ADHD, Hyperactivity or just a lively 5 yr old boy?

[peachespaige]

Hi there.

Im really in need of advice.
My son who is 5 and in yr1 at school seems to have a real problem concentrating and with his focus, he is forever moving about and fidgeting and tapping or poking his friends that he has been moved on a chair at the back of the room while the the rest of the class sit on the mat.
He flits from one ativity to the next and is forever talking. He can only run, finds it impossible to walk and if faced with a page from his reading book he almost seems overwhelmed by it and cant focus on it, he can read and sound out words well, he just doesnt want to sit still and focus for that long.
His teacher thinks he needs one on one but cant provide it. He is happy to tell me whats wrong but wont help me come up with a solution to reslove it. He gave me a list of what he doesnt do, ie use punctuation correctly or recount well enough but never told me one thing he is good at.
I seem to be on the edge of my seat at church or nativity plays etc just waiting for him to do something silly.

He is kind and generous and shares beautifully, he gives his sweets away and is concerned for people but boy is he mischievious and hyper.

Its no good saying he sounds like a typical boy because if this were so why arent any of the other boys in his class like this to this degree, it was the same in playgroup and nursery.

He also seems to act really over the top if we have guests over, he'll jump on them or near them, run around them and smack their bottoms etc.

Im so sad that he has been singled out in school and he says he is being blamed for certian things or that he only taps this girl as she does it when the teacher is not looking. I asked if he had told the teacher but he said he just wouldnt listen to him.

What can I do??

Sounds like an indigo/crystal child to me! (books by doreen virtue, amongst others; worth reading).

have you considered changing the way he's taught? Eg look into montessori schooling which is child directed rather than 'sit still and do this now'

best of luck.. :-)

Surely the school should be coming up with strategies not just telling you what he cannot do? Perhaps they should refer him to an Ed Psych, if he needs a one to one then the first step is to go for a Statement of Educational Needs.

TBH, I do think he sounds like he has some issues regarding social behaviour and possibly needs some strategies to assist him in the class - move and sit cushion to give him 'feed back' to limit fidgeting, timers to help him concentrate on one task at a time, rewards for inclusion not sitting on a chair at the back etc My Ds is much younger and used to have a square of red fabric to help reming him where to sit on the carpet and not squirm around.

If school are no use go to GP explain the issues, she may refer you to a developmental paediatrician or OT.

TBH if he has got to yr1 and this has only just been brought up by the school then the support he needs may be pretty low and may not be severe enough for a statement, but they must have school action or school action plus (or whatever they are called nowadays)

indigo child

Lucky Black Cat...whether you believe the 'spiritual' side of indigo children or not, the description of the way a child behaves is the description of the way a child behaves. If that matches "indigo / crystal children", and there's strategies for bringing them up, then why are you so closed minded to it that you need disparage it to someone seeking possible answers?

Experience says that your GP option is drugging them until they can't think for themselves anymore... possibly what you would want for your children, but I think it's worth looking at options that aren't so limiting. Hell, if PeachesPaige knew the answers she wanted, she wouldn't be asking. (Sorry, PeachesPaige, hope i'm not stepping on your toes saying that...).

I should mention that he will sit and build lego or draw beautiful pictures for a long period.

He just cant seem to handle the school environment.

I sometims wonder if he even knows he's doing things?

He is here with me now and playing with a new toy. He has just said his friend has a toy like this but it is broken and said maybe he could give his friend his toy.

I only wish his teacher could see this side of him.

Peachespaige, unfortunately most mainstream schools and teachers are guided to work within set boundaries on how they deal with children... so that this 'average' will work for the majority. But, it doesn't leave much room for the kids on the edges of the majority. Which means you either need to take a stand and get changed what you can, where he's being schooled now, or look into schooling elsewhere. Strategies like LBC's red square are probably good to help him fit in where he is, if that's your decision, but please please at least look very deeply into other options if you do go the GP route and end up getting prescriptions for ADHD drugs.

I had a similar childhood (in fact still squirm my way through seminars); spent most of high school secretly reading novels in the back row, but still managed to understand everything going on in the class, and duxed my school; no way that would have happened if i was being 'treated' to deal with my concentration issues.

Thankyou for any advice.

I have looked into other schooling options but Ive got 2 other little boys aswell and we could just about afford £5000 a year for 1 but not all 3. Alhough I suppose they might not need it.

Luckyblackcat I went to see GP today, she has referred him to Audiology and to a family paed.

His behaviour was a bit of an issue at his playgroup when he was 2. They thught he ran around and basically moved too much.

Also at nursery he had an IEP to help with assisting himin being calm and focused.

Hey peaches

My DS is now 9 and he has ADHD. Reading your initial post sounds just like my DS when he was that age.

