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Original poster

6 year dd seen my menstrual blood. What to Explain to her?

54 replies

notsosure · 02/01/2010 23:31

I have an unusual problem that I am not proud of.

I have a very clingy 6 year old daughter who follows me around the house like a limpit.

Unfortunately, she has seen menstrual blood when I have gone to the toilet (when it is my the time of the month). I really, really tried to prevent her seeing this. But it has happened a couple of times now.

DD is very intelligent and I feel I can't fob her off, but want to pitch an explanation to her at the right level.

I have just one child and I am far too old (and I also have complicated health problems) to have any more, so I don't want to get her excited about the possibility of having a sibling.

Any ideas gratefully received.

BTT my family is getting help about DD's clinginess, it's just the explanation I need help with. I have also stressed to DD I need privacy when I go to the toilet, but this approach doesn't always work, and anyway the damage is already done.

Thanks so much for listening.

Notsosure

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nooka · 03/01/2010 23:00

I don't think that you should congratulate yourself if you tell your child later rather than sooner, and I certainly don't think anyone should imagine that the sight of menstrual will damage anyone. It's sad that so many of us were brought up to think of periods as things that mustn't be talked about, almost dirty secrets. They are after all a fact of our lives - during our fertile years it's virtually a quarter of the time that we're bleeding after all (assuming a 28 day cycle and a seven day bleed). I'm surprised that the OP's six year old hasn't seen her menstrual blood many times before. I'm sure my children had - dd would always be a bit sad because she knew that meant no swimming that weekend.

Anyway, I think the explanation is fine, although I wouldn't say that it doesn't hurt, because for many people it does.

Also I'd not worry too much about being private in the loo (unless it really bothers you) most children do grow out of wanting to share this time with you.

MarineIguana · 03/01/2010 23:02

That's true about the hurting nooka but I think it's important that a child knows it doesn't hurt like their experience of losing that amount of blood, IYSWIM. They might assume it's a pain like cutting yourself or having an injury and that could be really alarming (especially for girls!).

nooka · 03/01/2010 23:16

Ah well my dd has seen me head off to bed with painkillers and a hottie bottie many a time. When she was small she was just very sympathetic, and told friends that "Mummy wasn't well because she has her blood". She doesn't seem too alarmed personally (and ds was just oblivious!). I think you just need to be very matter of fact with such things.

PandaEisGOTABFP · 03/01/2010 23:48

i agree with what the majority of people are saying here my DD is almost 4 and i have adopted the 'open door' policy by default (as DD doesnt think mummy should get to have a wee in peace) so that means DD has seen my menstrual blood more than a few times while i have been changing etc.

when she asked i told her it was mummies period and she will have one when she is a big girl. she asked if it hurts and i told her no. she has since asked if she can use my 'lady-nappies' as she is nearly big now i also told her no to that

youwillnotwin · 04/01/2010 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/01/2010 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pigletmania · 04/01/2010 00:11

Gosh my dd 2.9 has seen everything, she seen me in the loo when i was bleeding from my m/c but never seemed interested or ask about it, i would just tell her what some of you have said about a special bed for babies but mummy and daddy nothaving a baby so it comes out.

cheesesarnie · 04/01/2010 00:17

all 3 dc know that mummy bleeds every now and that and it doesnt hurt.they just accept it.dd knows that when shes older she will have periods.the boys hopefully know they wont.

i have no privacy!but its a great way to be honest with them.

although ive always said period,the dc sometimes say blob(eurgh)which i think is horrid but thats what they want!

Zoya · 04/01/2010 00:18

'I think I;d rather she had found out by me explaining things in my own time' - it's her time that is important not yours. She needs things explained when she is ready, not when you are.

wollysocks · 04/01/2010 00:23

i know this is slightly off track but what do others tell their daughters their vagina is called? at the moment i am telling dd it is her front bottom????!!!!

