can anyone recommend a sleep/feed coach in hants

[JPK123]

Can anyone recommend a sleep/feed/routine nanny type person who doesnt charge hundreds of pounds?

am getting to end of tether with my 6 month old lovely DD who has had lots of problems with reflux. it has been a real nightmare - in and out of hospital and feel i am sinking into PND with worry of it all even though she is now on meds and improved.

she has completely lost a routine, cant get herself to sleep and wont feed in one go, anywhere except home, or by anyone except me, she wont eat solids but its early days of course. she is currently putting on weight so must be getting enough but still seems to struggle with feeding. i have become really overprotective of her due to noone else believing there was anything wrong for months when in fact she had severe oesophagitis and cows milk allergy. have tried lots of things re routine/feeeding/sleeping but nothing seems to work and really feel some outside help is what we need.

am supposed to be starting work at 8 months for 3 days a week and just cant see it happening but dont know whether it would actually do her some good. have decided to start her for just one day a week first and see how it goes.

have lost all confidence in mothering skills.

someone told me she may not be feeding well as overtired and i should do controlled crying but sh gets about 12-13 hours sleep in 24 hrs which i dont think is that bad and anyway, i cant seem to make her sleep more.
anyone have any thoughts on this? really dont want to do controlled crying but thinking of pick up put down.

really grateful for any advice

JPK123 sounds like you've got it really tough. How is DD fed? Is it ff or bf, just asking so we can give more specific advice.

Have you tried this book or no cry sleep solution?

Also, please give apni a call today. If you think you are slipping into PND you need to talk to someone straight away.

I don't know of a sleep or feeding coach but hope that some of the above is helpful.

One more thing, our area runs a free sleep clinic so yours may too. You need to ask your HV for a referral.

I posted on your other thread but can't seem to find it.

I'm a maternity nurse and have a free week the 21st. if you want a hand I will come for free if you cover my travel costs.

I have CRB, refs and first aid.

I wonder if the thread was pulled because I said it was a disgrace that someone charges £600 a night for sleep training. It is a disgrace.

I have a few books aswell if you would like to borrow them.

To be honest I really don't buy the suggestion that your DD is too tired to eat. And if she has reflux I'd be very, very wary of controlled crying. She's liable to cry until she's sick. Also even the guy that devised the technique said it should only be used on babies at least nine months old. We've left our son that long, while rocking, shushing and all sorts of other techniques the books would have you believe were wrong and guess what? At 10 months he's finally starting to be able to calm himself before sleep. Please don't stress too much about it all. And six months is prime territory for PND so do please find some help for that. I've suffered with depression in the past and it is awful. But it is a disease that can be helped. Good luck.

I agree with Poppet on the CC thing, it should be for older babies and that is if you really have to do it. It should also only be for well babies and if she is so poorly with reflux you shouldn't consider CC at all imho.

As for you mothering skills, weren't you the one who knew there was something wrong when no-one else did? Well that sounds like beng a good mum to me. And doesn't she get plenty of sleep and isn't she putting on weight?

Sounds like you are doing a really good job to me.

wow thank you for your replies, feel quite overwhelmed that there are people like you out there who are kind enough to reply and offer help.

to reply in turn: ineedsomemoresleep - she was bf until 4 weeks ago when in hospital for week and was told that despite my being on dairy free diet she likely had other intolerances and should stop - so went cold turkey - not nice for either of us but being on the new forumla (neocate) does seem to be better for reflux. havent read either book (have about 4 on sleep!) but will have a look. thank you was going to see gp on tues. have had depression in past which i thought id put to bed but have got to stage where dont see prospect of anything being enjoyable despite having a gorgeous lovely DD, and feel sick with worry all time, so yes, will give that org a call - thanks bc i hadnt heard of them.

sailorsgal - really sorry i asked for my first post to be withdrawn almost immediatley as i didnt think i should have mentioned costs or name - didnt see your reply so really sorry about that. but yes - i dont know why there isnt more help available without paying so much - i mean who can afford it??? It is very very kind of you to offer to come and help. do you have a personal email to discuss, if you were serious - of course happy to cover costs.

poppet45 - i agree - maybe sometimes being too tired is the case but not always. i didnt know should only use cc when 9 months. i think she would be sick yes, and also, well there are many reasons i wouldnt do it with her, although maybe it works in the end for some people. she isnt really tooo bad sleeping - just dont think nursery will have patience to shhh/rock - and she wakes up at slighest sound - but surely other babies are the same??

am wondering if should just try to delay going back to work - shes still so little - but maybe same issues at 10 months?

thank you all again, makes me feel better. wish we live in olden days where lots of woman around for support when having baby!!

didnt see last reply, thank you again

what do you think about pick up/put down to see if she will sleep better/longer than 30 mins - she is usually tired when wakes up but doesnt want to go back to sleep. bad idea?? doesnt seem to involve much crying?

