Are all 5 year old girls so vain?

[Travellerintime]

Curious really, as dd (5.5) is going through such a vain phase. We seem to have a lot of conversations (instigated by her obviously) about how her hair will look wearing such and such a hairband, how her clothes look, and lots of prancing and twirling in front of the mirror.

I find it quite frustrating - I tend to try & ignore it, hoping she'll become a bit less self-obsesssed, but also wondering where it came from. Dd is a very pretty child (v like her dad's side of the family, I'm not being smug) and her grannies have always commented on how she looks and bought/made her lots of nice clothes. I wonder now if this has encouraged her. I'm not really very vain and try and set a good feminist example to her! Anyway, just wondering, is this average 5 year old dd behaviour?

That sound great Magaly (interested too).

There is that bit in Roald Dahl's The Twits too about how a person could have a big wart and a double chin etc. and be the most beautiful person in the world because their happiness and kindness shone out of them - and vice versa. There is even a pic by Quentin Blake of the person described and she does look lovely!

I know some little girls who are vain like this and some not. I think sometimes they get it from their peers at school. On that Robert Winston programme about children, he said sending your child to school looking good is in fact the best thing you can do for them in terms of popularity and happiness. Shocking (to me) but true apparently.

Oh, now this is one thing DD1 is vain about.

Her hair is magnificient.

She is allergic to SLS, so since babyhood I've only used organic shampoos on it.

It's thick and a beautiful colour, with a slight wave even though it's past the middle of her back.

She goes to a hairdresser to have it cut (I cut my own) and she reminds me when her fringe is getting a bit long and loves pretty baubles and elastics with ribbons.

And her Tangle Teezer brush has a special place on her chest of drawers.

'he said sending your child to school looking good is in fact the best thing you can do for them in terms of popularity and happiness. Shocking (to me) but true apparently.'

I make sure her uniforms are clean and sparkling and good-smelling (Bold Crystal Rain and White Lilly). Nails are trim and in good shape. Hair up (I use Nitty Gritty spray to deter lice/nits). Shoes in good nick. Teeth clean and breath smelling fresh.

I do agree with this.

You can teach your child to care about their person and appearance without being overly vain.

My 3.2 yo DD1 often (several times a day) sings the song she has made up called "DD1 is beautiful" and twirls about, flicking her hair about, wriggling her hips and generally showing off. I have NO idea where this has come from, we are mocked by our friends for being so "modern parents out of Viz". We tend to tell her she is beautiful, and clever, and strong, and kind, and funny, but she will not add any new verses to the song...

What can you do? I think, as long as it isn't the be all and end all, ie as long as she will still get muddy and play normally, but just also likes dressing up and being pretty, there's no harm in it...

...she is gorgeous though. I would (and have, but it hasn't worked!) pay loads to get her long, slightly curly, golden blonde hair, I am agonising at the moment whether to get it cut to a more manageable length before she really cares about it. I had long hair as a child and I loved it, would cry if anyone said that it needed cutting, but I also hated washing, brushing and styling it.

I really do think some children are just more concerned about how they look than others. My dd1 (5) is a very girly girl. She refuses to wear anything that's not pink and sparkly, and trousers are a real battle. She hates her school uniform and strips it off the second she gets home. She tells me how she wants her hair done ie ponytail, bunches, plaits, hairband etc and is very precise about which elastics I can use. Even from the age of about 2 she always wanted to wear skirts and dresses.
By contrast dd2 is nearly 3 and she doesn't care at all what she wears - I just plonk something on her. She won't let me brush her hair, let alone put it in a ponytail! She's at her happiest covered in muck, while her sister has always wanted to keep herself clean. I truly think it's just different characters rather than how I've treated them.

Thanks, everyone - this has made me feel more positive about it, and has also made me think I should just let dd get on with it, as long as I carry on praising other aspects of her personality too.

at Butterpie's 'dd is beautiful' song!

I think my concern with vanity is bound up with concerns about girls starting to grow up too fast, whereas in fact, maybe they're two separate issues. And yes, taking pride in one's appearance is important - dd is pretty socially aware and will have picked up on this.

DD is a bit of a mixture - she loves to dress up when going somewhere special but the rest of the time she couldn't care less what she wears - although in this hot weather she far prefers to wear nothing at all.