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When should she start crawling - advice needed!

30 replies

poddy · 30/12/2009 22:00

Hope you don't mind me starting a new thread here, but I've searched through the past messages and I can't find an answer to this lil' conundrum...
DD1 is 28 weeks old and despite being titchy (she's 11lbs 13oz) she's eating well, developing well and doing all the things she should like clapping, smiling, cooing, picking things up and even trying to sit (albeit, a bit wobbly and not for long!).
She's happy on her front for max 20 mins or so before getting frustrated, but can push herself up on her arms to look around.
All seems rosy, except that mother-in-law, who's had six kids, is very vociferous about her concerns for my baby's development.
She started by trying to get me to stop breastfeeding at 7 weeks, because dd was so small and was only gaining weight slowly. She seemed unable to accept that at only 5lb 8oz at birth, dd had started small. Her birth weight and weight gain were comparable to mine as a baby - none of the women in our family are over 5' and none of our babies are ever over 6lbs so dd was entirely normal for us. Even the midwife & health visitors recognise we're just a small family and are happy as long as her weight gain is steady and her development remains appropriate for her age.
Mother-in-law has now moved her concerns to dd's inability to crawl. According to her, dd should be put on her front all day, and to sleep, otherwise she'll never learn. She swears blind my sister-in-law crawled at 13 weeks so is convinced that my dd is dangerously behind and needs checking.
Now my brothers and sisters-in-law (none of whom have kids) have picked up on her concerns and are making comments about me not pushing dd enough, not supporting her development and generally making me feel like a crp mum who can't get it right. I know they're only being concerned for their niece's welfare, but it's really eating away at me. I think they're basing their concerns on the fact they never question their mother, and that in this case, she's talking bllocks. I mean, really - crawling at 13 weeks? Surely that should be in the Guinness Book of Records?!
My poor husband is in the middle of all this. He can see how it's getting to me and I've dragged him to the clinic to see how the health visitors coo over her 'great coordination' and 'good head control'. However, he's reluctant to start WWIII with his family, and is desperately trying to pour oil on troubled waters. It's already led to arguments between him and his mum when he's defended me, and I'm at the stage where I dread visiting them and stress about it for days beforehand, knowing I'm in for more sniping.
Please someone talk sense to me. I think my baby's entirely normal, but I'm now starting to doubt myself...

OP posts:
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FiveGoMadInDorset · 30/12/2009 22:02

Oh please don't panic. DS was 9.5 months before he even thought about crawling. DD was a tiny bit earlier. I know it is hard but please ignore everything they are saying.

Lionstar · 30/12/2009 22:05

Step away from the mother-in-law. She is bonkers!!

Trust yourself, your baby sounds just perfect. There are huge ranges for infant development, but I think crawling at 13 weeks would be some kind of record. My very large DS is almost 13 weeks, about 15lbs and is not even sitting up unaided, let alone even thinking about crawling!

franke · 30/12/2009 22:06

Yes, your baby is entirely normal. I find mothers' and mils' memories are not entirely reliable in these matters.

You know you are right, you are doing a great job and it is nobody's business except yours and your dh's. Please don't doubt yourself.

Seona1973 · 30/12/2009 22:07

both dd and ds were around 8 months when they crawled. That was after being able to sit and roll over unaided.

SummerLightning · 30/12/2009 22:08

28 weeks would be early, 13 weeks is bollocks in my opinion!!

Sorry, your MIL sounds mental!

Seona1973 · 30/12/2009 22:11

Even the Babycentre website says they start to crawl between 6 and 10 months so your MIL may be talking bollocks!!

crawling

milestone chart 7-12 months

cat64 · 30/12/2009 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Missus84 · 30/12/2009 22:12

Your DH needs to stand up to his mum and put an end to this. Better to have one big argument about it than put up with all this stress!

Maybe you could arrange for your HV to speak to MIL and put her straight?

samsonthecat · 30/12/2009 22:12

Your DD sounds fine. My DD2 was tiny at birth and still is at 2.7. She didn't crawl until 13 months. At her 7 month development check she couldn't even sit up properly or roll over but the health visitor was not comcerned. She can run and jump quite happily now but will never be big.

harpsichordcarrier · 30/12/2009 22:15

your MIL sounds like a loon
my dd1 never crawled at all, went straight from cruising around the furniture (7 months) to walking (13 months). not all babies crawl and it is a sign of nothing at all in particular.

Fleecy · 30/12/2009 22:15

Neither of mine crawled until nine months or walked until 15/16 months. They're both perfectly fine and capable and no different to their peers, even though DS isn't yet two.

DD only rolled once before she was nine months as well!

