Not coping well with 15 month old

[bunnybunyip]

Hello
I feel like I am really struggling at the moment with my DS. He seems so miserable all the time. Today he woke up an hour early from his afternoon nap and cried for a full hour; I tried everything I could think of but he just wailed and wailed. In the end I bundled him into the car and drove around as I couldn't cope with it any more.
Surely this shouldn't still be happening at 15 months?
He seems so much more miserable than other babies/toddlers.
I am fed up and for the past few weeks thinking very negative thoughts about parenting in comparison to life before.

has he always been miserable? i had a miserable baby who turned out to have food intolerances, and once that was sorted out he became a different child!

i think all babies have miserable days though, just like adults do. could he be teething?

tell us a bit about your day and the things you do with him

I didn't want to let your post go unnoticed. My DS is 2.5 and was like this at 15 months. He was grumpy, easy to tears and seemingly over-sensitive. He still occasionally cries unconsolably if he wakes up from his nap. When he was 15 months and doing it I used to find it so frustrating and upsetting that I often had to just put him in a safe place and go and stand in the garden.
But there is hope. Now, for the vast majority of the time, he is happy, funny and incredibly loving.
He got gradually better when he could make more use of toys, and each month it got better.
So, it is normal, and it does pass. And it is completely normal to hanker after your life pre-schildren without it meaning you are a bad mother. Who wouldn't sometimes want an easier, happier, calmer, more fulfilling life than that of a mother of a baby/toddler.

It might be teething. I speak as someone who was in huge pain and a miserable cow when my wisdom teeth were trying to push through. Both my dc's had a bad patch at roughly 18mo when their molars came through.

Thankyou both.
I don't think for once he is unwell or teething. He often has quite miserable weeks at a time as he is frequently ill.
I hypothesise all the time about why it might be; he is not mobile yet (was premature and is a bit "floppy" and has been referred to physio) and wonder if he might be frustrated by this.
It is greatto have some hope that it will work out in the end.
I did leave him alone (in a safe place on a soft floor) for a minute or two in the middle of his crying fit as I couldn't stand it any more. It is very hard to stay endlessly calm and patient, I often find myself moaning at him and begging him to stop crying.Which I know won't help.

My first thought on reading your post is teething. Mine all went through really miserable phases when they had teeth coming - especially the big teeth which took quite a while and must hurt like b$ggery. It really is wearing - I can sympathise with how negative you must be feeling. Did the drive around help? I seem to remember quiet one-to-one, looking at books together helped a bit (if nothing else to keep me calm . But really you just have to brazen it out - sorry.

Sorry, thank you all (Xpost)

Logically, I do know that it is probably just a bit of normal development, e.g. teething.
Should probably have tried some calpol, but last week he was ill and was taking his max dose for several days and I just felt "not again".
My DH is always looking negatively on DS and feels he is out of normal range in some way in terms of his crying (his development problems don't help)so I can't help but be influenced by this.

it is tough, do you get out much with him? sometimes it helps just to get out of the house with them, esp if you can meet up with other mums and have a good old moan about it! like MN but in real life lol

do you have friends/family nearby who can help out?

I know he's not mobile and can totally see that this could be frustrating at his age, but are there things you could do with him to stimulate him that would take his mind off not being able to get around? Maybe it would help him feel a bit less stuck? Painting (I know, it is VILE), papier mache, put him in a big box of torn up newspaper and let him just chuck it about/eat it (not too much eating), take all his clothes off and give him a bowl of bubbles and a whisk on the kitchen floor (bonus -you can just mop it all up after and have a shining clean floor), lots of trips to swimming pool or swings, cooking - let him knead bread dough or rub butter into flour or squidge his hands in banana bread mix or something. I don't suppose he will be very good at any of those, but he might like them.

What do you normally do with him? And what is usually going on when he gets so upset?

my ds went through a crappy stage about 15 m to 18 m. I think a lot of it is down to frustration, they want to do so much but are so limited physically and can't communicate their needs. There is light at the end of the tunnel I promise.

Hello,
We do get out and about, we do a swimming class once a week, and a music class (which was this morning, and he coped OK with that).
I try to do thinks to keep him stimulated; he sat for a while in the kitchen with lots of different bits and bobs today (whisk, pastry brush etc etc), he did enjoy a trip to the swings this afternoon. He tends to enjoy meal times which I largely let him get on and make a big mess at. Thanks for the ideas Horton.
He has recently dropped his morning nap and now there are just so many hours in the day; he woke up at 1.30 after his only hour sleep today and I just thought "how am I going to get through the next 5 hours 'til bath time?"
I think it is me with the problem more than him to be honest. He goes to nursery 3 days a week. He seems to be miserable there too.

my ds always cries if he wakes early from naps and sometimes for ages. my ds was dairy intolerant and this made him a very miserable baby who couldn't ever be put down, this was alot early than your ds but i found it really wearing and used to wander around the streets with the pram with tears rolling down my face. could it be food intolerances?

also babies do cry alot and its so hard, but it is normal. i thought for a long time my baby was not normal (for other reasons) made me very unhappy but i realised i had pnd and went to counselling and now i am happy and my baby is happy - he's 26months now and we have a great time together.

not saying any of this applies to you - just suggestions and support. i'm sure its normal

I clearly remember the "how will I fill all the hours in the day" feeling. Honestly it gets HUGELY better once they can communicate with you more effectively. Then they become company rather than just work.

