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what does your 8-9 year old dc do for themselves

64 replies

CHUNKYMUNKEY · 05/05/2010 21:02

i have an 8 year old dd, and im wondering if myself and dp do to much for her, just wanted to see what other parents do in comparison as i feel my dd isn't as independant as others, i dont want to push her to grow up too quickly but don't want to mollycoddle either, its mainly things like putting on her socks/tights on her, packing her school bag/swim bag, taking her up to bed etc, any thoughts on this or is this what other parents still do for their dcs at this age?

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CHUNKYMUNKEY · 05/05/2010 21:55

Yes after reading all the replies i am going to get her to do more things herself,

One of dds school friend's mum told me she thinks my dd is a little babyish, although i was annoyed as i wouldn't say this to another parent i know deep-down she is right and i want to change this.

She does get washed herself and does supervise dd2 while i get washed/dressed so just need to work on other things, have got so used to doing everything,

The reason it has got me thinking tonight is i am so completely knackered, my dp works quite long hours so i need dd1 to be more independant to save my sanity and prepare her for life in general.

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ZZZenAgain · 05/05/2010 22:01

I think you just have to grit your teeth a bit in the beginning and accept imperfect results. My dd's idea of "doing her hair" is not the equivalent of my own standard but how else can you learn other than by starting somewhere and working on it?

I wouldn't worry about it at all, she is not WAY too old to have you do things for her but I think she'll enjoy seeing she is allowed to do things for herself and thinking ahead a bit, it is better for you to disengage yourself from the everyday chores a bit now, if you do not absolutely have to do them. As you so rightly say, it is knackering

ChippyMinton · 05/05/2010 22:01

PortBlacksand - I just leave mine to get on with making breakfast, unless porridge is requested.
Mine do most things for themselves - if I had to do stuff for all three there wouldn't be enough hours in the day to mumsnet. My mantra is 'you have legs/hands/a decent brain, you can do it as well as I can'.

CHUNKYMUNKEY · 05/05/2010 22:02

I am going to write down what people have posted and work on what i feel my dd can achieve, she does lack confidence and is so sensitive about things.

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PortBlacksandVoter · 05/05/2010 22:04

Ok - fair enough...sorry....

I'm clearly a mollycoddler

ChippyMinton · 05/05/2010 22:06

Good idea. Start with the things you know she could do witha little guidance. Sometimes they miss the blindingly obvious,like setting the cereal bowl straight or find it hard to control say, a 4-pint milk bottle. I decant cereal into those plastic storage containers to make it easier to pour out a sensible portion.

CHUNKYMUNKEY · 05/05/2010 22:06

More mumsnet time would be great

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weegiemum · 05/05/2010 22:07

When I say "get breakfast" I mean get bowl and spoon, pour in roughly the right amount of Rice Krispies and milk, eat and then put stuff away again.

Or make toast, add butter, eat.

And pour juice, at weekends

PixieOnaBallotBox · 05/05/2010 22:10

When I say DS gets breakfast, I mean he takes the cereal box from the table, pours out cereal and adds milk. His sister uses the toaster for him, but he butters it.

Possibly because I'm exclusively breast feeding seven week old twins at the moment and rarely get more than five hours sleep at night.

There's no 'point scoring' about it.

CHUNKYMUNKEY · 05/05/2010 22:14

i think bedtime is going to be the tricky one as dp puts dd to bed, dd is also scared of going upstairs by herself although we do have the light on.

Would it be bad to offer a little bribe/incentive such as pocket money to lessen the pain of having to do things for herself! or is this a complete no-no,and defeating the object.

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CaptainWinky · 05/05/2010 22:14

To those who say their 7 year old can make a cup of tea- do they use the kettle?

I know in my head that I was able to make a cup of tea at 7 (Brownie Hostess badge, was first one we did), but I just can't see my 7 year old DD doing it. She pours her own milk for cereal etc without spilling, I suppose. Maybe I should let her try, supervised?

TheCrackFox · 05/05/2010 22:17

I have the same problem Captain. i seemed to be making my mum a cup of tea every 5 minutes at that age but I just don't think I could trust DS1 yet.

KeeptheRedFennelFlying · 05/05/2010 22:19

Making tea/coffee is about the only thing on this list my 8yo doesn't do, nor my 10yo, I'm not keen on the idea of them near kettles, though they can use the toaster and microwave and hob pretty well, and they make and can cook on open fires too. But the boiling water in kettles worries me a bit.

Tortoise · 05/05/2010 22:19

My 6 yr old loves making her own breakfast. She is great at putting cereal in a bowl and pouring milk on or putting bread in the toaster and making her own toast. I haven't made her do it, she just wants breakfast the moment she gets up which is before i am ready to get up! (Sleep downstairs anyway, so am about if she needs help)So she does it herself.

