Are all 5 year old girls so vain?

[Travellerintime]

Curious really, as dd (5.5) is going through such a vain phase. We seem to have a lot of conversations (instigated by her obviously) about how her hair will look wearing such and such a hairband, how her clothes look, and lots of prancing and twirling in front of the mirror.

I find it quite frustrating - I tend to try & ignore it, hoping she'll become a bit less self-obsesssed, but also wondering where it came from. Dd is a very pretty child (v like her dad's side of the family, I'm not being smug) and her grannies have always commented on how she looks and bought/made her lots of nice clothes. I wonder now if this has encouraged her. I'm not really very vain and try and set a good feminist example to her! Anyway, just wondering, is this average 5 year old dd behaviour?

oh god yes, mine is just the same(DD 5yrs), likes trying on different clothes, different hairstyles dancing and twirling in the mirror, saying 'I look really pretty today', so yes completely normal little girl behaviour and it's lovely to see such high self esteem tbh

Mine's not. I suppose some are. But when my nearly 7-year-old was that age she had no hint of vanity. Still hasn't.

She has beautiful clothes, my mother and sister in teh US are well-off, my sister's children are nearly grown and they both love to indulge my children.

But she doesn't care at all. If she fancies it, she wears it and just does what she wants with no real regard for her clothes.

She can't be bothered with mirrors except to brush her teeth and hair.

I had an offer from Wilhemena modelling agency, among others, to put her to work. She is tall, with very long legs, thin and photographs very well.

There's no way I'd encourage that, even if she's 16 and achieved the height on her father's side of the family, with no females under 5ft., 10in and all males over 6ft.

Some are more vain than others, I suppose.

Mummywizz - that's a good way of looking at it; that it's high self-esteem. I remember at around 8 being convinced I was very weird looking - and yes, I didn't have a lot of self esteem either.

Expat - yes, I don't see it in all of my friends' dds. My dd definitely seems to be the one who makes the most fuss about clothes.

No, my dd doesn't seem to care a jot about clothes or hair. But then again I never fuss about it either. All dc's are different, nothing wrong with it, dd is just not at all girly.

Some boys at that age are just as vain! My first cousin was. I remember it well because he was living with us and I was about 13 at the time.

And once, we were getting ready for Mass. My mum had laid out some clothes for him to wear.

He came over to the big mirror in my and my sister's room crying and said, 'This doesn't match! I'm gonna look horrible!'

My dd is going down this route, she loves clothes and saying she is pretty (though has no prob being muddy - and doesnt really do hairstyles yet). I am trying to remind her that beauty comes in different forms eg when she draws her friends, ooh your friend has such fab bouncy, curly hair doesn't she? And yours is nice and short.

And when she said, mummy your tummy is a bit fat today, I said wow! yes, it's all squidgy and cuddly here - look.

And if she says 'i am the prettiest, or loveliest, or cleverest' etc. My stock response is 'yes, sweetheart, you are the prettiest girl TO ME, just like xxx is to her mummy'. i want her to be happy to be gorgeous, she doesn't have to be the best (but then I want her to feel more adored than I did as a child...).

She was fairly put-out but accepting when I told her that she wasn't going to be the prettiest at my friend's wedding... that was reserved for the bride!

Not all girls are like this. Definitely not.

Think you need to pair your compliments with some conversations about how important it is to be pretty on the inside as well as on the outside, about how even a beautiful looking person can be 'ugly', how beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes, and that there are different standards of beauty.

My DD is 5.6 and very interested in the way she looks. On Friday she had to wear her new pink hairband to school, because her best friend hadn't seen it yet. And when I asked her at pick-up what her friend had thought of it, DD replied "Beautiful".

Quite honestly, I encourage her to be interested in her appearance. It makes getting her to wash herself, dress herself, brush her teeth and generally dress appropriately much, much easier. What's not to like?

Yes, what Earlybird said.

(don't you just hate it when someone comes along and says what you were trying to say but more efficiently ).

I think children understand the concept of "nasty" people better than the concept of "ugly on the inside".

Mine's not but a lot of her friends are very interested in clothes, hair etc.

My DD is very vain. I do worry that maybe I have made her so by telling her she's so beautiful a lot. Everyone does tbh. She has really long curly hair that is very lovely and so gets loads of comments. She refuses to wear anything unless its pink or girly, always wants her nails painted, anything that is glittery or shiny she loves.

She is such a girly girl it really makes me laugh. I am so not girly at all. I never wear make up and live in jeans and stained t shirts.

Actually, I wouldn't do 'nasty' or 'ugly on the inside' but I do agree with the idea that beauty is in eye of beholder...

mine isn't like this. but she burps farts, climbs trees, finds her builders bum hilarious,,,,,,,,,, sigh. a little bit of balance would be nice.

Mine loves having her nails painted, when she thinks about it.

I like to do it to get her to stop being so rough on her cuticles.

oh mine does all that too, MagalyZz. Am starting to think I have nothing to worry about. It's just all the princess simpering stuff she adores . Maybe I am having the desired effect with my not-so-subtle brainwashing bedtime stories of princesses who help princes not to be scared of slugs and porridge...

Actually my dd is 7, but she used to love princess costumes and has become more tomboyish with ever passing year since the pink stage reached critical mass at about 3+10months!

whenever anybody comments to my dc that she is pretty, i always say 'and more importantly clever too when she puts her mind to it'. What a killjoy I must sound. I am sapping all the joy out of 'pretty'.. Hard to send out the right messages though.

Bonsoir, I agree it does make encouraging her to take care of her appearance easier, but the bit I don't like is where prettiness is valued over other more important qualities.

Adair, I also do a lot of brainwashing bed time stories of the Princess & the Pigsty variety, and dd loves Dirty Bertie - doesn't stop her love of all that's pretty & girly.

I tell my dd 6 she is pretty. As do others. Because she is, I guess. But I don't think she is vain. It is not really in her to obsess about her look or clothes.

I do sometimes want to check myself for complimenting her on looks. I don't want her to base her self-esteem on looks, knowing how shallow and ephemeral that is. But it does not seem to go to her head.

Dd is 9 and without a hint of vanity
although she is very competetive and determined to be the best academically and in music/drama/singing

she has beautiful clothes bought by me and other female relatives
they are tossed aside and forgotten quickly
I could dress her in a bin bag and she wouldn't notice

hates shopping
hates hairdressers

sometimes I pray for her to show an interest in her appearance
but rationally I see it will come in time

Travellerintime, I'm sure it's just a phase. Carry on with the reminding of other qualities and the brainwashing (glad it's not just me ) and she'll sail on through. As others say, it's not terrible to like what you look like!

I really don't think this issue is down to parents (mostly) children are how they are (well I suppose unless the Mum/Dad is very appearance obsessed and goes on about it). Like I said my dd is not girly at all, but I tell her how beautiful she is daily (she is, has such a pretty, interesting little face, just gorgeous). I don't place undue emphasis on it, I praise her for lots of things.

I do think it's important for kids to have high self esteem and be called lovely/gorgeous whatever(along with clever or kind or whatever). I don't ever remember my Mum saying this to me and my Dad said downright disparaging things, so I think I go a bit lala over this.

Traveller, I used to have an excellent book and I wish I could remember what it was called. It starts off like a traditional fairy tale and you think, oh here we go, the girl is going to be 'rescued' by the prince, but in this fairy tale, half way through it, the girl says, no arnold I won't marry you. You only care about money and clothes and I am braver and stronger than you!

It's worded a lot better than that. Does anybody know what it's called. I left it behind somewhere years ago. would love another copy