we want to try and get this right. Anyway, just a few examples:

  • he speaks in full grammatically correct sentences that he forms himself (rather than just copying what I say) e.g. this morning we had DS: "Oh dear" Me: "Did you drop some cornflakes DS?" "No mummy. I spilt some milk"
  • his nursery manager says that his language skills are at least a year ahead of his actual age and she hasn't known anyone this young speak like this before
  • friends always comment on how he is doing things that their DCs couldn't do or aren't doing
  • he can do various 20-30 piece jigsaw puzzles on his own without any help from us
  • he has memorised his favourite stories, e.g. Tiger who came to tea, such that he likes to 'read' them to us by looking at the picture and using several of the specific words on the page that he has remembered
  • he can talk about events in the past, including a month or two ago
  • last week he saw the road atlas in the car and asked what it was. I said "it's a map. It shows you which way to go when you are out walking or driving" and then we moved on to something else. Three days later, having not talked about maps since, he saw a different map in a guidebook and started pointing at it saying "This is our house. This is the road to nursery. This is where Harry lives and this road is where Jesse's house is".

I don't know. Maybe I am being really PFB (please tell me if so) but I wasn't expecting this sort of stuff until he was 3 or 4 to be honest. Did I just have unrealistic expectations of what a 2.3 year old could do, or does this seem bright? And if he does seem bright, should I be doing anything to help/encourage him or just bumbling along as normal anyway?

I'll slink away quietly if the consensus is that I am being PFB (please roll your eyes at me if you feel the need!), but if not I'd love to hear from anyone who has had a bright toddler and if you did anything in particular to encourage it or just let them be.

OP posts:
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themildmanneredjanitor · 28/06/2010 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge · 28/06/2010 15:53

Someone in a minute will tell you your child is normal for their age or autistic. Stick with the encouragement and your child will develop well.

Hullygully · 28/06/2010 15:56

Oh god! He is a genius and no mistake. Don't waste his talents, sign up now for my course: Your Very Special and Unique Gifted Child and see him race ahead of his peers. There is a special offer just for this week, only £2,560 for a full six week course!!!!! If you are interested, we accept used notes in a carrier bag.

Greensleeves · 28/06/2010 16:00

Yes he does sound very clever and forward for his age

And there is no crime in recognising it

but don't fall into the trap of getting so carried away with it that you forget to just delight in him - it's likely that the gap between him and many of his peers will narrow as he gets older, and you don't want to set yourself up to be anxious or disappointed then

he is what he is - and he sounds like a lovely little character

PlasticCenturion · 28/06/2010 16:03

It's on the normal spectrum, just the bright end, probably v bright. It may come to something but it may just even out.

My dd was speaking in full sentences by 18 months. I think a lot of it was being an only and having a lot of interaction with me without interruption. At your ds's age she could draw detailed pictures, write a bit, do big jigsaws, remember stuff from 18 months before, memorise things easily, do a wee bit of maths etc. I think she was just interested in things and would latch onto stuff. For example for her 2nd birthday she had some seeds and pretty soon she could tell you about photosynthesis and reseeding and water cycles and cloud types, all through asking questions about her growing plants. A friend had a baby so she asked questions and soon knew all about reproduction. I genuinely think she's just curious.

I have tried hard to develop other things in her. It's clear that the reading/writing/maths bit she's finding easy (she's 3) but I'm trying to focus on sociability and interaction because when she starts preschool in Sept it'll be that bit that is more important. Self care and manners and social skills are sometimes more important in terms of active teaching than the more obvious things.

PlasticCenturion · 28/06/2010 16:04

And yes enjoy it. He sounds delightful and as I said, v bright.

Bessie123 · 28/06/2010 16:06

My dd (2.4) can also do all that and has been doing it for quite a few months, so it's probably normal for the age. Although of course, my dd is a genius so your ds may well be too

megonthemoon · 28/06/2010 16:06

hullygully - is it better in fivers or tenners? and do you prefer a tesco or waitrose carrier bag?

tmmj - I guess a bit like you, we've only noticed because other people have started to say, and by that I mean other people that don't have a vested interest in him being a genius (i.e. we ignore grandparents who've been saying it since he was 2 days old!). I think I'd be quite happy if he ended up how your DS is at age 10

I do intend just to enjoy him as it's the easiest route, but I was just worried that my lack of organisation in even thinking about pre-schools yet while everyone else I know seems to have them signed up for September or is already taking their toddlers to French classes, and I've not got my act together to do much beyond a trip to Tesco this morning.

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 28/06/2010 16:07

Could be both....

moomaa · 28/06/2010 16:10

Your DS does sound bright, and do be proud of that. I think it is right to delight in children's achievements. I don't think you need to do anything special to encourage him.

