can anyone recommend a sleep/feed coach in hants

[JPK123]

Can anyone recommend a sleep/feed/routine nanny type person who doesnt charge hundreds of pounds?

am getting to end of tether with my 6 month old lovely DD who has had lots of problems with reflux. it has been a real nightmare - in and out of hospital and feel i am sinking into PND with worry of it all even though she is now on meds and improved.

she has completely lost a routine, cant get herself to sleep and wont feed in one go, anywhere except home, or by anyone except me, she wont eat solids but its early days of course. she is currently putting on weight so must be getting enough but still seems to struggle with feeding. i have become really overprotective of her due to noone else believing there was anything wrong for months when in fact she had severe oesophagitis and cows milk allergy. have tried lots of things re routine/feeeding/sleeping but nothing seems to work and really feel some outside help is what we need.

am supposed to be starting work at 8 months for 3 days a week and just cant see it happening but dont know whether it would actually do her some good. have decided to start her for just one day a week first and see how it goes.

have lost all confidence in mothering skills.

someone told me she may not be feeding well as overtired and i should do controlled crying but sh gets about 12-13 hours sleep in 24 hrs which i dont think is that bad and anyway, i cant seem to make her sleep more.
anyone have any thoughts on this? really dont want to do controlled crying but thinking of pick up put down.

really grateful for any advice

No thoughts about the working thing, other than I know I couldn't do it, but because we moved when I was pregnant I no longer have a job to go back to so problem solved for us. In a I'm skint and miss having my own money sorta way. However I'm the only one from my antenatal class not to be going back so it can be done!
I did have some thoughts on the not eating outside of home thing. My DS was exactly the same. Apparently the really alert nosy ones are too interested in what's going on around them to feed properly on the go. Thankfully he is sufficiently interested in solids to eat out and about but he still won't BF very well. If it started around five months it's very likely to be this developmental stage. Hugely annoying but DS didn't starve.
I hope you can get to the docs about the PND, I know it's hard to make an effort - precisely because of how you feel - but I'm hoping you get there.
Oh and we too gave up stressing the sleep thing. Sometimes we rock, mostly we sing and sometimes I feed to sleep but in the last few weeks whatever we've done has been much more relaxing than any previous stage. It's like he's enjoying sleep finally!
All best wishes.

JPK, what exactly are DD's sleep problems? We may have some advice for you on here without having to read another book or fork out for a person to come to the house.

Its a real shame that you had to wait so long in the Doctors, it can be a real pain with a baby can't it.

I don't think that crying on the phone to the APNI will be a problem, I'd put money on the fact that everyone crys when they phone them. Also, I don't think they are going to judge you on not going to the GPs. I'm sure they can give you some information on what to discuss with the GP so that you get the best service. If you do book in to see the GP again it might be worth booking a double appointment so that you aren't rushed and have time to tell them exactly how you are feeling.

Regarding nursery and work. I don't think anyone on here can help you much with that one. Only you know your baby and your work situation. Its a time when you have to be completely honest with yourself. Is it that you are unhappy with the nursery or you just don't like the thought of someone else looking after your baby? If its the nursery its not too late to find another or look at childminders. A childminder might be better for her if you think the nursery is too busy.

Let us know how you are going on.

Hi Ineedsomesleep i dont think i would be worried about sleeping if it wasnt for the alleged link to poor feeding, but essentially every day is different. until a month ago the only way she would sleep during day without collapsing in grumpy exhaustion late pm would be as LONG walk in pram - would take her nearly an hour to fall asleep and then would wake up if we stopped. luckily we live in country with lovely walks and i did get very fit but also completely exhausted. sometimes she would fall asleep if i rocked her but would take ages like nearly an hour and she would wake up if put her in cot so would just hold her.

