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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD almost 7yo starves herself for the last 4 weeks

61 replies

joburg · 06/02/2010 10:56

It?s been just weird for the last month. DD suddenly started to bring ALL her food back home from the school. Just like that. She was eating like a wolf, anything and everything and the teacher even asked us to pack more food for her lunch box, because she was eating other kids? food after finishing hers. Then one day, about a month ago she just decided to go on ?diet?.

I suspected it might be some kind of rebellion thing, so we never made a big fuss about it. Just trying to talk to her, explain she only hurts herself by not eating, etc, etc (DD is very skinny anyway, but when I say skinny, I mean, really thin! Almost looking unhealthy despite the fact she was eating so well). The ?talking? thing didn?t work so we set consequences, and took away the cartoons in the evening for every time she brings the food back home (by then DD went on a whole day without having breakfast being too late for the school bus, not eating a thing in school and ending by having one meal a day in the evening).

But this didn?t work either!!! And if there is one thing DD loves in this world, that is CARTOONS!!! And she still doesn?t eat. One evening she told DH that she doesn?t eat because we tell her too, which would confirm my guess of the rebellion thing, but NOT EVEN when she can?t have cartoons???? What on earth can this be?

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

Missus84 · 06/02/2010 11:01

Take her to the doctor - have him check there's nothing physically wrong with her.

Is she being bullied at school? Maybe other children have told her she's fat?

notnowbernard · 06/02/2010 11:07

Agree go to GP first

But this is a potentially serious issue that needs addressing sooner rather than later

tinierclanger · 06/02/2010 11:09

Have you talked to the school?

Original poster

joburg · 06/02/2010 11:15

We have had regular check-ups because DD suffers from a hormonal disorder so we had seen both a ped and an endocrinologist pretty often. Her health is good otherwise. I also talked to her teacher just last week. She seems happy in school (wasn't very good in the beginning of the year due to being in a new school but she improved a lot lately, got many friends .... and then she was eating just fine despite the hardship of adjusting to the new class) ... she comes back from school with a happy face every day ... Also, she eats very well in the weekends.

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LowLevelWhingeing · 06/02/2010 11:16

My first thought was what is going on at school? It could be something that seems really insignificant to you/teachers, but has deeply affected her. Maybe teasing? Or playground politics?

frumpygrumpy · 06/02/2010 11:20

I'd be inclined not to punish her at all.

I'd get official advice from GP (maybe without her there in the first instance).

I'd cuddle up with her with the cartoons and eat beside her. Something cosy (sausage and creamy mash, hot chocolate, warm chocolate muffins). Give her lots of opportunity to trust you.

frumpygrumpy · 06/02/2010 11:21

If she's eating well at weekends that is good. Is your half term coming up? Might be another good time to quietly monitor.

Original poster

joburg · 06/02/2010 11:21

I thought about that too. Kids can be cruel i agree. So we tried to talk to DD but nothing came up. The teacher promised to monitor her but if she seems happy, friendly and popular, what more can the teacher say about it?!

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frumpygrumpy · 06/02/2010 11:27

School could watch from a distance at lunchtime and let you know what happens at lunchtime. Does she sit alone? Does she eat anything else? Do they not encourage her to eat lunch? (our school have assistants who are there 'encouraging' slow eaters to get out the lunch hall faster!) School should be concerned for you and for her and the problem does seem to be on school time.......

BlackYellowRed · 06/02/2010 11:33

DD refused to eat for a weeks and got us very worried. Couldn't figure out what brought it on. Turned out some boy in school called her a 'fat pig' a few times. It took ages to get her to eat properly again (still very little but normal for her). We were worried sick and got the head teacher involved for dealing with the boy and his comments.

Original poster

joburg · 06/02/2010 11:37

frumpygrumpy, i agree with you, the problem seems to be only in the school, but this never happened before, not even when she had a hard time adjusting, so i wouldn't blame it on the school situation. She used to eat well even when she had a hard time over there, but refused to eat lately when all started to be just fine? This sounds a bit strange to me .... that's why my asking for help here ... it just doesn't make sense.

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Original poster

joburg · 06/02/2010 11:59

BlackYellowRed, thank you for telling your story. Despite the fact that DD is skinny like hell it might be a similar situation ... how did you get to find out about it? I tried every possible way of asking DD what is going into her brain but never got more than answers like 'i don't know how to eat' and other silly statements like that.

