Free range kids/slow parenting - anyone heard of this?

[Ewe]

I just noticed on Twitter that Lenore Skenazy is going to be on AlphaMummy for a webchat, having no clue who she is or what she does I googled and she is the author or a blog/book about free range kids/slow parenting.

As I understand it, it's about giving your children lots of freedom (she lets her 9 year old ride the subway for example) and is seen as antithesis of "overparenting".

So, just wondered if anyone here follows the books or could explain a bit more? Is it just to encourage us not to be so worried/risk averse with our children? There seem to be some interesting theories surrounding it, it sounds like it's fairly rare behaviour, or are most parents naturally pretty relaxed and it's a 'movement' of nothing?

I only have a 2yr old so not massively relevant for me right now (or is it?) but just intrigued.

But what if your free range kids use their freedom to go round their mates' houses & watch the telly ?

FWIW the kids round here all seem to be pretty free range from about age 7/8 upwards anyway.

rucky I don't think it did, I think the media just cleverly make us start to doubt our own common sense. But it's still there, if only we had the confidence to use it.

I also get annoyed how some people take their parenting as an excuse to compare themselves to 'lesser' parents who have obviously got it wrong, it shouldn't be about smugness and patting ourselves on the back, it should be about bringing up well rounded adults (isn't that what parenting is all about, untimately?)

Maybe i should write my own book?

How To Parent However You Choose

Go with the flow and see what works.

It amazes me how many people will tell you that newborns all need different things, go with your instincts etc, but once that child is older, everyone will tell you it should do this, you need to be doing this etc.

Bertie my Ds sounds like yours, he knows his own limits and has done from a young age, and I always allowed him to take risks, find things out for himaself and learn from mistakes.

Not everyone tells you that though Alice, I think we just have these perceptions of what we should be doing as parents, without actually being told, like the organising every little minute of the day. Who told us to do that? Why do some people do that?

no the media only write what the people that read their papers want to read, otherwise the medai know that if they didn't write what is wanted then there readers will buy another paper that does write what they want.

People want to believe that it is dangerous out there "oh there are molesters around ever corener you know" its like gossip more than news and that why is has sold millions of copies.

those that don't want to beleive it never will and will always let their children out to play and give them the freedom and confiendence and not hold them back.

those that want to prevent them do so due to danger or any other reason they think might be reasnable to use and they make their chidlren believe that reason as well so they get scared.

Giving your dc confidence to do something is a wonderful feeling and then to knwo that they take pleasure from doing something themself is good

Hmm, i think it is a culture thing though isn't it? It seems a very (dare i say it) middle class british thing to do.

TBH, i take DD (2.6) to toddler group and ballet but her favourite thing is to run around at the yard while we do the horses. She knows to stay out of the fields and if there are horses on the yard she gets an adult to help her past them. People just need more confidence in their decisions really. I am as guilty of this as anyone, but have found that just being with DD and seeing how we are both happiest seems the only way to keep sane.

so you think it comes down to class alice? I Think it has far more to do with circumstances and up bringing of the original person, as we will be more likely to take our own enviroment into consideration.

I allowed my dd1 much more freedom due to my own upbringing and my own circumstance when I had my dd2.

I have friends aswell that allow freedom and trips into town and bus trips on thier own, perhaps that why we are friedns because we have similar styles or encourage each other to allow freedom for our chidlrenm? but which class we fit into I am not sure? i certainly am working and a single mother - so don't know where I fit in class wise and if that really matters..?

I think it's quite easy and natural to do with a toddler though, I allow my DD lots of freedom, don't have stairgates/plug sockets etc, happy for her to use knives, climb on whatever she thinks she can (and inevitable fall off at some stage!). She is very brave and confident, sometimes too confident in her own judgement but learns the lesson pretty quickly but of course I am always there, just in case.

It's harder for me to imagine saying to a 7yr old, off you pop out and play, be back by 6pm. Perhaps this is due to me living in the centre of a town. I can't imagine where they would go... probably to the park which is many busy roads and about a 10min walk away. Living in a more rural village must make it a million times easier.

I also tend to think that the odd activity doesn't do any harm, or a bit of television and I fully intend to send my DD to a mainstream school. There are definitely interesting bits that can be picked out of the idea, which is obviously what common sense would tell any of us to do! I am not organised enough to overparent even if I wanted to

I simply meant that it seems a very british middle class thing to do to constantly question methods of parenting. In general.

I think we question our methods of parenting because we are constantly being told we're doing it wrong and should be doing This or That. I don't think it's to do with class.

I don't think i get my point across very well.

