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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH TONIGHT

34 replies

icarriedawatermelon2 · 01/02/2010 20:01

DS 2years 2months has been waking at 2am screaming, shaking and shouting "down stairs" this has been going on for a few weeks and so far we have been keeping hold of him in his room until he falls asleep in our arms, however now the neighbours have complained

So we have moved him into a different room and were going to let him control cry BUT he has started to throw himself out of the cot in a rage!

What is the safest thing to do??

HELP I am about to give birth and can't stop crying

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thisisyesterday · 01/02/2010 20:07

i would take himdownstairs, let him calm down then put him back to bed.
or take him into bed with you.

he's telling you something is wrong and he needs you. please don't let him cry by himself

coldtits · 01/02/2010 20:09

Sit with him in his room. Every time he gets out of the cot put him back in, but stay with him.

I don'yt agree that letting him come downstairs in the middle of the night is the way to go. It's not realistic behavior.

thenewbornnanny · 01/02/2010 20:09

Can you put a stairgate on his door and put his cot mattress on the floor? Or would he chuck himself over the stairgate too?

Poor you (((hugs))) it's really tough when they are big enough to do stuff like this but too young to really understand what he has to do.

Original poster

icarriedawatermelon2 · 01/02/2010 20:10

The thing is when my pregnancy sickness was really bad my DDH was doing that thisisyesterday......that was 9 months ago, we aren't making progress and I can see the newborn joining us on the sofa at this rate.....

I hate the idea of leaving him to cry.....

OP posts:

Flightattendant · 01/02/2010 20:10

I agree,

I am sorry the neighbours are complaining,
do not do CC

Just do what he wants. It is a phase, it will pass and he will be fine

But for now, just stay with him, take him down to watch TV and have a cup of warm milky or something, have a cuddle and distract.
He is perhaps worried because of new baby coming...this is so very normal and common.
Ignore neighbours...they will need to put up with new baby soon! You can't get into trouble for having crying children. It is their problem.

Good luck xx

Flightattendant · 01/02/2010 20:13

Btw, prioritise...what does need to happen and what doesn't? He needs not to be making a racket, maybe, till the neighbours get a grip (or get over the fuss)
but that doesn't mean he needs to be asleep.

Try different things, but I think leaving him in any respect right now would be a mistake as this is exactly what will make him inconsolable. iyswim. He needs reassurance and comfort and to know you are there, and you are OK despite large bump and imminent addition

Original poster

icarriedawatermelon2 · 01/02/2010 20:13

I don't think he could get over the stair gate....staying in the room and putting him back sounds realistic......I am just sooooo big and uncomfortable! THANK-YOU!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 01/02/2010 20:13

i wasa thinking more of just go downstairs, in the dark, so that he can see that nothing is happening down there. it's just nighttime, no-one is having fun.

or bring him into bed with you.
he WILL stop doing it, and controlled crying will give you a quick fix. but there is a reason you don't like doing it...

Flightattendant · 01/02/2010 20:14

Could you maybe sleep next to him in a bed, somehow...in your bed or in a different/spare bed?

thisisyesterday · 01/02/2010 20:16

actually, if you think he is waking at the same time out of habit I do know people who have had success with the following technique

that is to disrupt the sleep cycle. so basically if he always wakes at 2am, you need to go in at 1am, rouse him, then settle him back down.
you want to get him vaguely awake, but not too much so that he thinks it's time to get up.
the aim is to get him to then fall back into a deep sleep and not wake when he is used to waking up,

you may need to do it for a few nights to see a difference though
and also be prepared in case it backfires and he wakes fully at 1 (though, really, 1am/2am not that much difference?)

LowLevelWhingeing · 01/02/2010 20:18

If you hate the idea of leaving him to cry, don't do it. I also agree that going downstairs is not good in the long term, particularly with another baby on the way.

I think coldtits' idea of staying in his room is a good compromise. Everytime he gets out you calmly and quietly put him back in. Give him a cuddle if he needs it, but keep putting him back in. You (or DH) could then gradually withdraw from him over a few nights.

With any of these things you have to decide on a plan and stick to it to the bitter end or else you can all end up more confused than you started.

teaandcakeplease · 01/02/2010 20:19

Is it night terrors do you think?

LowLevelWhingeing · 01/02/2010 20:20

Oh yes, and definitely ignore the neighbours. It's not like you're partying all night - it's an upset toddler FFS!

EatingSwansHorror · 01/02/2010 20:22

The rousing thing works. Did for me anyway. Also - try putting him in a big bed or move the bed to another position in the room. Wierd but also works...

Flightattendant · 01/02/2010 20:22

Just be there. I can vividly remember being that size and age...all I needed, to settle, was my mother just being there in the room. Preferably stroking my head or holding my hand or similar.
It felt like nectar in the darkness.

Sorry to go all poetic but it really did...he just wants your presence. And maybe to go downstairs! But mainly just you.

