What Has Happened to My 3 Year Old

[SH27]

Hi,

Thanks for reading.

I have a 3 year old DS, who has always been, well 'spirited' to say the least. Over the past few weeks he has turned more and more agressive and really really difficult with tantrum after tantrum!

We have tried everything to calm him down, reasoning, bribing, you name it we have done it.

I am get really down about it as I can't take him out without a scene and everything is such a big drama with him.

Has anyone else experienced this with their 3 yera old? Should I be getting worried/help? Any tips on getting through it?

Many thanks.

SH27

Ahh, bugger. I can on here to have a look at behaviour in 2yo boys as my 2.7 DS is, to nick the genius billyog's phrase, behaving like a premenstrual antichrist, and I see I've got threenager fun to look forward to

How young did yours start being unreasonable? My DS only directs his tantrums at me, and I'm paranoid that I'm doing something to screw him up and this is how I find out....especially as I'm currently in therapy after a breakdown tracable to my early childhood, and my own mum's ways of dealing with me.

Current favourites are: having a meltdown because he doesn't want me to eat something, not that he wants it or anything, just definitely doesn't want me to have it; refusing to get clothes on in the morning - can sometimes be cajoled / persuaded out of it but this morning I had to give in and carry him under my arm to the car in his pants 90 min after we should have left for nursery; not wanting to come home from nursery at night - he punches me when I turn up and screams 'no, I don't want to go home, I want to stay at nursery' all the way home (40 min drive ) I miss him horribly but am also bloody glad to drop him off some mornings.

Does this sound familiar to you? I'm also v broody and would love to have another one soon but if 3 years is such a tough gap I could be persuaded to leave it a bit longer

No, tryingabitharder, don't let me put you off having another!!
If your ds is 2.7 now, he will be nearly 3.5 by the time you have the new baby so will be halfway through the threenager stage! Apparently, 4 is a much better age to introduce a new baby because the older one can relate to it better and is more confident in themself, etc.
When the tantrums are only directed at you it is hard and my ds1 used to only behave badly for me, and he is still worse for me than other people. It is because you are the closest person and someone once said to me that they only behave like that because they trust you enough to let themselves go! I know that is no consolation when in the midst of a raging 2yr old boy, I have been there, but I am assured it is a 'phase' - don't you hate that?!
Anyway, please do have another because it is really great at the same time as being really hard, if that makes any sense. Your ds will be able to understand more then and he will have a little friend forever. God I sound slushy there, but really, please do go for it. You'll be fine and he will grow out of it! Good luck

3 is the hardest age, IME

Not listening and tantrumming being the prime offenders

I'm afraid having a girl does not mean you are exempt from the threenager phase. My DD has, over the last week, turned into an absolute nightmare- she is stroppy, unreasonable, argumentative and downright bloody rude. It is really getting me and my DH down to the point where we were looking forward to returning to coping with 30 kids at a time at work after half term rather than being with our own daughter at home. I just can't believe how cunning and manipulative a three year old can be. I'm really glad that I joined mumsnet today though as knowing that lots of 3 year olds go through the same thing has made me feel 100 times better- thanks guys.

verytiredlou - i too have a DD who is stroppy, unreasonable, argumentative and downright bloody rude at just 3.3. She is an 'angel' when with anyone else except me and DP. She just plays right up for the attention. Threenager is definitly the word. At home, we just ignore her bad behaviour and focus on the good, doesn't help when you out and about and get the evil eye from other people though. I then tend to ignore them!!!

Loving the 'threenager'

Mine is nearly 4 but at the moment refuses to do anything as he screams it is BORING!

His rage is extraordinary and then a split second later he's fine.

Keep calm and carry on.

I have a threenager DD on my hands too and she's driving me INSANE.

We have total weeing regression - three sets of pants and trousers today after a soaked bed last night. Arguing back, going on and on and on and on and on about whatever annoying thing she's got fixated on when I have already ruled on it, answering back, defiant and rude. And God the crying. Incessant crying. Tears becasue her knickers are inside out, tears because she's lonely on the loo, tears because , well, just because.

I do all the ignoring I can but then I just snap, lose it, roar at both of them and then they both start crying. Again.

At school she's an angel and they love her.

Aaaargh!!!!

At the moment I am locked in the spare room to vent and she's knocking on the door. Its a battle of wills and I am losing it.

Actually - it makes me want to weep. I used to love her and now I just want her out of the house. I hate not liking my own child or finding anything positive about her.

I must try harder. I have to find things to praise and remember to kiss her more.

Another one with a threenager DD - please don't be conned by the Smug Mother Of Girls thing, in my case it's more Stressed Mother Of Girls. (And she's got Middle Child Syndrome to boot, but that's a whole other thread ).

I start rocking back and forward and gibbering manically when contemplating the fact that in another year and half we'll be going through it all again with dd3.

i have a threenager of 3 and i am increasingly terrified about what she will be like as a real teenagei gues r if her cuurent behaviour is true to form. i picked her up from nursery today and because i had forgotten her scooter she went absolutely mental at me - biting, spitting, screaming, hitting, scratching - all of which have become increasingly frequent over the last few weeks. I am going to meetings looking like scarface at the moment - big jagged scars on my face and arms....is this normal? her tantrums have always been ferocious and we have accepted that it is part of growing up - she can be really good but they are actally beginning to frighten me now because she seems to be so jekyll and hyde? I have another baby of 6 months and she recently changed nurseries so i am sure these may have had an impact on behaviour, but at what point is enough enough?

BettyT - with you on the stress front. I don't buy the whole "girls are easier than boys" myth - they are just different. And a bad day is a bad day whatever the gender.

