Toddler eating problems

[smerchant]

I have a 2.5 yrs old ds who is very difficult at meal times. He will not sit on the table at all. We eat togther at all meal times so its not like he is eating alone.
If i make him sit by force then he will cry and scream and will not eat anything.I dont know what to do.
Currently i try to make him eat with us but since its not workign so then i have to take food and go after him. He will take few bites when i distract him with toys or tv if you know what i mean. He will have some bites and when he realise he is eating, he will stop and start having tantrums again.

I have spoken to HV and she says i should put food in front of him and encourage him to eat. If he doesnt eat then i should leave it. I have tried that and he went on without food for a week!!! I gave up after that and went back to my way of distractign him and then putting food in his mouth.

He goes to nursery and does the same thing. He does 8-1 session and he refuses breakfast, has his snack and lunch is a hit or a miss. sometimes he will eat it and sometimes he will refuse.

Can someone please advise me what i am doing wrong?

I have tried timeout, taking away his toys and ignoring him but none of these work.

I really dont know what else to do.

I think that if you punish him for not eating then it will set up negative associations, for a start. I'd say try not to have any reaction, positive or negative just keep putting the food in front of him and don't speak about it.

I have to say my ds has always loved food, but is a grazer, so sometimes won't have much of a breakfast or dinner, but eats all day long. If we are out we'll go into a fruit and veg shop where they know him and he asks for a banana and then eats it going down the street. We go into a cheese shop and they give him tasters of cheese. If he's on the back of the bike he'll usually eat an apple. Before dinner, when he was getting hungry, was when I used to give veg that he wasn't that interested in, like broccoli while he's playing. Maybe try being a bit creative and see if there are different times of the day that he is likely to eat.

As soon as he's full though I say that's fine, so he is making the decisions around food himself and understanding his own appetite.

Did he really not eat anything at all for a whole week?

I have tried fruits and he will occasionaly have a banana or an apple. But these are temporary changes, he will eat for 2-3 days and then just say no.

Yes he really didnt eat anythign for a week and he got so weak that i had to give in.

I was about to start saying be consistent, no table, no food etc etc, they don't starve themselves, the usual.

Then I saw your second post - he really ate nothing for an entire week?

Now that is not normal, I can totally understand why you're worried and why you resort to chasing him round the house to get food into him. Whether this is cause or effect really doesn't matter now, as that is the way it has become...

I would go back to the HV and ask for more help or a referral to someone with a speciality in the area. Sounds like he either has an abnormally low appetite (which in itself should be checked out), or has some issues around food (which you need help addressing). I hope you manage to get some help, and in the meantime I wouldn't try punishments, just offer the food periodically (table or not doesn't matter I would think, just to get him eating regularly would be the first goal, if it has to be on a small table or a picnic in front of the TV then so be it), and try to keep emotions out of it. Easier said than done I know...

Also, probably a useless question as you will have thought of this already, but have you tried taking all snacks and juice etc away? DD1 has a low appetite, and the merest hint of a snack or anything with sugar in it, e.g., ribena or sweets will mean she refuses her lunch. Just three meals a day (with pudding if she has a reasonable stab at the meal), with water, and a small amount of milk (e.g. 100-150ml) in the morning and at night for her, poor love!

Thanks for all your replies. I will talk to HV but i have little hope she can have any more advise.

I usually do not offer snacks at times close to meal times. He doesnt eat junk, i always give healthy snacks. He wont eat chocolates or crips also which is so unusual. He will happily eat raisins, grapes etc but list is very limited.

h eeats chips occasionally or bourboun biscuits but thats it really.

Did he really really not eat anything for a week - no milk, raisins, grapes, biscuits, cheese - nothing at all passed his lips except drink (not including milk)? That would be so unusual.

Personally I would nip it in the bud now. I learnt from my mistakes of not doing so - my dd went three days with nothing except milk and bananas (at night as she couldnt sleep hungry) when we were in your position and I caved in. We are paying for it still now, 7 years later.

Knowing what I know now I would trust the 'children in the UK will not starve' and place the meal at the table, ask him to eat at the table then if he does not, calmly take away until next meal with no fuss, punishments or chasing him around with a spoon (!). Then again, repeat. Prepare for really bad nights but eventually he will eat!

