HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!controlled crying- my 10 m.o. DS is crying uncontrollably

[ranirani]

Hi ladies, I have started CC 4 nights ag out of desperation: my DS 10,5 m.o. wakes up 4-5 times at night wanting some drink: till 4 days ago we slept together in one bed and wnever he woke up or stirred moaning a bit I would immediately give him a bottle with water to quiet him down. The same during day naps: as soon as he cries we would run up with the bottle, he would drink it in his sleep and off to sleep again. As time went on it got even worse: instead of getting up ocassionally f1-2 times a night, it got to 4-5 times and 4-5 bottles of water!! he would not drink during day much , all at night. 4 nights ago i started it spontaneously, becase i just could not do it anymore. 1st night he cried 1,5 hours with breaks, then fell asleep and woke up in the morning cried againa bit and went to sleep. second night we put him to sleep, he cried for 30 mins and fell asleep, woke up twice at night , moaned for 15 secs and went to sleep again, woke up in the morning, cried for 45 mins and fell asleep again. 3rd night was a miracle- went to sleep after crying for 20 mins, woke up 3 times at night, cried for 1 min, and went to sleep all by himself. 4th nightm, last night, was more difficu;lt; cried for almost an hour, went to sleep, woke up few times but settled by himself and woke up in the morning, cried like hell and did not fall asleep. now I am trying to put him for his secod nap as he is ready to sleep and he is crying his head off! I just do not know what to do! he is beaving better in general during a day: lss moany, and more cheerful, but this crying business is really difficulkt to take! his voice is going down as well.... I just do not know what to do.... when I come in to calm him, he has cried himself into a state, and impossible to put down....
HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANY TIPS?????

We did co-sleeping with DS and it was hard to get him into his own bed, in another room, at about 1yo. We didn't do CC, but took turns in going in to him when he cried and just reassuring him and then sitting with him in a boring way, until he went back to sleep, IYKWIM? On night 1, he cried 7 times. Each successive night, he cried on less occasions. It took 7 nights before he stopped, and that was it.
We thought that it was worth a week or two of hell in order to get the sleeping sorted.

this isn't controlled crying - this is cry it out.

sorry, it sounds like you really need some help, but crt it out is not good for babies.

have you tried the No cry sleep solution? I think it is more humane.

This doesn't sound anything like CC to me sorry. Have I got it wrong when you say he is crying for an hour without stroking him or seeing if he was ok? His voice is going? no no....

I think you need to re-assess what you are doing. I don't mean to sound harsh but some babies just aren't great at sleeping, it is rotten luck but some just don't settle well until much later. That's the way it is. Mine didn't and I just had to ride it through with patting, keeping things calm, the room dark; reassurance but no play.

Also this age is a funny one for babies, they are sensory overload and really becoming aware of movement and communication. I think the technique you have of leaving to "cry out" is confusing and abrupt and he is v young still.

havent tried no cry solution: i think i need to look it up now. I took DS out of bed now after he cried himself into a state, and seems like he did not want to go to sleep afterall. what was all this rubbing his eyes and being tired? maybe he just did not want to sleep I was so pleased with the results on the third night : i thouhgt i found my miracle solution because everyone seemed better: child with happy smiles during a day and me not snapping at him, frustrated and tired out of my brains.... some people say that the had to do it for a week till they saw some good results and |i had positive change after 2 nights... so I am a bit confused.... but will look up no cry solution thing.
Missinglink, did your DS used to wake up in the middle of the night or faling asleep on his won in his bed was your only problem?

why is he having water in the night?? it sounds to me like he is hungry and needs milk, not water.

