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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What techniques do you use to encourage/insist your toddler does what you want?

26 replies

alittleteapot · 07/12/2009 21:12

Particularly interested in alternatives to the "naughty step" which isn't my cup of tea. I do believe in setting boundaries but am struggling to put the theory into practice! For example, dd refuses to clean teeth unless randomly she decides she wants to clean teeth today. dp feels we should be putting our foot down a little more whereas i feel we're in the business of a more long term "this is how we do things" education that shouldn't necessarily expect immediate results. Obviously things like getting in car seat, not running into road, no argument. But what about everything else? Bit confused...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SarfEasticated · 07/12/2009 21:33

my dd is 2 yrs 3 months and is prone to the odd paddy, but nothing too terrible. I reason with her basically, let her know why it is important, every body cleans their teeth, jolly her along and she usually comes good. We are helped though by nursery where they are expected to do the right thing, and also she does generally want to co-operate and be a good citizen.
We have always made a game of toothbrushing and she enjoys it, but she brushes mine, i brush hers we pull faces in the mirror - that kind of thing. She loves her toothbrush (she chose it in the supermarket), squeezes paste on herself has a special place where she keeps it.
I'd be interested to see the answers you get though, as I'm sure things will get worse!

Original poster

alittleteapot · 08/12/2009 19:26

Sarf this sounds v much like my own style/approach. She's being a bit more troubley now hence the question arises. in general i'd prefer to stick to the "good citizen" approach but wonder if need other tricks up sleeve...

OP posts:

SarfEasticated · 08/12/2009 20:05

I thought you might have a few more answers than just me, surely everyone has suffered from two-year old tyrants... come on everyone!

shonaspurtle · 08/12/2009 20:08

I count to ten a lot. Eg ds wants to get into his car seat himself but is faffing about. I tell him I'll count to 10 and he needs to be in his seat or I'll put him in myself. Usually is in seat by 8 (the first few times I did have to follow through and put him in his seat).

I use the same thing for leaving park etc and mostly it works (on a good day).

Brushing teeth we use a game I read about on here about pretending to see animals/dinosaurs in his mouth: "let me see those giraffes right at the back".

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/12/2009 20:11

Long time ago for me now, but I used to make the little cherubs think that they had had the brilliant idea I was trying to chivvy them along to. So ... toddler determined not to put coat on and go out ... I would be doing the whole "I wonder what's outside the front door today? We might see a cat, or find a lost dolly, or some lovely puddles to jump in. Pity we aren't going to see those if we stay stuck in the house all morning ..." etc ad infinitum.

BlueberryPancake · 08/12/2009 20:17

I always try to find an imaginative way of convincing DS to do what I want him to do. Doesn't want tobrush his teeth? I let him brush his favorite soft toy's teeth first (with an old toothbrush of course) or threathen to brush DS' belly button with toothbrush...

To get him to walk when he is tired and wingy? We make up that the pavement is an obstacle course, he has to go around trees, jump when there's a line on the pavement, pretend there are lakes and rivers he has to jump over...

If they (I have two DSs) don't want to eat we have competitions. I say 1-2-3 PEAS and they have to put a mouthfull of peas in the first one wins. 1-2-3 POTATOES! 1-2-3 FISHFINGER!...

I do use the step once in a while but we can be days without needing it. I'm not saying they are perfectly behaved, but we tend to find creative ways of dealing with their 'mistakes'.

allaboutme · 08/12/2009 20:17

Making things into a race or a game works well with my DS.
I wonder who will be first to finish brushing their teeth well...(you brush yours at the same time) or get a timer and say I wonder if you can brush all your teeth before 1 minute is up
I Bet I can get my coat on before you, you are a slowcoach (in joking teasing tone obviously, not meanly!)
Lets see how many toys we can tidy up in 1 minute!
Sometimes backfires, but works a lot of the time

UniS · 08/12/2009 20:22

Bribery.
Threats ( carried through) and
Counting.

not necessarily in that order.

Removal of toy cars to high shelf has been more usefull than I expected it to be.

Certain things inc teeth cleaning are non negotiable, and happen weather it wants it done or not. Head lock is useful for that one.

step/ corner/ facing wall didn't work, he would do refuse to stop sitting on step/ facing wall etc.

giddyupRudolph · 08/12/2009 20:27

"If we don't have your teeth brushed by the time I count to five, then there won't be any time left to read stories before bed".

DS has only called my bluff once, he didn't get stories, we didn't get to five again.

GoldenSnitch · 08/12/2009 20:58

We do "let me see how big your mouth is. Wow. You could get a car/train/giraffe/etc in there!!" for teeth brushing. Lots of mock amazement needed here. He can't resist showing off and I get a nice wide open mouth for brushing.

We do "bet I can beat you up the stairs. Mummy's going to win" when we need to encourage him up the stairs for bathtime. He can't resist a race.

and we do "Who's going to pull the plug out? Mummy? Daddy? or DS? When it's time to get out of the bath. It gives the illusion of choice while having all options ending in the outcome I wanted. Works well with putting coats on too.