Not really sure what you mean by the pick up/put down method.

If my DD wakes (she is older btw) and still needs to sleep I will hold her for a bit and put her back down. Is that what you mean?

sorry ineedsomesleep it is a baby whisperer thing where you put them down sleepy but awake and if they cry you pick them up straight away but put them down as soon as stop crying. and pick up again if crying etc etc

apparently babies sleep better if they can get themselves to sleep which is the only reason i am thinking of it, as really dont mind shhh/rocking. in fact it is mostly feeding, which i thought mightbe related to sleep - she is just supposed to have had a feed (4 hrs after last small one), seemed hungry, had 20mls, lost interest, offered again 15 mins later, had another 20 mls, offered again 20mins later 10mls and now have to chuck rest as gone off! if i wait till clearly v hungry it makes no difference. but when i go to put her down for sleep she will decide she is hungry - if i dont feed her she will just sleep for a short while but when wakes up still only has small amount, then wakes in night unsurprisingly!

Oh god that explains why I've never heard of it. SIL gave me her copy to read.

I'm not a big fan of parenting books based on opinion and not evidence based facts.

JPK123, yes of course I was serious.

I agree there should be more help at affordable prices.

I'm glad you said that you had the thread pulled. I don't normally say anything controversial ever!

You sound like a wonderful mum and you are doing everything right. Unfortunately babies haven't read the books and it is really just a stage. She has been a bit poorly and that makes it that more difficult. Unfortunately as her mum you take the brunt of it.

My email is [email protected].

Ah - I posted on the other thread

I have used a sleep clinic and would be happy to talk you through it

You can CAT me if you want to know more

Ruby, was that millpond? I have heared good things about them.

Poor you. You have my sympathies.

First, do talk to someone that you may be getting PND.

Second, please don't worry about work at the moment. Two months is a long time in a baby's life so don't make any decisions just yet.

IMHO there sleep/eat pattern gets much better when they start moving around.

Also, anecdotally, I have heard of lots of babies whose sleep gets better once mum is back at work, regardless of age of baby (how bizarre is that - like they know they can't mess you around any more?!)

Another thing - there are some practical tips for reflux babies - raised blankets, special teats (Tracey Hogg - can't remember names but perhaps someone else knows?? )

Yes it was millpond - they are excellent IME

thanks sailorsgal i will email you.

rubyslippers what is CAT?! sorry relatively new to MN lingo. i will look up millpond but yes would be great to chat about it - did it work??

nonnomum thts quite reassuring - yes maybe will all be ok and maybe its just that im depressed that it all seems so bad. but she is back to feeding so much less again and i really wish i knew why, and why wont she feed when out? she can go 6-7 hours without feeding to avoid it - is there such a thing as a bottle feeding/feeding expert? we saw quite a few BF counsellors prev and none of them could work out why she was feeding like that and of course turned out to be reflux related.

anyways, must go.

thanks again

Just on a practical level - the special teat for babies with reflux is available in Mothercare - Medela Special Needs feeder £17.99 (would link to it but don't know how!) Might be worth a try? It's something to do with the flow of the teat/air passing through or something...

Hope you've had an OK night. Phone your HV first thing if you still feel down.

One thing that has kept me going (with DC3 - thought I would have cracked things by now) is that it DOES get better and it WON'T last forever.

And lots and lots of us are v sympathetic!

I took delivery of the Baby Sleep System book from this website on Friday and so far it is working well.

Reviews on Amazon are excellent, it describes a variety of approaches so you can choose one you feel comfortable with, and you have the option of paying for a 7 day online consultation - £60 incl a copy of the book. Might be worth emailing to see if they think they can help you, since it is so cheap.

Best of luck, sorry you are having such a horrid time

thanks nonnomum and gingerkirsty.

i just feel like i dont even know what the problem is anymore. i really dont know why she wont feed properly. I thought it was reflux but she is on meds for this. It is driving me insane. I am worried we are missing something. She has been under the gastro paeds but they just say she is on max meds so nothing else they can add. Our HVs are CRAP.

Am trying to offer her milk for shorter periods so she gets used to taking it in one go but she wont do it and is now waking more at night because hungry. i feel like there is no point tackling the sleep issue if she is waking because hungry - but if she is not feeding because tired.....

husband will have a fit if i get yet another bottle - she CAN drink out of the mam ones we are using so i dont think this is the prob but maybe i will try it anyway.

will have a look at the baby sleep system too, thanks

and maybe trip to gp tomorrow will help.

thanks for supportive comments - i guess it will get better, its just been such a long 6 months and it doesnt feel like it will.

xx

It is the contact poster link at the top of my message

Or message me on rubyslippersmn @ yahoo dot co dot uk

Hope you've had a better day JPK. Did you manage to give apni a call?

