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Original poster

Leaving your DD alone at a restaurant table while you go to the loo?

32 replies

DawnAS · 18/02/2010 13:42

I'm just interested as to what others would do and what seems a reasonable solution.

My BF recently went on a day-course in a nearby City. Her DH and DD went along for the ride and while my BF was in the Uni, her DH took their DD for lunch. The DD is 7 years old.

Her DH needed to go to the toilet so left the DD at the table, asking the waiting staff to keep an eye on her and that he would be back quickly.

When my BF found out about this, she went absolutely mad at her DH, saying that he should have taken her with him.

Now, I am not passing judgement on my BF, but did ask what she expected him to do. She said that he should have taken her to the Gents loo with him. Now, I wasn't sure whether that would actually be worse, her stood inside the mens loos (especially if there are urinals in use! ) because it would surely be embarassing for her DD aswell as any men who were in there.

But what is the solution? Just interested really as I have a young DD and hadn't actually thought of having to deal with this scenario. At what age should men stop taking their young DDs to the loo with them?

Just to finish the story, my BF admitted that actually she didn't really know what the answer was... Not that she would have admitted that to her DH...

OP posts:
luciemule · 18/02/2010 13:47

My DD (8) always goes to the disab;ed loo with her brother (5) and dad. If there's no disabled loo, he would take her into gents but check if urinals were in use first. He would rather her see a few blokes standing at urinals than be taken by someone whilst being left alone at a table (although highly unlikely I know). I wouldn't trust waiting staff to watch a child that's for sure.
I don't allow DD to go into the loos alone either (think of girl being attacked in Tesco loo a couple of yrs ago). However, when DD and I go into a row of loos, she normally goes in one cubicle and me in another. I tell her to wait in her cubicle until I say I'm out of mine.

displayuntilbestbefore · 18/02/2010 13:51

I've been out with DCs before and needed to go or take one of them to the loo. One for all and all for one - we all go!

StillCrazyAfterAllTheseYears · 18/02/2010 13:52

I think 7 is too old for a girl to be taken into the gents'. It would embarrass her and the men in there. The dad's actions seem perfectly reasonable to me, especially as he asked the restaurant staff to keep an eye on her (and I'm assuming this was a nice, family-friendly restaurant, not a sleazy dive).

If things had been different - much younger child, child with special needs or anxiety issues - then maybe he should not have left her but, as things are, your friend sounds a bit irrational.

Missus84 · 18/02/2010 13:53

What are the chances of a 7 year old being abducted from a restaurant table? Fgs she was probably more in danger of being hit by lightening.

JackSpratt · 18/02/2010 13:54

Depends on the child. I wouldn't do it with someone elses.

My dc's (5 and 8) know to stay put till i'm back , I wouldn't trust a child I didn't really know tbh.

Judd · 18/02/2010 13:55

I would go to the toilet and leave DD (8) and DS (5) at the table. I would do the same if I was just eating with one of them. If I was leaving 5yo DS, I would mention that I was nipping to the toilet to somebody at a nearby table and ask them to keep an eye on him. I would tell him to stay at the table until I got back.
I wouldn't take them with me because a) I don't think it's necessary and b) I would be worried about all our food being cleared away when we got back !

StillCrazyAfterAllTheseYears · 18/02/2010 13:57

"All for one and done for all" is fine when it's a mum taking children into the ladies', where everyone's in a cubicle, but I think men taking girls into the gents' is rather different.

And as Missus84 says, it's about the level of risk, isn't it? Do we really believe that restaurant staff would stand by as a child was being abducted?

nancydrewrocks · 18/02/2010 13:59

I leave my 5 year old at the table alone if I need to take DS to the toilets.

The chances of her being abducted from inside a restaurant during the 5 mins I am away is about as likely as a plane crash landing and killing us all.

NotQuiteCockney · 18/02/2010 13:59

I absolutely would do this. The girl is 7. What on earth would happen to her? If she was much younger, and likely to wander off into the road, or into the kitchen or something, then fine, this would be a problem, but a 7-year-old?

TheFirstLady · 18/02/2010 13:59

I have a 7 year old DD and wouldn't hesitate for a second in leaving her alone at a restaurant table while I went to the loo. I think your friend is being overprotective, TBH. Having said that, many years ago DH left DD1, aged 18 months, in a crowded shopping centre food court while he went to the loo, which was some distance away. I did ring a peal over his head about that one.

displayuntilbestbefore · 18/02/2010 14:03

illCrazy - oh I agree. Easy for me as my boys are still young enough to come into the ladies and so even ds1 doesn't mind being there while the smaller ones go in a cubicle as there's nothing for them to see.