We have used the naughty step in the past but these seem to work better

BiscuitStuffer · 08/12/2009 21:56

I do the 123 approach - either you do it or after 3, I'll do it. OR either you choose what happens, or after 3, I'll choose.

seems to work ok.

Non-negotiables are non-negotiable and I say that if it is and then no argument ensues.

SarfEasticated · 08/12/2009 22:00

Counting to 3 has miraculous results with DD, I can only think that they use it at nursery because I don't remember starting it. It just seems to work.

manchestermummy · 08/12/2009 22:00

My DD (2.2) is going through an "it's mine" phase, so if she refuses to put her coat on and it's cold outside I try to put it on. "No Mummy, it's mine". If she won't eat anything, we'll pinch a bit, "NO!!! It's mine!" It's working at the moment...

manchestermummy · 08/12/2009 22:01

whomovedmychocolate · 08/12/2009 22:04

I do the 'I will count to three and then I will be cross....1....2...' (we've never got to three).

We also do the 'if you shout/interrupt everyone's dinner by yelling/whining/keep getting down from the table' you will go and stand in the conservatory until you are ready to behave like a human being and not a bloody monkey' method too (that one works as well!)

Clare123 · 08/12/2009 22:05

My toddler rarely plays a long, if he doesn't want to do anything no game will change his mind. So, I stick to 123 approach like biscuit. However, I think it depends on your LO's personality. I know with my daughter I did not have to be so strict, and we played games more - but then she was generally more compliant.

kalo12 · 08/12/2009 22:09

generally me and dh are slaves to our little master , otherwise we use chocolate buttons - we break up one button into ten pieces and present it to him in a goblet (egg cup) ..

Babyisaac · 08/12/2009 22:22

lol at kalo12

susiey · 08/12/2009 22:38

I read this book and I'm trying this new approach at the mo

if my ds 23mths is not doing something that is a good thing to do such as throwing toys you say 'ds I want to have fun when you throw toys you are no fun'
'I then sit him on the floor away from me and say when you are ready to have fun you can come and play.'

I then walk away and come back after a minute and say 'are you ready to have fun'?get him to say sorry if appropriate then continue playing

I was just getting a bit fed up of being shouty mummy and this seems to work because the emphasis is on them making the choice to be fun rather than my making him sit there to think about it for 2 minutes

StarlightMcKenzie · 08/12/2009 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LillianGish · 08/12/2009 22:54

Allaboutme's racing/game technique used to work well for me. I'd also offer a choice (in which both outcomes were the same iyswim). Do you want to brush your teeth in the upstairs bathroom or the downstairs bathroom? With the Big Teeth toothpaste or the sparkly toothpaste? That way they think they are in control - whereas in fact you are! I never ever used the naughty step, but managed to have lots of boundaries nevertheless (actually threatening to tell Grandad always worked rather well - not that Grandad is any way strict, just that they never wanted to disappoint him).

StrikeUpTheBand · 08/12/2009 23:13

I try a mixture of things.

Refusal to put on items of clothing etc - I often try to put them on myself and get them stuck on my head etc - he then comes over to rescue me and tells me sympathetically "That's my jumper, Mummy..." and then will cooperate.

Refusal to brush teeth - DP sings "Oh the Grand Old Duke of York" in a loud annoying way until DS opens his mouth, and then sings a nicer song that DS likes (Twinkle Twinkle etc) while he brushes his teeth - immature I know!

Refusal to sit in pushchair/car seat - usually I will use bribery if we are short of time, i.e. give him something to hold that he likes while I strap him in. If we are not short of time I will explain where we are going to lure him into the idea that he wants to go.

Full scale tantrum/biting/hitting - gets calmly carried up to his room and the temporary gate put on the door and told he can call me and tell me when he's stopped the silly behaviour/calmed down. Bit hard at the moment as I'm 38 wks pregnant but does diffuse his anger as he realises noone is listening to him!

UniS · 09/12/2009 18:58

quoting S below
'I then sit him on the floor away from me and say when you are ready to have fun you can come and play.'

That's exactly what didn't work with our lad, he would refuse to come and play " in a bit" and would continue to sit on floor away from me even if told he could return or indeed asked to return to activity. Seemed pointless to continue with it as a discipline method if he was determined to subvert it.

Original poster

alittleteapot · 09/12/2009 19:49

some good ideas here. i tried the giraffe/lions teeth brushing game today and it worked quite well. it also makes me feel more relaxed in that some of her obstinate behaviour absolutely is just normal rather than a result of any parenting choices we've made...

OP posts:

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 10/12/2009 12:20

I struggle with this too but have found solutions for a few things at least.

For teeth, we have to keep changing the approach every so often, but the two things that work very well at the moment are either brushing them in the bath (don't know why but he objects much less then), or as DS is obsessed with being a lion (or sometimes a dog), I get him to do a big lion roar and he opens his mouth nicely!

I also struggle with getting him to go upstairs, e.g. at bedtime, but have found that he HATES being carried up, so now he just gets told that if he doesn't hurry up and walk (or lion-crawl) up the stairs he will get carried. That usually shifts him...

Still haven't found a reliable trick for getting his coat on and leaving the house/nursery when we need to though!

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