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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD is being so awful it is destroying our entire family.

51 replies

EccentricaGallumbits · 12/12/2009 16:36

temper. swearing. shouting. arhguing. tantrums. bickering. arguing. mood swings.

all the time.

all day, everyday.

we are all miserable.

no one can say anything without her being horrible.

I can't stand it. I have had enough.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GloriaInEccentrica · 12/12/2009 17:51

by the way - do you like my christmas name?

coffeeinbed · 12/12/2009 17:53

I can only sympatise.
DS had some "moments" - though is entirely delightful now, and yes, it does put enormous pressure on everybody.
Our GP has been a great help, and counselling did help.

BlueBumedFly · 12/12/2009 17:55

Aspergers can be totally all consuming to a family. Prior to diagnosis the child is percieved to be vile, bad tempered, argumentative, their morning mood dictates the whole mood of the family for the rest of the day. Days out are wrecked, simple trips to the shops can be tantrum fulled, normal activity is like negotiating with a dozen angry scorpions. Then, suddenly when you loose the will they change on a ninepence and are sweetness and light.

Does she seem 'out of kilter' with peer group
Does she struggle with empathy?
Does she sruggle to make friends?
Does she not understand some humour, especially sarcasm?

If so, imagine what is like from the otherside, inside her head. Constantly feeling like the odd one out, sure you are right and that everyone else is wrong and therefor ganging up on you, constantly angry with the world.

What do cahms say? Will they test for AS?

As a parent it is so hard to accept this may just be out of the childs control, that everyone needs help and tools to make life run as normally as possible as it seems most of the time that this is just a badly behaved child. It is mind bending and heartbreaking but a correct diagnosis of whatever is wrong can bring relief and understanding. Good luck xx

TequilaMockinBird · 12/12/2009 17:59

No advice, only sympathy. It could have been me writing the OP about my 11 year old DD.

Reading the advice given with interest!

GloriaInEccentrica · 12/12/2009 18:03

Do you know my DD?

you have just described her

GloriaInEccentrica · 12/12/2009 18:07

in fact i have just printed that bit of bluebummed post. it is as if you have been watching us. i feel a bit at it.

i will write some stuff down and take it to DDs next appointment. i always try and forget it at the time.
thanks.

hohoholepew · 12/12/2009 18:11

You need to sit and write everything down. I went to CAMHS with a notebook. They were but I couldn't give a shit. When I mentioned Aspergers she said "Oh to hear you you'd think you knew something about it". When I told her I work in an class with children with Autism she shut up. My lovely mum is paying for a private therapist now.

BlueBumedFly · 12/12/2009 19:02

Gloria, our lives are most likely very similar. We have been undiagnosed for 11 years and only now getting the help we need.

You cannot change plans without fear of of unmanagable bad mood. If someone is poorly it is obvioulsy to annoy her and upset her plans. Money is sn obsession amognst other things, grass is always greener. A chillout weekend is a nightmare as it has no structure. Disaster. Innapropriate behavoir, 'too' honest (look at that fat person) little or no understanding of others emotions or needs. And yet kind and generous and desperate to be liked and loved.

If you want to talk more off post as I am not comfortable talking too openly then email me, it's Kellie and min at aol dot com.

Sharing is good, it's not the end of the world, diagnosis is just the start of a happier world believe me.

BlueBumedFly · 12/12/2009 19:04

Sorry, wrond email!! It's mellie and min not Kellie !!

cornsilklikeshumous · 12/12/2009 19:09

Eccentrica sge soun ds very similar to my ds - same age as well. Have you got CAT? I don't really want to chat about him on here but wouldn't mind comparing notes 'in private.' cocole did you get a dx from CAMHS?

Quattrocento · 12/12/2009 19:09

Have you kidnapped my DD? For surely you are describing her to a 'T'

BlueBumedFly · 12/12/2009 20:22

Quattrocento - ooooh no, could not cope with 2!! Struggle with 1 !!