CantSupinate · 18/02/2010 14:05

I think leaving the 7yo at the table in OP situation was sensible. Maybe the Gent in question should have mentioned it to staff, more for the girl's own sense that she knew which adult to turn to if suddenly anxious (and 7yo girls can turn suddenly anxious).

I suppose I'd take my 5yo DS with me, but that's because A) he'd badly want to come, and B) he'd probably knock over a glass of water spilling everywhere then stab himself with a fork and then scream the house down if he was left alone that long.

scarletlilybug · 18/02/2010 14:06

I've been asked many a time to "keep an eye on" babies, toddlers and children whilst a parent pops off to the loo.

Don't see any problem with leaving a 7 year old for five minutes whilst her dad nips off.

serenity · 18/02/2010 14:08

DD is 6. I've left her to go to the bathroom, she's also gone to the bathroom on her own. I'd actually be more nervous of abandoning our table and it being cleared than of DD being randomly kidnapped from a restaurant. She knows not to leave the table under any circumstances (chances of fire/earthquake/alien invasion whilst I'm having a wee, pretty much nil I'd imagine)

StillCrazyAfterAllTheseYears · 18/02/2010 14:09

Displayuntil - I'm glad I have a daughter, as I'll never be faced with the decision about when/if a son is too old to be taken into the ladies'!

KeepOnTruckin · 18/02/2010 14:22

Of course I would. She's 7 not 2!

displayuntilbestbefore · 18/02/2010 14:25

Apologies for missing the start of your name off my last post StillCrazy! Not sure what happened there

TheFallenMadonna · 18/02/2010 14:29

Yes I would.

gerontius · 18/02/2010 14:46

L

ppeatfruit · 18/02/2010 14:46

Yes not quitecockney. one can also TALK to the dd and she would be able to talk if she wasn't happy left alone. Don't children have opinions any more or feelings??

Clary · 18/02/2010 14:51

I think it was fine to leave a 7yo at the table.

But it is more of an issue with a younger child (say a 3yo) - then I would prob take them in with me but agree it could be awkward. Maybe use disabled loo? (checking first no-one else needs it).

Still amazed by all these parents accompanying junior aged DC to the loos. (see other thread as well...)

Original poster
DawnAS · 18/02/2010 15:01

Really interesting responses, thank you ladies (and gents if there were any amoung you...).

I KNOW that DH will feel comfortable leaving my DD at a table on her own at that age and I would hope that in a similar situation I would feel comfortable aswell (ie. if I had a son...). I did feel for my BF's DH as I feel she hauled him over the coals for something that whichever way he handled could have been perceived by BF to be wrong...

Same BF will not let her DD walk to school, even though the school is 100 yards up the road and even on the same side of the road. Her DH has offered to stand on the corner and watch her into school, but she's not happy with that approach either. Unfortunately my concern is that the DD will eventually feel smothered and become a bit reckless.

Having said all that, my BF is the most wonderful wonderful person and is very close to her DD and loves her so much, but maybe needs to loosen the reins just slightly... Of course, give it 6 years and I may be as bad with my DD!!

OP posts:
Rejessta · 18/02/2010 15:10

I used to walk to school (about two miles) from the age of six, often in the dark, and spent every spare moment out doors, usually up a tree, on the roof, playing in the road... somewhere dangerous.

Nor were my parents particularly feckless. It was quite common for kids to be out and about at the time and, before I have to slap anybody, YES WE HAD ELECTRIC LIGHTS BACK THEN! ;)

It is hard to understand why we have become so fearful for our children. It is not like terrible things didn't happen back in the day. I've recently been reading about Albert Fish, an American serial child killer from the 1930s, and the details are so harrowing and shocking you wonder that anybody at the time would allow their child from their sight.

Obviously the prurient relish with which the media publicises these cases has made parents more cautious but I can't help think that in doing so they've robbed our children of their sense of adventure and instilled a needless paranoia in us all.

abride · 18/02/2010 15:12

She would have been absolutely fine at the table in the restaurant unless it was somewhere really rough. I've frequently done this for quick, emergency trips.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 18/02/2010 15:14

Of course I would. I woud consider leaving younger as well, depending on restaurant and layout.