As for DD, I think you should concentrate on feeling a bit better yourself first. Once you are getting sorted then you will be in a better place to try to take the problems that she is having.

Do your HVs run a sleep clinic? And have you had a look at the No Cry Sleep Solution (much cheaper than £60!)

Also, have you thought about asking for a referral to a Paed Dieticitan? They should be able to help you. BFing counsellor also have experience of weaning and ff so it might be worth giving one a call.

It sounds like you're going to get some great RL help but just my twopennyworth...
Your DD sounds quite similar to mine - v hard to feed, never self soothed, no routine etc etc.

A few of things that helped once I stopped breastfeeding (couldn't handle the slow weight gain & fussiness anymore ):

4 hourly feeds - I kept trying to feed her more frequently but she just wouldn't have more than an ounce or 2 - when I actually left her a bit longer she drank more.

dummy - absolute lifesaver - apparently they are good for babies with reflux because the sucking keeps the acid down. Really helped to get her to sleep as well.

baby led weaning - took all the pressure off knowing that she could just eat as or as little as she wanted.

She is now 13 months - drinks virtually no milk but eats like a horse, only has dummy for sleeping and has a reasonably predictable routine - you will get there - the first year is such a short period in your life - just hang in there

And make sure you talk to someone about the possibiilty of PND - things will seem much eaiser if you feel better in yourself.

Hi JPK123. No advice really, just wanted to send my support. I too have a refluxy 6-mth old. DD currently on gaviscon and omeprazole - neither very practical - - think they need a parent to invent new reflux meds that don't need mixing or warming from fridge with hungry baby screaming in background.

I got dd an amby nest as she wouldn't sleep in anything else (would howl in pain within minutes of back hitting mattress) - worked a treat after just a few nights. She regularly sleeps 7.5 hours at night now but still has no routine so never know if will start at 7pm or 2am.

You may find you need to give work 8 weeks' notice of a change in return date, so might be worth a chat with them, depending on how strict they are with the legal requirements.

Hope you get the help you need both for yourself and dd. Meanwhile if you need to vent about what a pain in the ar** it is mixing meds, washing endless muslins, holding baby upright for 20 mins after a feed when you really, really need the loo, thinking she's finally fed to sleep only for her to wake up at 19 mins past feed wanting more etc. rant away.

thanks for your replies. it is making a big difference having some support on MN.

was supposed to see gp about pnd yesterday, but she was running ONE HOUR late and in the end had to go. so annoying. havent called apni yet- think i will cry on phone and they will probably wonder why havent seen gp. am used to coping well normally with busy and quite stressful job. buti think youre right ineedsomeleep if i felt better then would be better able to manage dd probs.

had nursery trial today which was awful and i think i need to speak to work about going back later - trouble is im supposed to be starting new job so it isnt officially related to mat leave. when i explained to nursery that normally noone could feed her and all the bits about cot raised up, carobel to feeds, they looked at me as though why are you putting your baby into nursery. its only supposed to be building up slowly a few hours a day to 3 days in aug but she is so TINY still. am i being a fusspot??? they are building an extension next to the babies sleeping room which makes me wonder how on earth she will sleep given current problems. and the "babies" room is mostly >1yrolds so vvvv noisy. she is a bit overwhelmed by loads of noise so seemed to find it all a bit much.

i think a year of mat leave would have been better.

re your replies. will look at no cry sleep solution although running out of steam with books.... am wondering if can save up for millpond as it looks amazing. but am now actually wondering if sleep is so bad - dont lots of mums rock their babies to sleep?

we are already under paeds dietician who just said to let her play with food for now and offer her single boring veggies mixed with neocate - MMMMMM.

have seen quite a few BF counsellors none of whom could help. there used to be an infant feeding specialist at our hospital but she left and none others around apparently.

mrsjuan thanks for your post and glad your DD now better. i only feed her 4 hrly and often she doesnt want anything for about 6 hours!!! she has never taken dummy although i have tried! i am trying BLW but she seems a bit scared of gagging and on the very rare occassions i have managed to get something into her mouth my gut feel is that she prefers thinner purees.

Issy42 thanks for post too. yes reflux is horrendous isnt it and sorry youre suffering too. not as bad as early days when i didnt know what it was and basically was in tears at every feed because she kept trying to feed and couldnt. Her sleep touch wood is better these days wish id known about amby nest then as i spent my whole life carrying her in day and lots of night too. now she will sleep in cot albeit after much rocking to sleep. thats funny what you say about needing loo - so true!!!! wish i knew some other mothers of refluxy babies as it is a world of its own and i think my friends with babies are sick of hearing about reflux and dont understand it - keep calling it colic etc.

if anyone has any thoughts about delaying going back to work let me know