Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

6 year dd seen my menstrual blood. What to Explain to her?

54 replies

notsosure · 02/01/2010 23:31

I have an unusual problem that I am not proud of.

I have a very clingy 6 year old daughter who follows me around the house like a limpit.

Unfortunately, she has seen menstrual blood when I have gone to the toilet (when it is my the time of the month). I really, really tried to prevent her seeing this. But it has happened a couple of times now.

DD is very intelligent and I feel I can't fob her off, but want to pitch an explanation to her at the right level.

I have just one child and I am far too old (and I also have complicated health problems) to have any more, so I don't want to get her excited about the possibility of having a sibling.

Any ideas gratefully received.

BTT my family is getting help about DD's clinginess, it's just the explanation I need help with. I have also stressed to DD I need privacy when I go to the toilet, but this approach doesn't always work, and anyway the damage is already done.

Thanks so much for listening.

Notsosure

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NoahAndTheWhale · 02/01/2010 23:35

Really, it isn't something to be embarrassed about that your 6 year old has seen your menstrual blood. I have DS (6) and DD (4) and they have seen mine many times.

They have a basic understanding that when girls get older, their body gets prepared to maybe have a baby by making a comfy lining for it inside her womb and that if there isn't a baby made, that the lining comes out. It is blood, but not like blood when you hurt yourself.

She will start having periods at some point in the future - it could be when she is 9, although more likely to be older. It is IMO important that she realises that periods are just an everyday part of life.

eggandsoldiers · 02/01/2010 23:36

I'd just relax, tell her that this is something that happens to grown up girls and that it is normal and does not hurt, or something along those lines. I am sure someone better at this than me will be along in a moment.

NewnameSameoldme · 02/01/2010 23:38

Has she actually asked about it? If not I wouldn't say anything.
Put a lock on the toilet door and reward her for not fussing while you're inside.

abbierhodes · 02/01/2010 23:39

My mom just told me it was something that happened to ladies, and it didn't hurt, and that I didn't have to worry until I was much, much older.
Not lying, not too graphic. best way of explaining all 'delicate things' IMO.

sanfairyann · 02/01/2010 23:40

we have given up on any idea of privacy in our household - our kids seem to think it's an open door policy for going to the loo. I just tell them a shortened version of the truth tbh; that every month a woman's body gets ready for having a baby but mummy and daddy have decided we don't want any more babies so the blood is from the 'walls' in the 'room' inside my body that my body had got ready in case. I also stress that the blood might look like a lot but it's actually just a little bit and we talk about how some of their cuts have looked like a lot of blood, esp if they were washing them clean, but it wasn't really a lot. and it doesnt hurt mummy.

dontquibblesybil · 02/01/2010 23:40

Was she upset? Is that why you say that "the damage is already done"?

I would just explain that women's bodies are made for having babies, and that there is a special place inside that's like a bed for the baby to grow in, but if there isn't going to be a baby growing there, the bed wears out and breaks up and that's the blood. Remember to say that it happens to all women and it will happen to her one day and it's quite normal and natural and nothing to worry about - it doesn't mean you're hurt or anything. And that she grew in a special bed like that inside your body and it kept her safe until she was ready to be born.

And say to her that she must sit outside the loo when you go in - she can hold the door handle if she wants, but she can't come in, because some things are private and people prefer to do them alone.

brimfull · 02/01/2010 23:41

I don't think this is a problem at all.
Your embarassment may be more of an issue imo.

I have always just explained to dd and ds that women have a monthly bleed , doesn't hurt . I only explained further if they asked.

GingerbreadFolk · 02/01/2010 23:48

You give the basic amount of information in a simple way and don't explain more or go into extra detail unless asked. It's a fact of life. Don't be about it, she needs to know it's normal and happens to every girl when she grows up.

My 2 and a half year old knows that it means mummy isn't having a baby this time and that it comes from where the baby would live if I had one in me. She asked, I offered basic information and she's happy with it.

Original poster

notsosure · 03/01/2010 00:02

Hi there
Thanks for your replies so far. Really, really helpful.
DD kepr on asking me about the blood and did it hurt whic is why I started to tell her. I didn't know if she was too young to know (she has nightmares and is a worrier.

Your answers have reassured me that I have told her along the right lines.
I have told her the blood doesn't hurt and that it comes from the special bed inside me.
I loved the answer from dontquibblesbil - so reassuring. I'll have to have a good old read again of all your answers tomorrow.
I hope I get some more replies too - thanks.

btw - I couldn't lock dd out of the bathroom as she would panic, but I will stress my need for privacy

Thanks again - notsosure

OP posts:

AitchTwoOhOneOh · 03/01/2010 00:05

like gg, tbh i'd be more concerned by your reaction than hers. my dd is only four and has seen me empty my mooncup often enough to know that big girls and ladies have 'bloods' and it's not sore and it's what means you can have a baby.