Please don't worry - you know everything's fine so don't let them get to you.

Whiteybaby · 30/12/2009 22:16

Poddy, you poor thing it sounds like you are having a bit of a nightmare with pushy relies! My dd is 9m and showing no chance of crawling soon. Friends with babies of same age are all different with some on the move and some happy to just sit and watch (mainly mine )
I didn't know anyone from my group whose dc crawled at 28 wks. You should congratulate yourself that your dd is doing so well and ignore any uninvited advice! from what you describe your dd sounds entirely normal.
any chance you can just plain ignore these comments? Sometimes not taking any notice can really help stop people sticking their noses in!

Fleecy · 30/12/2009 22:18

Oh and DD hated to be on her front. Cried and cried - until she was nine months and could roll over.

So it would have been mean to have her spend time on her tummy.

But DS who did have time on his tummy didn't crawl any earlier for it.

drivingmisscrazy · 30/12/2009 22:30

MIL being absolutely ridiculous! DD (11 months) only started crawling a month ago (and believe me, stationary is GOOD...). She sounds great, you can't teach a baby to crawl (or indeed do anything they are not ready for) and when she does it is largely genetically determined.

Don't let her undermine you in this way, just line up some good retorts!

Tizzyjacko · 30/12/2009 22:37

DS2 and DS3 were both past their first birthdays before they moved off their little fat bums. Your MIL is nuts!!!!

poddy · 30/12/2009 22:44

Wow - thank you for all the replies. I suspected I wasn't the loopy one here, but it's nice to be reassured. I forgot to say in my first post, but I didn't crawl at all. I rolled everywhere, and then went straight to walking! Maybe dd is just taking after her mum?!
Thank you everyone. You've made a worried Mummy breathe a sigh of relief.

OP posts:
PrivetDancer · 30/12/2009 22:46

Surely sitting up comes way before crawling? Your mil is imagining things and you should just hear 'blah blah blah' whenever she speaks

ftr dd was earlyish sitting (by 5 months) and crawled at 8 months and she is fabulous

trust your instinct and ignore the loons-in-law

pranma · 01/01/2010 13:49

dgs was 9 months before he got crawling I have heard of rare bebes doing it at 4.5 months but that is really really unusual-13 weeks!!!Is the woman mad??/

IMoveTheStarsForChristmas · 01/01/2010 14:00

there's a huge range - DS was crawling at 6 months, but could barely sit up at 8mo and didn't walk til 16mo.

A friends baby never crawled, but walked at 10mo.

My sisters DS didn't crawl til he was a year old, 18mo and now walking. All perfectly normal IMO!

they are all now 2yo and all about the same developmentally.

extremelychocolateymilkroll · 01/01/2010 14:19

Dd didn't attempt to move at all until she was 13 months. Everyone told me she would bypass crawling and go straight to walking but she started to crawl and take 2-3 steps at the same time. Everyone then told me she would very soon be taking many more steps - and for another month or so she only took 2-3 steps. As other people told me at the time - enjoy it as it makes life very easy when they just sit contentedly and watch what's going on!

Confusedfirsttimemum · 01/01/2010 16:30

To echo what others have said, MIL is a loon!

My DD is 8 1/2 months. It is only in the last couple of weeks that she has learned to roll front to back. Before that she would cry after 2 minutes on her front max. Now she's ok because she will roll over, but still rarely stays on her front for more than 2 mins. 20 mins sounds loads to me.

Your MIL does know that sleeping on the front is a proven cot death risk doesn't she?

trixiechick · 01/01/2010 16:40

don't let her get to you, it's so easy for people to plant doubts in our minds about our abilities as mothers. she is a classic mil lots of us have them. I find going very quiet, icily polite and monosyllabic with mine gets the message shes been mean across without giving her something to put her interfering finger on.
All of the above with the crawling thing, remind her that nowadays babies crawl later because we don't lie them on their fronts to sleep and that cot deaths reduced by forty per cent since this became the recommendation.
And stick out your tongue behind her back.

mathanxiety · 01/01/2010 19:23

Tell your MIL from me that she is unhinged.

Two of mine never crawled at all. They are completely normal, always were.

Keep up the bfing too.

YerMa · 01/01/2010 19:34

My DD never crawled either - she bum shuffled, and then walked at 12 months. Don't worry.

JInglesBells · 01/01/2010 19:36

your Mil is unhinged poddy,... your dd sounds just perfect and totally normal. Tell your mil she may never crawl.
she may bum shuffle, do a commando number or be like my 2 boys and just get up and walk. Both of mine walked really early, I promise you don't want them mobile...stationary as long as possible is the best