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Original poster

Help me get some routine here please

47 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 21:32

As many of you know DS1 is somewhat awkward with his behaviour. Well in turn for an easy life i have been known to give into him far too much...Well it would appear to be for an easy life when in fact it is for a life many of you would class as simply normal.

There have been a string of events lately that have left me reduced to tears and seriously at a loss.

However I now have bigger issues as my depression has hit like a sledge hammer,DS2 has started copying, He desperatly needs to have a bedtime routine without DS1 disturbing him and this will sound selfish I need some time to relax!

I am waiting for an appt with CAHMS but there is a waiting list.

my flat is suffering seriously as I am sinking further down but I am getting there with the flat...have decorated 2 rooms cleared alot of washing sorted DS1's room out,made a part of my room into DS2's room (hard to describe but there is an arch way in my room and have made the part through the arch DS2's room iyswim?) so I am making some headway.

I have noticed that when i am down i have a habit of accumaliting crap well clothes i keep because they remind me of this or that.

I am not asking for help there just some help in getting a routine going here because i feel i am sinking further down and am going mad.

DS1 is back to school tomorrow after 2 weeks holiday so i will have abit of a break from him there, yes i know that sounds horrible but i am worn out.

I need to get myself into a routine and need ideas/encouragment.

feel free to flame me for saying i need a break from him, but some of the things he has been doing have left me reeling.

DS1 is 11 and DS2 is 2.

DS1 has ODD.

OP posts:
chelle38 · 23/02/2010 22:54

you are not going mad is the first thing I can say, keeping crap or clothes is your safety blanket i would say, but what you are doing so far with the clearing is great so dont put yourself down, there is always someone out there to do it for you My wee one (sorry newbie dont know the lingo yet) had colic right at the start and sleep dep and colic is not a good mixture, we were at our wits end, i cried for the first two months. I started a sleep routine a month back to get some sanity and as you say a rest, it makes the world of good, I do bath, bottle, bed. Some nights hes happy to giggle away in his bed til be falls asleep other nights hes having none of it and is over tired and cranky, thats when mtv is great, i dont know loads of nursery songs so i sing whats on the music chanel it usually works, i also tell him stories but update it like hansel and gretle and instead of breadcrumbs the garmen's batteries packed in so they couldnt find there way home, and why the three bears should have installed a secutity system to stop goldilocks from breaking into their crib I hope the bath bottle bed thing helps but it didnt work straight away. Plus is you feel your cracking up i know you may not want to hear it but speak to your doctor or health visitor there is no shame in depression, I was there but not when i had my son, it was years ago and you dont want to admit there is a problem, especially to a medical professional, going round in circles and having hte big black cloud follow you around is a nightmare, i totally feel for you but you are doing posative things for your wee ones, dont knock your pan in thinking your not good enough

Shannaratiger · 23/02/2010 23:08

I'm sitting here atm with ds(3) on my lap (although he is ill), I know just what you mean about struggling with a routine. It's not everyone's taste but a website that a lot of people follow or at least glance at is:
flylady
It has really helped me to start sort of getting organised and into a routine. Hope it gives you an idea or two. We all need a break from the dc's no matter how much we love them!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 23:14

Well DS1 is FINALLY asleep BUT he has hyped DS2 up who i now have to de-hype!!! he is currently laying on the sofa with his blanky so fingers x'd!!

OP posts:
chelle38 · 23/02/2010 23:18

oveltine is something one mum told me about to make them sleepy, if they are old enought to drink it!

Kitkatqueen · 23/02/2010 23:21

Hi Ladyevenstar, Not selfish, no, very sensible. Can I make a suggestion? I know it probably sounds funny but when I change my kids routines at all I find it really helps if I write it out. The most successful one was pictures that the kids had to stick stars on when they'd completed the task. It meant I got they're co-operation and it focussed me on what needed to be done next..Actually considering the pictures were -get dressed- eat breakfast- wash face and clean teeth - brush hair - put on shoes and coat-. It seems a bit daft but it really helped me and the fact that they were going in the same direction as me made a big difference to me.

Kitkatqueen · 23/02/2010 23:25

And actually it sounds like you've done loads. Would it help if you wrote a list of the things you want to do so that you can cross them off a bit at a time? Make the mountain look like so many rocks iykwim?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 23:27

are they old enough for ovaltine at 2?

I like the idea of the routine being written out and them havin to put a sticker there....not sure DS1 will appreciate that at 11 lol but ...