Now reflux better controlled is much better - usually will go in cot with 10-20 mins of rocking - but often wakes after 30 mins and wont go back to sleep even though tired. at night takes a long time to settle, an hour of rocking often although last night i just put her in cot awake and she fell asleep which happens occ! the night before she woke up at 11 and wouldnt go back to sleep till 3, hen woke again at 5, stayed up for an hour and went back to sleep till 7.

the main probs i suppose are the fact she doent sleep enough at night - she might wake once, or twice which doesnt seem bad but stays awake for AGES and also she wakes so easily - slightest sound, so we creep around and dont have people over. we really tried not to do this but she just doesnt seem to get used to it. our neighbours have really noisy grandchildren who are over every weekend and holiday and so she hardly sleeps during day then because they wake her up! have they invented baby earplugs?

also, she has a feed at 3, 4 or 5 which i ant seem to get rid of which throws any chance of a routine out for the day as she only wants to feed four hours after this so every day is diff. i have tried delaying it by a few more minutes each day but just when ive got her to five fifteen she wakes at 3 and we're back to square one. because her routine is unpredictable and she wont deed when out, it stops me going out which is a shame as i want her to be doing fun stuff. usually we go out and she just skips a feed but then gets grumpy etc etc. I know alot of people have a million worse probs but it is really her feeding i need to sort and do think her sleep has a part to play.

sorry for long post AGAIN.

have made another appt for next wed and am going to phone apni NOW.

with nursery i think its both. noone else has looked after her but me and occ husband and i do think she is quite difficult, esp with feeding. we are supposed to be moving house in next few months so although nursery is near work, a childminder would need to be local-ish. i think i will talk to gp about it. i cant seem to find a small, quietish nursery or at least one with some babies her age.

thank you for your posts and thoughtful comments

ps poppet45 it started about 3 months and partly extreme distractability like you say but is also quite common in reflux babies apparently as i guess it is uncomfortable/not enjoyable so any excuse not to feed. she wont even feed in other peoples dark quiet bedrooms. its such a pain isnt it.

i should say though that at the end of the day, she no longer seems in pain when feeding and is essentially usually a happy girl and for that, i am very very grateful.

Have every sympathy with you JPK as both of mine were rotten sleepers, it can be really tough can't it.

Have you tried waking her at 3am with a bottle and again at 7am? Just wondering as the unpredictability of the morning feed seems to be an issue.

If she does take a bottle at toth of these times you cuuld maybe plan your days out a bit more.

I'd also try to find some activites that are either free or you can pay for per session rather than per term, so that if you miss some sessions its not a problem. The library usually has some info on what's going on. At least then you'd be able to get out and have a bit of adult company.

The only thing that helped mine was co-sleeping until they were about 13 months. It was the only way we got any sleep. I did wake DD up at 7am every morning too to give her a feed and that seemed to help.

I'm not a big fan of routines though, it just seems like you spend all your time stressing about getting them in a routine and then they change their habits anyway. Most babies will find their own routine its just been hard for you with the reflux thing.

Are you in touch with any RL Mums with reflux babies?

Glad you've mad the appt at the GPs, hope it oes better for you this time.

Were the APNI any help?

How are you getting on over the weekend?

hi ineedsomesleep thanks for messages. not too bad thanks.

had thought about waking her at 3 but seems sort of like hitting yourself in the face - waking up a sleeping baby- which is why i was never a fan of the dream feed! also i keep thinking she might sleep through the night - this morning she actually slept till 530 which was very good! however maybe will give it a go this week. i would like to be the sort of person who doesnt follow routines but i have found it is better if she has some feed/sleep structure. i guess it doesnt need to be the same every day though and i could just do activities which fit in better with her day. its more things like hosp appts and the like. and like you say, just when you think youve got it sussed they change.

interesting to hear you co- slept. i tried to get her to do that early on for a while in fact but she wanted to be held upright so didnt work!

i keep meaning to join a reflux forum.

i rang apni and DD woke up the second they answered!!!

sounds like i have an excuse for everything doesnt it.

she is supposed to be going to nursery for a few hours today, so amongst calling to see if can delay going back to work, will try them again.

thanks so much for asking

You poor thing. When you're in the mire of sleeplessness and other issues it does feel like it'll last forever but babies change fast so things could well be very different in just a couple of months - don't give up hope!