I would suggest taking your DS to the GP and asking for a referal to a Paed. If your DS has got ADHD, they don't normally diagnose until their 6.

Me and DH were called in to the classroom 3 weeks into DS YR1 class. They suggested he had ADHD so we immediatley got an app with the GP. We had a feeling he had it anyway, but we either wanted it confirmed or dismissed.

I think just to get it checked out would put your mind at rest. If he has it, fine, you'll deal with it. If he hasn't got it great!!

I'm all ears for you if you need some help

Good Luck

I really just want them to give me some techniques so I can show his teacher.

There is a book called 1-2-3 magic that is good for behaviour. Look on Amazon.

Somethings work, somethings don't.

If he has got ADHD, you will be provided with a support network.

dodgyovaries How is your son now? Does he have medication, if you dont mind me asking.

At the doctors today he sat beautifully!!

Im going to arrange a meeting with the deputy head at school and talk to her as some of the comments my sons teacher made were just awful. He said "if he doesnt get it by the end of the school year it will be too late for him", although "Im not writing him off just yet".
A child jumped off of the climbing frame and landed on ds head and instead of the teacher asking if he was ok, ds got a bollocking for not going to see the welfare officer. I witnessed said bollocking through the window as I was waiting to pick ds up.

The teacher sounds hopeless They should either be referring to Ed psych, or if they don't think it's needed then perhaps an Individual Education Plan to highlight your ds' needs and how they can meet them. This is not uncommon in schools, you would hope they would have an approach to put in place without just telling you about it and leaving you powerless.

There's a brilliant catalogue on line called special direct which has a whole section of things to help children with attention probs. Things to fiddle with, things to help them focus. This might be worth a look, but it depends if the teacher will actually support this in the classroom. Good luck.

I have a 5 year old ds in Yr 1 who is very similar - fidgets constantly, doesn't seem to understand other peoples' need for personal space, always on the move. However he too can concentrate for periods of time on things that he's interested in / motivated to do eg lego, computer games, reading. Everything points to him having sensory processing difficulties (undersensitive to stimulation). He has been referred for OT by school but so far we have been waiting 7 months and still no sign of a date for assessment. I am hopeful that OT intervention will help provide strategies to cope with his behaviour, especially within the school environment. I have had chance to discuss his behaviour with a clinical psych who made reference to hyperactivity and ADHD. He would not be assessed for this until after trying OT. I asked what is the difference between highly active and hyperactive and the psych said hyperactivity is when activity levels interfere with the ability to lead a so called "normal" life. I really feel that schools struggle to deal with our children, as they just don't seem to be able to accommodate the need for movement within the classroom.

mayfair show me some links to some peer reviewed published articles...

SN does not always result in drugging dc - I have 2 dc with SN nither are routinely drugged.

Hi peaches

Of course I don't mind you asking. I'm happy to share anything about it.

Yes, he is on Medication. Me and DH thought about it for a long time. Weighing up the pro's and con's. We took the chance and we haven't looked back.

He was classed as Special Needs. He was written off as he was 'labelled'. Head Teacher didn't believe in ADHD. It hasn't been easy.

We pushed and pushed. He is now at a new school and has been since begining of year 4. He is now not labelled, he has caught up 3 years, is now not classed as a special need and is brimming with confidence. He is an Elite Gymnast and Competitive swimmer.

Wheher you DS has it or not, the school need to help you. we kept pushing and researching and now we have a super 9 year old who makes us very very proud.

Actually mayfair it was outrageous to suggest that 'possibly what you would want for your children' how bloody dare you?

I'd rather be 'closed minded' than small minded (you, yes, you accusing me of wanting to drug my children), just because - having read several books on indigo children (lent to me by my SIL who was a montessori teacher and is now a Steiner teacher) - I am still unconvinced such children exist.

OP - I have moved both of my dc to an educational environment where they are celebrated and supported - their previous school just wasn't right for them, want them to fit it not t'other way round.

My DD (aged10) has almost stopped stroking strangers in the supermarket - she likes to feel all textures (including jumpers worn by passing folk/people in queue) because she now realises some people may not view this as acceptable behaviour.

Hi peachespaige,

I have similar issues with my daughter who is 4 and started in reception class last September, she is also one of the youngest in the class.

My daughter has problems with concentration and with fidgeting. She can be very hyper but this can be worse depending on how bad her sleep has been. She constantly talking. She never just walks but is usually jumping or skipping despite being told not to. She can frequently be leaping, jumping around the house especially in front of the tv even if she's put on a dvd, she can't sit still to watch it and often wanders off but if you say your going to turn it off she comes back and goes mad but then we go thru the same thing. Her listening isn't brillant even. She can sit for while if interested but unless it's messy play, she flits about from activity to activity quite a bit.

