Not sure if this is too detailed for 8 yr old

[luciemule]

too detailed for 8 yr old?

DD asked me the other day why a chil would have a blood test to see who its father was. It was when she was drifting off to sleep so I said I'll tell you tomorrow. and that was that.
Anyway - think soon, she'll need some more details about how babies are made but I just feel she'll be devastated and want to tell her in a factual but not too detailed way! She's a bit of a deep thinker so won't be fobbed off I'm sure!
Do you think the above slide show would be okay - I was fine with it up to the couple in bed bit and then thought it seemed a bit weird. Your thoughts would be appreciated.
In advance, I'm not prudish but at only 8, I feel she really odesn't want the 'parents having sex' image implanted in her head!

DS asks occasionally about it. He's asked recently cos he keeps going on about having a brother (definitely NOT a sister). And i've had to explain that sometimes it's difficult for mummys and daddys to make babies.

He's also obsessed with a friends rapidly expanding pregnant stomach.

They remember but gets things muddled up sometimes.

I was about the last person in my class to know where babies came from at the age of 8.

There was a book called 'Our New Baby' in the school library that we all took in turns to take out.

It was more detailed than the slideshow, and much less cheesy. As girls can start getting their periods around then I think it's important to be clear and factual.

cheesy - yes, that's the word I was looking for to describe the slideshow.
Will have a look on Amazon for similar book to back up my 'chat'.

luciemule, are you sure she is asking how babies are made? Or is she confused about how her friend needs a test to find out who her daddy is?

I think the conversation she needs to have is about how sometimes, the daddy that looks after you isn't the same as the daddy that made you. And that because we are all unique and special, we can find out the daddy who made you by having a blood test.

No Lou - I didn't say that she said it was a friedn - think she saw it on Tracey beaker or something she watched on cbbc.
She knows all about step parents etc.
No, she was defo asking how a child could have their father's blood, when they are 'born from' the mummy.
I know she didn't direct;y ask me how babies are made, but the time will surely come soon, and tbh, asking about the blood test thing, really needs to be explained in terms of having part of the mum and the dad imo.

this is a good book! I have it here and my sister bought it for my niece when she was your DDs age

This video is being shown to 7-9 year olds in state schools in Lincolnshire (& possibly elsewhere). How would you feel about your DD seeing that? One parent was very cross, but I personally thought it showed a very positive image of sex for young children, which emphasised positive relationships.

OMG - no I certainly wouldn't be happy with my 8 yr old seeing that.

As others have said previously, discussing scientifically how babies are made is one thing but those positions and descriptions "stiff and wet and slippery" aren't, imo, necessary at such a young age. I'm not sure they needed to be chasing each other naked around the bedroom either.

I mean - we didn't even get such detailed videos at secondary GCSE level biology!

Luciemule, that is scientifically what happens. The penis has to be stiff to enter the woman's vagina effectively, and there is a very good reason why the vagina becomes 'wet and slippery'.

Well my dd asked me at 4 and I gave her a reasonably accurate description then (oh how I hate the phrase "special Cuddle" but I found myself using it).She then asked again recently and in more detail,she is five,and I bought some books-where Willy went,mummy laid an egg,and how was I made?.She likes where willy went and my three year old likes mummy laid an egg so yes they do both know the basics .I think the younger the better tbh,why not?

lou - if you read earlier posts, soemone said that the basic science -as in the daddy gives the mummy a sperm to join her egg and it travels from the penis into the vagina etc. Don't see why at that age, they need to be shown a) moving pictures, b) more than one position c) that sex is a game.

I would certainly take dd out of PSHE if they shpwed that video.

Lou- your quote of " Luciemule, that is scientifically what happens. The penis has to be stiff to enter the woman's vagina effectively, and there is a very good reason why the vagina becomes 'wet and slippery'." was a bit patronising - I am a mummy and obviously I don't need teaching!

To answer the OP the slides were certainly not too detailed for an 8 year old imo. The only bit I didn't like was it saying that babies are made 'by God and mum and dad'. I want my child informed of the facts and I don't want them being 'made by god' to be presented to them as fact.

