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Do 8 year old girls have some kind of hormone surge or is too much Tracy Beaker influencing her?

47 replies

Tinker · 13/07/2005 23:44

Having quite a hard time with mine. Lots of old-fashioned cheekiness. Now, I know the new baby (nearly 8 weeks old) will have some part to play in this but is there something else that she can't control? Every day is just filled with arguments and deliberate disagreeing with what I say. Simple attempts at conversation become rows. Help!

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marthamoo · 13/07/2005 23:46

8 year olds are pretty horrid. Mine is too and I know it's not Tracy Beaker 'cos that's for girls and he's a boy. Too tired to post anything sensible now but I believe it passes - when they leave home and go to Uni?

8 weeks?! Not possible!

jampots · 13/07/2005 23:47

i think its just the age plus the fact she/he is firmly established in Juniors now!!!! so she's grown up!

Tinker · 13/07/2005 23:49

I want medical reasons, nothing down to my poor parenting skills/rude child.

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kgc · 13/07/2005 23:50

Tinker...have threaded this with lots....you are not alone believe me.....I have a six week old and three others...one of which is a total wild child and is excatly how you are speaking...she has been exceptionally bad since my newborn came along and have only just worked out this may be the problem.....but am trying to implement some ideas from seeing on the threads....some good ones.....hope you get a chance to have a glance at them.....

marthamoo · 13/07/2005 23:52

Well it's not your poor parenting skills, I can tell you that. Are you on good terms with other playground Mums? Do a straw poll - I did - and they all said their 8 years olds were beastly too.

Tinker · 13/07/2005 23:52

oh kgc, thansk for that. Will search tomorrow for The Answer.

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Tinker · 13/07/2005 23:55

They do all seem to be beastly but think I'm just a) feeling guilty and b) simply don't have the time/energy to devote to dealing with her properly. Don't mean horsewhipping, mean speaking calmly etc

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Tinker · 13/07/2005 23:56

Tracy Beaker is horrible though.

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soapbox · 13/07/2005 23:57

Mine is only 7 but has gone all flouncy on me!

Lots of door slamming and storming off - which is actually quite funny to watch so I have to put my stern face on

To think that few months ago the ultimate punishment was sending her to her room, now I'm telling her to 'come back down here, straight away'!!!!

Do let me know if you find the answer

marthamoo · 13/07/2005 23:58

Don't be so hard on yourself - you have an 8 week old baby, you're knackered. It will get better and you'll get to spend more quality time with dd as time goes on. Try saying that to her - that this new baby stage doesn't last long and you know she may be feeling a bit neglected. There, I posted something sensible after all - I suddenly remembered how consumed with guilt I was at ds1 being pushed out when ds2 arrived.

Tinker · 13/07/2005 23:58

That's how it starts soapbox. Then it gets worse.

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Tinker · 14/07/2005 00:00

Have asked her if she feels jealous etc and she does so lots of reassuring talks at bedtime but feel like have to start again every day.

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soapbox · 14/07/2005 00:02

Tinker

Worse!!!!!

All that and a new baby you deserve a medal!

Linnet · 14/07/2005 00:07

my dd is 7, very nearly 8, and some days I swear she's 7 going on 17. she'll argue that black is white and can be so cheeky some days. goes off in a huff if she doesn't get her own way, slams doors etc. I'm going to move out when she turns 13 lol if she's like this now I'm not sure I'll cope with her as a teenager.

Tinker · 14/07/2005 09:33

Daytime people, any views?

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WideWebWitch · 14/07/2005 09:39

Hi Tinker, she's engaging with you ! ha ha, according to the book I'm reading on teenagers, Get out of my life but first take me and alex into town, a guide to the new teenager - boys go into their rooms and girls stay and fight apparently. I know yours isn't a teenager yet, nor is mine (they're tweenagers in marketing speak! i.e. nearly there) but I'm getting some of this too, shrugging, eye rolling, "whatever" accompanied with the most irritating attitude, rudeness, etc aaagggh! Sympathies. It is the age, not your parenting. Or if it is your parenting then I'm a shit parent too. Honestly, I DID do a straw poll recently when ds was being a swine and it's totally normal. One of ds's friends, when asked by me 'do you wind your mummy up?' replied 'yeah, I like to get her really red faced and revved up' !! With that Mona Lisa smile Steve Biddulph talks about, twisted smile that means 'hey, I got your attention'. It will pass but you're knackered and that never helps.

