Mum never takes her ds out?

[Louise1970]

My old antenatal friend has just called to see how i am doing. Then we discussed how she is doing with her ds1 21 month old and her dd2 3 months old. She is still claiming that she still does not ever take them out. They play in the garden or go to the childminders for 6 hours a week. Only doing shopping with him 1 a month. I take my children out every day to playgroups amd activites. My children are the same age. She says that she does not want to be running around all day to various activities with them. Will her children develop as well as those who mix early and see how to interact and play with various toys. When ever i see her children at her home, they really are well behaved and great mannors, loving, doesn't throw tantrums in front of other people. he really is text book stuff. Obviously he has his moments when we all go home. But my ds1 is always doing the above. Hmmmm!! Can i have your views on what you think the difference is.....

i don't think she is depressed. She just does not want the hassle. I belive that she does not want to cope with tantrums etc in public. or situations that she may not be in control of. I don't know...

I've only read the first post but what business is it of yours? Honestly, children Don't NEED constant stimulation, they just want attention!

Actually, very valid point, soapbox. So does your friend seem genuinely content, louise, or could she be depressed? Even though I rather pooh-poohed the idea that toddler groups are essential I do think most Mums (unless impossibly saintly and blessed with perfect children - or, like jimjams, unable for other reasons to leave the house) need to get out. I know I do, I get cabin fever if stuck inside for more than a morning with my boisterous 43 year old.

Well so what, quite frankly Louise1970? Er, no, I don't want the hassle either, that's OK!

Where did boisterous 43 year old come from? PMSL.

www how come you are so sensible?

I keep agreeing with the 'www wisdom' these days!
(get yourself a column somewhere... or maybe you already have/!)

21 months and 3 months is still v. young. Do you think maybe she's generalising a bit, saying 'Oh, I never bother taking them out, too much hassle' etc when perhaps that's not exactly the case? It's the kind of thing I say sometimes!

Also my post sounded like jimjams doesn't need to get out and I'm guessing she'd bloody love to - sorry, jimjams.

I don't take my ds3 anywhere except to the supermarket once a week and even then, I would prefer not to. He does go out twice a day when we take the older ones to school and collect them, and, very occasionally to town, so I suppose that is more than Louise's friend, but other than that, I rarely go anywhere with him. However, we have a big garden so I know he gets lots of fresh air. He plays well by himself. Sometimes he watches DVDs all morning and sleeps all afternoon, but it doesn't bother me too much because he plays with his siblings when they get home. Louise's friend's children have each other to stimulate each other. I found the minute I had two children, outside contact became fairly irrelevant.

But, www, we'd never have any threads if we all minded our own business all the time

read my thread on SN about setting boundaries in others houses. I have one house I can visit where ds1 is safe, anywhere else we go I need to be glued to his side- and as that's often away from any other adult in the house there isn't much point! My adult company comes from the telephone tbh.

Just running round after 3 of them makes me less willing to go out- there's too much to do at home.

I don't know what I'd do without ds1 but I'm not sure I'd go out that much more. DS2 is happy at home as its ds3 at the moment. Funnily enough the one who wants to be out all the time is ds1- but because I can't take him out with the others very safely we spend a lot of the bholidays driving round Dartmoor in circles. Luckily I enjooy listening to music or I would be bored rigid then. DH takes him for an hour long walk every day before bed as well.

Unicorn, , I thank you! No, don't have a columm, happy to spout though! I have to say I have a 20mo (and a 7.5yo) and a lot of the time I can't be arsed to take her out alone! Let alone with a 3mo TOO! It would be hard work imo, not to say you wouldn't do it but only for something worthwhile.

Snafu, true, true!

Mine (15 months and 3) go stir crazy if at home all day. I do a little of the organised stuff (we make it to play group about twice per month!), ...we are out every day - but generally it is walks / to the shops/ around friends houses with similarly aged children.