You sound like a fantastic mother. You have no reason to doubt your mothering skills from what you've said here. It sounds as though you're coping admirably with a difficult situation.

DS1 had reflux (not as bad as your DD I think though) plus terrible wind/tummy pains most nights plus incredibly itchy skin. I really didn't want to do controlled crying so it meant the first year of his life was spent just dealing with the lack of sleep and searching for solutions.

He was also not a great feeder. I BF him until he was 14 months and it was v difficult to wean him onto a cup and his appetite for solids wasn't huge (we did BLW).

TBH, nothing we tried really worked, I think he just grew out of the issues little by little. His reflux started to get better about 9 months and he was generally sleeping better by 1yo. He's now 20 months and unless ill/teething sleeps very well both at naps and at night. He also eats very well.

We didn't rock DS, we sat next to him and patted him and 'ssshhhh'd him. We also co-slept when he just wouldn't sleep in his cot.

I was lucky enough to be able to take a year off on ML and that helped me to deal with it all. Really hope you can delay your return to work.

Now he's a super-happy, easy little chap, other parents always comment that I'm so lucky as he's the happiest and most relaxed baby/child they've known, I smile to myself thinking its my reward for all those sleepless nights and worrying days!

Hang on in there, trust your instincts and do whatever you need to do to get thru the bad times. It WILL get better.

thanks cakeandroses that really makes me feel alot better. i guess people have been telling me it will get better since 6 weeks, first at 12 weeks, then 4 months, then starting solids etc etc but yes i hope it will. there are some scarey stories on reflux forums about babies who are still having feeding probs at age 5, but i think i should just not read them! my mum has terrible allergies and has been pretty ill with it all our lives so im hoping it isnt related.

glad your DS is better and yes i reckon she'll be a star when its all sorted out too!

take care x

Hi JPK123,

How did dd get on at nursery yesterday?

Slept through till 5.30, that was an improvement has it continued?

I'll email you tonight.

How did you get on at the GPs? Did you manage to talk to someone this time, or was the waiting time horrendous again?

Hi ineedsomesleep thanks for asking - not posted for few days as DD been teething i think (still no teeth though)and not sleeping atall!!

saw GP who was nice and said i didnt seem that bad!! but the scoring thing i did was very high for anxiety so she suggested some cbt books. because everyone knows mums have LOADS of time for that sort of thing. i am going back next week and think i will ask for some antidepressants. am feeling ok but dont want it to drag on or affect DD. i keep forgettig=ng to try apni until after 2 when they are shut.

i think delaying work by a couple of months is the right thing to do if possible - they are going to let me know on monday, even though DH disagrees.

am thinking of trying sleep system thing with online support but waiting for thi bout of teething to end

am thinking of doing another post about weaning as she is now 7 months and still wont touch solids - i wasnt stressed about it atall but am now thinking that i should be doing something eg apparently there are feeding clinics - to address it the right way before it becomes more of an issue?? thinking about it she has never put anything in her mouth apart from her hands. we have been referred to the speech team anyway so maybe i should just wait for that.

thanks again for support
ps hope all well with your family!!

Poor, poor you....you sound at your wits end. My DS was a shocking sleeping during the day and nights, better as he got older. I was always told that for controlled crying they must have the capacity to understand you so they should be 18mths plus. Have you tried lullaby CD's (mothercare) and twinkle lights (they change colour to be soothing). We had a sleep therapist in after my DS turned 2yrs as we were so knackered as he kept us up all night and couldn't switch off, she suggested a sleep diary for 2wks and write everything in it and see if there is pattern. Worked for us. Good luck x

You have got it tough, I really feel for you. Did you go back to the doctors? Have they put you in touch with anyone who specialises in PNI?

As for the weaning, have you thought of starting a thread on it?

Hope you are having a better week.

How come you've got an advert in your post Krisnah? I know that MN seems to have a plague of trolls but advertinsing in posts is a new one to me.