Free range kids/slow parenting - anyone heard of this?

[Ewe]

I just noticed on Twitter that Lenore Skenazy is going to be on AlphaMummy for a webchat, having no clue who she is or what she does I googled and she is the author or a blog/book about free range kids/slow parenting.

As I understand it, it's about giving your children lots of freedom (she lets her 9 year old ride the subway for example) and is seen as antithesis of "overparenting".

So, just wondered if anyone here follows the books or could explain a bit more? Is it just to encourage us not to be so worried/risk averse with our children? There seem to be some interesting theories surrounding it, it sounds like it's fairly rare behaviour, or are most parents naturally pretty relaxed and it's a 'movement' of nothing?

I only have a 2yr old so not massively relevant for me right now (or is it?) but just intrigued.

is she the woman organising the 'take your kid to the park and leave them there' thing?

most people make this face when i tell them that DS (3) plays out the front and DD (5) walks to the post box on her own (about 3 mins down the road)

i didn't know it had a name, I just hate kids being cooped up until they are in their teens (those am I ok to leave my 15 yr old at home for 16 mins threads make me lol)

Oh I know, sherby. Yonks ago there was a thread entitled "Is it ok to leave my 13yo in the house if her stepdad is upstairs?" Er, unless he's going to molest her, I'd say yes!

Do whatever feels comfortable for you & your child, I say. There are things I don't let DS2 do that I let DS1 do at the same age, because he's not quite as mature as DS1 was.
I'd be interested to find out more about this woman's theories...

Oh yes, I saw that! Just found this link to her blog and that post, seems she only advocates it for children 7/8 plus.

I agree in principle with freedom, being relaxed etc but when it is my DD I am not sure how easy it will be to let go!

scamp - this wiki entry was pretty explanatory, goes through the various key thinkers in the field at bottom of page.

Just noticed it advocates no television at all too.

Also against after school clubs, organised activities, consumerism and is generally pro letting children learn at own rate (outside of mainstream education in many cases).

Will keep digging around.

Free Range Kids is the philosophy and the understanding that the world is actually less dangerous, statistically, then when we were kids, so why is it our kids aren't allowed to 'go out and play and come back when the street lights go on.' That the perceived danger is due to TV shows like Law & Order from the States or any of those cop shows, but that the danger isn't actually there.

Its the idea that our kids be allowed to be kids. To get hurt. To take risks. To have fun.

Its using the knowledge that there is not a paedophile around every corner, or a kidnapper, to allow your kids their freedom.

My son is nearly 1, but I plan to raise him Free Range.

"Its using the knowledge that there is not a paedophile around every corner, or a kidnapper, to allow your kids their freedom."

But there are cars & lorries...

I didn't know it had a name but it's pretty much what we do/plan to do. Am down with the no telly thing!

TBH, there seem to be so many schools of thought on how to raise your children, and people seem to think they should stick to a set one. I like the idea behind this though, but surely it would depend so much on the individual child?

Also, your views would change an awful lot as your child and circumstances did.

It's defnitely an interesting idea, and a move against the cult of the helicopter parent. However where we are helicoptering is the norm along with hothousing and perfectionism. It's a PITA and if I'd realised just how hideously helicopter most of the parents where we are were I would have considered moving to a different area.

Other parents round here would think we were irresponsible weirdos if we adopted this approach, and although I try not to helicopter I don't want dd or ds to be outcast from their peers.

It's just a polite way of saying feral isn't it?

But feral is good in certain circumstances isn't it?

In big gardens/fields = perfectly acceptable

In a restaurant = not good

I think there has to be a balance.

Ewe: that all sounds a bit hardcore to me. I'd just like it if the DCs could play out a bit more, like I did in the 70s.
But although I lived in a city there was lots of green space immediately outside our house, so it was easy.
If I take my kids to the park (& i have to take them, because of the roads & DS2 is daft as a brush) I sit & read while they go off. I refuse to play with them there tbh

I mean, parenting should be a bit like pick and mix shouldn't it? A bit of freedom, sprinkling of structure, odd dose of discipline etc. Result is someone who is well rounded.