Anything can be happening when he gets so upset; today it was immediately after his nap (woke up crying and didn't stop until the car started).
Sometimes he is playing quite happily and then starts crying for no apparent reason.
He is usually OK when we are out (unless we stop at a cafe, in which case he kicks off; he used to be lovely at our local cafe) but it is exhausting not being allowed to stay in the house for a while.

i remember 16 months being a particular low point too - i wonder if its a growing/teething/ developmental stage. my ds was still bfing - at 16 months he wouldn't stop - worse than new born - wanted constant soothing, woke every hour in the night. total nightmare infact, this is when i was just so at the end of my tether and so exhausted, after this i just kind of went to breaking point and just ended up totally relaxed . i just succumbed to going with it - i even didn't sleep at all - no exageration for about ten weeks because i couldn't go to sleep even when he was - it was mental but i got through it

There's another thing; I am trying to wean him off breastfeeding at the moment (mainly because he bites and so is painful) so he is only having one feed a day. I don't think that's the issue though as he seems just as happy with cow's milk to be honest (I have just kept the painful night feed in place as I'm too lazy to get up)

i think if breast feeding soothes him then make it easy on yourself and feed him when he is grouchy

I remember the 'how on earth am I going to fill these hours' feeling, too. And it is horrible and I have so much sympathy for you but be assured it really will pass and soon he will be demanding you join in some complicated game that only he knows the rules of when you really want to cook the dinner instead. I'm sorry, it's really tough and really boring but it is only such a short time in terms of your whole life with him.

You know, it might be talking/communication, too. In the next few months he will probably get a word explosion and talking will relieve a lot of his frustration as much as being mobile would. In the mean time, you could also try learning Makaton with him - look for Something Special on CBeebies or get a book from the library. Actually, I know it's not recommended but I had a child who was immobile until 14 months and I used television (Teletubbies DVD and CBeebies) to alleviate her boredom. It did work and doesn't seem to have had any unwanted side effects. She's three now, can't be arsed with the television and talks just fine, in fact maybe a little too much. It would also give you a much needed break. I'm obv not suggesting you sit him in front of it for ages but when you are really stuck, maybe half an hour or twenty minutes of something you think is all right wouldn't do much harm and may help you feel less trapped!

Trying to think of things that amused my DD at this age. Hmmmm.

Clapping games - get him to hold his hands up and you do the complicated bits.

Singing.

Playdough (would highly recommend making your own)

Books - particularly anything with feely bits!

Building a tent from chairs and a blanket and both sitting in it and having a snack there. Watching you doing the construction will be as interesting as the rest of it - string it out!

Playgrounds were v popular, not least because she could watch the older children.

Umm, I can't think now! But honestly, this is pretty normal and you will get past it, I promise.

Also, I would also bf if not too painful for you. He's going through a lot of changes at the moment and it may help him feel more secure, if that's what he's used to.

You have my utmost sympathy. DS was a pretty needy baby and got particularly miserable between 15-17 months. He'd just learnt to walk at 14 months, with that his sleeping got worse and we embarked on our 3rd attempt at controlled crying. We persevered for a week at the end of which I miscarried at 5 weeks pg. After that we co-slept and I gave up breastfeeding ds. Within a week ds was much better and sleeping really well...until his molars started coming through. Whereupon he was very grizzly, needy, clingy and incosolable till all four molars cut through.

I'd check his gums. And if they're swollen then calpol all the way. Or perhaps he's tired. Is he getting enough sleep at night? If he's too unsettled to nap at nursery then he's losing sleep over the week and may benefit from an earlier bedtime?

If it's any consolation ds is now 22 months and has been fantastic. Plays independently. Sleeps well. Still has tantrums, but short ones that aren't connected to discomfort/frustration and are more about trying to assert himself. They're far more hilarious than the awful bouts of teeth gnashing and back arching we endured at 15mo.

Just saw that you're also trying to cutdown bf. I managed to drop the night feeds by persuading dh to offer ds cows milk whenever he woke up. He started sleeping through (without a feed) about a week after that. He still has a cup of cows milk before bed now and demands it when he wakes up.

Hello bunny - just managed to read your thread while my 15mo DS is playing/crying.

