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Original poster

I'm really worried about a child in my sons class

80 replies

ConcernedMum · 01/07/2003 13:04

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Jaybee · 01/07/2003 16:28

I recently attended a Child Protection Seminar and the advice I was given there was if you suspected anything to contact Social Services via NSPCC Helpline 0800 800 500 or the Police or local Social Services. If you were not sure then they advised that you contact Childline - just looked up the number and it is the same as helpline above.

Claireandrich · 01/07/2003 20:12

As a teacher I think that school probable isn't the best option here as most incidents appear to be occuring away from school. The school procedure would probably slow up the action too as the class teacher will have to pass it - there will be one teacher with this responsibility.

robinw · 01/07/2003 23:02

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monkey · 02/07/2003 11:23

I'm useless at this sort of stuff robinw, but the bit about no food for 8 hours, especially in a young child (just guessing - how old is she?) is cruel and harmful to her health & just plain abusive. A child has a right to food. My 2 can hardly go an hour without some sort of nibble for goodness sake! I'd phone maybe childline but while the roughness would make me feel unhappy & uncpmfortable (not to mention what the poor child feels!) the food withholding is plain scary.

It doesn't matter that she's ok with the other child, or other children. You hear quite often how abusive parents are ok with 1 or more kids & just target 1. I would definitely do something, probably anonymously. In this way you could still stay in contact if you feel this helps!

what sad situations, hope you get on OK as well with you're - won't mention name case it does get changed!

pie · 02/07/2003 11:29

I agree with everyone here, and as a woman who was physically abused with as a child urge you to call either the NSPCC or Childline. They will be more experienced than the teachers with more resources to investigate.

I always remind myself that if a parent feels it is acceptable to treat their child like that in public that it could be alot worse in private.

oliveoil · 02/07/2003 14:04

My dh works in a rough area and regularly sees young children, like infants, walking to school on their own, one girl had shoes on the wrong feet. Also sees mums f'ing at their kids ALL the time, sometimes with cans of lager in their hands IN THE MORNING. Can you imagine being a teacher at that school, I would want to take them all home with me.

Enid · 02/07/2003 14:10

Jesus aloha, I'm glad you don't live near me (says the bad mum who went into the florists leaving both kids in the car outside and when I came out dd1 was crying hysterically because she'd dropped Barbies shoes and couldnt reach them)

tigermoth · 02/07/2003 17:15

robin, I just don't know what I'd do in your situation since it doesn't seem as clear cut as ConcernedMum's.

How about seeing the daughter and mother more often than you do now, getting closer to them to determine if there is a problem?

If you see the daughter on her own - ie on a playdate and she seems upset, could you gently say if she ever wants to talk anything over she can come to you?

Is the mother definitely withholding all food for 8 hours as a punishment? or would she let her daughter have some bread and butter, say? It seems a long time to me especially if this is a regular happening.

Batters · 02/07/2003 17:39

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CAM · 02/07/2003 20:12

ClaireandRich - as a teacher can you answer a question for me? If a child is reported to NSPCC or social services, do they contact the child's school automatically?

Claireandrich · 02/07/2003 20:22

Cam - really sorry, I don't know the answer to that. I know that there is a teacher at every school given the role/responsibility for child protection type issues and it would be them who'd be contacted if it did happen. All I know is the other way round. If I find something out I HAVE to pass it on to the teacher in charge, who then HAS to pass it on further to the right authorities. Child protectin issues are not allowed to be kept confidential even if a child asks for this. Sorry I can't help more.

Mummysurfer · 02/07/2003 20:29

CAM
I was a primary teacher - BC. In my experience NSPCC don't contact school at all. Social Services only contact school when they see the initial complaint as cause for concern They don't automatically notify schools when "joe public" has raised a concern they would check it out first. They do notify schools when professionals dealing with the child/ren raise concerns.

Hope this helps.

CAM · 02/07/2003 20:56

Thank you for that information, ClaireandRich and Mummysurfer.