I've had a few meetings with the school and her teacher has requested that my daughter be seen by the School Nurse. I've had a couple of meetings with the school nurse and they've met my DD at home and will be seeing her at school very soon (got delayed due to weather and holidays), to see how she is at school. The school have put my DD under special needs and they have put together some school actions to try and get her to try and concentrate and to stop fidgeting. At the moment, they have to give her a small toy to play with and usually the classroom assistant teacher sits with her to stop her fidgeting and to get her to concentrate.

We've been given a dvd by the school nurse called Magic 123 have yet to watch it tho oops.

They all think it developemental and immaturity but I just can't see it. Too many people have said things to me and even pre-school wrote in her end of year report about her concentration and fidgeting. There are times it likes dealing with a eel on speed and it feels like she's quite mad. I know she's not, she can be funny and cuddly at times but other times urgh

I hope you get some help really soon, can't the school contact the school nurse at least ???

Hi - get hold of a copy of the IEP that your son had in nursery. Make an appointment to see the SENCO at your school, and discuss the teacher's comments (if he isn't present, altho see if he can be). Ask if your son is on School Action or School Action Plus, and if so, what extra measures they are using to ensure that he accesses the curriculum and avoids negative incidents. Ask what concerns they have, and consider a GP referral to a paed to see if there is a need for further investgation - if you do this, ask the school to put together some information to give a clear picture to the paed. Good luck with audiology - this may reveal hearing issues contributing to poor behaviour.

Hi peaches,
I am so upset for the treatment that teacher has given you and your son. He clearly doesn't understand your child.

My son is almost 5 and in reception, he has neurological problems which have caused hyperactivity and concentration issues. The school has been fantastic in supporting him and although he has a long way to go, his attention has improved so much.

However they do take him out to the playgroup for a run when it's all too much for him, children like my DS just need to move, it is not in them to sit still for so long although with the right support they can improve.

Please push for the help your child needs, maybe an ed psych is the answer.

Thankyou all so much, wonderful advice.

I spoke to his teacher this morning to see if perhaps he could be allowed back on the mat with the rest of his class. He informed me that "some" parents have complained that ds is distracting their children by tapping or poking them. Why werent we informed? I cant help feeling talked about and tutted at.

Ive given him a keyring to fiddle with in his pocket, we'll see.

Dh and I seem to be at each others throats about how to deal with this, he is angry at the teachers and wont have a word said against ds, he isnt in denial but is just angry I guess.
I am too much of a push over ad end up apologising to the teachers etc, I need to be more asertive and not worry so much about what people think.
I feel quite upset to be honest and a bit lonely and a little bit like running away.
But its not about me, its about ds. I just wish our school were more helpful.

It is awful that the teacher appears to be so unhelpful / unsympathetic to your ds' difficulties. My ds is allowed to have a piece of bluetac to play with at circle time and he sits at the end of the front row to minimise disruption. At other times he is sat next to the Teaching Asst so that she can refocus his attention in a discrete way. Although I understand that his behaviour is difficult to manage in the classroom, I have never been made to feel guilty by teachers at school. Nursery was a very different story. Have you got access to the SENCO at school? That is the route that I've used to get support for ds and I'm about to work with her to agree IEP etc.

peaches - you sound alot like me. I used to end up apologising. DH used to get angry too, just the same as yours is.

I ended up having to be quite tough with myself. I knew DS had a problem that he can't help, and all i wanted to do was help him. In no uncertain terms, we told the teacher that we wanted to know about anything that had happened in the school day. Good or Bad. Bad stuff we could discuss and good stuff we could build on.

I so know what you're going through and feeling. It is tough, but we have come out of the other end with a DS who is doing so well. Stick at it sugar, and believe in yourself and DS.

Also, a quick one. These parents who are complaining, have no clue. In their eyes their DC is perfect and what they say is gospel. I bet it hasn't even occured to them that their DC may actually be winding your DS up. I had this problem. The parents are worse than the children.

Good Luck!

Reading with interest - 4.5yo in reception with some of the same 'issues', although he is happy to read books for long periods. He really needs sending out to run to the bottom of the playing field and back twice every 20mins or so - then he'd have a period of being able to concentrate without the unused energy bubbling up and distracting him! Things have improved last term, hoping this term with also be better - one thing that seemed to help for a bit was he was given a teddy 'to look after' whenever they had carpet time...

Well im off to face the music shortly.

The deputy head never called me to arrange a meeting.....

I'll chase her up again tomorrow.

Its been lovely to hear the positive outcomes for your children, for those still waiting for follow ups etc lets hope it wont be much longer.

Dreading the school run.