I agree, in principle, with this approach and it's certainly how I was raised. Where you live will have a large influence on how much freedom you can allow. The other thing to be mindful of is that because we've had years of parents feeling they have to supervise or organise supervision for their children at all times until they're practically in their teens (and then some), there is no longer a prevailing culture of adults and older children looking out for the youngsters. It's all 'where's that child's parent?' or 'look there's a kid on their own we can pick on'. I would be thrilled if there was a groundswell of parents willing to allow their children more freedom - it would be so good for society as a whole.

I have feral children

I started a thread on a similar subject last year. Since then, DSs have had far more freedom and one of the mothers further down the road with similar aged children said she was pleased to see mine out and that she was now considering setting hers free.

I was a free range kid before Lenore Skenazy coined the frase - it was a little do do with being a dc in the 70's and probably the last of a lot of free range kids, added to this my father was from the captisl and had moved to what he considered a sleepy market town up north a bit

So freedom was allowed in ample portions

consequently I have iun turn given large doses to my own dc 30 years on and it doesn't seem to have had any lasting detriment, 1 dc is 18 in a few months and has had a great deal of freedom. Probably more than a lot, also with this freedom she has taken responsability.

Oh it absolutely should depend on the child.

I think you've got it just right Alicetheinvisible.

And no, its not just a polite way of saying feral. Lenore started the movement (or at least brought it out in the open) after she was vilified for letting her son ride the subway by himself and wrote about it in a newspaper. She was called neglectful and other things for giving him a bit of freedom. For letting him do what she did at his age.

Feral is out of control. This is not out of control. Its just letting our kids be kids.

After all, we complain if our chickens aren't allowed to run free.

Oh for goodness sake, I haven't read the other replied yet but surely no one needs a book to tell them how to be this type of parent?!?!?

Surely it is just common sense?

I am convinced we don't need theories and methods and bloody manuals for follownig specific parenting styles, they are just money making generators, parenting books.

Instinct and common sense are all we need, and a bit more confidence in our own ability to make decisions.

sorry father was from the capital and he was ferel soupdragon and played in the bombed houses at the end of the war I suppose he thought things were safe as there were no more bombs being dropped!

I meant to link to her blog.

There is also an element of 'where the hell has common sense gone' to the Free Range Movement.

Overparenting cabbages my head tbh but I'm sure I'd be viewed as neglectful if i really said what i thought in the company of dds friends parents.

E.g one time when dds friends older brother (6) freaked out and had a tantrum because he wanted to do "an activity" (his words) and his Mum hadn't organised any for him. he point blank refuses to play alone or use his imagination in any creative way whatsoever. his mum is exhausted and miserable from over scheduling and over parenting but she has to keep up the perfect parent facade against all odds

omdb, common sense died you know and I was at the funeral so a lot of parents probably do need a book

I'm completely with Alice on this one.

And I'm sure this sort of parenting was out in the open before Lenore gave it a trendy name.

I don;t care what other people think of my parenting, I give my DS independence, trust him, and let him take (sometimes massive) percieved risks in his everyday life.

I'm currently reading Letting Go as Children Grow, which seems to be a similar sort of theme, but it starts from newborn rather than being from age 7 or 8. But not just abandoning your newborn in a park to find his or her own way home - - stuff like not sleep training, feeding on demand, not doing loads of baby groups, but wearing the baby in a sling and doing normal grown up activities. And then when they are a toddler, not micromanaging them, but letting them explore gravity, water, etc by themselves (within reason). I do this anyway - e.g. if DS is about to do something life threatening (like try to jump in the canal) I stop him, but if he's just doing something which might be inconvenient or make him uncomfortable (like jump into a deep muddy puddle) then I let him try it. And e.g. if he climbs onto a table, I let him work it out for himself, but I have got stairgates. I have let him touch knives (under supervision) and said "sharp" and when he was very little I taught him "hot" by warning him when he was about to touch a radiator, but letting him find out for himself what "hot" meant. I don't know whether it's this approach or his own nature/personality, but he is very careful - he understood from about 9 months not to trap his fingers in cupboard doors (when reminded) he will touch food cautiously with his hand to check whether it's cool enough to eat, and if he is too high up somewhere he will come back down without panicking at all. He climbs up the steps on the toddler slide at the park, and stops at the top because it's too high! It's amazing what they know when you trust them to make their own judgement.