Gilli · 02/07/2003 23:01

Robinw and ConcernedMum - I'm with Aloha - DO interfere - DO get involved, and DO say something: if your fears are not justified it won't matter, and if they are you can save a child from abuse. And yes, it happens all over the place, and with adults who are reasonable with other children, kind to friends etc etc... It is VERY hard to be certain, and by then concerned witnesses are often too late. My advice would be to call the police and ask for the number of the Child Protection Officer. Your details will not be recorded but your concerns will.

tigermoth · 03/07/2003 07:08

yes, thinking about this more I agree, an anonymous call to childline would be a good idea, robin.

How well do you know this woman? it sounds like she talks to you quite a lot. Can you somehow dig a bit deeper about her feelings towards this particular child or see if she feels under pressure and is having difficulty coping with her two children? It could help you in giving childline more information when you call them.

Jimjams · 03/07/2003 11:21

robinw- not sure about your case- sounds like a watchful eye from yourself would be more useful at this stage. Social Services are too overstretched to do anything other than absolute crisis intervention and care anyway- and it doesn't sound as if this is warranted in this case. Sounds to me like the mother may have a child she finds difficult and needs a bit of a break. Concerned Mum's case sounds more worrying.

I leave my children in the car when I pop into the local garage come shop to buy a sandwich (or petrol for that matter). It takes in total, at most 3 or 4 minutes. I can't take ds1 in as he can't queue, and I can't hold ds2 (17 months) and prevent ds1 from running away (4 and autistic). I have to say I'd be pretty pissed off if I got back to the car to find that someone had rung the police.

aloha · 03/07/2003 12:39

Believe me, they'd been there a lot longer than five minutes. I was standing by the bloody car waiting. Also, it was one the hottest days of the year, only one window was slightly open and it was like a furnace in there. The father was not within sight - otherwise he would have seen me phoning. There were no car seats and the baby was sobbing hysterically. I don't care if he was pissed off - I was shaking with anger. In the second case, the bloody man worked in the shop (actually a cafe) and had just left his kids outside so he could get on with his work. It makes me sick how some people round my way treat their children. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do something. If I leave my ds in the car I don't let him out of my sight.

aloha · 03/07/2003 12:44

Would you honestly leave your children locked in the car on one of the hottest days of the year and then just walk away, probably to the shops a couple of streets away?

princesspeahead · 03/07/2003 12:45

not in a billion years...

Enid · 03/07/2003 12:52

No, not a couple of streets away. But I would leave them outside a shop while I went in (not the supermarket, but as I said before the florists, or bakers etc). And I would lock the car, for their safety. But I would always be within easy reach. If you've got two its a bit of a faff getting them both out of the car and in again for a 5 minute shop.

I would never even consider taking them into the petrol station when I am buying petrol. And I leave them in the car while I walk to the ticket machine in the car park, sometimes they are out of sight then.

aloha · 03/07/2003 13:51

They weren't outside a shop. They were in a residential street. Actually, I'm not going to apologise for what I did.

Oakmaiden · 03/07/2003 13:51

I leave my ds in the car ocasionally - when I pop into the garage or the corner shop or something (not somewhere I will be gone for more than a couple of minutes). However, I don't lock the door - I have a terrible fear that if something happened and someone crashed into my parked car/it caught fire/something like that then if the door is locked my ds would be trapped - whereas if it is unlocked he could get out himself if he needed to - certainly he would be easy to rescue.

He is always ASKING to be left in the car though - he hates the supermarket, and can't see why I mkae him go in with me when we have a perfectly good car to sit and wait in (which is what often happens if dh is with us - one of us shops, the others wait in the car).

oliveoil · 03/07/2003 14:03

aloha - don't think you should apologise, I always think that I wouldn't leave my purse/bag in the car unattended, so wouldn't with my dd. Overprotective mother or not, don't care

Gem13 · 03/07/2003 14:04

I always remember that news report 2 (?) years ago where a woman popped into her friends house leaving her children in the car and it caught fire and exploded as she was coming out.

The thought of that is enough for me never to leave DS in the car.

fio2 · 03/07/2003 14:06

there have been alot of cases round here where cars have been stolen with little kiddies strapped into the back