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Original poster

What Has Happened to My 3 Year Old

51 replies

SH27 · 19/02/2010 16:33

Hi,

Thanks for reading.

I have a 3 year old DS, who has always been, well 'spirited' to say the least. Over the past few weeks he has turned more and more agressive and really really difficult with tantrum after tantrum!

We have tried everything to calm him down, reasoning, bribing, you name it we have done it.

I am get really down about it as I can't take him out without a scene and everything is such a big drama with him.

Has anyone else experienced this with their 3 yera old? Should I be getting worried/help? Any tips on getting through it?

Many thanks.

SH27

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jammietart · 19/02/2010 16:51

Hi

I think if you read through some old threads on here you'll find lots of similar posts about 3 year olds. I found being a parent to my DS when he was 3 very tricky and like you used to get very down about it. I haven't got loads of advice but we just kept very busy, lots of physical activities to wear him out and tried to remain consistent with our approach to his behaviour. Don't stay in if you can help it. And don't be embarrassed by his behaviour (very easy for me to say!). And don't take it personally.

You could speak to your HV if you are very concerned or at a complete loss. They will have seen it all before and I know we have HVs who specialize in behavioural management in our area, you might find the same.

AnAngelWithin · 19/02/2010 16:55

urgh.....you think the terrible 2s are bad, then you hit the threenagers!!!! Nightmare!

Agree about maybe asking the HV or searching the posts on here, theres plenty!!

Original poster
SH27 · 19/02/2010 17:51

Threenagers!! I love it and made me chuckle, first time in days!

Thank you I think I will have a chat with my HV. I have a 13 year old DS and we didn't go through it with him, so this is a bit of a shock.

Even my mum who dotes on her grandchildren, admits he is a 'little trying'!!

Thank you for replying x

OP posts:
JimmyMcNulty · 19/02/2010 17:52

I had lots of good advice about my 3yo here. He is now 3.6 and actually the past few weeks have been so much better - actually cheerful on the whole.

You have my sympathy in the meantime...

ilovemydogandmrobama · 19/02/2010 17:58

DD (3) had a tantrum yesterday because her orange juice was too orange

Original poster
SH27 · 19/02/2010 18:10

wow it is unbelievable how reassuring it is to know you are not going through this alone! You feel as if you have done something wrong don't you?

ilovemydogandmrobama - how could you serve orange orange juice to your DD - did make me chuckle.

Our DS had a tantrum because he wanted to watch something on the TV and we said he could?!!!! Bizarre!!!

OP posts:
carocaro · 19/02/2010 19:07

I have one of these too, a 3 yo DS2, who has done nothing but whinge/moan and scream all half term.

DS1 is 7 and has gone to a mates for a sleep over tonight and his parting words to me were 'I love my little bro but I am glad to be away from him for a night'

I know just how he feels.

He has just had a tantrum as I cut his toast in squares and not the triangles he telepathically communicated to me whilst watching Barney the Bastard Annoying Dinosaur.

My strategy is just to ignore these tantrums, giveing them any attention at all is just like throwing petrol on a fire, the more you try to calm/reason/distract the worst the tantrum gets.

I have just walked away from the above mentioned toast incident and he soon shut up and ate the toast.

Of course it does not always work!

childrenknowyourlimits · 19/02/2010 19:33

I absolutely agree with carocaro. Totally ignore the tantrum because at the age of 3 they are too young to really understand even why they are so cross let alone discuss it! My 2 DSs are now 5.5 and 3.5. We have had some VERY tough times with the pair of them but now I feel as though we are winning the battle. Definitely ignore and if it is really unbearable, remove him to his room until he can calm down and say sorry. I also made a reward chart with smiley and sad faces. Every time they do something well, like eat tea without a fuss or play nicely or do something kind, or do something 1st time I ask, they get a smiley face. A tantrum gets a sad face (as does anything else that I don't like about their behaviour). 4 sad faces in a day means early to bed & no story. More sad faces = more consequences e.g. miss out on football.

I know it is so hard when you are in the middle of it but believe me you are not alone! Hang on in there!

Original poster
SH27 · 19/02/2010 20:44

A reward chart sounds like a really good plan, I think I will make one tomorrow. My DS reacts quite well to things like that, we had one for potty training too.

Carocaro, my 13 year old DS also likes to escape from his brother, as much as he loves him. Amazing how disruptive a 3 year old can be isn't it?

OP posts:
AnAngelWithin · 19/02/2010 22:21

SH27, sorry realised my post was no real use whatsoever, but glad it made you smile a little

billyog · 19/02/2010 22:33

This thread is music to my ears. My ds is 3.7 and he has been really difficult recently, i've been getting worried. This morning we met friends for coffee and cake. my friend also has a 3yr old girl. While she sat sweetly, my ds huffed and puffed saying ' i'm bored' (i'd brought books, colouring books and crayons and bought him cake and I was drinking my coffee so quickly i've taken a layer of skin off my tongue). he pushed everyting on the table, my friend almost ended up with her tea on her lap and he whacked the lady sitting next to us with the corner of one of the books (he claims this was an aaccident
The term threenager is brillaint cause thats exactly what hes like, he's got such attitude. He's super sensitive and gets upsets if I look at him sideways, I feel like i'm walking on egg shells. Trying to get him out of the house is absolute hell. Yesterday i got really cross and shouted at him, i felt so bad afterwards. Today i had to just carry him out. I do try and cajole and jolly him along and try and come up with fun ways of getting him to do what i need him to do but i'm knackered, my dd is awake most of the night and I work so sometimes i just don't have the resourses!