I reckon once baby has arrived, he will be much less disturbed. He knows something is about to happen, his situation is going to be adjusted, but cannot comprehend how.

When baby is there and you are still there and you have no bump, and are less physically restricted, etc etc
he will be reassured gradually.

Undercovamutha · 01/02/2010 20:24

IME you need to make sure he feels safe, whilst also not rewarding him with your attention. That way, if it is related to him being scared, you are not exascerbating (sp) it, but if it is attention he wants you are not rewarding him. Crucially - DO NOT ENGAGE IN CONVERSATION WITH HIM. This only draws out the problem IME.

I personally think that there are no quick fixes. I think the long term approach of just lying him back down, leaving the room (x a million) is the way to go.

And if it makes you feel any better, shortly before I had DS, DD started to take 2 hours to go to sleep. I thought I'd never manage. In fact in the end it was easier in a way as I wasn't getting any rest anyway once the baby was born! I just used to stay upstairs with DH and baby in our bedroom quietly, and DH and I would take it in turns putting DD back to bed, whilst intermittantly feeding DS and watching the telly on mute !

Original poster

icarriedawatermelon2 · 01/02/2010 20:27

I'm not sure if it is night terrors as we have crying at bedtime. I tried a big bed for day sleeps this week but he just gets out all the time and I think its too many changes, new room, new bed, new baby......

Rousing sounds interesting.....only DH thinks he isn't waking up at the same time every night.....my eye sight is terrible!

OP posts:

Fruitysunshine · 01/02/2010 20:30

We had an issue with DD(2) a while ago. She was getting up in the night, around 2am, not crying but shouting for me or DH. If we tried to leave the room she would cry, so we took her in with us for a few nights on the trot and after sitting up for ages in the dark not saying anything she would just lie down and fall asleep. A few nights later I attempted to put her down in her own bed and she went down ok and has not got up in the night since.

He clearly needs something at that point in the night, maybe he is having a bad dream, or just needs a cuddle, but comfort him instead of using CC.

Good luck.

LowLevelWhingeing · 01/02/2010 20:31

If it's night terrors they behave as if you're not there, then suddenly snap out of it. It sounds more like a (very natural and understandable) behaviour thing to me.

Original poster

icarriedawatermelon2 · 01/02/2010 20:33

Interestingly the HV came today and mentioned the baby to DS, HE HIT ME!!! I think your all spot on, he knows something is going to happen......he must be feeling sad bless him.

Undercovamutha - I can picture the scean!!

So tonight I will go in cuddle but not talk to him and keep settling him in his cot. THANK-YOU!!! I'll let you know in the morning! MASSIVE THANKS

OP posts:

addictedtolatte · 01/02/2010 20:34

stupid question but does she have a nightlight? my ds started waking of a night screaming then i got a nightlight to see if it was the dark he was scared of and it was.

compo · 01/02/2010 20:41

sory if this has already been asked but does he have a nightlight?

I feel for you, our neighbours have made pointed comments because for months we've been putting our youngest back to bed for about an hour every night and often resorted to yelling at her!! We have been told 'we can hear everything upstairs you know', lol not sure if they meant dd or me and dh shagging but it is horrid knowing that other people can hear the racket you make so {{{{ hugs}}}}}

Original poster

icarriedawatermelon2 · 01/02/2010 20:43

LOL compo!

Yes, we have the hall light on and it creates mood lighting....I sometimes wonder if its the shadows he hates though.....

OP posts:

mad4mainecoons · 01/02/2010 20:46

yeah, just a thought but my ds used to wake up frequently in the night and get distressed at about that age.

i could see no reason why but because i was having to go into him so often and groping around at the top of the stairs trying to find the light switch was pretty dangerous i decided to leave to landing light on. this just lets a small amount of light into ds's bedroom, from that night we have been undisturbed....

a few weeks ago i thought - maybe ill just turn the landing light off tonight as he never wakes anymore... wrong! 2am woken by screaming toddler paniced because he could not see anything! instantly calmed when i turned to landing light on.

i think you may have part of a solution with a nightlight

WomanwiththeYellowHat · 01/02/2010 20:48

I was going to say nightlight too. And / or music? We used to have music on low all night for DD1 when she was getting unsettled. We have had similar, althouhg not identical, situations and I would say that the one thing I have learnt is that they are ususally about something that is real to the child, so letting them cry doesn't help.

We had lots of problems during the move into a bed and then a gradual descent into bedtime chaos over about 3 months that was caused by general boundary testing, and what worked was keeping really calm and being really reassuring without giving any credence to the tantrum. It was as if she was scared and didn't want to see me upset at all because that would mean that whatever it was was a real thing to be frightened of? IYSWIM?

I think being really calm, but with boundaries (eg. 'Would you like the light on or not?' Rather than 'what do you want?') is helpful?

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