Remotew · 03/01/2010 00:11

Agree with others at this stage you don't have to associate it with babies. Just say it's something that happens to girls when they get older and it doesn't hurt and you are healthy and it's natural.

If it's any consolation, you will find that the bathroom openess and clingyness subsides in time.

shockers · 03/01/2010 00:15

I've told all of mine (eldest DS now 22) that ladies tummies have a sort of baby bedroom that needs cleaning every so often just like their bedrooms do. It needs cleaning just in case a baby comes to live in it but like our spare room, it's not always occupied!

rasputin · 03/01/2010 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleduck · 03/01/2010 00:25

agree with rasputin/ noah etc, and that is what I tell dd and ds.

I wouldn't want them to see it though. Not because its dirty or anything, but because I am private.

I think you know your child best, and can tell her what you think she can digest- but I have found that if they learn the basics at a younger age, then it makes it easier to build on when they are older.

brimfull · 03/01/2010 00:37

reminds me of the time my friends dd came tound and said

"mummy's bed had ladies tummy all over it this morning" lol

Original poster

notsosure · 03/01/2010 21:46

Just read yoiur replies.
I think I didn't want to have to explain it so early to DD, it's just that she "caught me out" in the bathroom as I wasn't quick enough to cover things up , as I was changing a sanitary towel, I think, but not quick enough (I have multiple sclerosis so quickness isn't my speciality )

I had stressed that I need my privacy, but as DD is so bright she was looking out for what I may have been hiding.

I'm glad it's all out in the open, but I think I;d rather she had found out by me explaining things in my own time, rather than having to as she'd seen my blood. Not ideal. Maybe I'm a perfectionist,as she's my only child.

BTW - what is your pretend name for periods? My mum used to call it "poor poors" or "paw paws" (made me laugh thinking about it today). Not sure what that meant, but it sounds negative.
Any good ideas?

Bye for now

notsosure

OP posts:

zapostrophe · 03/01/2010 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

neveronamonday · 03/01/2010 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MarineIguana · 03/01/2010 22:12

Agree with others, tell the truth calmly and make sure she understands it's not scary or painful at all.

I know what you mean about them seeing the blood - I have a very nosy and limpet-like 4yo DS and I didn't really want him to see, but he has and I just said it's just something ladies have that means they can have babies, and it's fine and not sore. He's actually more intrigued by the "grown-up nappies" he's seen me use, than the blood.

I would happily use the word "period" - there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it to me (though haven't actually told DS it yet as he's stopped asking).

ellielou02 · 03/01/2010 22:22

I also agree with others, DD1 who is 5 and very switched on was asking all sorts of questions last year when I was pregnant with DD2, my mw gave me the ready steady baby book and I used the pictures to show her the egg then the growing baby, this was enough to satisfy her. Last month she caught me on the loo and she also asked me what the blood was so I just told her that big girls get periods every month and they dont hurt, but its the way your body gets ready for the egg, but if you dont have a baby it just comes out as blood. She said thats fine and no more has been said.
It was kind of hidden from me when I was growing up and that made it embarrassing to talk about when I was older and I dont want that to be the way for my DD's.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 03/01/2010 22:26

rasputin I told my DS the same almost word for word.Personally I don't think kids need euphemisms like there's a 'bed' inside you, I think that is way more confusing than the basic truth and I think once they're past about 2 they are intelligent enough to do without frills around the truth

Also agree - just call them periods. Period in itself is a 'pretend' name for menstruation, really, isn't it!

MuppetsMuggle · 03/01/2010 22:29

My DD nearly 5yrs, has seen mine many times and i've told her pretty much the same thing as rasputin.

DD knows it as a period because thats what it is.

neveronamonday · 03/01/2010 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piratecat · 03/01/2010 22:38

i have told my dd pretty mcuh the same as everyone else here.

I have a mooncup, so that's always a bit hit and miss, as when you empty it you soemtimes need to flush the loo twice.

I forgot once, to check and she came in and said 'mummy i saw some blood in the toilrt but don't worry I know what it is'

bless.

i then ran to the loo, muttering 'oh silly old mum forgot to flush twice'

my dd is 7, and i told her about periods when she was 5/6, in a very basic way. I said there is a nice spongy lining that gives the eg protection, and if the egg isn't turned into a baby (hardly likely) it isn't needed anymore and comes out.

Clary · 03/01/2010 22:40

I am also wondering why it is "unfortunate" that she has seen that you have a period.

She will too, after all, and it may be only a matter of 3-4 years away.

We have one bathroom and a pretty-much open door policy so mine have seen anything there is to see in that area from young age. I just explained that it's something that happens to women each month. DS2 "Will it happen to me?" no because you're a boy - but it will happen to DD. No it doens't hurt.

That has been enough to be going on with so far. I just answer any qus as they arise.

BTW I don't think 6 is so very early. Plenty of girls start periods before they leave primary - so at age 10-11 or even some at 9. Tho it does depend on a number of factors and of course yr DD may be a lot older - but she still needs to know because of friends.

Flip

1 2 3