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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Not sure if this is too detailed for 8 yr old

46 replies

luciemule · 08/05/2010 11:37

too detailed for 8 yr old?

DD asked me the other day why a chil would have a blood test to see who its father was. It was when she was drifting off to sleep so I said I'll tell you tomorrow. and that was that.
Anyway - think soon, she'll need some more details about how babies are made but I just feel she'll be devastated and want to tell her in a factual but not too detailed way! She's a bit of a deep thinker so won't be fobbed off I'm sure!
Do you think the above slide show would be okay - I was fine with it up to the couple in bed bit and then thought it seemed a bit weird. Your thoughts would be appreciated.
In advance, I'm not prudish but at only 8, I feel she really odesn't want the 'parents having sex' image implanted in her head!

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lilmissmummy · 08/05/2010 11:52

Umm I think maybe they should have left it at "doing the love dance" which was really cute! Then gone on to the sperm and the egg bit.

Mine does sex education at school (apparently it is national curriculum from age 6) though so maybe I am being over protective. I have always talked it through with them rather than them having the visual image!

winnybella · 08/05/2010 11:54

Er...no, I would rather say that it's destined for children younger than 8.

How come she doesn't know about it at 8? DS had everything explained, in a factual, yet child appropriate way when he was 3 or 4.

If you think the slides are too detailed, you might want to rethink your attitude to sexuality etc- sorry, not trying to be nasty, it's just that I am astounded that you didn't explain it to your DD before or that you are a bit 'shocked' by what is the most innocent and child-friendly book.

zen1 · 08/05/2010 11:58

Just watched the slide show. Yes agree that it was a bit wierd with the couple in bed "playing a little game" Just been through this with curious DS1 ( 7.3) and kept it very factual and honest (LOL when he asked if sperm was green ) and he was fine with it. We didn't sit him down to have a big talk, just answered his questions as they came about.

winnybella · 08/05/2010 12:16

Why do you need the slides? You could just explain it yourself and do it any way you think is appropriate.

Original poster

luciemule · 08/05/2010 15:47

Yes winny, I wasn't necessarily going to show her the slides but it was the more the content.

What you said about the 'attitude to sexuality' thing though wasn't correct. I'd be surprised that anyone has explained to their 3/4 yr old how the penis delivers the sperm without completely freaking out the child. And the fact that schools don't teach sex ed until yr 5/6 (in any detail), shows that even the the dept of ed don't think it's necessary.
We've had the periods talk as it came up when she saw a box of tampons and she took it all in a very grown up way and she knows how babies develop and grwo and how they're born, as does my son (5) but when asking relatives and friends how and at what age to discuss, they were all shocked that I was going to tell her anything and that I shold deflect the whole issue to simply a baby is made from a sperm and an egg.
I'm sure I'm not in the minority of mums who haven't told their 8 yr olds what sex is.

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winnybella · 08/05/2010 16:28

When my son was 3 or 4 I think he was told (because he asked) only that you need egg and sperm to make a baby and that daddy phas the sperm and puts it in mummy etc etc, without any specific details, so I should have worded my post better. Over the years, though, he was told (again because he asked) about penises, vaginas, uteruses etc- which I think are a normal part of our physiology and there's no reason to be ashamed of that.

I do agree, obviously, that you don't go into specifics of sexual techniques etc with an 8 year old child. I mean, that's something they discover for themselves when they are older.

But I don't understand what is your problem with explaining the sexual act from the physiological point of view to an 8 yo.

Also, I found out about sex at 8 when I went with my dad to his friends'house and I wandered off to their bedroom where I found a pornography photo album, with every sex act imaginable pictured in great detail. I was shocked. Much better if your daughter hears it from you, then from a magazine.

winnybella · 08/05/2010 16:30

learns about it from you

I am still about your relatives' attitude and also if even schools starts sex ed at 5 then surely you are a bit behind?

winnybella · 08/05/2010 16:34

*schools start...sorry for terrible typing

Anyway, I don't think you're in a minority, btw, but that's hardly an argument for keeping your daughter ignorant and letting her find out about sex in some horrible porn mag.

Original poster

luciemule · 08/05/2010 16:38

not age 5 - year 5 (age 9/10).
It wasn't that I wasn't going to explain to her, it was how, without her freaking out.

Aged 8, she's not going to be satisfied with the daddy gives the mummy a sperm and that sperm locates the egg and forms a baby. I know she'll immediately ask "so how does the daddy give the mummy a sperm?". That the bit that I wasn't sure about how to word.

