Toddler eating problems

[smerchant]

I have a 2.5 yrs old ds who is very difficult at meal times. He will not sit on the table at all. We eat togther at all meal times so its not like he is eating alone.
If i make him sit by force then he will cry and scream and will not eat anything.I dont know what to do.
Currently i try to make him eat with us but since its not workign so then i have to take food and go after him. He will take few bites when i distract him with toys or tv if you know what i mean. He will have some bites and when he realise he is eating, he will stop and start having tantrums again.

I have spoken to HV and she says i should put food in front of him and encourage him to eat. If he doesnt eat then i should leave it. I have tried that and he went on without food for a week!!! I gave up after that and went back to my way of distractign him and then putting food in his mouth.

He goes to nursery and does the same thing. He does 8-1 session and he refuses breakfast, has his snack and lunch is a hit or a miss. sometimes he will eat it and sometimes he will refuse.

Can someone please advise me what i am doing wrong?

I have tried timeout, taking away his toys and ignoring him but none of these work.

I really dont know what else to do.

I wish my DD would eat meat!! She is almost repulsed by it!!

DD did not really wean until a year and then it was hit and miss. I stopped worrying once she was walking and very quickly running as she obviously just has a small appetite. I have to stop myself nagging her to eat, she eats what she eats and that's it, no matter what my blood pressue is doing!

Meant to add, DD makes me take off the coating from fish fingers and then just eats the fish. Also hates cheese - for the love of Michael cheese is practically currency in our house! If she did not look so much like me I would swear she was swopped. if it turns out she does not like red wine, well, she is no child of mine!!

Theres a lots of good advice here. But the one thing I would like to add is try and get your DS involved in making his meals and doing fun food activities. Some things you could try are

topping pizzas-even if its just on a bun
cutting fruit/vegetables-fruit kababs
making cakes and jellies
make his own sandwich-spreading butter choosing fillings

Dont put too much empathis on him eating the end product but let him have fun exploring food without the pressure of eating it. I work in a nursery setting and we do a lot of activities around healthy eating. We find that children are more likely to try things when they are involved in the process of making it, even if it is just tasting little bits or having a choice of say, ham or chicken.

If you take away the battleground you will likely win the war. As hard as it is, try not badger him to eat. Talk about different things or have competitions to see who can make the best pizza face, most creative sandwich etc.

I agree with TeamCullen, I know you said you work full time and have another LO but could he help you beat eggs for an omelette, or butter toast, or something like that. And try to take the stress out of it - maybe a picnic. You used the word 'control' in your post which made me wonder if he isn't rebelling a bit against you. My DD can be very angry and stubborn if she feels slighted and I wonder if yours might be a bit too.
In your position I would still try to start from scratch, make food fun, mealtimes fun and see what happens.
GOODLUCK!!!

My ds is like this at 2.8. Always been terribly tricky to feed even when weaning. Unfortunately the only way he would be fed was to distract him with a book or toys and just shovel food into him which with hindsight was not a healthy start to his relationship with food. At the time we were panicking and just trying to get whatever vitamins into him we could. Moved onto finger foods when he eventually refused the spoon regardless of distractions. We have good and bad days with food, even now.

He loves grapes and oranges and the occassional apple which is good. With meal times, he did exactly the same, screaming and crying at the table. We gave up and just have meal times on the sofa which I know is not ideal. We basically have to leave him to it. Offer him a meal, sit him on thesofa and not mention the food or lack of eating. He is very stubborn and if he senses that I really want him to eat, he will do the opposite! We never get sucked into the bargaining and 'just one more bite' etc, we used to but it made things so pressurised and really did not help the situation.

Basically, my only advice is to back off and not even praise him when he does eat. For my ds if I praise him when he does eat, hethen realises that I want him to eat and it gives him the power again and it becomes a battle. I let him eat how much he wants and don't let it become a power struggle.

He does eat a reasonable variety of food but there is not a hope in hell of me getting any beges (except baked beans!) into him. I am just grateful that he does eat some fuit.

Also the amount he eats is tiny which does worry me because he is very active. Having said that, he is on 98th centile for height and weight so I can only assume he is getting enough! Try not to panic. For us th only success has been since we gave up trying to get him to eat. Remove all the pressure.

Oh yes we did a lot of picnics, if only on a rug on the dining room floor, seems to be better with the more relaxed approach.

Yesterday for the first time in a long time I said 'if you don't eat all your breakfast we are not going to the farm' and left her with it. She did eat all of her toast (bread shock horror - half a slice) and her oaty cereal bar thingy. She was so proud afterwards! She can do it you see, just cannot be faffed.

I also agree with teamcullen, let the LO help make food, even baking biscuits at the weekends can get them excited about being in the kitchen.

Great idea from meandjoe. In your position I'd definitely give that technique a go. I had never thought of encouragement as pressure before but it is in a way. Get him used to actually eating regularly however he wants to and then you can work on reintegrating him into family mealtimes later.

Agree that you should not be chasing around lo to feed him but can see why you do it as your concerned. I do beleive children should sit at the table but being honest there are many a time my ds has veggie pasta, sandwiches etc in front of the tv sat on a blanket on longe floor!!! getting hm involved in cooking is a great idea.

I watched the episode of Jo Frost too it was available on channel 4od maybe worth while trying to watch it .

What about the idea of him designing a plate with his choice of meal on or you doing it and giving him the choice?? (another supernanny episode!) Then give him a sticker for each diff food he tries without commenting on what he doesn't. He could even make a placemat which becomes the sticker chart.

How are you getting on? Any progress?

lots of good advice here.

Cutting out all drinks apart from water and goat milk at night (that is bad??????) certainly help DD increase her appetite & eat more.

best of luck in moving forward with this.