Mum never takes her ds out?

[Louise1970]

My old antenatal friend has just called to see how i am doing. Then we discussed how she is doing with her ds1 21 month old and her dd2 3 months old. She is still claiming that she still does not ever take them out. They play in the garden or go to the childminders for 6 hours a week. Only doing shopping with him 1 a month. I take my children out every day to playgroups amd activites. My children are the same age. She says that she does not want to be running around all day to various activities with them. Will her children develop as well as those who mix early and see how to interact and play with various toys. When ever i see her children at her home, they really are well behaved and great mannors, loving, doesn't throw tantrums in front of other people. he really is text book stuff. Obviously he has his moments when we all go home. But my ds1 is always doing the above. Hmmmm!! Can i have your views on what you think the difference is.....

In all seriousness Louise, you may be right - I hated taking my kids out on my own when they were very young (toddler and baby), but if I did make the effort the kids enjoyed it.

Things like supermarkets and going to town were a bit of an ordeal, but going to the park was OK. I much preferred to do this stuff when dh was there as well.

Even trying to get drinks in a cafe is a hassle with a baby in a pram and a toddler who runs off - not enough hands. I sound such a wuss, don't I?

toothache, i did suggest that maybe he has outgrown 6pm hence why i said to do more in the day. But he is not tired until 7.30 and she wants him in bed at 6pm. She will not budge.

It is hassle taking them out but they are the ones that should be benefiting, not us mums. Otherwise we would not get up in the mornings. The longer you leave it to introduce them to the world the longer the hassle, as all they become is bigger and stronger and louder. Best to get your embarrasing moments out of the way earlier, in most of my friends opinions.

Just a thought tho - my ds copies everything at the mo - so if he's at nursery etc and sees other kiddies having a strop -surely he'll copy and start doing the same.
I spose there are pros and cons on both viewpoints - but I do think your friend is a bit unrealistic to keep putting them to bed at 6 if they aren't tired! But its her prob isn't it if she doesn't listen to anyone elses advice.

Louise1970 - Fair enough if she wants him tired out by 6pm then she will probably have to put him on a lead rope and let him run round in circles for HOURS! 6pm is very early, isn't it?

But it is just "in most of your friends opinions"... She's just has a different way to look at things than you and your other friends do. So do you discuss your concerns over her 'methods' in a group when she isn't there?

I suppose I do that too.... but I'm a bit of gossip. I'd hate to think my friends were discussing me like that though.

i think kids need to mix. My Mum didnt have any friends or social activities, and it took me a long time to teach myseklf the social skills I needed to survive. We went shpping, butt hat was it.

I think it depends on the child and parent.

I would love for my week with ds to be full of activities (like Twinsets!) but he is still quite young (15 months, and I do feel sometimes he can get overstimulated) and also we simply can't afford it.

When it was just me and ds at home, we went to 3 different mother and toddler groups a week, plus monkey music, plus swimming, plus anything else I could find... when it is just the two of us I struggle to keep his attention for a long period of time and it led to us both becoming frustrated.

I'm working now (I'm a Childminder) and I have twins 8 months older than ds, for 3 days a week. On those days, it's fantastic, it is so much easier playing with the three of them, than just my son. They are at the right age to do activities, and therefore he wants to join in. I still keep the other two days quite full (weightwatchers, then a friends house, then jo jingles on a wednesday, and tumbletots and a playgroup on a friday) so we are both happy with what we do.

I'm sure it just differs for every child.

I should add, like peachyclair, my mum had no friends, and did nothing with me. I didn't meet other children till I went to school, and I wasn't allowed to do anything after school. It took me a long time to recover from this, I have always found it hard to relate to smaller children (I remember what it was like to be say 7 or so, but not much earlier) and so I have to work HARD with ds. Going out is my 'cheat' round this.

I think mixing with other children is crucial, but they are siblings, and they go to a childminder...

i agree with the last 3 threads. I have just realised that i have not mentioned that when she only had the 1 child ds, she never went out either. By the way my friend is from where i use to live. I moved 6 months ago to a completely new area. 30 miles away. My new friends do not know her at all. But actually her friends back in my old address are also questioning why she does not go out. She says she gets many people trying to get her out with her one child, but now two. It is a shame. She will not even come to me and our kids are the exact same age and i have a games room and my house is very child friendly. I don't go to her anymore as her house has never been child friendly. I remember her saying that she will never put up stair gates on stairs at home ,as she beleives if they fall down the stairs, they will remember not to do it again.
i could start a new thread about, as i do not think this is looking out for there wellbeing. My ds1 gets so excited sometimes upstairs with his toys he just runs about and would definetaly fall down many times. I think this has been an interesting topic of what i think it is ok for mums to think that they are doing good by not going out. But for my family /kids it is necessary for us to go out. They are too active. But at least mine sleep... Yawn.....(smile)

I was watching a Michael Palin programme recently and saw this young family who lived in a tent in the middle of some icy waste somewhere...

They really DIDN'T DO MUCH but all the kids seemed very happy and content. It made me realise that all the toys/groups/stimulation we force on our children are perhaps not as helpful as we think. What's wrong with children learning to manage boredom, anyway?

Plenty of fresh air in the garden as well.

Morningpaper, hi. Thats interesting. Yes they probably did if you are looking at the here and now. But what about the future. Would they be shy, itravert, not able to make friends, jobs etc. Its about a bigger picture than the one we look at today, its about how they will be in life later. My neighbour keeps telling me how my next door neighbour had 4 kids and they just played with each other and did not have many freindsround because they did not need to as they played with each other. But get what one son is still living at home. He is 36. Another large family i know never mixed either. All the member only have 1 friend and they expect this one freind to do exactly what the family does. But he doesn't want to anymore and he feels very pressured into their life. When i think about it i know 4 large families that didn't do much just kept themselves to themselves, but now 30 years later they all have probelms in relationships (don't we all0 and friends. Oooohhh such a bigger picture if you think about the long term. I was also treated the same with a strict father but i suppose i have the ability to do the opposite to recognise it and do things differently. I am not saying anyway is wrong, but just look at the bigger picture. I wish we could go back to the 50's when kids ran in and out of neighbouring homes. They seem to me to be great years, not that i was born then... (wink)

I expect that most young kids in the 1950's (or "olden days" ) DIDN'T spend all their time running into neighbouring homes though, they probably spent most of their time scrubbing vegetables and doing washing... I IMAGINE that with parents being busy - dad at work, mum at home - they just entertained themselves far more than we let them do now.

I was reading my family history recently and in the 1920's my great-great-something-grandmother lost two of her children who turned up a few months later murdered! So I'm not sure that there was really a 'safe' time when people let their children wander around the neighbourhood. If any time was safe, it's probably now!

These kids you are talking about DO spend 6 hours a week at childminders, and I expect that the mother has visitors/family around a lot, otherwise she would go crazy.