Anyone getting peed off with judgemental toilet training advice?

[Caththerese1973]

Hi
I am just blowing off really, but wondered if anyone had similar experiences. So many people are telling me that my 28 month old dd 'should' be potty trained. I have been trying recently but with no success. Actually my dd is adverse to the idea. I know she could probably do it - she will tell me that she is 'trying' to do a pooh, or will even tell me when she has done a wee in her nappy. But she doesn't like sitting on the potty and hates training pants. When I get them out, she says 'No, get a nappy.' I think she is anxious about them - says things like 'I might do wee!' I try to explain this is how you learn but she doesn't seem to like it.
I think she is still of an age when wearing a nappy is socially acceptable and I am going to leave it for now. But how do you deal with busy-body aunts and relatives who tut-tut when you change your two year old's nappy, or say things like 'mine were on a potty at 18 months?
I went shopping with my friend the other day, whose dd is the same age as mine and potty trained. But her mother still has to pre-emptively take her to the toilet to avoid accidents. It seems to me that unless the child is mature enough, psychologically and physically, to know when they need to go, then the whole thing is more trouble than it is worth! I guess it's easy to be 'lazy' about it when disposables are so convenient.
Any thoughts? (or good responses to make to put nosey parkers in their place?)

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Lol excuse you for blowing off (sorry it your phrase made me laugh)

Mine isn't - would be the reply i'd give to those busy body aunts.

Your friend is probably just paranoid if her dd's recently trained. It took me a while to relax and realise my dd wasn't going to wet herself everytime we were out. (in fact she only did this once thank God!)

With your dd's worry about weeing, give her some opportunity to have accidents when playing in the garden etc Its only once they learn what happens and that Mummy won't be cross, that they can move onto even beginning to be trained.
But you're right in waiting until your dd is ready, given the right experiences and explanations, children will train themselves.

\I agree. My ds is nearly 3 and still in nappies.
It annoys me when people say I dont potty train him because:

1. It will save me a much needed £30 a month if he did use a potty
2. I hate changing him as he wont hold still now
3. carry all the stuff around with me is annoying

I tried potty training him a couple of time. Unfortunatly (due to pressure) I think that I started too early and now he has a bit of a complex about it!
I have now had to take a step back because he was getting so distressed, and on the advice of my HV (and the many books I have read!) I am going to start from scratch in a couple of months.

It annoys me because I was thinking about peoples comments - rather than my own child. I knew he wasnt ready but felt like I should potty train him (especially some of the comments on mumsnet) Always listen to your insticts!

Try to ignore the comments, every child is different and ready for potty training in their own time and IMO if it's done when the child him/herself is ready and when you yourself are ready, then it makes everything a lot easier.

I trained my ds when he was 2 1/2, and it only took a few days. If I had done it earlier I'm sure it would all have been far more prolonged and stressful.

One thing I would suggest (not wanting to sound like one of the nags) is just to put her on the potty or toilet when she wakes up just so she gets used to the idea.

Caththerese one of the nursery teachers told me "toilet train at 2 years, finished at 3, toilet train at 3, finished at 3."

And it is true.

Dst showed no inclination for wanting to be nappyless until not long after they turned 3. Within 3 days they were dry and rarely ever have accidents now. It is not laziness and not an indicator of a child's intelligence or anything else we mum's are made to worry about.

Your dd will decide when is the right time for her, guaranteed she will get the idea very quickly if she is allowed to let her own body tell her when she needs to go. If you try and force her you end up in a puddle of pee! I should know!

i think most people who potty train very young train themselves, not the child. i did both my ds's when they were 3 (week after each ones birthday). ds1 took a day, ds2 took 3 days. ds1 was still in nappies at night when he was 4 tho, i never tried to train him to go to the loo in the night, just waited until he did it himself. evil mil tried to do him when he was 18 months and got him to the point where he screamed whenever he saw a potty cos he hated being made to sit on it . let the kids lead you, i have never understood people who put them through all the stress for no good reason

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Just to shut them up you could say you absolutely agree, it is high time, but as it is a huge commitment on your part, the time has to be right for you too, and it just isn't at the moment.

I used to hear a lot of comments about ds1 still being in nappies. Apparently it was because I was lazy, couldn't be bothered, and/or I just didn't want him to grow up. The fact that he's autistic and didn't have a clue was apparently irrelevant. He was 4yrs old when he finally got the idea. When he first started school he had no more accidents than the rest of the class who had been out of nappies for 2+ years.