There are no rights or wrongs. Some kids may be happy to spend a lot of time at home - others will be chomping at the bit to get out. My 15 month old in particular loves new environments and watches everybody and everything with a keen interest.

Maybe it is me then, o thought she should take him out more to tire him out. My ds1 got bored of staying in and when i started letting him see different things he then started sleeping through the night again and has not stopped. They do need less sleep when they get older, hence why he wakes at 5am. But al least he will go to bed easily.

Louise1970-This thread has really hit a nerve with me .I am probably just like your friend.My children are nearly 4 and 2.
I have been suffering with PND and anxiety attacks so find it difficult to get out sometimes.
I spend all week trying to keep them occupied,gardening,cooking,making things,reading,painting etc to make up for the fact we don't get out much.They are both developing really well.My ds 4 is not speaking as yet,only a few words and is having speech therapy although at his assesment the other day the specialist said he is a bright boy and feels the speech will come.

Another side to my experience is that my HV feels because of my anxiety and ond issues and problems with going out i am holding the children back development wise and on a visit to me sais she was very concerned about the children and their social development so much so she thinks i am neglecting the children.
My children show no signs of anxious behaviour and are very confident.She sees the quiet,shy children when she visist who don't say a word and then as soon as she's gone they are back to their usual noisy selves.

I feel they are still so young and have plenty of time to do the whole socialising thing.They are bright confident kids and i as their mother know they have not suffered.
It almost makes me wish i had'nt confided in her about my depression and anxiety worries as she has turned it around and almost made me feel i have let my children down and my son would be talking nynow had he had socialised more.
The speech therapist has said he has problems forming words and this could be genetic .

How could this HV lay all this on me because i don't take the children out as often as she thinks i should.

Sorry Louise1970 for the long rant on your thread but i really identified with it and made me feel much better about myself as a mother that i am not the only one who don't always take their children out everyday and see nothing wrong in that.
I almost want to show my HV this thread and say see i am not alone!!!!

But Louise1970, what business is it of yours? It isn't! Sure, you can be interested, sure you can think you might do it differently if you had children the same age but you don't! She's happy, her children are happy, you are happy, your child is happy, there is no issue is there?

Why don't you dollyeyes? (show the HV that is).

I think all too often people think "oooh speech problem mother isn't socialising enough" when speech development is so inbuilt. For a child with a speech disorder being in a quiet home environment is probably more beneficial than trying to listen to speech against the background of a noisy nursery etc.

Does your son have verbal dyspraxia? Have you come across the kidspeech website? - rest assured if that is the probelm then staying out or in would make no difference whatsoever.

here's the website dolly

and another good one

Dollyeyes, I wouldn't worry about it. My mother always says that when we were raised (in the 1960s) nobody went anywhere with their children, except shopping of course and walks to the park. She says often children didn't even go to nursery school so a child's first contact with other children might be when they went to school. I do feel that as you have two children, they feed off each other. I remember feeling this very strongly when I just had two. I have memories of ds1, aged 2, keeping ds2, aged 6 mths, endlessly amused by sending cars down the slope of his toy garage. Also, when even younger than this, he climbed into ds2's cot and the two of them were giggling away at nothing in particular. If you took you children to a toddler group, your children would not get that contact with other children, would they?

www. I have not told her to take her children out. I just suggested that maybe he needs more stimulation to tire him out. i am only asking you mums the question to see what other mums do. Am i not allowed to ask such questions on mumsnet, as a discussion. I thought that was the idea, people throw ideas together....

Louise, sorry, I didn't mean to suggest you couldn't ask, not at all, sorry. I was trying to clumsily explain that I can't always face taking a 20mo old and I certainly would find it harder with a 3mo too - it's all pretty boring! And I don't think they actually need that much stimulation at those ages. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel you couldn't ask, not at all, but if you do ask here, you will get honest opinions and that's the point I think, we tell the truth.

I do have a 7.5 yo too btw.

www. i want honesty. But i don't want. What business is it of your. Maybe i just care.