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PlumBumMum · 08/05/2010 16:39

Winny school dosen't start sex ed at 5, maybe year 5 but not age 5,
And FWIW my 9 year old dd does not know anything about sex, I have NO intention of her finding out through some horrible porn mag, but she is simply not interested so for me the time is not right to tell her

It also has not been helped with dh's explaination of you were a twinkle in daddies eye anytime they ask where they were in photos pre dc

Original poster

luciemule · 08/05/2010 16:41

And i defo wasn't going to discuss technique !

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PlumBumMum · 08/05/2010 16:43

luciemule thats the bit I'm having problems with although dd hasn't asked yet

Original poster

luciemule · 08/05/2010 16:44

LOL plum!
DS (5) thinks he was born a monkey, as was I and everyone else apparently! He asked if he was covered in hair!
One day I explained to him about the whole evolution thing but to a 5 yr old, the millions of years between apes branching off into homo-sapiens, didn't register with him!

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Horton · 08/05/2010 16:45

My three year old wasn't in the least freaked out when I told her that the sperm gets in the mummy because the mummy and daddy have a really close cuddle and the daddy puts his penis inside the mummy's vagina (she did ask how). Actually, I think a three year old or similar age is much less likely to be bothered about this than an older child.

Original poster

luciemule · 08/05/2010 16:49

Hmmmm - bit late for me now then. Oh well - was just going through it in my head how I would word it. Tbh, she's not mentioned anything since the other night about the blood test thing so will wait until she nexts ask I think.

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Spatchadoodledo · 08/05/2010 16:49

Why not just say 'special adult cuddles'? Thats what we told our 4yr old when he asked. He wanted to know how the baby got in there.. Might be too simplistic thoughh for an 8yr old? (DS also knows that DD came out of Mummys 'girly bits'and that it hurts - he was with my during early labour)

piratecat · 08/05/2010 16:51

my dd was really not bothered when i tol dher that the man puts his willy in the lady's vagina, to get thesperm to the egg. she must have been 4.

I think i reminded her of this when it cam eup in conv's, with her asking.

Now she 8 she hasn't mentioned it again for about 2 yrs, but i am glad, she asked and i told her when she did. I know she'll remember, cos she remembers ever bloody thing. Yet she's also not interested in it in a sexual way in the slightest. I think, that as adults we know it's a pleasurable act and there fore place to much emphasis onthis in our own minds, when we tell them. But really they want to know how, cos they want to know 'HOW!!!

Original poster

luciemule · 08/05/2010 16:51

The bit about how babies are born I'm fine with -DD knows how and why she born by CS and DS that he wasn't born like his sister and was born naturally. They weren't 'icky' about that at all.

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Original poster

luciemule · 08/05/2010 16:52

good point pirate.

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PlumBumMum · 08/05/2010 16:54

Have watched it now, don't actually think that is too bad actually as someone else said maybe a bit babyish,
think I would prefer just to chat about, I am building myself up for the talk and drop things here and their about their bodies changing etc, can't help it I'm a bit PFB

winnybella · 08/05/2010 16:55

exactly, it's about explaining mechanics of reproduction as opposed to saying how adults have sex for pleasure etc

choufleur · 08/05/2010 16:56

DS (4) knows that you have to have a teeny tiny bit of mummy (he really can't get past the fact that chickens lay eggs to understand that i have eggs) and a teeny tiny bit of daddy to make a baby. Daddy gives his bit to mummy and sometimes it makes a baby which then grows in mummy's tummy.

He's happy with that now. When he asks questions i try to answer them as honestly as possible but he hasn't asked how the baby gets in mummy's tummy, or how it gets out. when he does i'll tell him.

PlumBumMum · 08/05/2010 16:59

there

BUT do 3/4 year olds still remember unless its an on/off conversation over time

Original poster

luciemule · 08/05/2010 17:00

I didn't tell mine the baby grows in my tummy and instead explained I have a womb/uterus. DS had started to think he was swimming around in there next to potatoes and sausages!

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maxybrown · 08/05/2010 17:00

I think just be straight with it - it's a fact of life, no one is suggesting she need to go out and practice it or anything horrid.

Certainly if she's asking anyway!

Scarily in 3 years time she wil be at school with "children" whom I do not doubt are trying it out for themselves and surely will hear such comments of put his dick in....blah blah blah (sorry ) and the like!!!

My DH is a secondary teacher by the way - I am not meaning to be crude!!

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