I usually tried to ignore the comments but the one day I snapped was when a childless relative started off again about how ds1 should be out of nappies etc etc. I handed them the potty and said, "There you go. You try explaining it to ds1." Needless to say they didn't get far.......

you will know when your child is ready and doing it before then will cause stress, my twin girls were in nappies til they were five they have autism and they just were not ready until then, it didn't take them long to get the idea and not many accidents, my son who has autism was reaady and out of nappies at 3 1/2 both day and night and hardly any wet pants, i think there is too much pressure on parents and kids to be out of nappies far to early.

Don't know about other peoples routines, but my two oldest lads were left until they were really ready- pretty much potty trained themselves! DS1 was 3 1/2, DS2 was 3. Both were dry day and night at exactly the same time, both have had no accidents virually since the second week of training. I did keep trying it earlier with ds1 because I thought I should and kept getting advice from people, it got me nowhere. With DS3 I will wait, it is far less stressful!

DS toilet trained at 3. Did it overnight and no accidents. His best friend toilet trained at 2 and stil wets himself (both are 4 now). DD 2.3 and I am trying to tt her but not too much success. She hates being in nappies and takes them off herself - that's what is driving me to train her. She wees on the potty but wont poo. Any ideas? I'm worried she may get constipated!

done this thread before so dont want to repeat myself..but want to say. Your child will know when the time is right for them. Let them take the lead in this one...much less stressful and fewer wet clothes!!!

Not had any experience of potty training - DS is only 15mo - but my plan is to wait till he's ready. If he's not ready till he's three, so be it. I cannot be arsed to chase around mopping up puddles of wee - life is too short to sit in the house or stay in the garden with a naked from the waist down child in case he wees. So bugger it - until he shows an interest, he's in nappies.

Already getting the "when are you starting potty training" comments though - I say when you're on hand to help mop up the wee and worse

my ds3 says he is going to wear nappies forver!!!!

My Mum always says to any younger mums "You don't see very many children starting school in a nappy" she always says that these things will happen - when they happen and like assuming all 18yo will be off round europe smoking and drinking - some won't be so why assume all 3yo will be potty trained.

That dosen't make sence when I type it but it does when she says it....

I get you.I say that too. They kind of level out. Dont all walk at same age talk at same age so why pee onthe potty at the same age?!!!!

exactly

Haven't read all the responses but a couple of things:

According to my (irritating) mum, I was out of nappies before I was one. Yeah right. Yes Mum. Well done. Congratulations.

Second, why would ANYONE bother to potty train a child who is not ready??? I can honestly think of a million things I would rather do than clean up wee and poo all day of a child who, bless them, just isn't ready yet. Forcing the situation IMO is simply DAFT.

I potty trained ds1 when HE was ready and NOT when everyone else was ready for me to!! It made it much easier and I was not up to my elbows in s**t for weeks.!!

I agree so much we potty trained DS later and it was a dodle, tried to do it earlier with DD cause I thought she'd be ready and she still a difficult now at 3.3.

All children are def. different! My 2 DDs trained themselves at about 2 and 3/4 with literally 1 or 2 accidents. My DS is now 4 and a 1/4 and has accidents at least every day - normally 2 or 3 times. I didn't take him out of nappies til he needed to go to school as he clearly isn't ready.

I'd just ignore everyone and do what you like.

Thank god he has bowel control though. Phew.

28 months? my dd1 didnt make it until her 3rd birthday as it happened.
The younger ones were quicker, but they had an older sibling to copy.
they all still wet the bed though
Your dd is definitely not "wrong", and neither are you!

didn't read it all but, ds is 23 months and i get funny looks all the time when i say i haven't even started yet. heck, dd was completely potty trained until she was 3.5. LOL

ds is no where near ready. sometime he will want to sit on the potty, but only like two are three times. i really don't care. when he his ready he is ready. i would much prefer to change dirty diaper than dirty underroos, and i am not going to fuss ds for something he just isn't ready to handle yet.

for Christ's sake, he can't even do puzzles yet.

I must say this is a constant worry for me - DS will be 3 next week and isn't interested in potties at all. He knows the ins and outs but just doesn't want to know. He keeps telling me that he's still a baby and he is actually on the verge of changing his own nappy...