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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS (3yo) said something dreadful - worried how he will grow up

46 replies

Horrifiedmummy · 07/12/2009 20:42

DS has a very (too) sheltered life - no TV, doesn't see many children outside nursery (where he goes 3 days a week).

Last week he was in the bathroom with me, saying daft things like "when you grow up you'll have a willy" - plus the usual harmless discussion about who has them and who doesn't. When suddenly he said "when DD is bigger a man will put his willy in her bottom".

I froze, and ignored what he had said. And then he carried on with his usual chatter.

I am completely horrified. Needless to say I have no idea where he got it from tho probably from nursery.

I told the nursery manager and she has held a staff meeting and is getting staff to be extra careful about listening in to conversations, and take action appropraietly.

But I am SO scared that him saying this is an indication that he will grow up to be a warped individual.

Until now he has always been my innocent loving boy - not even knowing what power rangers or disney are.

This keep me awake at night, and completely undermines everything I thought his future might hold.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FiveGoMadInDorset · 07/12/2009 20:47

He'll be fine, it is a ntuarl part of growing up.

Greensleeves · 07/12/2009 20:48

Calm down my dear - honestly, this is NOTHING to panic about

He has just picked up something from somewhere about the physical act of sex - children this age often say "bottom" when they mean anywhere in that general area

Try as you might you can't always prevent children from absorbing and acquiring snippets of knowledge about adult issues, even if you have actively tried to "keep him innocent"

my 5yo and 7yo know the basic facts of reproduction and think it's jolly funny - but they are no less innocent and childlike and delightful for it. It's not honest factual information that robs children of their innocence - it's shame, secrecy and embarrassment, IMO

I found my two sprawled on the sofa having a "willy sword fight" the other day - tbh I left them to it, I was so pleased they were actually laughing and giggling and not shoving each other and telling tales

Please don't worry. Your little boy is not going to grow up into anything hideous just because he has made a bald observation about the mechanics of reproduction. He doesn't know it's taboo - because he's innocent!

RockBird · 07/12/2009 20:49

Why on earth would you think he would grow up a warped individual??

llareggub · 07/12/2009 20:50

Oh bless you. I have a 3 year old and I am constantly amazed at the things he hears and retains and then repeats at embarrassing moments. I have to be really careful when ranting about MIL as he will repeat it and probably to her!

On a serious note, I bet this is something he has overheard at nursery. I suspect that some of his friends at nursery will have older brothers and sisters and this is where it has come from. As a child, I remember being told about tampons and that they went up your bottom and I believed this for years.

This has no bearing on how your DS will grow up, and it sounds like your nursery are dealing with this appropriately.

Any chance he has overheard something on television or radio?

shell24 · 07/12/2009 20:53

I think you are totally overreacting and being a bit ridiculous tbh. You are worried he will grow into a wraped individual!!?? - WTF! He will be fine - he probably heard something at nursery, in the street, the tv....could have been anywhere - you cant hide him from things like this.

SarfEasticated · 07/12/2009 20:56

Sounds like one of his nursery friends has been telling him the facts of life. Lots of LO have new baby siblings on the way at this age.

MmeLindt · 07/12/2009 21:03

Don't worry, all children of that age say things like that. He does not understand what he is saying.

I overheard DS say that the dog licked his willy recently but I am sure that he is not going to grow up interested in that kind of thing.

NoChristmasMojo · 07/12/2009 21:06

This has to be a wind up????

TRIP TRAP TRIP TRAP

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 07/12/2009 21:06

Why aren't you worried about your dd and her possible future penchant for bum sex?

Is this for real?????

BTW, nursery 3x a week is FAR from sheltered.

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 07/12/2009 21:07

I agree mojo

Original poster

Horrifiedmummy · 07/12/2009 21:13

I'm relieved that other MNers aren't horrified. I have been too embarrassed to tell any of my friends what he said. And when you worry about something and have no "outlet" it is possible to blow things out of proportion.

I just think 3yo (and only just) is a bit early to know things about sex. Maybe I'd have been less upset had he not referred to DD in what he had said.

I doubt he heard it in the street (as I have eagle ears for such things) and we only watch DVDs at home - and last time I watched Thomas/Trumpton there was no such talk!

He is my PFB - and I'd like to keep him perfect and innocent for many years yet. I know I'm being unrealistic.