CaptainWinky · 05/05/2010 22:21

I was talking about this in RL, actually (the kettle thing) We didn't even have cordless kettles at that age, either, but I just don't feel ready to let her deal with boiling water yet.

And actually, I suspect that she would not be too happy with the idea either.

ZZZenAgain · 05/05/2010 22:21

I think it is nice that dp puts her to bed, cosy way to wind up the day and if she is scared about going upstairs alone, I would stick with it. Do things she is ok with.

CaptainWinky · 05/05/2010 22:22

I might try suggesting she makes her own toast though

Hulababy · 05/05/2010 22:24

My 8y DD will make coffee for us using the Tassimo. She only uses the kettle of boiling water when supervised.

I still run DD's bath and I rinse her hair for her too after shampoo/conditioner - else she doesn't get it all out fully which is not great for her hair. She could do it herslf if required.

She dresses herself and generally choses her clothes.

She generally gts her own breakfast and juice - normally toast or a sandwich.

She packs most of her school bag but I will generally give it a sneaky check and also sort her snack out and pop it in. She makes sure piano bag is sorted for Tuesdays and she makes sure her towl and goggles are ready for swimming.

We still do bedtime and have no intention of stopping that for a long time.

She can cook and bake pretty well, although i do hoover and help with hot stuff. She has her own sharpe kitchen knife (it is sharp I know as i sliced top of thumb nearly off last night with it) and various cooking and baking implements. She can follow a recipe well and enjoys it. But this is done for fun, never as a necessity. She made me and Dh a lovely mousakka followed by Brownies - yum!

IF required she can pop the hoover round, sort washing, put washing in machine, empty dishwasher, etc. but on the whole we don't ask her to do this. No reason for her to be doing so as yet here.

I still quite like doig stuff for her on the whole. I like the parenting aspects of it :0 I don't think I particularly mollycoddle, but TBH - as know she is capable - I on't care.

Ivykaty44 · 05/05/2010 22:27

by 8 was dressing herslef, showering, putting shoes on, putting washing in the basket.

walking to school, playing out,

Is expected to help lay the table and clear the table.

seeker · 05/05/2010 22:27

My 9 year old can do everything he needs to in terms of personal care except deal with nits.

Make tea and toast. Look after pets. Dress, sort out school bag. Buy things in shops. Go on short familiar journeys on public transport. Chop wood. Sail a boat. Drive a small tractor (off road, of course). Use a hammer, a saw and a screwdriver. Answer the phone and take sensible messages. Use the microwave. Change a nappy (so long as it's not too pooy). Change a lightbulb. Look after the guinea pigs and the cats. And loads of other stuff. They can do anything we let them do!

PortBlacksandVoter · 05/05/2010 22:28

There have been at least two posters on here who have said their DCs (aged 8ish) make their own breakfast as its too early for them to wake up / get up...

I'm clearly in a minority here that i find this an odd attitude.

Horses for courses i guess...

Queenbuzz · 05/05/2010 22:30

Golly, my 7 y.o makes her own bed, feeds goats, dresses and washes herself, makes and helps put breakfast things away(every day before school) packs her own suitcase if we go on holiday, I just tell her how many days for so she can calculate how many pants, socks, tops etc to take (I never check it, haven't needed to since she was 3).

Every night she reads a story to her little brother, tidies her bedroom, folds and puts her clean clothes away or helps peg fresh laundry up. In fact friends' mums say she is their best sleepover guest because she is always helpful and polite.

She gets so much praise from everyone around her it makes her really proud, also we 'translate' good girl points into treats, sweets, trips etc so she feels that she is justly rewarded for all her efforts.

Her little brother is the same, and tries to copy- making his own bed and opening curtains, foldng clothes etc, of course he's not able to do it that well but I would never dent his gung ho by doing it for him.

Of course I could do it better but why would I? I want him to be a great husband and father when he grows up which means knowing where the laundry basket is and what it's for! And also I do not want him to think it's just women's work.

CaptainWinky · 05/05/2010 22:30

My DD makes her own cereal while I get showered/dressed etc, not sure what's wrong with that? At 7 she is old enough to be in a room unsupervised for ten minutes!

CHUNKYMUNKEY · 05/05/2010 22:32

Again, thanks for all the replies.

I also do like the parenting aspect of looking after my dds. My parents both worked full-time and i had 3 older sisters so i had to ge on with things myself as a child, i was very independent, too much if i am honest and i always vowed to be more hands on with my kids which i am, but perhaps have taken too far.

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weegiemum · 05/05/2010 22:33

If I'm not up at breakfast time (I didn't say this already) it is because ds (and its only ever him, dunno why) has decided to have what he calls"an early start today"..

He then sits and reads comic books while the rest of us get ready.

His "early start" is anything between 6.30 and 7.00 the school bus comes at 8. Getting up time is 7 - 7.10 most mornings.