Natmelt - we don't get tantrums, its tears and arguing here. Your has had a lot of changes to deal with so that may be a lot to do with it.

Last night I posted here, took a deep breath and went out to handle baths - which went badly. 45 mins later both girls were in bed with no stories and I was surveying the wreckage of my home, in tears, clutching a glass of wine.

I am sure that some of her behaviour is down to tiredness after a hectic morning at school. Our problem is that getting out or visiting friends helps us both not to get on each other's nerves. But it wears her out even more and the evening and night is bad. If we have a lovely boring afternoon at home, we just wind each other up and end up shouting (me) and crying (her).

DuchessOfAvon & Natmelt (and all the others on this thread) - take comfort, you're not alone.

DH always rolls his eyes a bit when I trot out the odd "Well, I read on Mumsnet..." but I showed him this thread and he read it, nodding away in agreement , especially at your post from last night DuchessOfAvon. I needed him to see that our own threenager is typical of the breed.

thanks. after a weekend at my mum's i had been convinced that i must have spawned the devil incarnate.....nice toknow i am not alone!

I went into her room after lights out yesterday (DH had done stories) and we had such a lovely hug and a chat. I remembered that I DO like her. Maybe that's how to survive this stage - cling to the (very) rare moments of connection and drink a lot of wine the rest of the time.

I am going through this with my dd nearly 3, if she does not get her own way, throws herself down on the floor wailing and crying in public and at home. really just ignore it, easy said than done, when she does that i take her hand and start singing nursey rhymes to her (quietly) she loves them and and screaming still stop and singing starts. DD's speech is also developing still and so she cant articulate herself as well or express what she feels so will get frustrated and tantrum.

Am scared now. DS is only 2.3 and isn't too bad yet - but his tantrums are already increasing in intensity, length and irrationality. I also naively thought it would be just the "terrible twos" that needed to be toughed out, and now I find out about "threenagers"! Wah!

Yep I've found three harder than two - much more attitude - I tried to tell him if he's feeling odd just come and tell me (ratheir than go off on one) - he's now starting to realise and he'll coming running to me saying he's frustrated or angry - that helps me - I tend just to give him a big cuddle and talk about silly things till it passes. What I cannot do is deal with anything once big trantrum starts.

I think the difference is their rationality.

When they are 2 they can't make sense of the world and it frustrates them. They also can't communicate how they feel so they have to express it physically and by screamning.

However by 3 they are making sense of the world, and working out where they fit into it. They know exactly what they want and are just working out how to get it.

My DS was fine when he was 2 as he has always been very articulate so avoided a lot of the frustration. Now though, he just argues and debates ALL THE TIME with a laser-like logic and precision that secretly makesme quite proud even though I sometimes want to lock him in a cupboard (I don't you understand)

I agree - twos is all about frustration and I can have some sympathy with that. And they can still be distracted or picked up or tickled.

Three's is the pushing of boundaries and challenging of decisions and specious reasoning.
Assume - my DD can also nail an argument in a way that makes me either proud or deeply concerned for her future - she'll end up a politician at this rate.
And then, on top of all that rationality, comes the emotional meltdown and total irrationality. Aaargh.

We have had a better weekend though.....

I can't tell you how reassuring this thread has been! Our threenager woke up in a grump and stayed that way. Moaning, complaining, hitting, doing everything she shouldn't... I don't need to tell you! A time out in her room has become an afternoon nap. Am dreading waking her to collect her sister from school... will remember all of you with the same problems and it'll help me to keep going till her bedtime

Can I join? I have a threenage DS.....aka Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde. Never know quite what you're going to get, behaviour-wise. He doesn't tantrum much, mybe because he is quite articulate and can argue well, but he doesn't listen and EVERYTHING I say is greeted with "what?" before ignoring me completely. I have to say everything (unless it involves the word chocolate) at least 3 times...it's so exhausting. Yesterday, he let himself out of the house and went to look in the gas/electricity meter box. There was also an incident with 2 serrated knives that I'd rather not go into. Boundary pushing definately a speciality in this house, as is misbehaving in inappropriate places, such as pulling pants and trousers down in Ikea....[exasperated].

I'm brand new so tell me what DS's are. I'm guessing not Nintendo.
I have two girls, a five year old angel and a three year old not angel.
Carocaro: Barney the Bastard Annoying Dinosaur. How that post made me laugh this morning after coming to work in tears after three year old daughter produced tantrum as we were trying to leave the house during 'critical two minutes' after which there's too much traffic and I might as well not even try to get to work. My fabulous childminder must think I'm mad - arriving most mornings in various states of mental decay depending on what level of tant we've experienced. I am trying rewards - a reward for getting dressed nicely, eating breakfast nicely - and leaving the house nicely. So good to read I'm not on my own. Guess this stage will pass. Daughter ended up crying and clinging to me stuttering out: 'I'm sorry Mummy' which just made me feel dreadful for shouting. Any tips for not shouting? because I know I inflame the situation sometimes but it's not possible to be saintly and rational the whole time. Must do some work now. Keep up the good work, Yummy Mummies and Daddies.

joining please
DS had his first tantrum at 8m (Christmas day), they've just got longer and screamier.
He stayed at my parents' on sat night and since then he's been a tantrumming terror

my threenager just gets in such a radge wanting bisuits - i thought all this was confined to 2 yr olds. I am shattered - last night he decided he didnt want a nappy anymore at night which is fair crack as been dry for about a week now so at 5 we have a shout for a wee then another at 6 then he just shouted continuosly to come in our bed then when we gave in he then shouted for his breakfast ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzz

He is now watching merry madagascar for the 3rd time this morning - he is obsessed over tha animals and wont reason its only for christmas. Still it gives me peace.

thats so funny, my ds will wartch mm 3 times in a row