All the articles etc on different parenting types/methods and why we should be doing them tend to be in the press aimed at the 'middle classes' iyswim? How often do you get parenting advice and advertising for parenting manuals in the Times? compared to the Sun? I know that sounds very generalised but i am kind of struggling to make my point very clear

Well, I'm definitely a slow parent. Slow parenting is brilliant. It's only if you're walking for no reason than to look at ants that you have time to see them IYSWIM.

Isn't the free range bit just benign neglect by another name (for toddlers/preschooler anyway)? I quite like telling people I'm being benignly neglectful rather than can't be arsed (probably more truthful).

I think negleted children would be horrified to think that letting your children have freedom was the same as the neglet they had really suffered.

Perhaps ask a negleted child if they think it is the same and see what the answer is

I've never wanted to subscribe to a 'method' but overall, we're fairly relaxed. I do feel a bit judgy-pants sad when I see kids at the park who aren't allowed to do anything!

I get a lot of comments which annoy me, like on the bus if DD wants to stand up (we call it bus-surfing) and people tell me she might fall over. Duh!!! Then she'll know she needs to hold on, won't she?!

I do have limits though, which would mean I'd fall far short of 'free-range' - just can't get comfortable with the whole 'playing out' thing, but then I was on a quiet street with no other kids, which may explain it.

oh that crossy out thing didn't work. judgy pants

This thread is a breath of fresh air. I sometimes feel like the only one who wants to allow their dc more independence. I always get askance looks when I talk about letting my dd go to the shops by herself. And I was roundly told off for letting her go to the loo at starbucks by herself when 6 despite being able to see the door from where I was sitting.

I am not concerned about the paedo type pf threat but I am worried about cars. In the 70s there was less traffic and less parked cars that obstruct vision of kids. What do you all think about this. I live in a busy place and it is this element stopping me from letting mykids out. I am also worried about being reported for neglect (which is crazy but I can't let go of that concern). I worry too much what others think.

I am also worried about traffic. It's a very real risk, although our actual road is quiet.

I taught DD about road safety very early, by 2.6 she was telling ME off if I didn't wait to cross a road... I'm proud of that, but that doesn't stop irresponsible drivers!

Exactly MathsMad and I am worried as many cars are so high and our kids are little short things obstructed by parked vehicles etc. It is traffic that has changed since the 70s not boogie men. But I really really want to allow mydcs some freedom.

At 8 I used to ride off, on my horse, alone all day, for miles, with 2 cheese sandwiches and drink out of springs on the moors.

I suppose these days my mum would be villified, but no one was the slightest bit concerned then. Neither did anyone think that me walking 3 miles to my friend's house to play was dreadful either...

It's the car threat that I worry about, rather than paedophiles. If it wasn't for crazy drivers round here (in a small country village) I would let my four-year-old play out whenever he wanted. He has quite good road sense, but when it is a bit more reliable, I can imagine giving him a lot of freedom to walk alone to friends' houses etc.

Interesting thread. I hear you on the class thing Alice, and maybe it's just a bit middle class to give it a name iyswim. Rather than common sense and being relaxed it is 'Free Range'- just makes me think of eggs!

Aw Miggsie my 8yo self is v of your 8yo self!

I can't help but agree that all this angsting over parenting styles is a very middle class thing. If you have to choose between eating and buying your DC a new coat for instance I would imagine that parenting styles don't tend to keep you awake at night.

I also wonder what the difference is between "free range parenting" and the "feral" tag that our tabloid press so loves to apply. About £50k a year I'd say.

I do think that helicopter parents tend to produce children that fit into the priveledged, entitled and a bit useless. I interviewed countless graduates for sales roles and loathe as I am to say it the majority seemed to lack initiative. Whether this is the fault of over attentve parents or an education system that just spoon feeds pupils in the fear that anybody might actually expreience failure at some point I don't know.

"about 50k a year I'd say'

wasabi I totally agree with you

I have the feeling that my parenting (and probably mental health) would be in question if my children were allowed to roam at will.

But I am working class with mixed race children and live in East London.

No chip on my shoulder I assure you. I am a realist and the reality is that people are scared of children like mine. Or rather, they are scared of what they think my children are.

I am not a helicopter parent by any means. I like my children to be as independent as possible. It can be tricky when you live in the city. You have to weigh up the real dangers presented by traffic and crime etc against the danger of your child being so protected that, when they are suddenly old enough to go out alone, they are totally unstreetwise.

I do not like the amount of 'claiming' of perfectly normal, everyday stuff that is going on. It seems to be mainly about making money.

If you name feeding your child 'baby led weaning' or listening to your child 'intuitive parenting' you can write a book on it and become a guru.