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/01/2010 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie · 04/01/2010 00:38

we say front bottom or bits but again only because thats the names the dc have always used.(although ds2 insist the girls have willys but inside instead of outside)

pigletmania · 04/01/2010 00:42

Well cheesesarnie your ds is not that far off tbh if you study the biology of female anatomy.

pigletmania · 04/01/2010 00:44

i like the fanjo description on here lol, and i heard someone on here say that they were emptying their mooncup

cheesesarnie · 04/01/2010 00:49

so hes a clever boy(how thick do i feel).

BusyMummyof3 · 04/01/2010 00:55

I would agree with what has already been said. Just be open and honest and explain things simply. When she's older and wants to know more again be honest and try to answer her questions in simple terms. My DD's (2.5 and 4.5) have seen me bleeding numerous times and they aren't freaked out as they know it's normal for big girls and it doesn't hurt. As for a pretend name - just stick to periods.

thell · 04/01/2010 01:18

Pigletmania, a mooncup is an alternative to tampons and sanitary towels
mooncup

I told DD (3) it was called a Period, but she always says Pyramids!!
The only time I have wondered if it was such a good idea was in a service station loo, having a bit of a mooncup fiasco and she loudly asked, 'Oh Mummy, have you got your period?' etc...and I had to try to shush her before she gave any more specific gruesome details away...!

Original poster

notsosure · 04/01/2010 22:29

I supppose it is better to call it a "period" as nobody would know the hell what you were talking about if you called it a "poor poor". Makes me realise what stange things were told to me.

I think people have funny words for vsgins as well ie mary fanny etc (snigger )

Thanks for now

Notsosure

OP posts:

Scrumplet · 05/01/2010 00:02

Really nothing to worry about, notsosure - the clingyness or the blood, IMHO.

WRT the blood, DS (5) has seen mine a few times, and we have a simple, matter-of-fact chat about it: that the blood is to do with preparing a space for a baby to grow, and if no baby grows, the blood comes away each month. Emphasise how normal and natural it is, and that it doesn't hurt - and explain that it's only a tiny amount of blood, as DS did express a bit of concern the other day that I might lose all my blood! DS is happy with these explanations, and knows what a pad, tampon and Mooncup are and the basics of how they work. He is an only too, and hasn't put me under pressure to have any more; he seems to understand why that's not an option at the moment.

I think being open and matter-of-fact with your children about bodies and how they work, especially the more typically taboo areas and functions, goes a long way to making children comfortable with their own bodies as they grow up.

clemette · 05/01/2010 00:34

Bit younger here, so DD (almost 5) seems happy with an explanation of "women bleed each month" and has asked no other specific questions. Mind you, she does ask everytime she sees me on the toilet "are your bits bleeding, do you need a tadpole...?"

coldtits · 05/01/2010 00:39

My ds1 saw mine when he was five.

I told him I have a special place inside me where babies can grow, but if there isn't a baby growing in there, red stuff comes out of my fanny. It looks like blood, but it isn't blood (it's true, it's menstrual fluid) and it doesn't hurt.

JodieO · 05/01/2010 00:41

Not read the whole thread but from the op, why on earth is it a problem??? My dc's have been following me into the toliet for years.... My 3 (in a few days) year old SON knows about my bleeding. I also have a 6 year old ds1 and nearly 8 dd. I exlplained it all. I don't make issues of bodily functions tbh and then, hopefully, in later years they will find it all easier themselves.

coldtits · 05/01/2010 00:41

And yes, son, yes they do look like nappies. Yes, just like the ones your brother wears. Yes. Yes, lady nappies, hilarious... no, nobody needs to know about them, thank you. That is a private thing, like bottoms and winkies.

JodieO · 05/01/2010 00:42

And Dd and ds1 had seen it when they were a lot younger, it's not a big deal if you don't make it one.

lowrib · 05/01/2010 00:52

Seriously honesty is the best policy.

A different topic, but still a bit relevant ...

I remember a friend's daughter (about 6 I think) telling me that because daddy's sperm were broken that mummy and daddy had had to go to the doctor to get some sperm that did work, and that's how they made her.

She was totally fine with it. And is never going to have to go through a horrible shock of finding out later that her dad isn't her 'real' dad, because she's always known.

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