This is not a thread designed to evoke debate but it is written as a response to being asked what to do if you should decide to try this. There are a lot of parents here who are happy with it and a lot who aren't. We just have to accept that. If you are having difficulties settling your child of any age to sleep and are not happy with your present situation then it may be of use to you so read on!
If your child has been sleeping with you in their bed or in yours, withdrawing yourself completely will be too traumatic and you need to do a more gradual approach before taking on this technique. If anyone would like help with that, post here and I will jot a few pointers down for you.
First Things First
It is vital to choose a regular time to start the bedtime routine and stick to it.
If your baby is aged 6 months plus, timing the evening routine to coincide with their last bottle is important so as a rule of thumb, allow yourself an hour. Try not to let baby fall asleep on you whilst feeding in order to place them into their cot asleep as when they wake up, they may be disorientated. It is better for children to fall asleep in their cot/bed in order to promote a safe and happy feeling about being in bed but awake.
If your child is no longer having a last bottle, end your routine in their bedroom having quiet stories with the lights low.
Ensure an older child has a last wee before your stories start and their teeth are brushed so they don't need to leave their rooms again. They should have had their last fluids of the day with their evening meal to avoid needing the loo at 10.30pm!
Choose your timing method...You can choose any interval you like.
1min-3min-5min-1min-3min-5min
3min-5min-10min-3min-5min-10min
5min-10min-5min-5min-10min-15 min
If you would rather, keep the interval the same length 5min-5min-5min.
STEP 1 Put into cot/bed calmly and gently. Hushed tones for babies, whispering for older children...sleep well...love you. Night night...lights off. Door closed and leave the room. Do this even if you child is already crying. Smile and reassure with your expression.
STEP 2 If baby is crying immediately, wait the amount of time you have chosen then go in. Make no eye contact...look at their bodies or hands, lie them back down if they are standing, just gently touch their arm if they are still laying...no talking...just whisper sshhh sshhh sshhh in a calm, slow way. Stay for approx 2 mins. Leave.
If baby starts to cry after a little while, leave them to cry for the first timed interval you chose before you go in and do the above.
STEP 3 Continue with the timed intervals you have chosen until your baby or toddler falls asleep. Reassurance should still be kept to a minimum of no more than two minutes and they shouldn't be lifted out of the cot/bed or be cuddled or spoken to.
This may take a while. Be prepared for that. Have a chair to sit on outside their room, a coffee and a magazine or even set up the ironing board and get a few things done! You must not simply stand there waiting to go in...It will drive you nuts and the minutes will seem endless. I think having something to occupy yourself with will make things easier for you. Cleaning the bathroom or just tidying up is another idea!
Controlled crying can take a few nights to establish. You must give yourself time and be patient.
If you have a toddler who is constantly coming out of their room, take them as nicely as you can back to bed. I say this as they may not be cooperative at all about the idea! Even if they are kicking and shouting, ignore?ignore?ignore. Even if it kills you!
Toddlers who are coming out of their room to you, wait till they come out to put them back.
Toddlers who are in a cot, use the timed interval method but make it longer 5-10-15 as an example and then go back to 5mins.
The principal is the same for all age groups. Do not offer reward for crying and screaming about going to bed. They are safe. They need sleep. You know it is the best for them. It is simply that they don?t understand.
The younger child cries as they have no language. That is their language. It is hard to listen to and we are programmed to want to nurture/ keep safe our offspring when they cry but remember, they are safe and they don?t need protecting.
If there are questions you have, post them and I?ll do my best to answer them.