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Flightattendant · 06/02/2010 12:06

'I don't know how to eat' might be something someone has said to her...that she eats wrong or something?

Don't dismiss anything she says...just follow it up with 'in what way sweetie?' or something.

Keep digging, you'll get there.

Original poster

joburg · 06/02/2010 13:27

'I don't know how to eat' seemed really silly and i did felt annoyed when she said it; it just seemed like she threw it out of the blue to avoid talking. DD's manners at the table are really good so i couldn't imagine the fact that she would be bullied because of this. But she did tell DH that she refuses to eat because we tell her to. That made me worried ...

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CharlieBoo · 06/02/2010 14:05

Have you tried taking the pressure off and making food fun? Big picnic on the floor in the front room, lots of yummy things that you know she likes? Praising siblings, dh for eating well etc. It might sound too babyish but taking the pressure off her might help. It must be worrying and frustrating but she is little and it is probably a control thing and it could be getting her a lot of attention. Kids are so worrying at times, I feel for you. I would seek the gps advice about what to do and how to handle it. X

Original poster

joburg · 06/02/2010 14:44

If it was a long term problem i would think of strategies like you suggested, CharlieBoo. We always try to do a bit of it every day, encouraging, praising, that was part of our life from the very beginning (apart from the picknik on the floor thing, which i try not to encourage).
But what DD is doing here is a sudden thing, out of the blue, no explanations, no sickness, she seems happy in school .... i am repeating myself, i know, sorry, i just don't know what the hell is going on in DD's mind

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BlackYellowRed · 07/02/2010 10:28

joburg, DD is very skinny too, so the comments the boy made were ridiculous, but she took them so personal. I don't quite remember how and why she decided to tell me. I do understand how hard it must be for you not knowing what's going on with her. My DD was also about the same age as your DD.
I'd just be open to her, make sure she knows you are available and you won't get cross when she does tell you what's bothering her. In the meantime, keep putting food in front of her, let her make her own lunch maybe. DD liked doing that a lot, made her feel in control.

Veritythebrave · 07/02/2010 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

joburg · 07/02/2010 15:04

Thank you all! I see the punishing thing seems to look so much different than we planed it. My fault in failing to explain it right. One evening DD came to DH telling him: 'Papa, you know why i am not eating? Because you tell me to' After that we set a point system, together with DD. If she would make 7 points out of 9 she would deserve cartoons, and for that she would need to eat this and this based on points. We all agreed on that.

As for a proper breakfast, that is out of the question, DD is so slow in the morning that she hardly has time to swallow a bit of yogurt before the bus comes, so no hope for that.

The cartoon-eating system was just put in place last week and i was hoping she would respond to it since she is so addicted to the damn tv. Today she came home with her lunch box intact again. I asked the teacher to call me, so we'll see if she has anything to say abt it, but to me, all this is such a big mystery!!!!!!! A happy girl, healthy, full of energy, with nothing to complain about the school, and still, bringing ALL the food back home ......

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CarGirl · 07/02/2010 15:14

My dd nearly 7 started doing this. Turned out she was desperate to get out to play as soon as possible as otherwise another girl would come over in the dining hall and start saying nasty things to my dd, nothing to do with food, about a mark she has on her face.

It took a month for me and the school to get to the bottom of what was going on.

Bully has now moved onto her next victim

senua · 07/02/2010 15:20

"As for a proper breakfast, that is out of the question, DD is so slow in the morning that she hardly has time to swallow a bit of yogurt before the bus comes, so no hope for that."

So make her miss the bus. And explain to the teacher why she is late.

Original poster

joburg · 07/02/2010 15:24

It's funny how they never talk about these things one would think they would jump into your arms and complain about these kind of things, scream out and blame the naughty others ... it might be smth similar with DD but as for now, i have no clue and she seems so happy in the school ... ?!?!?!

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CarGirl · 07/02/2010 15:27

My dd loves school I have no idea why she wouldn't tell me apart from she had told the lunch time playground staff about this girl (and others) kicking & hitting her and they had told her just stay away from them so perhaps thought noone would believe her?

Veritythebrave · 07/02/2010 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

joburg · 07/02/2010 15:28

Senua, i tried this some time ago and DD seemed to happilly accept the fact that she can go to the school later on. This is not a thing i want to encourage when i try to teach her punctuality and the fact that we need to do things when they are supposed to be done and that being late is rude.

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