Anyone getting peed off with judgemental toilet training advice?

[Caththerese1973]

Hi
I am just blowing off really, but wondered if anyone had similar experiences. So many people are telling me that my 28 month old dd 'should' be potty trained. I have been trying recently but with no success. Actually my dd is adverse to the idea. I know she could probably do it - she will tell me that she is 'trying' to do a pooh, or will even tell me when she has done a wee in her nappy. But she doesn't like sitting on the potty and hates training pants. When I get them out, she says 'No, get a nappy.' I think she is anxious about them - says things like 'I might do wee!' I try to explain this is how you learn but she doesn't seem to like it.
I think she is still of an age when wearing a nappy is socially acceptable and I am going to leave it for now. But how do you deal with busy-body aunts and relatives who tut-tut when you change your two year old's nappy, or say things like 'mine were on a potty at 18 months?
I went shopping with my friend the other day, whose dd is the same age as mine and potty trained. But her mother still has to pre-emptively take her to the toilet to avoid accidents. It seems to me that unless the child is mature enough, psychologically and physically, to know when they need to go, then the whole thing is more trouble than it is worth! I guess it's easy to be 'lazy' about it when disposables are so convenient.
Any thoughts? (or good responses to make to put nosey parkers in their place?)

LOL at all the responses. I get the feeling that if I pressure my daughter now, when she isn't happy about it, I might give her some kind of a complex about it and she will take even longer than if I just let her take her own time about it. Today, unusually, she actually volunteered to sit on the potty. But only because she asked if she could 'run around with no nappy' and I said, 'well, you can if sit on the potty for a while' So I took off her nappy and she sat....and started farting! Every time she farted she would, like, LEAP off the potty and run across the room. And I said, 'no, sweetie, if a poo is coming then stay ON the potty, that would be so exciting to do a poo in the potty!' So she would sit, fart, and then leap across the room like a startled rabbit. After about 10 minutes of this (I was peeing myself laughing, if you will pardon the pun,) she said 'I'm frightened I will do a poo!' So I put her nappy back on and of course she did a pooh straight away. I guess it must feel strange, the first time you expose your little bottom to a cavernous hole and feel like something is about to come out!
I espsecially laughed at the poster who said her mother claimed she was potty trained at one. My dear late grandmother insisted that my mother was potty trained at nine months. And not only could she walk as well, she apparently talked in sentences!
I think I bit of CMD (competitive mother disorder)is apparent in many potty training discusssions!

It's definitely the next competitive mother thing in the list - after sleeping through, eating solids, all of the motor skill things, etc, etc.

LOL at your DD worrying she will do a poo on the potty - she'll be fine when she's ready, but you're right not to press the issue IMO! Not LOLing at her, you understand - that sounds far too cruel!

I actually bought DS (15mo) a potty today - I figured if he's sit still on it when I'm trying to get a urine sample from him (he has recurrent UTIs ) then it would be easier than playing catch the wee. Left it out for him to play with today, he swung it round his head, but wouldn't sit on it at all - I only tried once as I'm really not that fussed if he does or not - I'm definitely not potty training him yet!!

Also, I don't blame children for not liking potties. All mine have gone straight to a little seat on the normal loo.

Hey my DS1 will be 4 in August, starts school in September and although dry most of the time does still wet himself and pooes himself. Thinking of the lucky reception teacher

But we are spending the summer on pooh training alert - bribery, every pooh on toilet gets a jelly bean.

Message withdrawn

LOL Caththerese at the farts! I would have been hee-hawing with laughter and totally put them off! I used to sit dst on the potty before bedtime and the first time they ever did poos in the pot they both screamed in fright! I didn't use the potties when they actually got round to going to the toilet I just bought little steps and let them use the proper toilet. Watching of course that they didn't fall in!

I think our mothers and grandmothers didn't so much potty train as just stop using nappies and hope for the best. Have you ever seen those chairs that they used to put children on in the early 1900s, it had a big hole in the centre and the mother would put the potty underneath the hole. The child was kept put with a kind of high chair type table in front of them. Not very nice I bet.

Of course according to this we should have started immediately. Scroll down for pictures of some bemused looking babies!

I think it really unfair when people judge or pass comment on other people kids. Every child is different and will develop at their own pace. I picked up a potty for DS at 18 months just to let him become familiar with it. I allowed him to go bare bum a few hours each night and just kept reminding him what the potty was for. We had a few accident in the first week and he just seemed to get it after that. He is 22 months now and doing well but is very good at communicating and letting us know when he needs the potty. I think it would be extremely difficult to train a child that can't communicate correctly. I would try and ignore those who pass on negative comments. We all know our own kids best. I have had some judgment passed at me from people who think my son should still be in nappies. :-(

Fil is a lovely man but I'll always remember how enraged I was when, at 2.5yo, he told us it was our fault ds wasn't potty trained because we've been lazy about it especially as we both work full time. In reality he just wasn't ready and until then weren't even too concerned! Bil also made comments about ds still being in nappies when he goes to school. No response really other than actions speak louder. Ds was potty trained in days because we waited till he was ready (almost 3) while others we know struggled on for months because they persisted when their dc just weren't ready.

Some advice people give about toilet training can be pretty damaging, especially when it stops becoming a fun thing for the child and ends up regulated and horrible, keeping them on the toilet for an hour or what ever.

I just ignore any comments.

My son is nearly 3.5 years and regularly gets nappy changes done in town, sometimes mums give me funny looks and occasionally comment but I just get the nappy on him as quick as I can !

SelinaG I know what you mean, I had a 5 year old in a nappy at one point, if looks could kill, you'd think i was asking them to change him!

Much better when i got a disabled toilet key.

Haven't through all the posts, but to comment on op's post, ignore 'people'. They can never understand your child's current stage. Children are ready when they're ready, just like talking and walking. My DS potty trained at around 3.4 and I literally cannot remember him having a daytime accident since then. He is now just 4 and completely trained day/night.
Don't be afraid to ignore 'advice' given where it's not needed. If you have concerns down the road, speak to your health care provider and leave everyone else out if it. Despite what your mother may tell you, you were not potty trained by 18 months!

My DS is almost 3 and has been dry during the day for about a month. I was getting comments from the odd person because he is big for his age. I was much later training him as my other two were dry by 2.5. I was actually afraid of all the accidents and I think it's been easier because we've waited. He is lazy though and refuses to pull his pants up/down.

Just realised that I posted on this thread ten years ago!