It is such a relief to find that I'm not the only one with a toddler who seems to have unhappy phases like this. Yesterday was particularly odd as we had a few times when he was giggling so happily, and then others when he was crying for no reason. I did give calpol and teething gel, and that seemed to help.

Like you, I'm still BFing. For several months now, DS has often been waking early from his daytime nap(s) - now down to one here too. I've been BFing him when he wakes up, and he goes back to sleep while sucking away, sometimes for up to an hour. I make sure I'm on the sofa with the remote and watch something with subtitles. It seems to have worked well for the past few months, and he's not needing it very much any more. But was a bit of a sanity saver for me.

My DS is at the other end of the spectrum on movement - he started walking at 9mo, and is now a fearless climber. I think he's still frustrated because he can't reach absolutely everything and doesn't talk at all yet.

I've just been reading How to talk so your kids will listen, and how to listen so your kids will talk. A bit premature, maybe, I know! But it has been helpful to me in terms of trying to empathise out loud with how DS might be feeling when he's wailing, and that seems to calm me down a bit.

I still have many, many times though, when I shout at DS (he has learned to turn the cooker on, off, up, down, which doesn't help with mealtime prep one little bit).

Long post, but hoped it might also help you to know you're not alone.

HI there I often feel like you. Noah is my fourth baby and so hard work. My eldest two daughters know this too and say what hard work he is and how demanding. He wants me to contsantly be on the floor with him playing or take him out. If the car stops he cries and it is really frusting isn't it to say just shut up. We have good weeks and then bad weeks as we do with his eating some weeks he hardly eats and others cannot get enough. It si very strange how they are at this age (14.5 mths) He has also starting hitting us which we try and make positive by gently streoking his hand and taking his mind off it which is working to defree I beleive.

I am so gald I am not the only one though. My mum has got him tonight and it si bliss. He sleeps alot during the day too does your little man? He also goes to bed at 7 and wakes about 6 so his leeping is very good now- but that is only in the past month. Noah has bad ears so I never know if he is in genuine pain or not.

Good luck! Nic x

I think some babies/children are more miserable than others by nature. My DS1 is one of them. We called him 'grumps' when he was younger. He was a miserable little sod baby and cried the first 6 months of his life... He is now 2.4 years old and he is a delight. I won't lie and say he did a complete change cos he is still prone to his now famous grumpy moods but there are also so many other facets of his personality, which are just amazing. His ability to befriend anyone and everyone at an instance. He has a very acute sense of humour. He is very intelligent etc... And that (including the grumpiness) makes him the special boy he is. I think it is difficult when they are babies for you to see the other bits of his personality that will make up for the not-so-great bits so hang on in there...

My DS2, on the other hand, is a completely chilled out baby and very placid BUT we can also see he has a bit of a temper starting to emerge... So, try and roll with it. I remembered the big shock I suffered when I realised (with DS1) that babies are not all smiley etc like the ones you see in the ads... I felt really cheated! But god, nothing you can do will make me change the way my boys are...

Completely the same as my son was at that age. Like Angel1976 said,

now he's 2 there are so many more dimensions of his personality that he just couldn't express or hadn't developed at 15 months.

He was such a grumpy little thing. He was mobile at that age but already had wild crying tantrums.

He didn't smile or laugh much and he would usually finish laughing by crying immediately afterward which I never understood.

We had to be so on edge with him all the time incase anything tipped him over the edge and he went into crying fit.

We got out as much as possible but it wasn't easy.

It's very hard at this age. We forget how young they are, we seem to think of them as toddlers not babies.

But some are obviously more frustrated and sensitive than others.

DS is a lovely little boy now but like Angel1976 says he still seems to have a less smiley disposition.

He is very clever and has such a good sense of humour and he doesn't throw tantrums any more,

just argues a lot and can cry over nothing but it doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to.

Generally is is a very good little boy who follows instructions and is just like a mini adult.

He does not appreciate being treated like a baby and always seems in a hurry to grow up.

Wouldn't change him for the world now and we are planning another next year so hasn't put me off!

Oh I am so pleased to read this (not pleased that other people are struggling of course but that I'm not alone!)
DD is only 13 months but already today (before 10am) we've had what I can only describe as tantrums about:

going in her highchair, having her nappy changed, getting dressed, having to be put down while I got dressed, going in her carrier, having her hat on, having the sun in her eyes (because she won the hat battle), not being allowed to try to pull my lips off of my face and a bird that she was looking at flying away.

It is making life very hard - she's better when we are out but it's so wearing getting both of us ready, she prefers to feed herself but hates being cleaned up afterwards, she can't go to sleep without her dummy but refuses to have it in her mouth for ages - just keeps shaking her head and crying, we have to hold her head still to get any calpol etc in etc etc etc.

AAAAAgggggghhhhhhhh.

Phew - feel better for getting that out. I thought I was bad at the newborn bit but turns out I'm not much cop at this stage either.