We were you, and got it wrong! One of my biggest regrets is that we were not just simply calmly very strict.

But hopefully she, or maybe your GP, can refer you to someone who could help? I know HV can be crap, but it does really sound like you could use some help and support - its hard enough without having to worry about this as well.

With DD1 it isn't snacks close to meal times, but snacks full stop!

I saw a Jo Frost programme recently(ish) about a little girl who refused to eat anything other than sugary foods and because of this, the mother resorted to force feeding her by physically holding her down and shoving food in her mouth. ()

Jo Frost's advice in this case was to knock the crappy food on the head and do not give the girl anything else to eat, other than what they were having and maybe grapes etc as a small snack, and eventually the girl will eat. She was right and the end result was the girl sitting happily and eating family meals.

Food for thought, perhaps? (no pun intended!)

Good luck.

He has milk in a cup with breakfast and then a bed time bottle. I know i will be shot for that but thats was a bad advise from my MIL which i took and am paying for it (i have plan to take away bottle in next couple of months). He doesnt have milk at other time as i removed his afternoon milk on HV's advise as she thought that mught be filling him up.

The one week that i tried, he had only few apples and some raisins. He got so week that his cheeks and body was all very skinny. Usually he looks quite healthy and no one believes me when i say he doesnt eat as they think i am lying. But they dont know how much struggle i have to do in order to get food into him.

I work full time and have a another ds who is one year old and i am not able to give him much attention since i am after the elder one all the time in the evening.

Its so hard and i just want him to sit happily on the table and eat like normal.

Why dont you start in the morning with breakfast at the table and less milk. Then keep busy for three hours or so with loads of running and playing then sit down at the table for an early lunch and tell him it is there but take no fuss. If he doesnt want it then leave it and say 'ok you can get down then', take it away and then two hours later offer food again at the table and so on. No snacks, no fruit and no milk - just plenty of water or very diluted fruit juice. Prepare for a very bad night and if he is hungry then again, offer a bedtime snack at the table. Next day do the same.

Dont make an issue of it and dont focus on what he is eating - perhaps look at something at the table such as a book. Or already be colouring at the table and move books out of way and place a plate there.

Start on a Saturday if you are not there in the week. Instruct nursery to do the same.

Its surprising how little food some children need - a few apples and raisins and milk would see my 8 year old through a day to be honest. She couldnt care about food and needs very little but is a big strapping girl.

Thats what I wish I had done. Only mine was an issue with her giving up food and eating an incredibly limited diet. The HV said go with it (and I stupidly took their advice) but years later the specialist at the hospital said it was the worst thing I could have done and that had I simply offered food as above, she would have eaten eventually as no child will willingly starve themselves as the will to survive will take over and she would have been much less fussy.

smerchant - Is it really that important he sits at the table to eat? I'm only asking as he is still very young. DS1 is 2.2 years old and it's near impossible to get him to sit at a table to eat at the moment as he won't go into the highchair or booster chair, insisting on sitting on the big chair but never stays on it for long. Also, at this age, everything is interesting, food is not! I just feed DS1 and DS2 (who is 6 months old) in the living room in front of the TV . Yes, it's bad but it's not forever. DS1 eats because he is distracted by the TV or his toys and DS2 eats because he is entertained by DS1 mucking about.

Very good advice there from Frogety!

Thanks Forgety, i wil try this.

Angel i am not too fussed about sitting at the table but i feel if i dont discipline from now, he will have bigger eating problems in future. I may be wrong but since his fusiness is increasing day by day, i want to control it sooner than later..

Sitting on the table is important because at nursery no one will chase him to eat food. They put it on the table and he is suppose to sit and eat. He does same there, is too much busy with playing with toys and running around and is least bothered about food. I pay for his lunch and breakfast and he doesnt eat it

I would just like to add that i think sitting at the table to eat is an important part of eating a meal. DD sits at the table for every meal and mostly i am sat with her, but she is happy to sit there eating on her own while i talk to her whilst tidying up the kitchen etc (we have an open plan kitchen/diner). Very occasionally we will sit on the sofa together and have some toast for breakfast.