I will say that I have never come across a preschooler who is very advanced in some areas that hasn't got a lot of catching up to do in others and often the parents don't recognise it e.g a reading 3 year old that can't play with other children, they have immature social skills or a child that can add but not jump/hop/skip (Not saying this is you btw).

Al1son · 28/06/2010 16:11

My DD1 was speaking in similar grammatically correct sentences and doing all the things your little one is doing and my HV went totally over the top. She's gifted, needs private education ect. She taught herself to read and write at 2.5 too.

I met a couple of other mums whose children were similarly forward and we have stayed in touch. They started school at the same time and are all doing well academically but none is a genius. My DD has just been diagnosed with Asperger's and I think that's not uncommon - hence the comment about someone will tell you your child is autistic. The other two are not autistic and they are doing very well.

I would say let him learn at his own pace. Don't go all out to teach him to read early - that will just make school more boring than it has to be. Don't expect teachers to listen to you either. They will assume your are being PFB.

HE sounds lovely. Enjoy every minute but don't get too carried away. He'll probably level out a bit once he starts school.

pagwatch · 28/06/2010 16:11

at scurry.
But actually whilst it may have become a cliche it is true - that sounds very like my DS2 who is autistic.And the point of saying that is that any signs of extraordinary behaviour at this time is no judge of anything much in five years time. Toddlers have a habit of being unfathomable

OP
The thing is that he is happy and doing well and you are pleased that he is doing well.
But he needs no extra help unless it beomes obvious that he needs extra help IYSWIM.

Just enjoy. That isn't meant to be patronising - it is true. You have a child about whom you have no concernes so pull up a chair and let him get on with it.
Or send the money in a plastic bag

megonthemoon · 28/06/2010 16:12

Glad to hear of other children doing similar at this age and everyone just taking it easy. Makes me feel that I can indeed just relax and enjoy him rather than worry about having to 'stretch' him or anything hot-housing and scary like that. Do just want him to develop at his own pace rather than me pushing it, but don't ever want to hold him back either IYSWIM. And I genuinely didn't think I'd be worrying about this sort of stuff until primary school really.

I'll slink back into my PFB hole now

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Greensleeves · 28/06/2010 16:15

my clever boy has Aspergers too

and there are areas he has trouble with

but I wouldn't agree that very advanced children are always poor at something else developmentally. I have met plenty of children who were all-round exceptional

megonthemoon · 28/06/2010 16:15

oh moomaa - i know what you mean. he is quite rubbish at physical things to be honest - has no idea what jump even means and his running has much comedy value That is probably where I need to focus any energy on hot-housing him

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pagwatch · 28/06/2010 16:17

at Greenies puke

They are annoying arn't they . One of DS1s friends is like that - good at bloody everything and then has the nerve to be really nice and modest too.

megonthemoon · 28/06/2010 16:19

thanks all - this has helped me get perspective (i.e. just stay with the perspective we already had on it). mentions of autistic spectrum useful too as i should keep an eye out for anything like that in future as i know this is a possibility.

anyway i have been politely asked to turn off the computer so that we can play trains together, so i'd better scoot

OP posts:
pagwatch · 28/06/2010 16:20

Oh Meg - tell your DH to push off and play trains on his own....

megonthemoon · 28/06/2010 16:23

pagwatch

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Hullygully · 28/06/2010 16:24

Yes Meg, you really haven't got the hang of parenting at all. I can offer another course: How to Ignore your Gifted Child and Enjoy your Life a Whole Lot More. It comes with a complimentary bottle of wine!!!

megonthemoon · 28/06/2010 16:27

Don't taunt me, hully. I'm dealing with a genius PFB while incubating an undoubtedly more-genius PSB and still have 3 months to go before a whole bottle of wine in one sitting is an option.

DS seems to be playing trains by himself, having given up on his lazy mother Result!

OP posts:
pagwatch · 28/06/2010 16:36

at Megs first successful go at benign neglect.

TotalChaos · 28/06/2010 17:22

scurry - you missed one out - the person that comes along who has a baby who is considerably gifteder than yours, and was doing all of the above by 3 months old

scurryfunge · 28/06/2010 17:24

ah yes...mine learnt Cantonese in the womb

Rollmops · 28/06/2010 17:43

He sounds lovely! Our DTs are very similar and I believe it is quite common for children that age. DTs, 2.5, are having full conversations with each other and us, they really have extensive vocabularies and correct grammar [where have they learnt that is mystery of course]. They also 'read' books and can recite long passages from every page practically verbatim whilst I can remember zilch [am ancient, though]
They also have penchant for sowing grass seeds in veggie patch, eating mud and throwing an occasional tantrum. Tiz' toddlers for you!