OP posts:

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 07/12/2009 21:15

parroting what someone said is not "knowing about sex"

Original poster

Horrifiedmummy · 07/12/2009 21:18

No, it's not a wind up . And no I'm not a troll. Clearly you guys are much more confident / relaxed about how your children will grow up. Lucky you!

But thanks to the other mums who gave supportive comments.

OP posts:

myhandslooksoold · 07/12/2009 21:18

Please please don't worry. The more attention you draw to it the more 'interesting' he'll find the discussion and think about it more. What was your immediate reaction? I hope you said something like "oh really dear" and carried on chatting normally. Please don't draw attention to it. He will have thought about this as much as any other 3 year old observation- "hmmm this crayon will look nice on the wall" or "I love chocolate"

BTW my DD aged 4 told me she wished she didn't exist- I was horrified and gave her lots of attention and worried over her. Totally the wrong thing to do as she repeated it several times over the following months because my reaction was so interesting!

Chill- there's lots more worrying things ahead don't have a nervous breakdown yet!!

RockBird · 07/12/2009 21:19

I'm so glad others are thinking what I was thinking but I'm a crap troll spotter!

Original poster

Horrifiedmummy · 07/12/2009 21:25

I'm not a troll! Just a mother who is clearly over-reacting. I'm glad, now I'll stop worrying.

Sometimes shouting troll can be hurtful to the OP, however rediculous you may think the original post.

And yes myhands, I completely ignored what he said (he scarcely paused for breath before he started talking about something else anyway!).

I'll shut up now - having got the reasurances I needed.

Troll spotters can go look elsewhere.

OP posts:

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 07/12/2009 22:27

"But I am SO scared that him saying this is an indication that he will grow up to be a warped individual."

You gotta admit - it does sound a leetle bit ott.

Thicken your skin girl, or you won't make it past his 7th birthday.

cory · 07/12/2009 22:28

Horrifiedmummy Mon 07-Dec-09 21:13:33

"He is my PFB - and I'd like to keep him perfect and innocent for many years yet. I know I'm being unrealistic."

You've got to get away from this idea that he is only perfect as long as he is innocent, and that innocence is the same as ignorance. He'll grow up, you know, he'll learn these things, he won't be any less perfect when he does. Lots of children know the facts of life at a very early age (mine did, through over-much watching of David Attenborough), and they are just as perfect and innocent.

MaggieNollaig · 07/12/2009 22:31

You should hear my kids!!

my dd is nearly 7 and my mum's friend who is a teacher told her that talking about willies and bums can be a sign of abuse... well, not in this case! she just finds willies and bums really funny. a good bum or a willy joke is guaranteed a laugh.

is that terrible??? i have a tradition with my friend who lives in america, i have to send her a card with a good poo/wee joke because you dn't get those cards so much in america. she is 38 and still appreciates a good poo/wee/bum willie joke!

wish i could do a [willie]

happyharry · 07/12/2009 22:32

Last night in the bath my ds3 said "mummy I have a problem. My willy is too big!"

MaggieNollaig · 07/12/2009 22:33

ps, yes, I posted an aibu a while back and was called a troll. the posts telling me i was disgusting and deluded i could handle, but the ones telling me i was a trolled really bl00dy f*ckd me off.

MaggieNollaig · 07/12/2009 22:34

lol at happyharry!

pigletmania · 07/12/2009 23:16

Chill, young children often come out with funny phrases,probably picked it up from children at nursery who have older siblings or saw parents. You would be amazed at the things that some 2-3 year olds know, though my dd 2.9 is not really that aware, i have told her she will have a baby brother or sister (i am pg with dc2), just stares at my blankly and carries on playing or singing nursery rhymes.

RockBird · 08/12/2009 08:19

Come on. If you've been here any length of time then you would know that posting an op worded like yours is bound to draw a few s. If your op is serious then you need to stop worrying about your son who sounds totally normal and start thinking about your own attitudes because an innocent comment repeated from somewhere else by a small child doesn't make people warped. Thinking that is very very strange and I wonder why on earth you would write that or even think it?

You haven't even defined what you meant by warped when he grows up? Interested in sex? Hmm, normal. Shagging sheep? I'm interested to know.

EccentricaGallumbits · 08/12/2009 08:26

What's warped? I don't get it. I understand you may be a bit surprised he repeated something so obviously about sex but why should that warp him?

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