WideWebWitch · 14/07/2005 09:41

And it's not Tracy Beaker because ds doesn't watch it!

Tinker · 14/07/2005 09:44

Oh god, that all sounds so horribly familiar. Can't stand "Whatever"

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batters · 14/07/2005 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kcemum · 14/07/2005 10:59

My DD2 coming up to 8years is exactly the same, bolshy, cheeky slammiing doors and generally winding everybody up. One of the reasons I feel at the moment is tiredness (hoping), they've had a busy year what with sats and stuff, homones starting to fly around their bodies and this is not helped by an older sister who is just the same!

One way of dealing with it here is to bring bedtime forward by 15mins everytime she is cheeky etc. We still have tears and tantrums but it is starting to work.

ScummyMummy · 14/07/2005 11:24

Oh babe. Hard work eh? Poor you. Personally I would put money on this being nothing to do with your daughter's attitude or Tracy Beaker or an early rush of teenage hormones and certainly not your parenting. I think it is fair and square down to the arrival of a gorgeous new baby.

My best guess on this is that your bigger daughter is using any means she can to wrestle attention away from the newbie. It actually makes perfect sense for her to be behaving like this right now, if you think about it. All Eliza has to do (unless she is a very unusual baby) to get you, your partner or maybe both to rush to her side day or night is look cute, gurgle, cry or poo in her pants. An 8 year old just can't directly compete with that, especially when you are most probably knackered because new babies though wonderful, are exhausting. However, your daughter is a clever and emotionally intelligent kid. She wants to know that in this time of adjustment and transition she matters to you and your partner just as much (and preferably more) than this new interloper. Intellectually she probably understands that babies necessarily take up time and energy and hears your reassurances that you love her as much as ever. She probably also thinks her sister is rather fab in many ways. But emotionally she's not prepared to accept this huge change in her world order without testing you to the limit and she's having a classic reaction to the new arrival. Think toddler dethroning in an intelligent 8 year old. Essentially she is screaming "I'm your first and most important baby!" at you as loud, often and unignorably as possible. She's too old and dignified to do this in the form of a complete toddler meltdown so she has settled upon being cheeky, needling you, arguing, behaving unacceptably etc. This is ensuring that your attention temporarily focuses exclusively on her. Even though she is probably sorry to upset you, she knows at some level that by doing so she is uppermost in your heart and mind at that moment and that is what she wants. Even if your thoughts about her are worried and angry ones that is better than the possibility that you are thinking exclusively of the baby instead.

I think that your daughter's behaviour is totally, utterly, annoyingly, maddeningly, wonderfully normal, tinks. I really do. And you sound like you are dealing with it just fine. There are no magic wands here. In time your daughter will adjust to this big change in her life and her behaviour will improve. In the mean time you just need to carry on doing what you're doing, I reckon. Try and give your daughter as much positive attention as humanly possible but be realistic- the baby needs you and there is no point in not acknowledging that. But if you can make some time when you and her can be alone without the baby and enlist special people in her life to spend time with her too- would this be a good time for her to have some special time with her nan or your partner, for instance?- I think that would help. Don't let her away with bad behaviour but try not to give it too much attention because I really think that plays into her hands. Keep letting her know that you love her loads and understand that this isn't an easy time for her but also let her know that you are very confident that things will settle down in time because she's a great kid and a great sister. Have you got any stories about your siblings? I can't remember where you come in your family but she might like to know what your memories are of any younger siblings coming along, especially if you see any parallels. My boys love hearing about how jealous I was when my little sister was born! Again, your mum might be able to help with that?

Anyway, hope some of this helps. You guys are a lovely family and this will pass. Honestly.

peaceandlight · 14/07/2005 11:25

my ds2 is 9 and is beastly too

He has always been quite grownup for his age and a quite serious sort of child, but we are now treated to either a massive attitude problem along with slamming doors and the old 'i hate you ' going on or really really babyish behaviour ( which is so out of character), talking in a baby voice etc.

DS LOVES watching Tracy Beaker (even though dp is not happy about it) ahould i be worried? is it a girl programme?

batters · 14/07/2005 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScummyMummy · 14/07/2005 12:07

Batters. Need to tidy up now and you all sound like you are doing brilliantly with your bolshie babies to me!

Tinker · 14/07/2005 17:51

Oh, thank you everyone for advice. Flying visit here but will reply properly as soon as I can.

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