i need help...what would you have done...???

[Heathcliffscathy]

i've posted about ds's biting before, so i'll cut the crap and cut straight to it. we were in someone's car today and he wanted to stay in it and pretend to be driving etc. i said he couldnt'. he was standing in passenger seat so i went round to that door to get him out, explaining that we were going in so that he could have his supper. he grabbed my arm and bit me so hard he has drawn blood.

what would you have done at that point?

he has been biting for 5 months now and is 20 months old.

thanks everyone. my arm is really painful today and i've made a point several times of showing ds that it is and reminding him that he bit 'poor mummy'.

he went to bite me again just now (same thing, was playing in the car whilst i adjusted the straps on his car seat (like raised them, really fiddly job) and i gave him notice that we were going in in a minute and then when i went to get him he went for my arm again and i immediately just carried him facing away from me upstairs and put him on the floor saying no biting. i think he knew exactly what had happened.

feel like i'm in a for a long haul with this tbh. thanks so much for tips and even more for the reassurance that i haven't made this happen in some way (i bet there are some of you that think i have tho )

x

anchovy, trouble is that ds is fairly flexible about what he's doing so taking away a toy or taking him away from an activity isn't that good an option yet, he just doesn't have the attachment that would make it an effective sanction.

ds has never had a ready kids meal or jar in his life. he has NO e numbers i'm a total guardianista saddo in that respect and probably grooming him for obesity when he gets a load of the junk that is out there...so not e numbers related i'm afraid!

I have a biter, too, so this thread has been brilliant, thanks everyone. DS2 is 19 months and does it when his teeth are playing up and he wants something/is tired/wants attention. It certainly seems to be the double-thing with him. We can go weeks with no biting incidents and then, like Dracula, he strikes. I am sticking with the "no-biting", instantly put on the floor, walked away from(when it is safe) approach, as I use the cot for the climbing on the video/television/dining room table - roll on the age of reason! 21 isn't it?

depends on what your normal discipline measures are. i spank ( bad bad mommy ) not alot. about 1x every two weeks though.. but, either that are bite back. some pros say not to do either but, with every child come different measures that need to be taken. some children just don't do certain things and other well, they just cut up.. wish you all the luck. ds only bit about 2 times. but, i personally bit him as hard as he bit me. he did not cry, and at the same time i said you hurt mommy. and waited for it to click then he gave the pout, as he knew i was upset with him, then gave a hug. but, he isn't always so compliant. but, he also has been biten so hard on the ear it drew blood by a playmate at daycare, so he really knows how much it hurts. but, one more thing. i really really drill about not doing things you don't want done to you. he is only two, but there is no hitting, not even play fighting none of that.

sophable - if no e numbers (are you sure - not even antioxidants in cooking oil or an emulsifier in a plain biscuit, or flour improver in bread?) I would consider a natural food chemical like salicylates or amines. Sue Dengate has a book called Fed Up that explains it.

Hi sophable,
Glad I made you laugh My husband decided that he really didn't like our ds when he went through his particularly violent stage. Thought he was a nasty little boy and got really upset about it.

One thing that I remember is that he did behave differently for different people. Worse for me, better for our nanny and his dad and the worst for some of his nursery teachers (that's where most of the shoe throwing went on).

Basically we think that he was worse for people who were softer with him. My dh is an ex teacher and has the best bark (and he's 6'5") which could scare ds quite effectively. Our nanny was very firm (although she is quite small) and just didn't accept any nonsence at all. Nursery, we found out, felt they should hold ds when he was throwing himself around (they worried he might hurt himself).

I found that I really needed to show how angry and upset I was when he really hurt, and then he would completely loose it, with floods of tears (same for dd at similar age). Trouble is that made me feel bad! My dh on the other hand was good at faking it, and although he sounded upset wasn't really at all.

Finding something that does matter to them to use as a deterant/punishment is important (my two have always got very upset if I totally ignore them for example).

And yes they do almost all grow out of it! Hang in there - and no-one is thinking that it is your fault!

(Oh and I would have screamed blue murder! and probably left him in the car for a while)

I'm with Countessdracula on this one - a good scream at him to shock & then some serious ignoring. I'd like to be like Fran1 & not shout....I'm working very hard on that one....

Whatever you do, DS must learn Biting is unacceptable & he needs to learn this quick

let us know if it happens again & how you deal with it

I've seen Sophable's war wound - and it is pretty severe. I've been thinking about this since the stirfry, and I'm with CD on this. You aren't going to turn your DS into a nutter by giving him a really good fright - and you might stop him doing something that is physically harming (and that is what he is doing) you and others. Don't smack - just really, really yell and put him in another room. (Or does that make him laugh, the yelling? GOd, I can't keep up!)

Just joined in the thread. Wow sounds like fun. I'd go with the Magic 123 ...know it? it's supposed to start older but I have found it works miracles. You explain to them at a quiet time that if they do something unacceptable you will - in a calm voice, without shouting or showing emotion ( the tricky bit) say one and if they do something bad again you say 2 if you have to get to 3 they go to their room no explanations or discussion for 3 mins ( long time to a toddler!!) If the action is really unacceptable -like biting - then you jump to the 3 stage. Worked miracles for my dd and ds.
Also helps to discuss not hurting people at another quiet time maybe as a story, and involve others in the discussion/story to emphasize point.

hope this helps alittle

he will get better as his vocabulary improves... it is usually because they cant express themselves that they do it but they need to know that it is unacceptable....

sorry this is so long but I hope it helps..

This has all been very interesting. I was horrified to find that I have a biter! & have tried everything - lots of over thinking I'ms sure. He's been biting for over a year now. He knows it is wrong but he just can't seem to control himself - often happens when he is tired or hungry, however I think I have discovered 2 things that are effective in conjunction with each other. Firstly I tell him BEFORE we meet up with people that he is NOT to bite & ask him to repeat 'no biting'. When I do this he rarely bites anyone! If he does bite, I send him to Coventry for 5 to 10 minutes - either strap him in the pram & turn him to the wall or an uninteresting view if I am out or take him to his cot. It seems to be working...

ok. i know i'm going to regret posting this but:

we did the timeout thing. if he hits us or bites, or even goes to bite or claws or anything basically he gets 1 minute timed with door shut in a room that doesn't have too much toy action in it.

[whispers] i think it may v slowly be working.

i can now look at him sternly and say 'do you want a time out?' and he stops what he is doing and even sometimes says sorry when prompted. he is still Trouble with capital T (as well as gorgeous and loving and happy and lovely boy) but think we may be making inroads...watch this space i guess...