how do I get dd1 to shut up about her blimmin' birthday?

[mrsshackleton]

DD1 is five next month. She is a determined type, shall we say . She is fixated on getting bunk beds which is not going to happen because a) too expensive b) we don't need them, her sister has her own room and c) dd's room is plenty big enough for a camp bed when sleepovers start (hopefully a long way off)

However, every evening after she's in bed and much of the day when not at school she goes on and on and on about how she wants bunk beds. She screams, weeps, badgers, threatens and calls us back in her room continually to demand them

I am not giving in here, which means I will probably have to endure this for weeks and the birthday itself will be ruined when the bunks don't arrive.

But can anyone think of anything I can tell her to make her quite the moaning and screaning? I am very aware of what's going on in Haiti right now and it makes me so and that my child is behaving like a little emperor.

Hmm. I think she is still only small so the whole "you should count yourself lucky there are children far worse off than you" thing isn't completely age-appropriate IMO.

I must admit if it was me and this thing was obviously my child's dearest dearest wish I would try to make it work somehow. Maybe a mid-sleeper bed would keep her happy? You could try and get one cheaply second hand?

Having posted this, read the "spoilt" thread below.

I DO NOT want dd1 turning out spoilt . She can tantrum for the next month, I am not giving in on this!

Emkana X posted

I don't say "there are children worse off than you", I think it

I have looked in to beds, I can't find anything we can afford or that she needs. If she hadn't been tantrumming so much I might be more inclined to find something but I really think if we give in now it'll set a precedent. Or maybe you all think I am a mean mummy?

does she usually get fixated on stuff?

Can you try having a sensible conversation ( not in the midst of her demanding)?

I often discuss with my 5 yrold twins that some things are too expensive/ impractical.

My ds1 has aspergers which means he gets very wound up about what he might get for a present- so usually I've told him what he's getting before his birthday so he doesn't whittle about it.

My dd shouts from bed and after the 1st time I just ignore it tbh.

No I don't think you are mean and I see where you are coming from but I think she is still very very young. At the same time I think it is legitimate for children to express a wish for something for their birthday, as long as it is not a whole list of things. What happens if you try and discuss compromise solutions with her, is there a way that she could do something to her room that wouldn't be so expensive but that she still would like? I wouldn't just say "no and that's an end to it", I would try to negotiate.

Now I come to think of it (can't believe I forgot) bunkbeds was ds's obsession last year. We got a high sleeper ikea one off freecycle and it had never been used.

Ds2 broke his (too small anyway) bed last month and now he takes every visitor up to his bedroom and says 'notice anything different?' sadly they don't uusually notice the £100 including mattress ikea bed that he wants them to notice so badly

So I suppose what I'm saying is it's not unusual for beds to figure large in kid's lives!

Does she usually ask for stuff nicely?

try and find out what it is about bunk beds that she thinks would be so great - does she want to sleep high up or would a blow up mattress (they do themed ones ) be good for if friends come over? sounds like she gets her personality from you in any case you both sound strong minded

If she wants bunk beds so very badly I would get her bunk beds! Ikea, freecycle,local paper....you could find bunks or a high sleeper for not much. I know it sounds as if she's being a brat, but she's only 4 and if she's meeting a flat refusal and can't work out why then it's understandable that she's going on a bit!

She's 5. She might WANT bunk beds but if you have other priorites, tough. She needs to understand that. Agree with cat. Maybe there are some other things you could do to jazz up her room.

My dd wanted one of those cabin beds with a slide. We can't afford it. She has cheap Ikea bed, but we rearranged the room, turned her old toddler bed into a "sofa" with cushions, and got some Hello Kitty stickers.

I am a sad person with no life but I have just spend 10 minutes searching and in that time I've found 3 sets of bunk beds and a hi sleeper local to me either free or less that 50 quid.

Get the kid a bunk bed. She'll remember it always.

totally agree with seeker

Do NOT give in !
Stick to your guns!

Why? She's 4 - there's something she badly wants that is easily got for not much money or inconvenience. Why have a horrible ongooig battle about it?

Yes, why is she not allowed to express her dearest wish for her birthday, I don't get it, and as seeker has shown it can be accommodated so flatly refusing does seem a bit mean.

Is it just me that thinks that a 5 yo should NOT be demanding things?

Whether they are easy to come by via freecycle or not.

The key is in how you describe it.

You say demanding, but I say she is stating a birthday wish, which I think is totally legitimate. And for some reason it is very very important to her.

"she screams, weeps, bagers, threatens"

THAT's why OP should not give in.
What are you teaching your children if screaming and weeping gets your own way?

Yes but how did it get to this stage?

Did the OP's dd say "I would like bunk beds for my birthday", in a reasonable way to start with, and the wish was flatly refused, without attempts to compromise or even explain?

But mine wants x,y and z for her 6th bithday. She might get x. And maybe y. But maybe not. Does that mean i should not disappoint her?

"Going on for months" is not a good thing really. "She screams, weeps, badgers, threatens and calls us back in her room continually to demand them" So the way to deal with this is to give in and give her what she wants? Methinks of Verucca Salt....

No no, it would be Verrucca Salt if you got her her wish and she would then turn her nose up at it and demand something else completely, or if she had a whole list of things she demanded, or if she demanded it without a birthday being the reason, just because. She is asking for one thing, admittedly something big, but she is still very young so the monetary value is still pretty vague to someone this age. I am certainly not one for spoiling my children, but if the wish for something is so great and all-consuming then I think compromise and negotiation, not flat refusal is the way forward.

emanka, I would like an Aston Martin for my next birthday. Really I would!. So if DH says - no piss off, WE CAN'T AFFORD IT, would that be unreasonable?

Wow this is weird, DD1 is 5 on 1st March and has been going on about getting bunk beds for about four weeks now. But, give her - her due, she does share a room with her little sis and sleepovers have to put up with a mattress on the floor. I've told her that she's got to be six and her sis five before she's allowed. She's not whining or badgering but she does mention on a regular basis.

In your position, I would take the same stance - there's no need or reason for bunk beds. Stick your guns Mrs Shackleton, I'm with you all the way

But as seeker has shown it is affordable.

And when I was a child I WANTED all sorts of things. I did not get them. Or I got some of them. Why do you think it is reasonable for a 4 yo to DEMAND anything?