I think you are right in getting him to sit down to eat because, as you say, nursery aren't going to chase him around with food (and neither should you do this!!). They will want him to sit nicely while all the other children sit down to eat too as i'm sure his running around, refusing to eat and playing is distracting the other kids from eating their lunch etc too.

Let us know how you get on and BE STRONG!!

I think that discipline really shouldn't come into eating food. Forcing children to eat can be very dangerous making them lose touch with their natural instincts because they are responding to what we want rather than what comes naturally. Remember that they have natural instincts. To be fair he was not starving himself if he was drinking milk, eating apples and eating raisins.

But at the same time, Again, surely he shouldn't be allowed to run around eating (or not?!)? Just think of the crumbs!!!

I agree that discipline shouldn't be associated with eating. I also agree with eating at the table.

DS is very fussy and always has been. He refused to eat anything for days at a time and was notorious for not liking sweet sugary stuff but preferring fruit and veg.

I always refused to give in to him, he has always had to sit at the table and eat dinner (or make a good stab at it), if he eats some dinner he can have pudding of his choice - normally yoghurt or fruit. If he ate nothing, then he didn't get anything else.

He was different in that he wouldn't drink any milk at all from 10 months so he has always been very thin. He is only having milk on cereal sometimes for breakfast now.

He's nearly three and things are a lot better, he normally eats breakfast and also more breakfst when he gets to creche. Every day he eats dinner at creche and then he tries everything at dinner at home - I would say that he gets dessert five days out of seven.

I always make sure that I am at the table eating with him (even if I am having something different) and now DD is old, enough she is at the table too. He definitely eats a lot better with us than on his own.

Fair enough! My DS1 sits down and eats when there are other kids around (he eats very well in nursery and at other people's houses with other children!), I just can't be bothered at home when I have two to contend with. I do intend to start eating at the table when DS2 is a little bigger and can eat properly... Bad mummy!

How old is DS2?

DS2 is 6 months old and weaning is not going too well... But that is another thread altogether! Sigh

Ahh! DD is only really starting to eat now at a year.

She wouldn't have any purees etc etc and kind of did self baby led weaning. She's got there finally though!

Maybe it's me that's the bad mummy, I just plonked her in her booster seat along side DS from an early age, whether she ate or not.

Now she's joining in, every child follows their own pace

Thanks KiddingAnxiously. DS2 is not keen at all on purees. Kinda like your DD. He wants to feed himself but he's always got a very sensitive gag reflex and tends to bring up his milk alongside whatever he's gagging on... Purees or finger foods, it's the same. I just want to give up but I know it's important for him to have tastes of food even if not much is going in at all. Thanks for your encouragement. I keep telling myself not to stress about it, DS2 is a very happy and healthy baby (even if he is a little lightweight!).

I am always amazed how little DD (just3) needs to function on. She has milk still twice a day but not gallons. Other than that she is on self-imposed atkins - no carbs to speak of, no pasta, potato, bread but a little rice. Other than that all meats/fish, lots of veggies but no cheese/dairy other than milk.

She can go all day (nursery 8-5) or all day on the go at home and if you add up all the food from 3/4 meals together you might just get one decent meal. She does not snack unless prompted and will always choose things like rice cakes. She can leave chocolate half way through, doesn't much care for biscuits, has never been bothered by cake, so sweet stuff is not affecting her.

She is tall and willowy and full of energy and fun. I never know whether to be worried or envious at her self-regulation. She drives other kids mad, at parties she prefers to run around rather than tuck into the nice treats leaving her plate untouched.

Her weakness in life is a mini-milk ice cream, well, that is 30 calories well spent!!

BBF - LOL. My DS1 is also on an Atkins diet! He loves meat, asking for chicken at every meal. But no keen at all on veges (will spit out hidden veg unless it is grated!) but thank goodness, he loves fruit. He also has a sweet tooth and loves chocolate. Him, I am not worried about but DS2, I just want to cry at the moment... I keep reminding myself though that DS1 had a slow start to weaning too. It's only a few months ago that he started asking for food and really enjoying it.