I think it's always far better to answer honestly when they're much younger. My ds has been told about this stuff from age about 3. It's part of his natural learning process about everything. There's no reason for them NOT to know this stuff.

And a child of 8 will have heard lots of stuff in the playground. I would far rather my child is informed of the facts in a controlled and loving way rather than hearing all kinds of bizarre stuff in the playground and not knowing what's true or not!

Is the video the one with the feather duster?

I suspect we will not agree, Luciemule, so I will step away from the thread after this post. I was not patronising you. Simply pointing out that the areas you found too graphic were actually scientific details. They are crucial to the conception of a baby.

FWIW, I am a Christian, have been since the age of 16 (not raised as an active Christian). My DH has been my only sexual partner in any way or shape. I believe the principles of sexual relationships being monogomous and life-long. Certainly not 'games'. However, I was brought up to have a healthy awareness of bodies, and not to think that they were secret, mystical, or to be ashamed of.

DD1 is 4.6, and has significant SN (she starts Special school in September). When I showed DH that video this afternoon, DD1 wanted to see it. She sat with me, and said "ahhh, Mummy, they're kissing, that's lovely ".

If my 4 year old with SNs can view that video, process what was relevant to her (a mummy & daddy kissing) and filter the rest, how on earth could a NT 8 year old not handle seeing it? Children who are hidden from the facts of life find them out in their own ways. When you present the facts to them, and openly allow them to explore them with you, the mystery goes, and they don't feel the need to 'find out'.

Thank you anyway Lou. I guess I'm glad you told me about the video because otherwise I woudn't be aware of it and know that some LEAs are showing it to children.
There is though a big difference between what a 4yr old sees and what an 8 yr old sees. Would you be happy for your 4 yr old to watch people on tv having sex,? If so, what's the point of the watershed.

My DS first asked questions about 3 or 4, and every time I answered him more-or-less truthfully, but only specifically what he asked. eg: how is a baby made? First answer would be that it grows in the mummy's tummy. But how does it get there? Then I'd tell him about the sperm and the egg coming togehter.
So eventually, bit by bit, he's learnt most of the key facts. I'd feel a bit uncomfortable about telling him nothing then springing it all on him one day - I suppose because it makes it feel like a bigger deal than it is.

So no, I don't think the content is too much for an 8 year old - but if it was me, I'd be drip-feeding information as it's asked rather than using someone else's script.

Arggghh can't stay away

I think a graphical representation in the form of a cartoon, which is accompanied by an explanatory overview is very different to watching real people having sex or seeming to have sex.

In answer to your question, without a shadow of a doubt, I would not think it appropriate for my 4 year old to be viewing the act of intercourse (whether real or simulated) on television. However, I don't view that cartoon as being that in the slightest.

thanks prudence that sounds like a good idea. So I'll try to drip feed the info from now on.
I was worried that she wouldn't take the periods chat too well but she surprised me. She's a very sensitive little girl who is quite naive for her age, although in other ways, she seems so grown up so I don't her to worry about it all. She regulary worries about me dying before her and when she'll die etc and she has lots of trouble sleeping and so I didn't want to bombard her with sex info when she was worried about other stuff too.

Well done, luciemule.

But I wonder why you put "sex stuff" in the same category as dying and other stuff to be worried about. I never noticed my dd worrying about the periods not even when they started; death and scary stories are a totally different thing. I think a lot of the time they take their cue from you: my mum was very uncomfortable talking about periods, so that made me uncomfortable when they started, but dd is more relaxed because she can see I am relaxed about it.

Even ds, who is as sensitive as they come, took my explanation of the uses of Viagra perfectly cheerfully.

I'm not implying it's in the same category - just that she tends to worry about everything! She has sleep probs and instead of relaxing at night, she lies there thinking too deeply about stuff.
My mum didn't tell me an awful lot about periods either and when I told how depressing they were, she just shrugged it off with "well, we all have to have them". I, like you, didn't want to be that vacant with my dd so that's why I did the periods talk so openly. She was fine with it.
A friend has just told me about a miriam Stoppard book called 'The Questions Children Ask' and it looks fab so I'm going to order it and then deal with issues as they arise. Thanks everybody - very helpful and insightful thread.