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 23:28

Kitkat, i keep trying to write a list but get a total block when i look at the mountain pile of washing

OP posts:
Kitkatqueen · 23/02/2010 23:31

If its any help my ds is 2 also and his bedtime routine is, 7.00 pyjamas on, Wind down tv (works for us) and a cup of milk, teeth cleaned, in bedroom by 8pm stories and into bed.

( doesn't mean that he stays put!) but I too need to have child free time in the evening, partly to catch up and partly just to be able to think in a straight line about something without my line of thought constantly being interrupted.

Kitkatqueen · 23/02/2010 23:35

As i've said on here tonight already washing is my nemesis Theres a trick in killing a massive pile of washing ( occasionally I have been known to have a 12 load mountain so trust me on this!

Ok. sort it into 2 heaps. Light and dark.

hang on do you have a tumble drier?

Kitkatqueen · 23/02/2010 23:36

Ah but what if ds 1 is helping ds2 to put the stickers in the right place

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 23:36

See silly thing is i know what i need to do but it is all arse about face iyswim?

because DS1 will wake DS2 up with his behaviour i need to get him sorted for bedtime first.that way i can focus more on sorting ds2 out for bed and settling him.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 23:38

my tumble drier died on me....BUT am collecting one from freecycle this weekend....

ohh good idea DS1 helping DS2 could work

OP posts:
Kitkatqueen · 23/02/2010 23:44

Ok! My problem when getting loads of washing done fast is I end up with a massive pile of clean washing that I then have trouble putting away because its another mountain ! so I have a rule, as soon as the load is out of the drier I have to put it away. I don't let myself unload the washing machine until the dry load is away. otherwise I swap a dirty mountain for a clean one, which is better but still a mountain.

Also when I'm killing a big pile I ignore all the diff washloads I just do light and dark not white loads etc as if you are doing it on a quick cool wash you can generally get away with it.

Do you know anyone with a dehumidifier you can borrow, if you put one in a room with damp washig it dries about 4 times as quick!

OtterMingOo · 23/02/2010 23:55

How about you try and harness the power of mumsnet and get some local girls round to help you blast the laundry? They do that on the other forum I'm on when people are struggling.

Kitkatqueen · 23/02/2010 23:56

I don't know what to say about the need to get ds1 ready 1st. If he's 11 will he not kick off that his baby bro is up later than him?

I have 4 young ones so I find it easier to do all the children at the same time, all jimjams, all drinks, all toothbrushes lined up etc If they take too long and the routine is threatened we race .

How would your ds1 react if both boys got jim jams drinks and time sitting with you for 30mins all together before doing teeth and the tell ds 1 as a big boy he's got 30mins quiet play in his room before lights out? you then have 30 mins to get ds2 to settle and then go in and see ds1 and final settle before lights out., I apologise because I don't know what ODD is so I don't know how feasable my suggestion would be. I'm just thinking back to when I was dealing with very problem teens who really responded well to the 30min wind down before lights out....

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 23/02/2010 23:59

Dehumidifier - i have

Pile of clean washing ready to go away - already have one.

I should explain one of the reasons i have so much washing is down to the damp in the flat.I had to pull everything out of the wardrobes to rewash = mountain.

Otter, I really couldn't/wouldn't ask anyone to do my washing not even family....maybe i am too stubborn. but for me it is embarassing...maybe because it makes me feel i am not coping therefore am a failure.

OP posts:
NinjaWarrior · 24/02/2010 00:01

What is ODD? How odd is odd exactly?

sorryhoop · 24/02/2010 00:01

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Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 24/02/2010 00:03

ODD
A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following are present:

often loses temper
often argues with adults
often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
often deliberately annoys people
often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
is often angry and resentful
is often spiteful or vindictive

an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile and defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. People who have it may appear very stubborn

OP posts:
Kitkatqueen · 24/02/2010 00:03

How big is the clean pile?

I can't let anyone do my washing either, for the same reasons.

I did realise a while ago tho i'm not a failure - i'm just crap at washing and even thats only because I'm not good at dealing with mountains and I get mountains very easily with my lot.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 24/02/2010 00:04

only i have had to deal with this for 7 yrs now.

OP posts:
sorryhoop · 24/02/2010 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NinjaWarrior · 24/02/2010 00:05

That doesn't sound odd, so much as naughty really. What discipline do you use?

Kitkatqueen · 24/02/2010 00:06

Yep! in the face of that list you are coping brilliantly!!