GloriaInEccentrica · 12/12/2009 21:14

thankyou.
will reread tomorrow and do some emailing.

i do have cat (under my usual name)but i don't know if festive namechanges affect that?

my real email if anyone can stand me whinging any more is millar4 at hotmail dot co dot uk

BlueBumedFly · 12/12/2009 21:34

You are not whining honey, if we cannot chat, moan l, yell, stamp our feet and even cry here then where can we? That's the beauty of it. Let's talk more once you have had time to think. All I can say is knowledge is a lifesaver xx

hohoholepew · 13/12/2009 09:53

Sorry corny went out. We were at CAHMS nearly 3 weeks ago and are still waiting to hear from them. We asks for a dx as we thought it would help with her treatment. They went on a big speil about someone else in CAHMS having the "big budget" for DX. DH told them to refer it over then.

DD was a condition called NF1 and it has a lot of Aspergers traits connected with it, this is why we haven't had her diagonsed with it yet. When she started high school the were happy to take on board our take on it. School said it would be quicker to get it done through CAHMS but since we are taking her privately we won't we going back to them.

cornsilklikeshumous · 13/12/2009 09:55

thanks cocole - 'tis so confusing all these 'professionals' that get involved! Did you ever have any problems with attendance?

hohoholepew · 13/12/2009 10:09

Attendance at school? No DD has only really had big problems the last few months. She suffers from anxiety, which gets worse at puberty in children with NF1. She has developed OCD because of it and is has unwanted, obsessional thoughts about suicide or harming herself. This is why we needed help, before we were able to manage her anxiety and because I've worked for so long in Special Care Education (I'm a C.A)I recognised her as being Asperger(ish) since she was tiny. She is pretty clever but emotionally immature.

She is seeing her therapist and he is going to teach her EMRD, the anxiety has caused the emotional side of her brain to override the logical side. She will always be anxios but he will teach her how to cope with it.

She has also been going to a cranial oestopath who does a lot of work with children with ASD. She is always much happier and calmer after going.

The positive thing is DD loves school, if she didn't want to go, at the moment, I don't know how we'd cope. Being in N.I DD did the 11+ and got an A which would have got her into Grammar without a problem.We chose to send her to outr local high school because we knew the pressure wouldn't be as intense. Her old Head was horrified but we knew it was the best thing to do. It's got a reputation as being rough but they couldn't have been more helpful at the moment, I'm really impressed TBH.

cornsilklikeshumous · 13/12/2009 10:19

Sounds like you have things worked out for dd quite well! Our biggest issue/stress is attendance as it affects our ability to get to our jobs in the morning.

hohoholepew · 13/12/2009 10:41

Have you got a referral to see someone that could help? My email is cbr918 at sky dot com if you, or anyone, wants a chat. Best of luck to everyone, it's an awful thing trying to cope when there is problems with your DCs.

cornsilklikeshumous · 13/12/2009 12:00

we are waiting for CAMHS at the moment cocole. Everything just tales so looooong!

pranma · 13/12/2009 15:33

Sorry Gloria I was feeling very crabby but shouldnt have posted what was indeed a bitchy comment.
You actually sound like a loving mum at the end of her tether.

pranma · 13/12/2009 15:34

I mean Eccentrica

jeni7 · 13/12/2009 18:19

You have my every sympathy. I have an 11 yo son whose behaviour sounds very similar, (see 11yo with behavioural issues thread). I can really empathise with how ground down by it all you must sometimes feel. I never thought when I became a mother that although I would always love my son, there would be times when I did not like him very much. Sad but true. They never mention that in all those fluffy baby books eh?

GloriaInEccentrica · 13/12/2009 21:02

Pranma tis OK. don't fret. I know what it sounds like and don't like it either.

I'm going to do some intensive thinking and writing down of stuff.

my next hurdle is to get DD to school for the next week then 2 weeks off. she's seeing CAHMS again n 29th so will ask for appointment without her being there so i can talk freely.

it des make a very large difference for someon, anyone to say 'i know what it's like'. so thanks to you all.

Happyneverafter · 13/12/2009 21:09

Has she been tested for a hormonal imbalance, which is easily fixed and could make a big difference?

I was also apparently vile as a teenager but grew out of it. But whenever my hormones are in flux I suffer very badly.

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