Hi, we co-slept with DS until 1yr, when BF stopped. We didn't want it to be a huge shock for him - end of BF and moving into his own room, so we left it for a month or so before moving him into a room by himself.
Then he cried quite a bit in the night, so DH and I took turns in going into him, reassuring him, patting him etc, but not talking or being interesting. We then went back to bed when he was quiet. It took 7 days before he stopped crying at night, but it was fairly painless for him, and since then, he has been a wonderful sleeper. He is 8yo now, and has gone to bed well and slept fine since that week. It seemed hard work at the time, but it was worth it.

no, Boohoo, i was checking on him . First night startign with 5 mins, then 10, then 15-20, then 20. Seconf night - 15 mins, then 20, then 35. he went to sleep after 10 mins of crying on the thrid and forth night. Now it just seems we have a major set back , the sight of his cot when you put him in it makes him start crying. now he is out of bed, on my lap, tired like hell, wants to sleep but i am determined to pout him to lseep a bit later and after a good last feed. He is on solids now and has been from 5 m.o. He is alos a very late sleeper, goes to sleep between 9 and 10 pm , i know it is late for a baby but he is like that with his 2 naps during a day x

your baby has gone from sleeping next to you and sucking for comfort to get back to sleep, to being away from you and losing his sucking comfort , no wonder he is crying !!

offer a dummy, perhaps, for the sucking, if water was enough to send him to sleep.. but if he was waking for a bottle , perhaps he is actually hungry and could benefit and be more settled with more milk

leaving a baby to cry for 20 minutes, when they have been used to sleeping next to you, seems far , far too long and too much to soon

i would be going in far more frequently, at this early stage, this problem will take some time to sort as he adjusts to his own room and you not being right next him

So have you suddenly gone from co-sleeping and letting him suck to sleep to putting him in a cot on his own with no water??

Sounds like too much too soon to me.

Personally, I'd try a good feed at bedtime so you know he's not hungry. Then I'd try and either get him in a cot but let him still have water OR get rid of the water and comfort him in your bed. Then move on to the next thing. It'll take longer but be much less stressful for you all

I think he is in shock about the methods you are using to put him to sleep as it is too abrupt. I also think he would benefit from milk at night just to settle - he is still quite young to drop a night feed. I think so much water is a bad idea in this case actually.

It is good that you are checking and reassuring but I will say again he is v young. A full tummy will feel much more comfortable at least and help him off to sleep again.

he is still in my room, but in his own cot. And no, he is not hungry for milk, because he, beleive it or not, hates milk! i have to smuggle it in his diet in all kinds of things: deserts, cereals, puddings. he just hates bottle milk but also normal milk he doesnt like either. He went for 4 nights in a row withiut water , so it is just comfort thing for him. He always has dummy and quite skilled at putting it in his mouth himself even during night time. its clipped to his babygrwo, so he can always find it. I do agree with Lulumam, hi btw , tha it was a bit drastic, so we are now trying a different approach: my DH is in the dark with little bed light with him, trying to calm him down by singing to him, bless my DH, but my baby is in his cot, so seems it is kind of working right now, coz he is not crying. We just gave him lots of water so he does not get thursty during the night, which worked pretty well for the last 4 nights. When he wakes up at night, I will try to let him settle by himself, lrets see what happens, fingers crossed, wish me luck! i just had to do something as was lging completely nuts having to wake up every 50 mins at night for 5 mins water bottle top up, with me having to work during a day ( home business) it was getting ouit of control. we are also thinking to cut his day naps to one, so by the end of the day he is tired and ready to sleep and hopefully will sleep better thru the night.
anyway let see , will keep you posted x

and do not get me wrong: he eats 5(!) meals a day,more than I do!
hurray, he is asleep!

Good luck Ranirani.
I'm sure you know where the line is between regaining some sanity for youself and your family, and torturing your child.
Hope it goes well tonight.

Babies need to eat little and often.
If he hates milk, what did he live on for the first 6 months . Babies don't need 'lots of water' at night, they need milk. And when you say "he went 4 nights in a row with just water" - well, it's not like he had a choice, did he? Milk should still be a main feature of a babies diet until 1 year old - it is much more nutritious than the solids he will be eating at 10 months,

Sorry rani. but it sounds like you would benefit from a basic baby book. Ffor sleep issues try'no cry sleep solution', but I also suggest a baby book that tells you what to expect at different ages.

It sounds like your little boy is very unhappy and that you are not giving him what he needs. Babies cry for a reason, not just because they delight in robbing you of sleep.

Many people have found that cutting back on naps in the day makes night time sleep worse. Best just to avoid naps within a couple of hours of bedtime.

