DD is being so awful it is destroying our entire family.

[EccentricaGallumbits]

temper. swearing. shouting. arhguing. tantrums. bickering. arguing. mood swings.

all the time.

all day, everyday.

we are all miserable.

no one can say anything without her being horrible.

I can't stand it. I have had enough.

How old is she?

does she see an OT?

I found the 'How to talk to your kids so that they will listen and listen so they will talk' (or something) useful. And the sibling rivalry one by the same authors. Although a bit American, it made me turn things around in my head and approach things differently. Good luck.

seis 11. seeing CAHMS (who haven't made the blindest jot of difference) and How to talk may work for some but not her.

she is vile.

mod swings up and down and up and down. i'm exhausted trying to judge her mood befor i enter a room or say anything (as we all are). i never know if she answer with screeching and swearing or a perfectly civilised conversation.

Is there an obvious reason for her behaviour?

nope.

the rest of us are fairly nice, stable, reasonable humans.

DD1 is nice. DH is nice.

No upheavals or traumas in the family.

no reason for her to be foul, yet she is.

I strongly suspect aspergers but nothing firmly diagnosed.

she's having CBT to get her to go to school and to stop her obsessing about feeling sick.. hasn't yet worked though.

and school are shite and if they don't get back to her or me on monday i will be turning up in person with a big gun.

school? so she's like this at school too?

often refuses to go. hates it while she's there but isn't quite so horrible to her teachers.loads of friends.

see. she's being all happy and nice again now.

i can't keep up.

my dd has not long since turned 13. she's been similiar to your daughter since around age 11 ish,so i'd be inclines to think its a combination of 'just how she is' and pre puberty hormones. i also have an older dd who is lovely,but dd2 is so different.

she's been like it since she was about 3 so can't eally blame puberty.

Has she been hearing you describe her as 'vile' for 8 years?Poor little girl.

and nobody has diagnosed anything in all that time....she's gone through the 'system' with nothing happening?

its horrible to believe it,but it really could just be her personality you know. i have accepted my own dd is very strong willed,argumentative etc etc...its the way she is,but there is a really good side to her too,as there is with your dd i'm sure!

yes pranma i call her vile while beating her with a cudgel. daily.

no. i don't. and haven't. except in moments of extreme provocation.

she is 'in the system' but it isn't being much help so i just come here and winge about it all when i have enough of it.

she does indeed have some good points. she is funny and loving when she's not being vile.

I go with reikizen's recommendation
"how to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk"
it's really good. Makes you think hard about yourself though. i.e. don't read this book thinking the problem is solely with the kids.
It's really sound advice though.

I had a DD very similar, difficult behaviour from and early age. Around 11 she was very volatile. She started her periods at 11 and 2 months and things changed from thereon. Now 15 she is a great girl, no trace of her former self.

Hope this gives you some hope. Not saying you will have the same experience with your DD but I hope so. I know how waring it can be.

Have you tried a strong and consistent system of awards and punishment?

tried it already and it is very good. but i talk and she doesn't listen most of the time.

will stop winging now as she's cheered up and is now dancing to christmas songs and about to take the dogs out with DH and unrecognisable from the person i came in here to hide from.

The severe mood swings might calm down with puberty.

Pranma what a bitchy comment .

Eccentrica sorry you are having a shit time ds is a lot like your dd we have had a hell of a day with him today so I understand how you feel because he has been very vile hitting siblings refusing to help out around the house and been rude and sulky.

mood swings couldn't get any worse.

any comments greatfully recieved (although i may thwack you with my well used cudgel).. it did indeed read as thoug i spend my days shouting back at her.

it just wears us all down a bit.

EC I'm sorry the CBT isn't working, can she been seen by another therapist? Is CAMHS going to test her for AS?

No advice , just wanted to sigh wearily with you. My 12 yo dd been like this since about the age of three too- completely different to her siblings and all brought up the same. It is the atmosphere in the house when she is causing trouble- awful.

I've had a similar day with DS... he has only just got out of bed now, but you could cut the atmosphere with a knife in this house right now. We are off out in 10 mins for DH's birthday... its gonna be a right fab night

Will be bringing it up when we're next there after christmas.
She's been seeing therapist lady on her own but after the next session i want to have a word or 2 without DD being there.
tis OK. nearly time for a beer.
lunar - hope your evening is better than you think it might be.