Original poster
SH27 · 20/02/2010 09:01

AnAngelWithin, your post helped in that it made the whole family laugh, and with a cruddy 3 year old in the house, boy do we need it.

You should trademark the word!

Billyog, I think we have the same DS, mine did the same in the week. Tea and cakes with friends and perfectly behaved (older) children. My DS running around, being cheeky, shouting over to a crying baby 'oh be quiet!' cringe! Of course friends all highly amused, me sweating buckets, stressed and couldn't leave fast enough!

Oh and to make matters worse DS wakes at least twice in the night now!

OP posts:
carocaro · 20/02/2010 19:18

Said 3 yo DS is going nuts upstairs, it's been 13 hours of non stop ON ON ON!

I am on here as I just want to go upstairs and tell him to FUCKING CUT IT OUT, ENOUGH NOW.

Why won't he stop? He wants me to stay with him? He's had two parties today, over tired, but he has calm dowm bath, with fucking lavendar, 4 pissing stories, three shitting songs - NOW PISS OFF!

His face his now at the kitchen door...arrrghhhhhhhhhhhh FFS.

What shall I do?

monkeyfacegrace · 20/02/2010 19:33

Wine anyone?

Heres a large glass....

billyog · 20/02/2010 20:39

I've just cracked open a cold bottle of beer... aahh!
Today has been alot better, ds still behaving like a premenstrual antichrist but there's great comfort in the fact that I'm not alone and this is a phase, which will pass. Cheers mumsnetters!

carocaro · 21/02/2010 10:27

I told him to go upstairs and stop crying then I would come and see him.

He did it worked, I say quietly for a while with him talking about the party and he clamed down.

I went downstairs and sucked back a large G&T!

shockers · 21/02/2010 10:42

I think 3 was around the age I felt compelled to buy "Raising Boys". It is well thumbed now (DS2 is 9)

Original poster
SH27 · 21/02/2010 22:07

Hi fellow sufferers, really bad day with threenager today! Tantrum for 2 hours non stop.

Red wine helping to ease the pain!

OP posts:
childrenknowyourlimits · 21/02/2010 22:08

Hope everyones weekend got better! Sounds like all the boys have been playing up. I was chuckling after reading comments about going around to peoples houses & having a stressful time with little boys, especially highlighted by impeccably behaved girls! I can't remember which book I read but mentioned "SMOG"s "Smug Mother of Girls"! I thought it hit the nail right on the head. I have no doubt I would have been one of those if I had had girls. There is just something really different about the way they behave. I don't think you can really appreciate or understand it unless you have a boy. My sister is going to find out soon. She has 3 girls and a boy who is about to turn 1 . Girls I am sure are much more inclined towards peaceful activities such as drawing and boys just can't help running around like lunatics!

anniebigpants · 21/02/2010 22:13

This thread has really made me chuckle! My DS was very 'trying' at 3, and to be honest not much better at 4! I think keeping a sense of humour is definately the way to cope, thanks for the laugh ladies!

Original poster
SH27 · 21/02/2010 22:41

DS just woken up to get one last tantrum in before the end of the weekend! Seriously stressed out!

As if the 25 tantrums over the past couple of days weren't enough!!!!!!! He thought he would sneak another one in!

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 22/02/2010 05:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tigerlily1 · 23/02/2010 08:48

I'm loving this thread and the term 'threenager' is brilliant! Am on here searching for advice on the same subject. My 3.1 yr old is being an absolute nightmare, tantrums, pushing, hitting, screaming, shouting out ridiculous gobbledygook words in public etc, you name it. I thought it was all to do with the new ds2, 3mths old but I think it's a combination of that and also being a 'threenager'. Glad to see I am not alone but hope we all get through this stage too. I hate feeling like I can't wait for the day to be over as I want to enjoy my time with him but it is very trying at times, especially as bf 3mth old so I'm really knackered.
Has anyone read that Raising Boys book? Is it good?
Good luck with all your threenagers today!!

hedwig06 · 23/02/2010 10:16

Hiya,

Another stressed out mum to a DS 3.1

I have just ordered Raising Boys, Tigerlily1, so I will let you know what its like

My DS is at playgroup a couple of mornings a week, this has helped so much I can't tell you, I now have a little energy and patience to do all the activities he wants to do.

Hope everyone has a good day....

lubeloo72 · 23/02/2010 14:47

Raising boys is a really good book- it helps give us mums of boys (DS1 is 3 and DS2 7 weeks)a bit of an insight into how boys' minds operate from birth through to teenagehood (although it sounds like threenagers are probably worse than teenagers...I've got one too!!).
So true about SMOGs- they just don't understand the fun and games we go through!!
But hey- I recon they'll be easier than girls soon enough- none of this make friends, break friends and smirky bitchiness girls are capable of (I've seen it all being a primary teacher and, believe me, boys are far more straightforward!!).