Sorry if I seem harsh, but your posts paint a picture of a desperate baby trying to get what he needs and a mother who just isn't listening to him

if he is waking for a bottle, and waking several times and you are giving water, it would indicate to me he is hungry, and water is filling and satisfying him for a short while, but perhaps offering him a milk feed would allow him to stay fuller and more settled for longer. surely he is still having bottles in the day so will tolerate milk? (hi to you to )

Goodness me SLF, how harsh you're being! Your comments are guaranteed to make the OP feel like a bad mum - this is cruel and entirely unhelpful. You don't have enough knowledge of the situation to make sweeping statements like this.

The OP has managed 10 months so far without causing any serious damage, if any! It seem she really does care about her baby being happy and settled, enough to have managed co-sleeping etc so far.

FWIW, my dd didn't have any night feeds from 5 months onwards (apart from the occasional growth spurt/teething etc) and even on those occasions, we would see if water would settle her first. No harm done. She's not malnourished or insecure in our affections.

More advice, less harsh judgements, I think.

Maybe I am being a but harsh, but from what the OP is posting I am concerned for her baby! It also worries me a bit that she seems to not really understand that giving water through the night rather than milk to a 10 month old is very unusual, and almost certainly that hunger is the reason he is waking every hour.

"The sight of his cot when you put him in it makes him start crying" - Well I am not surprised if he has been left to howl in it for an hour and a half at a time, after previously co-sleeping (see OP - though she later says she was 'checking on him'.)

I am being harsh because I don't think the OP realises that this isn't good for her baby.

Anyway, I'll bow out because, as you say, I don't have anything constructive to add and you ladies have given good advice.

My 10 month old wakes a few times a night also, we give her milk and often take her in out bed to settle her sometimes she sleeps there others we take her back to her cot.
I really think that at 10 months leaving him to cry is just teaching him that noone comes when he needs them, I know at that age mine have just needed comfort and to feel at ease in order to sleep. I would say your baby is probably hungry (some babies are some are not its hard to say from a forum post) and that much water could be making him feel a bit sicky.

Have you tried different sorts of milk? different follow on milks taste very different - for example my daughter hated cow and gate but loves sma.

Personally I would say that you need to step back a bit and baby him a bit more hugs, milk and mummy time.Please dont leave him crying for more than a few minutes at a time if you can hekp it.

Normally you give water to make the baby give up on waking up, as it's milk he wants and being offered just water makes him give up after a while ( that's the idea, in any case).

BUT your lo keeps on waking up,so obviously it doesn't work. Babies haven't a need for lots of water during the night. He's drinking it because he's hungry and it fills him up for a bit.

Give him some milk. Please. Maybe not 5 times a night, but try doing an extra feed around 11 or whenever he wakes for the first time.

I completely agree with winnybella. It actually breaks my heart a little bit thinking about your LO drinking 4 - 5 bottles of water a night!

Try one more milk feed - even if he initially doesn't seem keen, keep trying - around 10/ 11/ 11.30pm or whenever he wakes up the first time seems the best idea. Hopefully that extra feed should lead to a much more settled baby & night for you. Even if he's been on solids since 5 months, the extra feed should provide comfort as well as nutrition, which seems to be what's missing at the moment.

I know it's hard knowing what to do for the best - trying to understand babies when they're so small and can't tell you what's wrong is really difficult (Am currently struggling with my own DD's sleep issues so I do sympathise!) Try the extra milk - there's really no harm in giving it a go, seeing as the method you're using now isn't working.

Hope that helps and good luck

can I just point out that a normal weight 10 month old doesn't need milk in the night - especially not when they are eating plenty in the day. Any HV would advise you to just offer water after 6 months (as long as baby is normal weight and no health probs etc)........

I would firstly take him to a GP and find out whether there is any underlying problem - drinking 4-5 bottles a night seems quite extraordinary. Do you keep having to change his nappy?

I would deal with one thing at a time - you are trying to tackle EVERYTHING in one go here. Perhaps try moving him onto a mattress on your floor first, and giving him a sippy cup with a sip or two of water if necessary?

heth, plenty of 6+ months babies do need a feed in the night. not every baby takes enough in the day and some babies are hungrier than others, offering water to a baby who is hungry, be it at night or in the day, is counterproductive

MP, i agree re doctor... it might be worth having LO checked out

Lord, I bet the OP wishes she'd never bothered.